A Letter
Chapter twenty-six
“What kind of a husband do you hope for, Jules?”
At the sound of Harriet’s voice, Christopher pulled to a sudden halt outside the drawing room. Another step, and he would stand in its doorway. As it was, no one inside was currently aware of his presence just around the corner.
“H-Husband?” Juliet stuttered, and Christopher felt his heart constrict painfully, the pain over thinking her betrothed to Mr. MacKinnear still too fresh.
“Yes, husband,” Christina laughed, and Christopher heard footsteps as someone moved through the room. “We promise—all of us—that we will do what we can to give you the same chance we had. I know Grandmother can be a bit…challenging, but together, we shall break her hold on you.”
“But…But…,” came Juliet’s breathless stammer.
“Don’t worry about Grandmother,” their cousin counseled, a soft note in her voice. “I know you always worry and think it your responsibility to see to her. But you’re not alone. We’re all here to see to her. It falls not only on you. She is our grandmother as well, and we love her just the same.”
“You see?” Louisa inquired with a hint of triumph in her voice, like someone on the brink of winning an argument. “There is nothing holding you back. At tonight’s ball, we shall do all that we can to see you dance with each and every eligible gentleman so that you can take your pick.”
Ice and fire swept through Christopher at the thought, shock and anger. He was close to charging into the room and claim Juliet for his own. Yet at the last moment, he held himself back.
This was a decision Juliet needed to make.
After all, if she accepted him, she would not only gain a husband, but a child as well.
Never would Christopher do to Sebastian what his parents had done to him with their disinterest. No, he needed Juliet to love his son.
But would she be able to? It was not something to be decided on a whim.
She needed time to think this through and figure out how she truly felt about the future he wanted them to have.
“Perhaps…Perhaps,” came Juliet’s shaky voice again, “I do not wish to marry. Did you never think of that?”
Christopher breathed out a sigh of relief, hoping that her answer meant what he hoped it did.
Harriet laughed. “I’m afraid you might not have a say in this. The Whickertons are destined to have great loves, and not even I could escape that fate.” Again, she laughed, happiness and affection ringing in her voice.
“Very true,” Louisa agreed, and the sisters continued to discuss the ball, now only a few hours away.
Plans were made and gentlemen discussed.
What allowed Christopher to not lose his mind was that Juliet remained rather quiet throughout the whole conversation, a most unwilling participant.
Could it be that it was because of him? She loved him, did she not?
Did it mean that she was considering marriage despite everything he had confessed to her?
Christopher frowned, realizing rather belatedly that she could not possibly know his intentions as he had never declared them.
Not outright.
Not to her.
Not with words that left no doubt.
A grave oversight. One that ought to be corrected without delay.
Christopher paused. “As should another,” he mumbled under his breath, then quietly turned upon his heel and walked down the corridor that led to the study, the place where Troy could be found at any hour of the day.
It seemed his old friend did little else lately but pour over ledgers detailing the upkeep of Whickerton Grove and other properties.
Stopping outside the door, Christopher heaved a deep breath, knowing that Troy would be furious once he learned the truth.
Still, there no longer was a reason—a good reason—to keep this from him.
Perhaps he ought to have told his friend long ago.
Would it have eased his mind? Or would it just have brought on more torture?
Christopher did not know. Now, however, it was too late to ponder such questions. The past was what it was. All he could do now was try his best to ensure that the happiness that had been denied Troy once would perhaps find him after all.
Giving a quick knock, Christopher waited for his friend’s voice to bid him to enter.
Then he swung open the door and stepped across the threshold, his eyes falling on the familiar image of Troy seated behind the large desk, eyes slightly narrowed, and his forehead creased with frown lines.
“Do you have a moment?” Christopher asked, closing the door behind him with a shaky hand.
“There is something rather…important I need to discuss with you.” Indeed, the words seemed shockingly insignificant to describe what he was about to say.
Troy regarded him carefully. He set down the quill and closed the ledger. Then he pushed to his feet, his pale blue eyes watchful. “Is it about my sister?”
Christopher stepped up to the desk, meeting his friend’s eyes. “No,” he said then, surprised by the steadiness he heard in his voice. “It is about mine.”
Instantly, Troy’s jaw hardened. He clenched his teeth, and Christopher thought he would start shaking his head vehemently at any moment, the resistance within him to discuss this matter more powerful than his need to uphold pretenses.
Yet he did not, and Christopher realized how tightly Troy controlled his emotions, never once revealing how much he suffered.
In the end, all his friend said was, “There is nothing to discuss.” His eyes fell back to the ledger upon his desk as he moved from one side to the other. “I would appreciate it if you—”
“No!” At the harsh exclamation, Troy’s head snapped up, and he stared at Christopher.
“No, I will not remain silent any longer. There is something you need to know, something I’ve been meaning to tell you for years.
” He heaved a deep sigh. “I kept quiet before because I saw your reluctance and knew that even if I told you, there was nothing that could be done…for either one of you.”
A muscle in Troy’s jaw twitched, his eyes hard and unyielding. “Whatever you think I need to know—”
Christopher shook his head. “I will not leave this room until I’ve said all I need to say. I’ve kept quiet for too long with regard to so many things. Nothing good ever comes from not telling the truth.”
A look of exhaustion came to Troy’s eyes, and his shoulders slumped. “Why?” He blinked, and the hard look fell from his face. “Why now? Why can you not simply leave it be?”
“Because things have changed,” Christopher insisted, stepping closer until the tips of his fingers came to rest upon the desk.
He held his friend’s gaze, willing him to listen, to open his mind and not shut out this chance for happiness.
“She’s no longer married, and I believe she cares for you as you care for—”
Troy’s fist came down hard on the desk, his face contorted into a snarl. “It does not matter!” he growled, and his hands shook with anger. “Whatever you think I need to know will not change that she—”
“I never gave her your letter!”
At Christopher’s words, Troy all but reeled backwards as though he had received a punch to the jaw. His face went white, and his eyes opened so wide, revealed such shock that Christopher cringed at the sight of it.
“I’m so sorry,” Christopher said, knowing that words could never describe how awful he felt, how awful he had felt ever since realizing what his oversight, his distraction had done to people he cared for deeply. “Please let me explain. I never meant for this to happen.”
Staring at him, Troy slowly sank back into his chair, his expression still blank.
Yet Christopher could not help but think that he saw the occasional spark of something, some deeper emotion light up his eyes every so often.
As much as Troy had tried his best to silence all he felt, some remnant seemed to have remained.
Taking his friend’s silence as encouragement, Christopher cleared his throat. “When you handed me the letter and asked me to give it to Nora, I had no idea what it said.”
Troy’s eyes snapped up, the glower of accusation in them.
“I did not read it! I assure you,” Christopher clarified quickly. “I don’t know what it says even now, but from what I have observed, I assume—”
“Why?” Troy growled; his eyes hard as they glared at Christopher. “Why did you—?” His voice broke off, his lips sealing shut as though the words simply would not make it past them.
“I assure you I had every intention of giving it to her,” Christopher continued his story, remembering with haunting clarity the commotion that had lingered upon the house that day, Nora’s wedding day.
“I was on my way to see her, but then a servant approached me with some problem. Apparently, my mother had failed to give specific instructions and now they were uncertain how to—”
“Get to the point!”
Christopher nodded. “Anyhow, I spoke to my mother, and when she went off to see to matters, I glimpsed…something on her writing desk.” Christopher still wondered now and then if his mother would have ever told him about his son if he had not found out on his own.
“It was a letter informing her of my son’s birth.
It was dated a few weeks back, and yet I had never seen it.
” Pleadingly, he looked at Troy, wanting nothing more but his friend’s forgiveness and understanding, knowing equally well that it would be almost impossible for Troy to give.
“Everything changed for me in that moment. All I could think about was that…I had to see him.”
Raking his hand through his hair, Christopher walked over to the window, his gaze drawn to the gardens where he had spent most of his childhood and youth.
“I almost ran out of the house then and there, my only thought for him, my son.” He swallowed hard.
“As fate would have it, it was my mother who spotted me hastening through the foyer. She called out to me, and…I confronted her.” He scoffed, shaking his head at the memory of her incomprehensible face.
“She could not understand why it bothered me, why I would want to see him. She told me not to be foolish, berating me for my poor judgment and flawed behavior. But I didn’t care.
I knew I needed to go. I needed to see him.
” He turned back around to face his friend, finding Troy’s wide gaze locked upon his.
“She tried to stop me, and the only thing that gave me pause was the reminder of my sister’s wedding. ”
Troy’s jaw tensed, and his fingers dug into the chair’s armrests.
“I left the moment she was married,” Christopher concluded his recounting of that day.
“Your letter completely slipped my mind. I did not know how urgent it was or what you wished to tell her. At least not at that point. Later, much later, when I returned home and learned of your disappearance, how you had vanished the day of Nora’s wedding, when I saw her face upon my next visit, the pieces slowly began to come together.
All of a sudden, I remembered your letter, and I realized what it must contain.
” Christopher threw up his hands in a helpless gesture.
“But what was I to do? She was married, and any chance you might’ve had was lost. I wanted to tell you, but I wondered if perhaps it would simply make things worse for you.
For the both of you. So…I never said a word, not to you or to her.
” He inhaled a deep breath and once again stepped toward the desk, his eyes fixed on Troy’s. “Until now.”
Troy’s head sank, and his eyes closed. He rested his head in his hands and sighed, a sound that revealed all the regret and pain and anger and longing he had held bottled up all these years.
Leaning forward, Christopher braced his hands upon the desk.
“So, you see? Things have changed in a way that matters. She never refused you. She never chose another over you. This truly is a chance for the two of you to find out what you could have.” He shook his head.
“I don’t know what happened between you both.
I don’t know how you suddenly…I never saw you be anything else but friends and never for a second thought that that could change one day.
” In that moment, Christopher could not help but wonder if perhaps Troy had looked at him and Juliet the same way.
Had they all been blind to the truth? “But if you care for her, as I suspect she cares for you, don’t let this chance slip through your fingers.
Go to her. Tell her everything you wanted her to know that day all those years ago. ”
Troy’s eyes were expressionless as he stared at Christopher, stared at him without seeing him.
For a long moment, silence lingered, and Christopher wondered if his friend would ever forgive him.
Yet that was not what mattered. What mattered was that Troy and Nora might receive a second chance.
Just as he and Juliet had found. And he would not waste it.
No, this time, he would fight for her. He would do what he could to make her understand how much she meant to him.
Christopher could only hope that Troy would do the same.