Chapter 20
Aracely
The first thought I had when I woke up in the morning was that the pillow was harder than I remembered. It took me a few seconds to realize it wasn’t a pillow but Bash’s chest I was resting on. His hand was lying on top of my shoulder, his breathing even and quiet as he slept next to me. The warmth of his body and his steady heartbeat almost lulled me back to sleep. It felt so good, so wonderful to be in his arms.
Had I really come into his room the night before and asked him why he hadn’t slept with me? Had it turned into a brutally honest conversation that resulted in the best night of my life? Had I really just slept with Sebastian Anderson? It all seemed surreal and yet, feeling his body next to mine and the memory of how we had been, it was all very real.
There had been no words of commitment, no promises of tomorrow, and I knew I wasn’t going to get them. Bash had never been a man who believed in forever and he wasn’t going to change for some high school crush. What we had had been building for years. It had hung between us like a noose and it was time to get it off both of us.
I wasn’t going to delude myself into thinking that anything more was going to happen between Bash and me. This was something that we needed to do; we needed closure. This needed to run its course. We had opened up a dialog. A way to be what we had never been to each other. We might continue to do it, but we didn’t have a future.
He talked about how much he cared about me, how much he had missed me, and had said he loved me. I felt the same way. The connection we felt for each other had never been our problem. The problem was what we wanted out of life, what we had to accomplish in our careers. My life was in New York and his in California. Neither of us was going to change that, so there was no point in thinking this was going to last longer than when he was in the city.
I thought it would hurt more to come to that realization. But I think I had always known all along. It was why I had kept him at arms-length, it was why I had allowed us to be friends but never anything more. But that hadn’t worked and now we had slept together. While it should have caused a whole lot of problems, it felt like it made things easier for us instead.
We would be lovers, we would enjoy the time we had together and when it was done, we would say good-bye in the way we should have done and hadn’t years ago. Our love had been a great love but it was only going to end in tragedy. Knowing that, and knowing I would have this time with him, made seeing how this was going to end easier. When he left me, and he would, I would be able to hold my head up high and move on.
Or at least, I hoped I could.
Bash stirred next to me. His arm tightened around me and pulled me closer. I could feel the smile on his face as he dropped a kiss into my hair and said, “Now that’s one hell of a way to wake up.”
His hand moved up and down my arm and then to my back. I laughed when he gave my ass a friendly pat. I squirmed next to him. It was then that I realized that he was awake in more ways than one.
“It most certainly is, but I think I can find an even better way,” I said.
Bash gave me a knowing smile and brought his hands toward me like he wanted to kiss me. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to go into his arms and feel everything that he had made me feel the night before. But I couldn’t. The night before had been incredible; it wasn’t just sex; it had felt like we were making love. I knew if we did that again, it would only make it that much harder for me to let him go. And I had to let him go. I cared too much about him and myself to try and keep him with me. I would have to take what we had while we had it and be happy with that.
For now, I would make the most of our time, and do all the things I wanted to do with him but never had a chance. I moved out of his way before his lips found mine. I gave him a knowing smile as I lifted the covers up and ducked underneath them.
“Ara?” Bash asked.
I didn’t answer him with words but made my way slowly down. I took my time as he had done with me. I had loved having his lips and tongue on me and I wanted to do the same to him. There were few men I had wanted to give a blow job to, but I wanted to with Bash. I told myself this was just sex, a way to say good-bye to my first love, a chance to have some fun before he left my life completely. I didn’t allow myself to think that it was anything more.
He grew as I moved down his stomach and between his legs. I used my mouth and hands to tease him, as he had done me the night before. I liked hearing his moans, his sighs, his cries as I got closer to my goal. I could feel the muscles in his legs tensing up as I moved between his legs.
“Ara,” Bash moaned.
His legs were wide apart and his erection sprung out high above him. He was a big man, probably the biggest I had ever had. It was almost intimidating to see, but I was determined. I wanted to do this for him, for myself, and I was going to. I stroked him a few times and he moaned out my name again. The sound of his voice gave me courage, and I put my mouth on the tip of his erection.
I glided my hand down him as I worked my mouth over him. I used my other hand to tease his thighs and he twitched slightly at my touch. His reaction was more than I thought it was going to be and I enjoyed it. I took my time going lower and lower on him, enjoying the sound of his breathing coming in slightly faster. I loved how his body started to tense and he got bigger and bigger in my mouth.
Time seemed to stand still, and I took all of it as I worked my way lower down on him. I took more of him with each bob. It reminded me of how he had taken me and I only hoped he was getting as much pleasure as I had.
When he was all the way in my mouth, he moaned and his body jerked in response. I bobbed my mouth up and down on him a few times, loving how he grew and his reaction. He bent his knees up as he sat up. His change in my position allowed him to go even further in my mouth. His hands went under the covers and to my arms, he tugged on them.
“Ara, damn. You are incredible. That was wonderful, but I must taste you,” Bash moaned.
He didn’t give me a chance to respond before he lifted me up, slid his arms under my legs, and then moved me so I was right in front of his mouth. The change in position was unexpected, but not as much as feeling his tongue between my legs.
“Bash!” I cried out as he lapped his tongue inside me.
It was my turn to cry out. I gripped the headboard as my hips moved with his tongue. I had wanted to give back to him but he had in turn given me so much more. I dropped my head back and closed my eyes as my body moved over him. I could feel my orgasm forming and I knew it wasn’t going to be long before I went over.
“Bash. I. Oh,” I cried out.
I was seconds from finding my release when Bash moved me down so that I was sitting on his stomach. His hands immediately went to my hips and lifted me up. I hardly had time to comprehend what he was doing before he slammed me down on top of him. I cried out as he filled me as no man had. My body convulsed around him as my orgasm ran through my body.
“Yes,” I cried out as I went over.
Bash kept his hands on my hips and let me ride him as waves of pleasure racked through my body. My hands went to his chest and gripped, needing to feel something real, because what he had done to me felt like something from another world.
“Yes, my love. There you go. Come back to me,” Bash said softly.
It took me a few moments to comprehend what he was saying. I didn’t let myself dwell on the fact that he called me “my love.” Instead, I concentrated on the feeling of his hands on my hips, hands that moved up to my breasts and back down. I reveled in the feeling of his thumb on my clit as I started to come up again. I opened my eyes and they locked on Bash’s. He was staring at me with such intensity, it stole my breath. I had never had a man look at me the way he was. There was such desire, need, passion, and, even if I didn’t want to admit it, love looking back at me.
It was too much for me to handle and I dropped down on top of him and kissed him. He let me, his tongue diving inside my mouth as I moved over him. I could feel how hard he was and it wasn’t going to take him long to go over. I was wet and ready for him.
I sat up and moved my knees so they were closer to his shoulders. It changed my position slightly and allowed him to go deeper inside me. Bash moaned as I did and I knew he liked the change. I put my hands back on his chest as I worked my hips over him, slowly at first and then faster and faster.
Bash was right with me, meeting each of my thrusts with his own. His hands came up and cupped my breasts, teasing my nipples in a way I hadn’t even known I would like. I rocked over him, closed my eyes, and tilted my head back.
Soon we were frantic for each other and I knew I was close. Bash was right there with me and practically bounced me off the bed with his body and gyrations. When I was seconds from finding my release, Bash stopped and sat up. My head shot down and I locked eyes with him as he put his arms around me. He jerked his hip under me and I cried out.
His lips found mine and he gave me the softest of kisses. It was so different from the intensity of the moment; I didn’t know what to think. He did it again and his eyes held mine. By his look, by what he was making me feel, I knew I couldn’t pretend that this was just some fun between two people. This didn’t feel like a good-bye, it felt like a promise, like a wish, like a dream. This was deeper, this was more intense than anything I had ever experienced. This was Bash, my Bash, and that was the only way it was ever going to be between us.
The look, the feel of him, how he was making me feel were all too much. I closed my eyes to hide from it but he wouldn’t let me. Bash put his hand behind my back, forcing me to look at him. His face was inches from mine and all I could see was the deep hazel of them. Eyes that were looking at me with such love, such trust, such concern, that I could feel tears forming in my eyes.
“Only you. Only this. Only us,” he said as he moved under me.
It was his words that sent me over, not his body, and I cried out as I came. He was right there next to me and buried his face into my neck as he followed me over the edge. I dropped my head down and wrapped my arms around him. He did the same and we held each other long after we had come down.
There were no words to express what we had done. All I knew was that I was in way over my head when it came to Bash and I had no idea what I was going to do about it.