Chapter 16 #2
She gave my arm a squeeze. ‘I know you just want to be a good friend.’
I felt guilty; the thoughts I was contemplating were far from that.
We weaved our way through the crowds in silence for a bit, double-checking on the phone that we were heading in the right direction.
‘It’s quite nice being out of the pub for a bit.’ Caz tugged to loosen the scarf around her neck. ‘It was stifling in there.’
‘From the heat or Bertrand?’
She laughed; her non-response spoke volumes.
‘You know, Noah gave me some advice earlier. He said that you just have to trust your gut.’
‘Is that him still doing his agony uncle crap?’ she tutted. ‘He’s right, though: that’s all we can do. The trouble is, it’s not easy when you know your gut’s going to hurt someone.’
I knew she was talking about her and Bertrand, but I couldn’t help but think of me.
What would I be doing if I told Noah I’d also had feelings for him four years ago?
It wasn’t just me that could be hurt. There was Mags.
And Noah. What if he did what Caz did, broke up with someone for that chance of something with someone else, only to regret it?
The shine falling off the new toy quickly.
‘There you are, love,’ said Mum, walking towards us. She wrapped me up in a big hug as if I had been the lost one. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. I was sure it was this one.’
‘It’s easily done,’ said Caz.
Mum blew on her hands as she rubbed them together. ‘Let’s not hang around here, it’s freezing.’
‘Where are your gloves?’
‘I must have left them at the hotel.’ She shoved her hands in her pockets.
‘Someone had too much Guinness with dinner,’ joked Caz and Mum held up her hands.
‘Guilty.’
They laughed and we walked the way we’d come.
It didn’t seem to take us as long to find our way back. She’d been so close, but in the dark and the twinkling lights I could see where she’d gone wrong.
The pub was quieter when we walked in, except for a few hushed whispers. We made our way back but the rest of my friends had their eyes fixed on the stage. I followed their gaze to see Mags standing next to the musician I’d seen her in the alley with.
I made my way to the table, all the while watching Mags. She was smiling but she looked terrified, fanning her face with her hand and taking deep breaths.
‘What’s she doing?’ I asked as I reached the table. Not to Noah or anyone in particular but to myself. Mags couldn’t sing. She didn’t play any instruments. As far as I could tell, she had no reason to be on that stage.
‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ said the musician. ‘Today is February twenty-ninth, which is of course leap day. Now, some of you might know that in Ireland we have a very special tradition that can happen on that day.’
There were a few excited cheers and whoops in the crowd, but I was stunned into silence.
‘Women are allowed to propose and the man they propose to must say yes.’
There was more cheering in the crowd and I turned to look at Noah. He was staring at Mags and I wondered if his heart was beating as quickly as mine.
‘And so, with that in mind,’ said the musician, turning to Mags, ‘I wanted to give this lovely lady the stage.’
Mags took the microphone and tucked her perfectly styled hair behind her ear. The last-minute trip to the hairdressers and all her nerves now made sense.
‘Wow, um, thanks for that. This sounded like such a good idea when I dreamt it up at home.’ Her voice was shaking. I’d seen her do presentations and pitches on countless occasions and I’d never once seen her nervous.
‘Um, this time four years ago, on a leap day, something happened that I never thought would be possible. I met the most amazing man. And in those four, wonderful years,’ she said, her smile starting to shine through, ‘I’ve realised that I don’t want to spend any years without him.
When I heard we were coming to Ireland on this date I knew this was absolutely meant to be. A sign that I should do this.’
Tears stung my eyes.
‘And you heard the man,’ she giggled, ‘you have to say yes.’
The musician grabbed hold of the mic.
‘Let’s get him up here, come on.’
‘Noah.’ Mags beckoned him.
Everyone looked around at our table to stare at him, starting to clap. Paul sprang out of his chair, slapped him on the back and nudged him forward.
He passed me and I wanted to reach out and take his hand. That’s what my gut was telling me to do. To tell him what I should have told him four years ago. Only I couldn’t do it. How could I? It was all clicking into place, what I’d seen in the alleyway; this was what it was all about.
The crowd was still clapping and cheering, and Paul wolf-whistled. My fingers started to turn the four-leaf clover on my bracelet, the one Noah had given me four years ago, the one I kept as my talisman. Only it wasn’t bringing me much luck.
Paul clapped me on the back just like he had Noah. ‘I just can’t believe this is happening, can you?’
I tried to smile with even a hint of his enthusiasm. My cheeks burned as I fought against every other muscle that was trying to stop me.
‘So, Noah?’ boomed Mags out of the microphone, her eyebrows raised. She got down on one knee and I wasn’t the only person holding their breath. You could have heard a pin drop in the pub. ‘Will you marry me?’
Noah was looking down at her and then a smile crept over his face. I knew then whatever had been between us was in the past. This is what his gut was telling him to do.
He nodded and laughed. ‘Yes.’
‘Yes?’ Mags didn’t sound like she believed him, so he repeated it, and held out a hand to help her up. He pulled her into him and they kissed. The pub went wild with cheers and applause.
Amy was crying.
‘Hormones,’ she muttered through happy tears. My eyes were glossy too, but there was nothing happy about mine.
I felt two arms wrap around my waist and I froze until I realised it was Graham. My boyfriend Graham.
‘Isn’t that romantic?’ he whispered as he squeezed me that little bit tighter.
‘Uh-huh,’ I said, nodding. I knew what my gut was telling me to do about him. I shouldn’t be with him if I had feelings for someone else.
‘I’m going to get some champagne.’
Mum was still standing up, and she reached over to take my hand. She didn’t say a word; she didn’t need to. She’d always been able to see right through me, and see when I was lying, even to myself.
I wished I could turn the clock back four years to that night, before Noah met Mags. Before I talked myself out of whatever was about to happen. But that was me all over. Too scared to speak up. Too scared to take a risk.