Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
ONYX
I’ve spent the entire month of June trying to get Cash to talk to me. I’ve slowly taken parts of my drum set from the Ellis’ garage, attempting to time it when I think Cash might be home. I’m right most of the time. That doesn’t mean I see him, though.
He hasn’t answered my texts, no matter how many times I text him or what I say. I haven’t tried to call him again. Not since the morning he sent me the voice message about Benson.
I can’t take the chance that he’s going to make good on his threat of blocking my number. I’m relatively certain he hasn’t. He’s just ignoring my texts.
Sitting behind the half of the drum set still set up in their garage, I tap the big snare with the pad of my finger. A dull dun-dun-dun-dun vibrates through the air. I stare at nothing.
There’s a chance that their dads know I’m into Cash. I’m relatively confident they figured it out the night that Cash came home and announced that he’d been asked on a date.
It felt like he punched me in the chest. It hurt to breathe all evening. My gut churned. My mouth tasted like the moment before you vomit.
I look up when the door opens. It’s not Cash or even his fathers. It’s Benson. I wouldn’t say he’s actually apologized to Cash, but he’s had meetings with security and the Calloways over the last month. While I don’t know what’s been said in those meetings, I’m sure I can guess the gist of it.
Get your shit together, or you’re going to be banished from Kala for good.
To be honest, I’m a little surprised he doesn’t continue to push, so he is forced from Kala. That’s one way to score a one-way ticket from the islands. That’s been his goal for years. Leave. Never return. Go somewhere straight where everyone is as bitter, nasty, and straight as he is.
He meets my eye and freezes. We haven’t spoken in the past month.
I sometimes go to the Hinky Dinky Bar when we’re set to play, just to see if he and Bryce are there.
Benson is always waiting to see if we show up.
Bryce is hit or miss. Sometimes, if Bryce is there too, I’ll join them on stage, though I rarely stay for the entire evening.
I’ve also not said a word to Benson since I kicked him out of my house. He hasn’t tried to talk to me.
Interestingly, I have no idea where he is most nights. He’s only at home maybe two nights a week. I’m not sure where he is on the nights he’s not. I know where he’s not, and that’s at my house.
I turn my attention away from him and return to unscrewing the wing nuts holding the biggest pieces together.
Benson hovers for a minute before grabbing his guitar and leaving.
Part of me is curious. I want to know where he’s going.
Who is he harassing? Who’s taking him in despite him being the biggest asshole on Kala?
Security has been lingering around the residential islands more this month.
Generally speaking, they’re usually only monitoring the islands where guests are.
So yes, there are some on Bane because we have guest houses along one of the beaches, so one is usually walking around.
Otherwise, we truly are a peaceful town.
Ben is the most aggression that Kala residents have seen in ages.
He’s no less angry these days. One look into his eyes, and you can see the monster storm ready to detonate. He’s simply containing it. I can practically see the cage glowing around him. It’s going to be an explosion of epic proportions when he finally loses control.
I kind of want to see it. I want to be there when he breaks down.
Somewhere in my heart, I think that once he finally breaks, the truth of his misery will be released, and we’ll finally understand.
It won’t ever excuse the years of verbal abuse and harassment he’s directed at Cash—and literally anyone who looks in his direction—but I need that closure. I need to know what happened.
I need to know if there was something I could have done a long time ago to reach him so he didn’t get to this point.
My fingers have stopped moving on the wingnut. I’ll hang around until it gets really creepy and then take one of the cymbals home just so I can say I had a legitimate reason for being here. Unless maybe Troy or Leon walk by and invite me in.
They’ve arranged their schedule so the boys are rarely home alone now.
Which must be ridiculously frustrating since the reason they’re doing so is because of their grown-ass son.
To some extent, I feel like if their parents had been more assertive in forcing Ben to deal with his shit, he wouldn’t have gotten to this point. Especially these last three years.
Once Cash turned eighteen, their parents decided they were both adults, and it was time to deal with their shit like adults.
I imagine it’s difficult to admit that you’re not seeing the truth when you look at your kid.
You refuse to see how bad it’s gotten. Which is what brought them to the night earlier this month when Benson tried to break down Cash’s door in the middle of the night and wished him dead.
I wouldn’t have let Benson back home, personally. Not when Cash is still there. Cash’s safety has to come first. That’s not just biased talking. Even if Cash was no one to me and I was watching this from the outside, I’d feel the same.
Just as I’m getting to my feet, I hear Cash’s voice and freeze. My heart jumps, stomach flipping. Fuck, I have it bad for this man. So. Fucking. Bad.
“Yep. I’ve signed out the boat for the whole day. I have a route planned and everything.” Pause. “I have some possibilities in mind. I’m calling Tekky when we hang up.”
I shift in my seat until I can see Cash standing in the middle of the driveway. He’s still in his uniform from work and on his cell phone. That explains why his parents aren’t home.
Huh. I wonder if Benson has been given strict times he needs to be out of the house, and that’s all the times that Cash may be there. Maybe they have made sure Cash’s safety has priority here.
Leon and Troy are good parents. I truly believe that. Benson is just a dickwad and has worked his home situation to his advantage. Which means something snapped that night. I wonder what it was.
“I don’t know. I’ll make sure before I choose someone,” Cash says. “Yeah, okay. He’s going to love it. Bye. Stop calling me!”
His grin lights up his face. I smile in response. Cash’s smile has always made me smile. Ever since we were little kids.
Cash pulls his phone from his ear and taps around before bringing it back up. He paces back and forth while he waits for the person—Tekky?—to answer. His footsteps pause, and he says, “Hi, Tekky. I mentioned a job, remember?”
I’m careful to sit completely still so Cash doesn’t know I’m there. If he realizes he’s this close, he’ll go inside to get away. I hate that.
“So I have a custom route for a private tour. Already signed out the boat. First Thursday in July. Are you available?”
Cash turns on his heel to walk in the opposite direction, and I see him smile. “Cool. So the thing is, I need you to be 100% discreet. You can’t tell a soul who is on the boat. You can’t repeat who is on the boat to anyone after. It has to be a total secret. Like you don’t know them.”
Okay, that’s weird.
His smile fades. “No. You can’t tell anyone, Tekky. Ever.”
Cash sighs. “Okay, yeah. I’ll let you know when the details are set.” He pauses and then hangs up. His head drops backward, and he closes his eyes. I’m guessing he didn’t like that answer.
He stands there long enough that I get to my feet and stand in the door to the garage that’s wide open. The fact that Cash hadn’t even looked in this direction says how often the door has been open over the years. It’s nothing new. Nothing curious about it.
“I can drive the boat,” I offer.
Proving that he had no idea I was there, Cash jumps. Literally jumps into the air and looks at me with wide eyes.
I try not to smile because he’s cute as fuck. His hair is longer. He has the top tied in a ribbon, and it sits at the top of his head like a fountain.
“What are you doing here?” he accuses.
Pointing my thumb over my shoulder, I say, “Getting more of my drum set.”
His gaze moves behind me. Even not knowing what a drum set should look like when all the pieces are there and put together, it’s clear that it’s missing parts.
“What’s taking you so long?”
It’s difficult to pretend his question doesn’t sting. “I’m not in a huge hurry for it. I have two others, so I grab a piece when I’m walking around.” I shrug.
He frowns and turns toward the house.
“I can drive the boat for you. I’ll keep whatever secret you have, Cash.” He pauses. “Any secret. You know you can trust me.”
“Can I?” he asks, voice quiet. Like I wasn’t supposed to hear him.
“Yes. I’m so—”
Cash faces me, and his hard, angry expression stays my apology. “I don’t want to hear it. Understand? If I agree, we’re talking about the boat, the tour, and you’re not going to repeat to a fucking soul—including Benson—who’s on that boat. Am I clear?”
“Yes.”
He’s still hesitant. I’m his last option. The fact that he’s considering it means that it’s utterly important that this secret is kept. Which means I am the only real option.
“I haven’t talked to Benson all month,” I offer.
Despite his best efforts, my words are interesting to him. His head tilts slightly. His mouth opens, and I can see the struggle because he wants to ask something, but he also doesn’t want to talk to me.
In an effort to tempt him further into engaging in a conversation with me, I add, “I kicked him out of my house the morning you told me what he did the night before, and he hasn’t been back.”
Cash’s eyes flicker behind me once more, taking the partly disassembled drum set into consideration. So I add that little bit of information too.
“We haven’t practiced. I’ve been on stage at the Hinky Dinky three times this month and for only half a set. Even then, I haven’t said a single utterance to your brother.”
Is it pushing too hard if I assure him that I know I made a mistake and I’m trying to take it back? I’m not choosing Benson. I’m choosing him.
He licks his lips and then bites his bottom for a minute as he considers me. “You know how to drive a boat?”
“Yes. I even have a permit to do so from the Calloways.” I pull my wallet out and dig through it until I find the permit and offer it to him.
Cash looks at it before eventually choosing to get close enough to take it into his hands.
On Kala, we don’t have official government-approved licenses.
This is a private island, so our permits are through the governing body—the Calloways.
There’s still a strict test and shit. So many hours that I need to put in. That kind of thing.
“You’ve had this for five years,” he notes, dark eyes meeting mine. They’re more honey today than dark. I want to stare into them.
“My grandparents used to come out here all the time. Every summer. Remember?” Cash nods.
“Gramps was on a mission since I was a little kid that he wanted to rent every single boat on Kala for a day during each summer and wander around the islands. He started teaching me to drive when I was eight. You and Ben came with us sometimes.”
“I know,” he says, and for the first time in weeks, I see a softness in him as a small smile touches his lips. “That’s when I fell in love with the ocean and being on a boat.”
My gut flutters. “I don’t think I share quite the same passion, but I loved it enough that I continued learning even after my grandparents stopped visiting.”
“Why did they stop?”
“They’re old,” I answer. “Traveling is no longer easy for them, and it’s too difficult to make the long trips.”
Cash nods.
“I got my permit to captain when I was seventeen. Admittedly, I haven’t had a reason to use it much since, but I’ve had it all the same. Gramps was so excited when I sent him a picture of it.”
He grins and then seems to remember himself and swallows the smile just as quickly as it appeared. “If I let you do this, you can’t ever breathe a word of who is on the boat. Promise?”
“Yes. I’ll never break your trust, Cash.”
I have a feeling he has a lot to say on that assertion. “Ever. To anyone. Not Ben. Not your mom. Not my dads. Not a stranger you hook up with on Ceto. No one.”
“No one. I haven’t hooked up with anyone on any island since you.”
Cash flinches. His cheeks pinken, and I wonder if that means he can’t say the same thing. I haven’t heard through the grapevine, but maybe he ended up going out with the guy he works with. Maybe he has hooked up.
I try not to let the sour feeling in my gut take over.
“If I agree, this is the only topic I’m willing to talk about. The route, the boat, the tour. Understand?”
“I understand.”
“And you agree?”
“We’ll call it fifty-fifty.”
His eyes narrow. The thing is, I know I’ve cornered him.
He knows that there’s no one else on Kala who will keep this a secret.
Whatever the secret is, I’m his only option because, despite how he’s feeling toward me personally, he knows he can trust me.
He knows I’ll always keep his secrets. No matter what they are or who they involve.
The fact that he’s considering my fifty-fifty statement says a lot about how important it is that he can make this happen for whoever he was talking to. I’m guessing it’s Lie. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Lie. That includes making a deal with me to make it happen.
Without another word, Cash turns toward his house and disappears inside.