A Question of Love
Chapter twenty
Heat shot up Juliet’s neck and rose into her cheeks, but she ignored it. She had come this far; she would not falter now. Yet the look on Christopher’s face made her want to hide somewhere. He looked thoroughly shocked by her question, his eyes going wide as he stared at her.
“No,” Juliet heard herself murmuring all of a sudden, “that’s wrong.
That’s not what I meant. Of course, you love me.
We’ve always loved each other, have we not?
” She prattled on, then stopped herself and straightened.
“What I meant to ask was, are…are you in love with me?” Her head felt as though it was about to explode.
For a long, agonizing moment, Christopher remained quiet, still, almost immobile. He stared at her in shock, his brown eyes open wide and fixed upon her face, as though he could not believe what she had just asked him.
Then he blinked. “Yes,” was all he said before the blank expression on his face shattered and a smile curled up the corners of his mouth.
At his answer, a deep breath rushed from Juliet’s lungs, and she almost dropped to the ground with relief. “Good,” she exclaimed as tears shot to her eyes, her head bobbing up and down foolishly. “That’s good.” Tears snaked down cheeks turned up into a tentative smile. “That’s truly good.”
A wide smile transformed Christopher’s face as he stepped toward her. “You came to ask me this?” he inquired; his brows slightly drawn as he reached for her hands.
Juliet nodded, and a shuddering breath left her lips as his large hands wrapped warmly around hers.
Christopher breathed in deeply. “You didn’t know?”
Eyes flying open, Juliet slapped him on the shoulder. “How could I?” She stared up at him, shaking her head. “You never said anything. You never…You…”
Smiling, Christopher reached for her hands once again, then pulled her closer. “Neither did you,” he remarked with a teasing grin. Then he paused, and Juliet saw a flicker of uncertainty light up his eyes. “Are you…Are you in love with me as well?”
Juliet fought to blink back tears. “Would I be here if I wasn’t?” She frowned. “What are you doing here? I thought you wanted to return to Ireland.”
Christopher sighed. “I realized I couldn’t leave without telling you that…
I love you.” A disbelieving chuckle left his lips as his hands wrapped more tightly around hers.
“I’ve always loved you…for as long as I can remember.
I…” Words seemed to fail him as he looked into her eyes, such joy upon his face that Juliet wanted to weep helplessly.
Oh, she had been such a fool to not have reached for this sooner!
Suddenly, Christopher’s face darkened. “Are you…Are you betrothed to Mr. MacKinnear?”
Juliet swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in her throat as fresh heat shot to her cheeks. Oh, what had she done?
Christopher felt every muscle in his body tense painfully.
He could not help it. Despite everything that had been said these past few moments, he could not forget the moment Juliet had told him she had chosen another.
But if that were so, what was she doing here?
Why had she just told him…that she was in love with him?
Had he imagined it? Was this moment even real?
Casting a careful glance around himself, Christopher saw a soft autumn breeze stir the golden leaves overhead.
They swayed gently, the warm colors in stark contrast to the pale blue sky.
He could smell rain upon the air with a distant tinge of salt from the sea nearby.
He could hear birds trilling and saw their horses grazing only a few paces beside them.
Yes, the world seemed…real. Everything in it seemed real, except for Juliet.
To him, in that moment, she felt like she had stepped straight out of a dream.
But was this dream about to turn into a nightmare?
The moment the thought crossed his mind, Juliet spoke.
“No, I am not.” For a moment, her gaze dropped from his, mortification darkening her cheeks before she looked up at him once more, a sheepish expression upon her face.
“I’m so sorry for what I said. I did not mean it.
I assure you. It is not true, and it never was. ”
Exhaling deeply, Christopher shook his head in confusion. “Then why did you say it?” Although he heard her words, part of him did not yet dare believe them. “Why did you tell me you were betrothed to him?”
Juliet sighed deeply. “Because…Because I hoped it would make you leave.”
Her words felt like a stab to his heart.
“Please, let me explain,” Juliet pleaded as she stepped forward, her hands slipping from his and reaching to cup his face, her deep green eyes looking up into his own.
“I wanted you to leave because I was afraid that with every day you stayed, my heart would break a little more.” More tears came to her eyes, and yet she did not look away.
“I’ve always loved you. I suppose, at first, I did not know.
However, when you left all those years ago, it broke my heart.
And I knew you were going to leave again, so…
” She shrugged helplessly. “I did not know what to do. I wanted you to stay, and I wanted you to leave. So, when you told me what Grandmother had said about her reasons for bringing Mr. MacKinnear here, I reached for it. It was…a spur of the moment thought. I simply did not want you to—”
Christopher swallowed, and his gaze dropped to her lips for a heartbeat or two. “You didn’t want me to kiss you, did you?” He gritted his teeth. “You…You fainted.” The question burned in Christopher’s heart, yet he did not have the words to ask it.
Juliet nodded. “I thought if I…I thought it would make it worse. I thought if you kissed me, I would never be able to let you go. I thought—”
“When you asked me to kiss you after your sister’s wedding,” Christopher asked abruptly, the need to know burning in every fiber of his being, “did you truly mean it? Did you want me to kiss you? Or was I simply the first one to cross your path? Would you have asked another—Mr. MacKinnear—if he had been the one to find you in that moment?”
A deep sigh left Juliet’s lips. “For a long time, I tried to convince myself that I only wanted to know what a kiss felt like, that it had nothing to do with you because I knew it would not be wise to allow myself to think of you in that way.” She stepped closer, and Christopher could feel her hand sliding down his face until only the tips of her fingers brushed against his skin.
Then her hands came to rest upon his chest, right above his wildly beating heart.
Christopher began to feel lightheaded as the meaning of her words sank in. His gaze locked onto hers, and his hands reached out to grasp her tiny waist and pulled her closer. “You’re not betrothed?” he asked, needing to sort through the confusion in his head.
A shy smile came to Juliet’s face before she shook her head no. “I am not.”
Christopher’s hands on her tightened, and his gaze fell to her lips. “You asked me to kiss you,” Christopher said, inching closer until his forehead leaned against hers, their breaths mingling, “did you mean it?”
“I did,” came Juliet’s breathless reply.
Christopher’s heart did another somersault. “Would you…object,” he began, his voice strained as his pulse hammered in his veins, “if I kissed you now?”
Juliet chuckled shyly. “Are you asking if I’ll faint again?”
Smiling, Christopher reached out to slip a hand up along the line of her neck and then to the back of her head, urging her closer still. He heard her draw in a sharp breath and felt her pulse skip a beat…not unlike his own. “I’m asking,” he whispered against her lips, “if you want me to kiss you.”
“Do…Do you want to kiss me?” Juliet asked in return, her voice tentative, but oddly daring at the same time.
Lifting his head a fraction, Christopher looked down into her wide green eyes, the same green eyes that had looked at him all his life. “Yes,” was all he said, and he hoped she could hear the longing and desire that swung in that one word.
Joy flickered across her face for a split second before Juliet raised her chin a fraction, bringing her lips closer to his. “I do as well,” she whispered, her warm breath teasing his lips.
As his heart threatened to beat out of his chest, Christopher stared down at the woman he had loved all his life. He watched her face as the distance between them slowly shrank into nothing. “I’ve dreamed of this,” he whispered against her lips.
“So have I,” Juliet whispered back, and it was more than Christopher had ever hoped for. Of course, more needed to be said, but that could wait. It had to wait. Right here and now, all he wanted was this kiss.
Finally.
After six years of waiting…and hoping…and…
Closing his eyes, Christopher dipped his head and kissed her.
Juliet.
Jules.
His Jules.
Oh, he ought to have done this years ago!