Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
CASH
I’ve formed like eight new tour routes in my head. Sometimes I ask why we don’t talk about something specific when we’re close, and depending on who I ask, I either get an answer of ‘that’s not on the tour sheet’ or ‘no one’s asked about it.’
Every now and then, I do a little experiment with some guests on the tour. If I see them looking in a direction where I know there’s something interesting that I’d share on a tour, I offer that information. Just to see what happens.
Doing this, I’ve learned two very important things. One, they’re wrong. People are interested in events and places that aren’t on the tour. And two, you need to choose your audience correctly. Someone on the boat, but who’s not in the least bit interested, is simply not the person to try this on.
I’m calling him an outlier, though. He wasn’t interested in the tour at all.
There are three guys standing at the railing and pointing at the volcano. I think they’ve caught the remnants of a lighthouse. Taking a few steps closer, I tune into their conversation and follow where they’re pointing.
“Is it a fort?” one of the guys asks. “Looks like a watchtower.”
“Yeah, it’s jagged like it has battlements,” another says. “Wish I had binoculars.”
I don’t always interject myself into conversations. Not everyone is accepting of that, even if you’re answering their curiosity. For just a moment longer, I study the three of them to gauge how open they might be to volunteered information.
Meh. I’m going to take my chances. I slide down the railing so I’m within a couple of feet. “Hi,” I say, and all three guys look at me.
I’m not in the least bit surprised when all three of them check me out. Almost as one, their eyes drop down my body and then back up to my face. The one on the far right gives me a flirty smile.
“Hi, yourself,” the middle guy says.
I point to the ruins that they were looking at. “It was a lighthouse,” I tell them.
“Really?” the third guy asks and turns his attention back up to it. “Why is it up there?”
I grin. See? People want to know!
“The people who built it had lighthouses all over the island. There are still some foundations here and there, some of which are built into the paths.”
“Oh! I think I’ve seen one of those. I mentioned that it was weird to have a handful of stones paved around in an otherwise smooth paved path,” the first guy says.
“Yep. They aren’t all lighthouse foundations, depending on how inland you were, but the majority of the ones you see are.
The previous owner of the islands tells a story that was passed down to him from the people who lived here before them and had for generations.
The lighthouse on the top of the volcano was a signal to the volcano gods that there were people living here, so they wouldn’t spew their fiery breath.
The owner before the Calloways maintained the lighthouse until he became too old to do so.
His children and grandchildren had already left the island for bigger and greater adventures, so he sold the island and passed down the warning.
By then, the lighthouse was already in disrepair, and the new—and current—owners didn’t rebuild it. ”
“So you’re tempting the volcano gods,” the middle guy says.
“No. What you can’t see from the tour is that there’s a series of lighthouses on the opposite side of the volcano for the gods below.”
“Oh, damn,” the first guy says and leans over the side as if that little bit would help him see it. “That would be cool as shit.”
“There are guided tours you can take up the volcano, and they’ll bring you close to the lighthouses. They’re cool up close, but seeing them from the sea, they look like sentinels watching over us all with the smoking volcano at their back.”
“That’s epic,” the first guy says. “I need to see it.”
“You can charter a private tour,” I offer, shrugging. “There aren’t any regularly scheduled tours that bring you that way.”
“Is that expensive?” the third guy asks.
“Are you available for a private tour?” the middle guy asks, and his smirk makes me think he may be asking the question seriously, but there’s a second answer he might also be looking for.
“I’ve never given a private tour,” I admit. “I’ve only been working on the tours for a couple months, but I’ve lived on Kala almost my whole life.”
“Yeah?” the first guy asks, smiling. “Is it as awesome as it sounds?”
“I don’t know how it sounds to someone visiting, but yeah. It’s pretty great. There’s a ton of small-town quirkiness, and everyone knows everyone’s shit, but it’s peaceful. Everyone is free and encouraged to be themselves.”
The flirty expression on the middle guy’s face slides away, and he looks almost sad.
“I’d give anything to live somewhere like this,” he says quietly and looks back toward the island.
“Where I’m from, I’m in the closet. It’s also a small town, but it’s a small, ultra-conservative, radically religious town.
There’s maybe one gay guy out, and he’s…
not treated well. They’d stone him in the town square if the state government wouldn’t come down on them. ”
The other two guys wrap their arms around the middle guy and give him a hug. He smiles a little and then meets my eyes. “I come here as often as I can. Whenever I can afford to take time off, and I have the funds.”
My chest tightens. “I’m sorry,” I say. “My best friend—who also grew up here—went to the States for college and lasted almost three semesters before he was bullied out for his sexuality. It’s confirmed that I’m never leaving Kala.”
“I’d stay if I could. I mean, the partying and good times are fun, but I’d clean up horse shit if it meant I could stay here and freely be me.”
Unexpected tears sting my eyes, and I look away, rapidly trying to blink them back.
“So… if you can hold out for… a while longer, we now have a bid to expand the islands. More residential islands with a variety of new housing options.” I meet his eyes. “Affordable options.”
He smiles, and I think his shoulders relax a little. “Yeah?”
I nod. “Admittedly, the plan has just started coming together, so it’s going to be a while. Years, not months. But it’s coming.”
The man smiles at me. “Thanks. Believe it or not, that gives me some hope.”
“Good,” the first guy says and kisses his cheek. “You have a real goal now. Keep chasing it and don’t give up.”
The tour ends shortly after our conversation, and I’m left staring after them as they walk away.
Their flirtiness came back after the serious conversation passed, but it was different.
Teasing now. I think the discussion we had changed the tone of our interaction, and they stopped looking at me as a hookup potential.
They waved at me like eight times, though, so I still made an impression all the same.
“If there were tips allowed, I think you’d have gotten quite a few with those three,” Dominik says as he stands beside me.
“I was just reminded how ugly the world can look outside of Kala,” I tell him.
“Ah.” He leans against the railing beside me. “I used to visit my family in Utah.”
I look in his direction, not bothering to pretend I know where Utah is. Dominik isn’t looking at me.
“I stopped going a couple years ago and told them if they wanted to spend time with me, they could come here. They’re strongly of the opinion, ‘Love the sinner, hate the sin’.”
My face scrunches up. “Ew.”
“Yep. So naturally, coming to a queer island where everyone is queer is a horror they can’t fathom.
It’s okay if I have to strip my identity to spend time with them for a week every six months, but for them to put aside their bigotry?
It proves to me what I already knew but wasn’t ready to accept—their love is conditional. ”
“That sucks.”
He takes a breath and nods. “I don’t regret moving here.
I have a great life. I’m happy. I get to live as me, and I’m celebrated for being me.
I miss my family, but I’ve come to realize that I miss the idea of family more than actually missing them.
I miss a family I never had because they’ve never loved me for me. They love me despite who I am.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” I say.
Dominik looks at me and smiles. “Thanks.” He studies me for a minute, and I’m not in the least bit prepared for his next words. “Your shift’s over now, too, yeah? Want to grab a bite to eat? Take a walk on the beach or something?”
I think I probably look at him as if he’s grown three heads because he bursts out laughing. “Okay, okay. Tell me you’re not interested without saying a word.”
“No!” I say quickly. “Sorry. I’m… not used to being asked out.” My skin heats, and I bow my head.
“How the hell is that even possible? You’re cute as fuck, Cash.”
And I’m just going to keep blushing for the rest of the day. Awesome.
“Thanks,” I say, shuffling my feet. “Can I not say yes or no right now? I honestly have plans with my parents tonight.”
“So I’m getting ‘maybe another time’?” he asks. I’m relieved he looks amused.
“Yes? Is that okay?”
Dominik grins. “Yeah, Cash. Whatever you answer is okay. Yes, no, maybe, fuck off… all okay. Some are more socially acceptable than others, but it’s still okay.”
My shoulders relax. “Thanks, but I’m probably not going to tell you to fuck off.”
“I hope not. That’s a knife to an ego.”
We walk to the office together and don’t talk about going out. Which I’m thankful for. He heads to the beach, and I wander back to the docks. Now that I’m alone, I can think about his offer. A date.
I haven’t been asked out in years. Yes, literal years.
After high school, I kinda turned into a hermit.
My life consisted of Lie. Sure, I went to the bar, and yes, I was given room numbers and propositioned to hook up in the bathroom as one does at bars, but that’s not the same as being asked on a date, right?
Or did I read that wrong? Maybe that’s the universal prelude to hooking up. Dinner, walk on the beach, fuck in the water… Is there some unspoken understanding that I don’t know about?
I’m still thinking about this when I get home. Because I don’t know how I feel about it, as soon as I open the door and smell the yummy food prep going on, I know my parents are home, so I announce, “Dads, I was just asked on a date by a really hot guy I work with!”
Hmm. I’m not sure whether Dominik is hot or not. As I round the corner, considering this, I freeze when I see Onyx sitting at the kitchen counter with a spread of vegetables in front of him that he’s peeling.
His eyes meet mine, and my lungs seize, and my body covers in chills. I feel them pop up under my clothes like little needles. The way his eyebrows pinch together. The way his eyes tighten.
Does he hate the idea? Does he look hurt?
“Yeah, Cashy!” Dad says, jerking me from the silence I was trapped in. He holds his hand up for a high five, and I slap his hand weakly. “Who is it? Do I know his dad?”
I suddenly do not want to talk about this anymore. If I knew Onyx was here, I wouldn’t have said anything.
“No,” I answer, shaking my head as I come into the kitchen to wash my hands. “He didn’t grow up on Kala. He’s from Utah.” I say the word as if it’s in another language.
“Utah?” Pops says and looks at me. “Where is that?”
“The States, I think,” Onyx says quietly.
I shrug. “I didn’t think to ask. It wasn’t relevant to the conversation.”
“How did it come up?” Dad asks.
“I met some guys on the tour, and one was telling me how he lives in a really unsafe place where he has to hide everything about himself, so he comes to Kala to escape. Dominik saw their waving goodbye after the tour as flirting, and I said the conversation reminded me that I never want to leave Kala.”
“Not all places are unsafe,” Pops says. “Not even all places in the States are unsafe. Hateful, violent voices can be loud, and that volume can make it feel like they’re everyone and there’s more of them, but it’s not the truth.
Supportive, kind people aren’t as loud in the streets, but they’re still fighting for you when they’re out of your sight. ”
“Is that true, or are you trying to keep the nightmares away?” I ask.
He chuckles. “It’s true, baby.” Pops wraps an arm around my waist and hugs me sideways for a minute. “Gramps and Gran are from one such place in the States.”
Gramps and Gran are Pops’ grandparents. They used to come down to visit all the time when we were kids, but their health dipped, and they haven’t visited for a long time.
“It’s hard to see beyond the bad and ugly news,” Dad says.
“Which is the point of everyone shouting the horrors as loudly as they do. The idea is to keep you afraid, so you stay home and do nothing in an attempt to drown it out. If you’re too scared to respond, then that gives them a free path to keep ushering more ugliness into the world. ”
“If it’s all the same to you, I still have no desire to leave Kala,” I say.
Both my dads laugh.
“We don’t leave Kala, either,” Dad says. “We understand.”
“So,” Pops says, handing me the ingredients to mix a dressing. “Tell us about this potential date. Dominik? Is that what you said his name was?”
I’m very, very aware of Onyx sitting silently at the table. Knowing he’s there and listening makes my skin flush.
“This is your first date since high school, isn’t it?” Dad asks.
Onyx’s hand stills in his chopping for a second. I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Uh… it would be,” I say slowly. “But I didn’t agree to go on the date.”
“Why?”
“Because I had plans with my parents tonight,” I say, giving my dad a look. He grins.
“Tomorrow night, then?”
I nod absently. Maybe.