Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
ONYX
My favorite thing that came out of the day that I drove the boat for Cash is waking up and going to sleep with him every morning and night. I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this overwhelming warmth flood my chest and never leave.
I want to stay wrapped around him all day. Every day. I want to hear his voice, see his smile, and listen to his laughter. I want to always be the one who makes it happen.
Confessing everything unlocked a level of obsession with Cash that I didn’t know existed. I want to live in his body.
This morning, he’s sprawled on top of me.
His legs are bent like a frog, and his hair covers his face and mine.
His hair obscuring my vision and tickling my face is a little disorienting at first, but then I’m smiling like a loon.
His steady heartbeat and rhythmic breaths are the absolute best feeling in the world.
It’s still early. The sun is painting the sky orange and pink. It has the room glowing with a hue that’s out of place, as if a filter was put over the light, making everything washed out.
I trail my hand down Cash’s bare back because I can. He’s mine. I’m allowed to touch him. I still feel breathless with this reality. For too many weeks to count—almost seven!—I was convinced that he’d never speak to me again.
Not that I blamed him. None of it was his fault. I was a dick.
Cash hums quietly. I still my hand so I don’t wake him up. We don’t stay up as late as we once did. There’s no need now since we spend as much time together as possible. Even so, I try not to wake him.
“Your dick is always so happy to see me,” he mumbles in his sleep.
I grin and gently roll my hips against him. My cock is standing straight up, resting against his bare ass. Not trapped between us like his.
Cash reaches behind him and pushes his fingers to the head of my dick, pressing it between his ass cheeks. I roll my hips again, and we both moan appreciatively.
“You going to fuck me awake?” he asks sleepily.
“That what you want?”
“Mmm,” he hums. Words are usually few and far between in the mornings. These are the longest sentences I’ve heard from him to date.
I reach blindly for the lube and condoms lost within the bed.
I’m fairly certain his blankets have eaten at least three tubes of lube and the equivalent of a full box of condoms. I find a condom first and awkwardly struggle to get it rolled on me without moving Cash, something that makes him giggle even as he remains a dead weight on top of me.
It takes me far longer to find lube. We didn’t fuck last night, so I spend some time lubing and stretching him.
His face ends up tucked into my neck, so his moans are right in my ear.
Maybe I take longer than necessary, just so I can enjoy the way he rocks on my fingers and listen to his quiet moans.
He still hasn’t moved. Cash remains sprawled and limp over my body, though I’d scooted him up a little to more easily reach his ass.
It’s still a struggle to lube my cock, but I manage. There may be a little extra dribbling everywhere because I can’t reach properly. We’re probably going to need to wash his bedding today.
Finally, I slide his body back down and press the head of my cock between his cheeks once more. Cash still remains boneless on top of me. I’m grinning because he clearly meant it when he asked me to fuck him awake this morning.
It’s a lot of graceless hip movement before I manage to get my cockhead notched on his hole. With one hand, I guide myself in, and I have the other on his hip to keep him from sliding back up my body.
It’s only been a week, but already, Cash has become far more pliant.
While his body tenses a little as I slowly slide inside him, he largely persists in being limp on top of me.
His breathing picks up. His moans get louder.
His fingers dig into me. But his complete trust in me is reflected in the way he lets me have control over his body.
I wrap my arms around him so I’m effectively hugging him and drive my hips upward a little further, bringing my cock a bit deeper with each thrust. Cash groans. It’s long and whiny.
We don’t talk. Don’t exchange any words at all, as I find a rhythm that keeps him gasping with each plunge.
It’s early, so neither of us is quite up for a marathon.
We last long enough to get sweaty before Cash fills the space between us with his cum.
It takes me a minute or so longer before filling the condom, and then we’re catching our breath together.
“Favorite way to wake up,” Cash says.
I grin. “My favorite way to wake up is with you.”
He sighs. “You’re so swoony.”
Chuckling, I kiss the top of his head.
After a few minutes, Cash finds some energy and adjusts on top of me to rest his chin on my chest. He looks into my eyes, hair a wild disarray all over his head. I trace his nose and the shape of his eyebrows with my finger as he looks at me.
“You really love me, huh?” Cash asks.
“For years, Cash.”
He sighs again, but it’s different. Content, maybe. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You know the answer.”
The smile that’s been lingering on his lips fades away. “He’s going to find out eventually.”
In reality, he should already know by now. I’m with Cash all the time. All. The. Time. Sure, I don’t touch him in public. I haven’t kissed him in public. We keep those moments private. Maybe as an unspoken agreement that we don’t need to shove it in Benson’s face or something.
But seriously, there’s no way our constant presence with each other hasn’t been noticed.
Then again, the island is a little preoccupied with something bigger.
For us, the day on the boat ended with a perfect new chapter.
The same can’t be said for Lie and Laiken.
That night, as they kissed under the first fireworks of the season, Lie’s parents caught them kissing. Since then, it’s been… ugly as fuck.
I’m not going to pretend I know Nason well. Lie and I aren’t friends, though we’re friendly. I’ve never spent time at his house. Which means I had no reason to be around his parents.
We live on a small, close-knit, nosy island.
Everyone knows everyone’s shit. Which means I’ve heard all the disgusting things Nason has been saying to his son and about his best friend of thirty years.
I know how devastated Lie is, not just because he’s Cash’s best friend but because Lie and Nason were incredibly close.
Of all the people on Kala, I would never have guessed Nason would be capable of hurting either of them. They were the most important people in his entire world.
So yeah. There’s a chance that everyone is so caught up in that hurricane that no one has even noticed the gentle waves we’re creating. Sure, we’ve probably been seen together, but no one is taking a lot of interest right now. Nason has taken the spotlight.
“He will,” I agree.
“You no longer care.”
I brush his hair from his forehead so I can see his beautiful brown eyes unhindered. “I was trying to protect you from him. I thought… I guess I thought if I stayed away from you, it would somehow protect you from him a little more. That sounds stupid saying it out loud.”
His smile isn’t genuine. It’s small and sad. “Nothing is truly going to protect me from Benson. Actually, security watching him as if he’s a convict has worked well enough. I haven’t seen him anywhere since the day he yelled through my window that he wants me to die.”
My gut clenches. A part of me wonders if that had been a threat. Maybe the words didn’t come out right, and he meant it as a threat.
“Do you feel unsafe?” I ask.
One of Cash’s shoulders rises in a shrug.
“Honestly? I don’t know. I hadn’t thought he’d ever put his hands on me, so when he shoved me, it kind of shattered the belief I had about the situation.
I don’t know that I feel threatened. I don’t spend my day looking over my shoulder or anything.
But do I think he’s capable of hurting me?
I think if provoked enough—and by that, I mean it could be in his head that he’s provoked; not necessarily from anything I’ve done, you know?
—maybe he’d try to hit me or something. I’m not scared of him, though. ”
“You’re not scared of him because you believe your brother is still in there somewhere?”
The smile he gives me is sympathetic. I feel the words he’s yet to speak like a blow to my chest. “No, Onyx. I don’t think the little boy that we both loved is in there anywhere. The chance of reaching him is long gone. He’s not coming back.”
My gut twists. Cash’s understanding smile is for me, not sadness for himself. He accepted that reality a long time ago. I’m the one still hanging onto false hope.
He kisses my chest a couple times. Soft, sweet kisses. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.
My arms tighten around him a little more. “I should have done something a long time ago.”
“There’s nothing you could have done. Whatever happened, Benson has never let anyone in.”
“Because he’s afraid? Ashamed?”
Cash shakes his head. “I don’t know. Somehow, I’m the key, though I don’t know how or why. Something I did or said or… something, it triggered an awful reaction in Benson.”
“What if it wasn’t you at all?” I ask, unsure of what I’m really saying. “Maybe you were just an easy target to point his anger at. You loved him so much. You trusted him. You’re smaller than him; younger. Maybe it isn’t you, but you’re the circumstantial damage as he struggled with… it.”
“I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse.”
“Neither. I’ve spent a lot of years trying to get Ben to tell me what’s up. Everything about him is superficial now. I’m not sure I’ve seen who Benson really is in years.”
“I don’t think we’ll ever know,” Cash says quietly.
“It doesn’t really matter anymore, either.
Even when I’m fifty, if he decides he wants to apologize, the damage is already done.
He can’t undo or take back the years of nasty things he’s said to me and called me. I don’t have it in me to forgive him.”
Leaning up, I press a kiss to his mouth. “I know. I don’t blame you for feeling that way. I don’t even think it’s wrong.”
We’re interrupted by Cash’s nails-on-a-chalkboard alarm. I cringe, literally feeling like someone is carving into my bones as the sound fills the room.
He laughs and slips from on top of my body. We both wince when the dried cum between us pulls against our skin and the hair around my navel. Cash turns the hellish sound off and grabs a shirt from the floor to pull over his head. He flashes me a smile and then leaves the room.
For a minute, I stay in bed and close my eyes. A dopey smile splits my face, and there it stays. Refusing to fade or leave at all.
Eventually, I climb out of bed. I toss the condom and grab a wet wipe from Cash’s nightstand drawer. He claims he uses them when he’s using his tablet because they work better than glass cleaner. I think he’s lying—they leave streaks—but that’s fine.
Underwear on, I strip Cash’s bedding and toss it on the floor. I’m putting new sheets on when he comes back into the bedroom, wrapped in a towel.
“Clean sheets for tonight,” I tell him, stopping him long enough to place a kiss on his lips. “I’m going to toss these in the wash.”
“Okay. He’s not here.”
Out of curiosity more than anything, I’d love to know the arrangement that was worked out with Benson that convinced his parents to let him home at all. I’m not sure I’d agree to that. They’d already ignored all the warning signs that Benson was violent and Cash was his biggest target.
I love their fathers. I really do. In so many ways, they’re fathers to me, too.
But I’ve always felt like they should have been doing something more.
If not to push Benson to get some kind of help or something, then to protect Cash.
Their mantra of ‘you’re adults now—work it out’ is shit. I’ve always thought this and hated it.
They did the right thing by kicking him out. I’m not sure he deserves such a rapid second chance. To my knowledge, he hasn’t even apologized to Cash.
He has paid for the damages to Cash’s window, though.
With another kiss to Cash’s lips because I can’t help myself, I load my arms with the sheets from his bed and step into the hall. I hear one of his fathers in the kitchen making breakfast. Eggs and sausage fill the air. I love that smell.
I stop in the laundry room and stuff the sheets into the wash with detergent and fabric softener.
Once started, I stop in the bathroom and run through the shower quickly.
Cash isn’t in his bedroom when I come back, so I dress in the clean underwear and socks I brought, but put back on yesterday’s clothes.
I’ll stop at home to change once I walk Cash to work.
It’s Leon in the kitchen this morning. He gives me an amused look from the corner of his eye as I sit on the stool beside Cash. We haven’t exactly told anyone that we’re together. Okay, Cash has told Lie. Obviously. To my knowledge, he hasn’t told his fathers.
They know I spend the night with Cash. I’m guessing they know I’m not sleeping on the floor either. Neither of his dads has asked, and we haven’t volunteered anything.
Cash smiles at me and pushes a glass of orange juice toward me. Fuck, I can’t wait to spend every single day with him. I smile in return and take a sip.
Leon places a plate in front of me, his eyes meeting mine. “Good morning, Onyx.”
“Morning, Dad,” I greet.
His gaze lingers for a moment before returning to the stove. “What’s the plan today?”
“Work,” Cash says.
“Same.”
“Where do you work?” Leon asks.
“I don’t go to work. I have my students. Today are the brothers, Nikky and Jaycen.”
Leon gives me an approving smile. “They talk highly of you.”
“They’re good kids, though Nikky has now grown out of accepting being called a kid.”
He laughs. “Oh, I know.”
“Is that what you plan to do full time?” Cash asks. He sticks a bite of egg into his mouth as he watches me.
“To be honest, I don’t really know what I want to do full time. I make pretty good money working fifteen hours a week, so I haven’t been forced to think about it a lot. Maybe it’s time to think about a career, though.”
“Why?” Cash asks, his eyebrows pinching.
“Maybe I’m finally at a point where I want to settle down.”
He grins, cheeks turning a light pink. Yep. I’m definitely ready to settle down with this man. If he’ll have me.