Chapter 17
There was only one topic of conversation the next morning at breakfast. The happy couple were yet to make it down, but that hadn’t stopped us poring over the details.
‘She’s such a dark horse,’ said Amy, dunking a croissant into jam. ‘Who can keep that big a secret? I’d have told the whole world.’
‘I wish you’d done it; it would have saved a whole lot of nerves on my part.’ Paul looked greener this morning than he had the time he’d had food poisoning with the oysters.
‘But then I would have had to choose my own ring.’
‘I think that’s the best bit though. At least Mags got something she loved,’ said Caz.
‘She wouldn’t have had it any other way.’ I should have known that Mags was going to do it. As Noah said, she wore the trousers in their relationship and it was so fitting. ‘I just wish that women would know they could do it the rest of the year too, not just on a leap day.’
Bertrand made a pfft sound, and we all turned to him.
‘It’s not right. It should be the man.’
‘Bollocks should it,’ said Caz, pulling a face. ‘Anyone can propose.’
He shrugged. ‘There isn’t much romance these days; I think the proposal is one of the last pieces.’
‘And women can’t make romantic gestures?’
‘There’s a time and a place.’
‘What I think we’re all missing,’ said Amy, jumping in before they started to argue, ‘is that we’re going to get another wedding. How fun is that going to be?’
I was stirring my coffee and I dropped the spoon into my drink. Of course I’d realised that with them getting engaged they’d get married, but I hadn’t thought about the fact that I’d have to watch them.
‘I wonder if you’ll be bridesmaid, Luce,’ she continued.
‘Hmm.’ It was a possibility, I guess. Mags was one of those people with lots of friends but few close ones.
‘I’m obviously best man.’ Paul attempted to put his head upright, but collapsed again onto his arm. ‘He hasn’t asked me yet, but it’s a given. Who else would he pick?’
I’d not been feeling the best this morning – the celebrations had gone late into the night, but I didn’t think that was why I was feeling queasy.
‘I think I might go and get some fresh air. Too much fizz last night.’
‘Tell me about it,’ said Paul.
‘Do you want me to come with you?’ asked Graham.
He had a full plate of cooked breakfast that he’d barely scratched the surface of.
‘No, you stay. I won’t be long.’
‘And then we’ll go to the castle about tenish,’ said Amy. ‘Gives us plenty of time to do that, have lunch and make it to the airport.’
‘Sounds good. I’ll knock and let Mum know.’ I squeezed Graham’s shoulder as I went. ‘See you back in the room.’
I kept the smile on my face until I walked into the lift.
As the doors slid shut, it fell. I rubbed at the bridge of my nose.
Why did Paul have to tell me about Noah’s feelings last night?
Why couldn’t he have kept quiet? Then I could have got swept away with all this wedding talk, rather than wondering what might have been.
The lift doors pinged open and I walked out into the lobby, spotting Mags sitting on a sofa in the corner. She was looking at her phone, a huge smile on her face. She must have sensed I was there as she lifted her gaze and waved.
‘Morning. How are you feeling?’
‘I’ve been better,’ I said, walking closer. ‘I was just heading out for fresh air. How about you?’
‘I think I could be having the worst hangover ever, but I’m too happy to care.’ Her smile was wide and infectious and I couldn’t help smiling back.
‘It was an amazing night.’ Aside from everything I was thinking, I was genuinely pleased for them.
She tapped the seat next to me, ring sparkling on her finger. I still felt like I needed air, that I couldn’t quite breathe, but I knew I couldn’t go anywhere.
‘Let me see the ring then. It was so dark in the pub.’ She held out her hand. It was a platinum band with a princess cut diamond, and it caught the sunlight streaming in the windows. ‘It’s stunning.’
‘Thank you. Of course that’s the benefit of me proposing to Noah: I got to choose it.’
‘Very wise.’
She took her hand back and held it out so she could admire it herself.
‘You know I’m a control freak, and I know what I like. I just can’t believe he said yes.’
She placed her hands back on her lap, scooping up her phone.
‘I should leave you, if you’re busy doing emails.’
‘No, it’s fine, in fact’ – she held on to my arm as I stood to leave, pushing me gently back down – ‘I wanted to talk to you.’
I thought of what Amy had said about me being a bridesmaid and my whole body went rigid.
‘I was too nervous to think about anything else yesterday, but um … I know I’ve been hounding you about quitting and joining the business … ’
My shoulders sank with relief; it was just business chat. This I could handle.
‘I wouldn’t say you’ve been hounding me as such.’
‘Please, I have been, and I guess I’ve been thinking that it’s probably been too much for you.’
It took a moment for the words to sink in.
‘Oh no, Mags, it hasn’t.’ I shook my head. ‘You know me, I’m just cautious.’
‘Exactly, and I feel like I’m pushing you to do something that you don’t want to do.
And whilst I think this whole thing is going to be a success, it’s still a risk and I’d feel awful if I’d pushed you into something and it had all gone wrong.
’ Mags put her phone back on her lap and fiddled with her fingers.
‘So, I took a meeting with Aiden Vance, do you remember him? He was an account manager when we first started the grad scheme? Well, he’s worked at a couple of tech firms since, including a start-up, and I think he’d be a great fit. And he’s agreed to come on board.’
There was a throbbing in my head, part hangover, but part trying to connect the dots.
‘I think deep-down you didn’t want to leave,’ she said, quickly, filling the silence. ‘And this way it gives you a way out without thinking you’ve let me down. I know what you’re like.’
I nodded slowly, trying to process it.
‘He’d be a really good fit, and this way you get to keep your job.’
It was true, I liked my job, but there was a pain in my chest because it hadn’t been my decision.
‘It sounds like he’ll be exactly what you need.’
The familiar sinking feeling washed over me. She was right, I was reluctant to give up everything, and this probably was for the best, but I couldn’t help thinking that I’d thrown away an opportunity again because I wasn’t brave enough.
She patted me on the knee, her ring still twinkling. ‘Oh, you would not believe how worried I’ve been about telling you. You have to promise me that you’ll still meet me for lunch. I miss my work wife.’
‘Of course.’ I planted a smile on my face that hurt my cheeks as I fought against every muscle in my face.
She stood up, tucking her phone into the back pocket of her jeans. ‘I guess I better get ready.’
‘Yeah, wasn’t Amy’s plan to head out for a bit to see the castle before we go for lunch?’
‘Actually, I’ve booked Noah and me different flights home; we’re going to spend a couple of nights at a spa hotel in the countryside.
It’s going to be manic when we get back with everyone wanting to celebrate and all the wedding planning.
His mum’s already going into overdrive and has invited over his entire family for us to celebrate at the weekend.
I thought it would be nice to have some time just us two. ’
‘Good idea,’ I said, thinking of the big family get together with Sandra and Peter and the rest of Noah’s relatives, giving me a little pang of jealousy.
‘You still heading out for that walk?’
I stood to join her; I needed it more than ever.
‘Yeah, a walk along the river will do me good. Cure the hangover.’
Mags gave me a look of pity, then she leaned over to hug me.
‘I’ll see you before we go?’
I nodded and she hurried off. The sinking feeling remained. I hoped that I didn’t regret not jumping at the job offer when I’d had the chance, as much as I regretted not telling Noah how I really felt all those years ago.
Text message – Mags to Lucy: May 2012
Thanks so much for coming last night and the lovely engagement pressie! We had an absolute ball at our party and cannot wait for the wedding now!!! Sorry to have heard about you and Graham, such a shame. Don’t worry, you’ll have at least another 18 months to find a plus one! X
Text message – Lucy to Amy: August 2012
Congratulations!!!!!!!! Paul just sent a photo and I am in love. What a gorgeous little boy. I can’t wait to meet Patrick Michael Hansen. Whilst you were at the hospital I filled your fridge with some food, and put some ready meals in the freezer. Do remember to get Paul to look after you. Mwah.
WhatsApp message – Noah to Lucy: December 2012
We’re going to have to bail on the ice-skating, Mags has booked some wine-tasting experience for the wedding.
Let me know if you can’t cancel our places and I’ll ping you over a bank transfer.
Sorry to be a pain; I did tell her we could just do a booze cruise to Calais, but she said booze cruises weren’t really a thing now.
Voicemail – Lucy to her mum: April 2013
Hey Mum, it’s me, again. Um, can you call me back please? Um, I’m at work, but my phone is on. Call me back. OK?
Voicemail – Paul to Lucy: September 2013
Hey Luce, this is top secret, but I’m thinking of organising Amy a surprise birthday party for her thirtieth and I don’t know if it’s the world’s best or worst idea right now.
I can’t seem to do anything right at the moment and need to get back in the good books.
Perhaps you can give me a call back during working hours so she doesn’t overhear. Ta.
Text message – Lucy to her mum: December 2013
Hiya, don’t worry, I’m up. They’re probably under the sink? Isn’t that where you usually keep that type of thing? If not, I’ll order you some online and get them sent out x
Text message – Lucy to Mags’ sister Sophia: March 2014
Hi Sophia, thanks for reaching out. I’m excited for Mags’ hen do! I’m voting for Marbs over Las Vegas, and definitely a weekend rather than a week. Not sure my liver (or bank balance) could handle a full-on week there. Thanks for organising x
Email – Lucy to Caz: July 2014
Hi hun,
Sorry we keep missing each other. Work’s been busy and I’ve been spending loads of time at home with my mum. She’s in a bit of a funk at the moment; she keeps forgetting things. Doctor thinks it’s probably stress, so I’m trying to help out where I can.
And that’s my life in a nutshell. And no, before you ask, nothing is happening on the romance front.
I’m mainly trying to dodge dinner party invites from Mags who’s desperate for me to have a date to their wedding.
I think I’m upsetting the table plan or something.
Plus when did we get to the age where we had dinner parties? ??
Hope you’re having more luck with your love life.
Miss you and hope we finally speak soon x
WhatsApp message – Amy to Lucy: September 2014
Hey girl, where did you disappear to last night? You were on the dancefloor and then poof you were gone. Amazing wedding though, right? They looked proper loved up. Anyway, hope you’re well and that your mum’s OK xx
Email – Hampshire Social Services Health Team to Lucy: December 2014
Dear Lucy,
Further to our meeting today. I have now started the process on the file for your mother. Following the assessment at the memory clinic and the recommendations from her medical team, we will arrange a visit to her home to assess what her needs will be.
Yours Sincerely.
Annabel Henshaw
WhatsApp message – Lucy to Mags: March 2015
OMG I just read the article about Lovely Lenses in the Financial Times. So proud of everything you’ve accomplished x
Text message – Lucy to Amy: May 2015
Hey, thanks so much for you and Paul helping with the move.
It feels like the end of an era, doesn’t it?
I’ve got such great memories of that flat, and most of them with you.
Anyway, I’m getting soppy in my old age.
Give Paul a big hug and thank him too. Once we’re in more of a rhythm with the carers and we get everything sorted for Mum, I’m sure I’ll be able to spend more weekends up with you guys xx
Facebook messenger – Noah to Lucy: August 2015
Hey you! Long time no see. How’s it all going? You’re more than welcome to come stay with me and Mags anytime if you need a night away?
Voicemail – Lucy’s Dad to Lucy: October 2015
Hey Luce, I thought I’d get to see you more with you now being closer. But I know things must be tricky with your mum. Just to say if you need me and Tania, we’re here. Let’s try and do dinner one night, or lunch, whatever’s easiest.
Text message – Mags to Lucy: December 2015
Hiya, we’re having an apres-ski themed New Year’s shindig. So dig out your salopettes and I’ll have the Aperol Spritzes at the ready. I’m sure you’re very much in need of a party right now!
Text message – Caz to Lucy: December 2015
Merry Christmas, lovely! I hope you and your mum have a lovely day. Xx
WhatsApp messages – Uni group: late January 2016
Caz:
Hey, it’s not long until the big birthday. Are we doing anything @Lucy and @Noah?
Mags:
I’m whisking Noah off to the Maldives, so you’ll have to count us out this time. Hope you have a good one, Lucy x x
Amy:
Alright for some. We obviously can’t go far as Oscar will only be nine weeks.
Lucy:
I’m going to have to be counted out too. I can’t really leave Mum for any great length of time at the moment, and she’s not letting any carers come in the house. Perhaps we can do a rain check?
Caz:
Of course. We’ll do something when you’re ready. Xx