In the Pavilion
Chapter thirteen
Confusion seemed to be Juliet’s constant companion as of late. Ever since Christopher told her of her grandmother’s reason for inviting Keir to Whickerton Grove, Juliet had been unable to think of him and not think of it.
“Is something amiss, lass?” Keir asked promptly as he returned from her grandmother’s mysterious errand a few days later.
Juliet was about to step down into the garden when he spotted her and immediately changed direction, heading toward her. “N-Nothing,” Juliet stuttered in reply as her cheeks blazed with heat.
A warm chuckle rumbled in his throat as he moved closer, his blue eyes narrowing as though he could all but see the thoughts that coursed through her head. “Why so nervous?” Frown lines appeared on his forehead. “Why, ye can barely meet my eyes? What’s happened?”
Juliet wanted to sink into a hole in the ground; unfortunately, none was available. “I’m glad to…see you’ve returned,” she said, pulling her cloak tighter around her shoulders. “My grandmother said she sent you on an errand.”
Keir laughed, then shook his head. “I’ll not let ye distract me, lass. Out with it. What happened?”
Closing her eyes, Juliet shook her head. “I cannot tell you. I already feel like a fool.” His hand settled on her shoulder, and reluctantly, she opened her eyes to look at him.
“Is it yer Lord Lockhart?” Keir asked gently. “Have ye spoken to him?”
Juliet’s heart slammed against her ribcage as she remembered the many contradicting moments she and Christopher had shared over the past sennight.
Sometimes, he had looked at her in a way that melted her heart, and then at other times, he seemed distant, almost angry, as though she had done something wrong.
“I’m afraid you were wrong,” Juliet finally admitted, relieved to have something else to say. “He is my friend and nothing more.”
Doubt sparked in Keir’s blue eyes. “Are ye certain? Did he say so?”
Juliet shook her head. “He did not have to. He is merely here to…” she swallowed, “to speak to my brother. Troy has been rather taciturn as of late, as though something is bothering him.” Oh, was it wrong of her to drag her brother into this?
Keir nodded. “Aye, I’ve noticed that, too.” Juliet wondered how he could have. After all, he had not known Troy before. “Still…” Keir’s voice trailed off; yet the look in his eyes told Juliet that he did not believe her…at least not completely.
“I’ll see you later,” Juliet said as a way to steal from his presence and stepped away, her feet directed her down into the gardens.
“Going for a stroll?” Keir asked, and when she nodded, he added, “Care for some company?”
Juliet bit her lip. “That is kind of you; however, I’d rather…”
“Be alone?” Keir asked smiling, then nodded. “Aye, lass, and think about whether ye’d like to tell me the truth later.” His brows rose teasingly before he turned and strode away.
Juliet closed her eyes, then spun around and all but fled.
Her mind was in an uproar, and yet warmth lingered in her heart.
Indeed, Keir was a kind and thoughtful man.
He would make any woman a fine husband. Perhaps her grandmother was right, and Juliet truly ought to consider marrying him—if he would have her, of course.
The only problem was: he was not Christopher.
Perhaps listing that as the only problem was not quite right. Of course, there were others. Clearly, Christopher only saw her as a friend and soon he would leave once more and return to Ireland.
His home. Was there someone he loved there? Someone waiting for him?
Juliet breathed in deeply as she walked along the rose bushes, tears springing to her eyes. How long would he be gone this time? For good?
Brushing a stray tear from her cheek, Juliet headed along the tall-growing hedge and then turned down the soft slope. Her eyes fell on the pavilion before she had even realized where she was headed. Although her heart clenched at the sight of it, she could not bring herself to turn back.
With a heavy heart, Juliet climbed the few stairs, her gaze swinging around to look back the way she had come.
More tears gathered, welling up despite her determination to keep them away.
Indeed, she was a fool. After all, the truth was that Kit had left her life years ago and she would do well to make her peace with it.
She had cried over him once. Only a fool would do so again.
Closing her eyes, Juliet leaned her forehead against a wooden pillar, her teeth digging into her lower lip as she fought the sobs that rose in her throat.
What was she to do? If only Christopher had never returned!
She had been fine before. She had made her peace with the past, had she not?
She had been looking forward to being an aunt, to spend the rest of her life surrounded by a large and loud and loving family. She could have been happy.
Now, that future seemed to slip farther away with every day that passed. Now, Juliet’s heart had begun to ache for something more. Now she was no longer content.
“Curse you, Kit,” Juliet growled, pounding her fist halfheartedly against the pillar.
“Why?”
At the sound of Christopher’s voice, Juliet spun around, that awful heat once more shooting up into her cheeks. Why was it he always found her in such a desolate state?
At the sight of her tears, the look on his face changed. “What happened?” he asked, large strides carrying him to her. “Are you all right? Are you hurt?”
Juliet shook her head and moved back. “I’m fine.” She wiped the tears from her face. “Why are you here?”
A muscle in Christopher’s jaw twitched angrily. “Mr. MacKinnear told me to go and find you,” he said with a questioning tone in his voice. “He said you wished to talk to me.”
Juliet flinched, completely caught off guard by these sudden and intense emotions that boiled beneath her skin. She could not recall ever having felt quite so overwhelmed, so ill-equipped to deal with her own state of mind.
Again, Christopher moved toward her, something deeply unsettling in his eyes. “What is it?” he all but growled. “What do you wish to tell me?”
“Nothing,” Juliet said quickly, wishing he would simply leave. “He was wrong. I—”
“Have you chosen him?” Christopher snapped all of a sudden before his hands surged forward and grasped her arms.
Breathing heavily, Juliet stared up into his face.
His eyes flashed dangerously, and his hands clamped tightly around her arms. His breath came as rapidly as her own, and she could not shake the feeling that one word from her would send him away.
Was that not what she wanted? For Christopher to leave so that she could return to her old life?
Perhaps it was still possible. He had come back into her life less than a fortnight ago. Surely, after such a short time…
Juliet swallowed and raised her chin. “Yes,” she told him, willing the tears that pricked her eyes to remain hidden, to wait until he would leave and not see them.
“Yes, I’ve chosen him.” A shiver surged through her, and she gritted her teeth to hold it at bay.
“Grandma was right. He is my…perfect match.”
At her words, Christopher’s face fell. It fell in a way that brought physical pain to Juliet’s heart, reminding her of the day he had come to her six years ago…
after losing his brother. Disbelief stood in his eyes, mixed with such sorrow and anguish that Juliet felt the need to comfort him.
It was a need as natural as drawing breath, and to refuse him her comfort sent a jolt of pain through her. It felt wrong and cruel and…
Juliet tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “Please, release me,” she whispered breathlessly, afraid of what she might do if he did not. She was beginning to feel dizzy, bright spots dancing before her eyes as she blinked them open and closed.
A deep breath rushed from Christopher’s lips as his hands slowly fell away.
Then, he staggered backward, still staring at her in utter shock.
“It cannot be true,” he mumbled, shaking his head, a determined set coming to his jaw as his gaze slowly turned to steel.
“It cannot be true.” His voice grew harder.
Juliet straightened her shoulders, grateful for the pillar at her back as the world began to sway around her. “But it is.” She swallowed. “You should leave and return to Ireland.” Pain speared her heart, and she gritted her teeth against the sobs that rose in her throat.
Raking a hand through his hair, Christopher glared at her, his teeth grinding together as he grappled with her news.
Had she truly hurt him? Juliet wondered, shaken by the look of him.
Indeed, he seemed as heartbroken as she felt.
Had she made a mistake? Was there a chance that…
? “You always intended to return, did you not?” she asked quickly, before her courage failed.
What she ought to have asked, however, was if there was someone waiting for him in Ireland?
Something unknown flashed over Christopher’s face before he nodded. “I must.” He nodded again. “I want to.”
“I see,” Juliet mumbled as the world turned upon its axis, her hands reaching behind her to grasp the pillar at her back. “Pleasant journey, then.”
Christopher nodded as though in agreement, and for a moment, Juliet thought he would simply turn and leave. Then, however, he paused, and his gaze returned to her, looking at her as though he had never truly seen her before this very moment. “I came here to kiss you.”
Juliet’s eyes flew open. “What?”
An odd smile curled up the corners of his mouth, speaking of a stubborn determination but also of a deep longing.
“You asked me to kiss you,” Christopher reminded her as he stalked closer, his brown eyes fixed upon hers.
“And as you might recall, I said yes.” His hands reached for her, gently this time, slipping around her waist with a feather-light touch.
“If we had not been interrupted, I would have kissed you then.”
Staring up at him, Juliet felt the breath rush from her lungs. “You cannot,” she insisted stubbornly; her voice, however, sounded weak and uncertain.
“Why not?” Christopher whispered as he lowered his head to hers, his breath tickling her lips. “Give me one good reason, and I shall walk away.”
That ought to be simple, ought it not? Juliet thought dimly as she fought against the dizziness that swirled in her mind. After all, there were so many good reasons why she should not allow him.
Because he had already broken her heart once.
Because he would leave again.
Because even now he was keeping something from her.
Because…she was so very afraid of what would happen if she did not stop him.
“Because…” Her voice was only a breathy whisper. “Because…I’m betrothed to another.” She had meant it to be discouraging, but it seemed to have the opposite effect.
A hair’s breadth from her lips, Christopher stilled. Juliet could feel him grow rigid, his hands tensing upon her waist as his eyes snapped up to meet hers. A menacing growl rose from his throat, and something dangerous sparked in his eyes.
In the next second, his gaze fell to her lips and Juliet knew what he intended.
Drawing in a sharp breath, Juliet felt her heart dance in anticipation, nevertheless. Again, bright spots appeared before her eyes. She felt her knees grow weak and her breath come fast as up and down became utterly unfamiliar concepts. Her hands clamped onto his arms as her eyes closed.
The moment Juliet felt the soft brush of Christopher’s lips against hers, everything went dark.