Chapter 14 #2
‘Her mum used to work for a fancy country house and she was given it when she left.’
‘Nice.’
‘Was it? I’m sure she’d have preferred a fancy box of chocolates, or smelling salts, or whatever you gave people in the olden days.’
Noah chuckled.
‘Where’s Felix now?’
‘I don’t know. My dad and his sister fell out not long after my nan died, and Dad doesn’t have it, so I like to think that it’s there haunting my aunt or my cousin.’
‘Just as long as it’s not haunting you, right?’
‘Exactly.’ I looked down at all the animals below.
So many of them. The hairs had been up so much on my neck that I worried they were going to turn into a permanent fixture.
‘I’m so glad that I didn’t come here as a kid; I would have been terrified.
I mean it. That elephant out on the loose, and all these stag heads. ’
‘It’s like that film, Night at the Museum, where everything comes to life.’
‘I haven’t seen it.’
‘Probably for the best.’
We carried on out of the gallery and back down the stairs, to where we’d come in.
‘What’s the verdict then, is taxidermy still scary?’
I slipped my coat back on, in denial that we were about to leave the warm museum and head on outside into the cold.
‘Um, let’s just say that I wouldn’t like to be here alone at night, but with all the people around, it wasn’t that bad.’
Noah laughed. ‘That would make an excellent online review. It wasn’t that bad.’
‘Would recommend, but wouldn’t visit again.’
‘I can see a new career for you in passive aggressive reviews.’
‘I’d be excellent at that.’
It had clouded over since we’d gone inside and the light was starting to fade.
‘And it was something different; thanks for bringing me.’
‘I really did not bring enough layers for this trip,’ said Noah.
‘Here.’ I put up his coat collar. ‘Keep the back of your neck warm.’
‘Thanks, that is much better. I feel a bit like a model in a catalogue.’ He put his hands in his pocket and struck a pose.
‘Yeah, well, you don’t look like one.’ I pulled a dismissive face.
‘Hey, thanks for the ego boost.’
‘You’re more than welcome,’ I said, with a laugh.
The trouble was he did suit it. It might not make him look like a model, but it was the kind of look that oozed confidence and if I’d been passing him in the street, and been single, it would have been enough for me to do a double-take.
I looked up at the clouds; they were such a dark-grey colour but they looked almost luminous.
‘Have you spoken to Mags much since she arrived?’ asked Noah. He now had his arms folded, his hands tucked under his armpits.
‘Um, no not really. Why?’
‘I’ve felt like she’s been acting pretty strange since she got here. She’s been a bit jumpy and then she’s gone off today. I thought she was headed back to the room to do emails but she’d gone by the time I got back after breakfast. Left me a note to say she’d see me later.’
The unease I’d felt at breakfast started to creep over me. I hesitated, wondering whether I should tell him how odd she was acting, but I didn’t want to worry him.
‘She’s been working so hard lately, and don’t forget she arrived late. She probably just needs a rest.’
‘True, yeah. Maybe she’ll be alright by tonight.’
‘Yes, I’m sure she will. I’m looking forward to more live music tonight. I absolutely loved it.’
‘It was awesome. Brings the whole pub to life.’
We weren’t far from the hotel now, and the closer we got, the slower we were walking.
‘This has been fun, just the two of us,’ said Noah.
‘Yeah, it has.’
‘We don’t do this often enough anymore.’
‘I know. Life changes,’ I said. I rarely saw my friends now, or at least not like I used to.
Gone were the days when you’d text at the drop of a hat to see who was free to hang out.
Now it would take us days of pinging emails back and forth to get dates in the diary, and they tended to be full group meet-ups.
Everyone too busy trying to fit their lives into the hours they weren’t working, and as people climbed the corporate ladder those hours got fewer and fewer.
‘That’s the weird thing about only having our proper birthday every four years – it always makes me stop and think how much has changed since the last one.’ I came to an almost stop as I dodged out of the way of a tour group.
‘Yeah, I guess, I hadn’t really thought about it.’
‘Like now, you’re living with Mags, and Amy and Paul are having a baby. Last time, you hadn’t even met Mags, and Amy and Paul weren’t married, or even engaged. What’s going to happen by the next one? Amy and Paul might be well on their way to having their own five-a-side football team by then.’
‘You’re right. I’ve never really thought about it. I can’t think what our lives are going to be on our next one. I mean, if you’d asked me on our trip on the pedalos last time to predict what was going to happen, I certainly wouldn’t have guessed any of that, with Mags, or my job.’
The streets were getting more crowded and we were walking closer together. The wind almost lifted my hat off my head and I gripped on to it.
‘What would you have predicted?’
‘I don’t know. I’d just got back from Oz and I was all optimistic that I’d get some job at an ethical company.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘And then, I don’t know. I guess I wouldn’t have thought I’d end up with someone like Mags. I still don’t know what she sees in me.’
‘I know, it was a shocker.’ It was out of my mouth before I realised how bad it sounded. ‘I mean, you know, you both being my friends. Not what she sees in you; don’t put yourself down.’
He smiled. ‘And now, you’re with Graham. Do you think that you’ll be with him in four years?’
We were walking so slowly that we’d almost come to a standstill and the light tone that had been in Noah’s voice had all but disappeared.
‘I don’t know. It’s still early days.’ I turned to him. ‘How do you know when you’ve met the one?’
Noah looked straight at me and it was the kind of gaze that made me catch my breath. The street around us was busy but in that moment, it was as if we were the only two people in Dublin. My heart was starting to burn and I wondered if it was the cockles, and if my mum was on to something.
‘You just know,’ he said, and he took a step closer towards me.
I held my breath, my heart beating rapidly.
He reached his hands out and I audibly gasped.
If this had been a movie, this would be when the hero would sweep the heroine off her feet, scooping her up into his arms and kissing her for all he’s worth.
He grabbed hold of my hat and pulled it further down my head.
‘Careful, you almost lost it,’ he said, and I came back down to earth with a jolt. My life wasn’t a movie.
‘Thanks,’ I muttered. Putting my hands up to where his had just been, adjusting it even though it had already been adjusted.
‘I guess,’ he said, ‘all you can do is go with your gut.’
‘My gut? Right. Yeah,’ I sounded a little breathless despite us standing on the spot. ‘Is that how you know about you and Mags?’
He shrugged. ‘That’s all any of us can do.’
I nodded, but I knew in my gut what I was feeling.
The same thing that I had been feeling four years ago when I’d pushed him away in the club.
That I wanted him. And here I was, going to do the same thing that I did then.
Absolutely nothing. Because this time I couldn’t; he was with one of my best friends.
Something I had done nothing to stop happening.
‘How did this conversation get so deep? It was supposed to be one of those where will you be in five years’ time chats,’ he said, putting on a mock gameshow-host-type accent for the last bit, and I forced myself to laugh.
‘But, seriously, trust your gut. Don’t be with someone just because you think you should settle down. ’
I knew he was talking to me, but there was something about the way he said it, so soft, that it sounded like he was saying it more to himself than to me.
He looked into my eyes. There it was, that moment again; the charge between us almost electric. Snow started to fall from the sky.
‘What the actual—?’
‘You guys,’ said Mags, appearing as much out of nowhere as the snow itself, ‘this weather is crazy.’
I planted the best smile on my face that I could.
‘Four seasons in one day,’ muttered Noah.
‘That is certainly true. But isn’t it beautiful?’
She planted a kiss on Noah’s cheek and grabbed hold of his arm. She was like a changed woman from this morning. ‘How was your sightseeing?’
‘Lucy didn’t like the Dead Zoo.’
‘It’s not that I didn’t like it,’ I said, worrying that my voice would betray me. ‘It was just taxidermy animals. Not my thing.’
Mags pulled a face.
‘I don’t think it’s anyone’s type of thing, Noah. What are you like? When you said you were taking Lucy out on a birthday adventure, I thought you’d go for high tea or something.’
‘Where’s the fun in that? It had to be memorable.’
‘It’s always memorable,’ I said, before I could stop myself.
‘Well, I’m glad you had a good time anyway.’ She brushed Noah’s hair to the side and smiled back at me. ‘I should get my shopping back to the room. We’ll see you later on.’
I watched them go. Noah gave me a look over his shoulder but I turned away. I was too busy trying to ignore my gut and what it wanted me to do, because seeing them together I knew I could never do that.