Chapter Nineteen
Tammy had already got the drinks in and had claimed a table outside the Brew House. Even though it was midweek, it was busy with tourists as the season started to ramp up.
Ruan was on time and made a beeline for her.
‘I got us drinks,’ she said when he sat down opposite her, seeming a little on edge, perhaps because he was wary of the reception he’d get from her. ‘Look, Ruan, I wanted to explain.’
‘You don’t have to explain anything. If you want to slow things down, or just end this before it goes any further, that’s fine. Well, not fine, obviously, but what you want is what matters.’
She leaned across the table. ‘No, I don’t want to end this.
I also don’t want to sound stalkerish or needy.
’ She lowered her voice because the tables were filling up with more drinkers.
‘And I’m not looking for pity. I’m only asking for time and patience and I wanted you to understand that things aren’t easy for me. ’
He sipped his pint cautiously. ‘OK. I’m listening. I want to try to understand.’
‘I guess I don’t find it easy to trust people. In my experience, they tend to disappear fast out of my life – or I end up forcing them out.’
He arched an eyebrow. ‘Like me on Thursday night?’
‘A bit, though I swear I don’t want to do that. I guess it’s all to do with my mum leaving and Dad – being Dad. All that stuff pulled the rug from under me when I was pretty young.’
‘Tell me about it,’ he said.
‘Complete with the messy bits?’ she asked. ‘Are you sure?’
‘All of it. I promise I’ve heard every messy family story in the book and I want to hear yours more than anyone else’s.’
She took a beat before she spoke. ‘OK, then. Well, you know my dad lost our house when I was young. He was running up gambling debts, playing poker and betting on horses. Then online sites came along and that was it. Rosewarne – that was our home – had been in my father’s family for three generations.
It was only a small cottage, two bedrooms and barely big enough for the three of us, but we loved it. ’
‘It sounds idyllic.’
‘I thought it was. Maybe I’m viewing the past through rose-tinted specs, but it seemed like the perfect childhood right up until my mum left and Dad went bankrupt.
The worst thing was he ended up having to sell it to a – horrible man.
’ She had to stop and calm herself down.
Talking about the past was triggering her anger and she’d wanted this conversation to be a positive one.
‘It’s OK. Take your time,’ he said, covering her hand with his briefly.
‘Thanks,’ she said and continued. ‘He was a bastard and my dad hated him. But he was a bastard who offered Dad the bailout he needed. And fast. I found out my poor dad was being hounded by moneylenders and this guy offered a quick solution.’
‘What about your mother? Losing the house must have been tough on her too?’
Tammy gave a short laugh. ‘She was long gone by the time we lost the house. Anyway, he ended up selling our house to the bastard and I found out later from Davey that Dad had sold it for far less than it was worth, for my sake. Dad needed to get these moneylenders off his back because he was afraid they might put pressure on him through me.’
‘Jesus. That’s scary.’
‘It was horrible,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean to leave so abruptly the other night and sound so … negative. I suppose the way I felt – feel – about you spooked me into overreacting. So I think I owe you more of an explanation, even if it means talking about stuff I prefer to bury.’
‘I should have been more careful about what I said. I only meant that I was enjoying myself so much in that moment that I didn’t want it to be over.’
‘I realise that now and I’m sorry too. I guess what I’m trying to say is that Mum leaving, losing the cottage, and then Dad passing away – it’s made it hard for me to accept that people can stick around.
I struggle to think long-term, or medium-term anyway.
’ She laughed. ‘It’s early days but I think – I think – we have a good thing going. ’
She tilted her head to one side, searching his face.
‘So do I,’ he said, a smile lighting up his gorgeous eyes. A strange, pleasurable, yet almost painful feeling of light-headedness suddenly overcame her. It was brief but she recognised it. She was falling for Ruan … Could she be falling in love?
He reached for her hand at the side of the table and held it, this time without letting go. ‘Thanks. I appreciate you being honest because it can’t have been easy, but it helps me to understand you better,’ he said. ‘And in a way, I do understand what you’re saying.’
‘You do?’
He smiled. ‘Of course. It’s good to talk.’
‘I find it excruciating,’ Tammy said. ‘And I don’t want this – us – to turn into a pity party.’
He laughed. ‘That’s the last thing I was thinking. I want to know more about you and actually, I do know how it is to feel helpless when your family is in trouble and you can’t do anything to help them. In fact, I first got into the law because of something bad that happened to my family.’
Tammy’s lips parted. ‘That sounds dramatic.’
‘It didn’t split my family up, but it did put a big strain on my parents.
Basically, my dad was persuaded to loan his best friend a lot of money to set up a business venture.
The friend couldn’t get a bank loan because of his previous credit history and that ought to have rung alarm bells with my dad.
At the time, I’d no idea what was going on, of course.
I was only interested in going out with my mates and working hard for my GCSEs. ’
‘I’ve a feeling this story doesn’t end well,’ Tammy said drily.
‘It didn’t. The “friend”’ – Ruan placed toxic quotes round the name – ‘lost all my dad’s money and couldn’t pay it back. It amounted to over six figures.’
Tammy exhaled. ‘Wow, that’s a lot of money. Why did he lend this friend so much?’
‘Because my dad is a nice guy. Because he felt he owed his friend. He was a mechanical engineer until he retired recently, and he and his friend had been in the army together way back before I was born. This guy dragged Dad from an armoured vehicle after a rocket attack.’
‘I can understand why he felt he had to help the man, but it’s a pity he lost so much in doing it.’
‘I later found out that my dad had borrowed some of the cash against our house, thinking he’d easily get the investment back when his army mate’s business took off.
Except it didn’t. It flopped spectacularly and, cutting a long story short, my parents had to sell the house.
My mum wasn’t super healthy at the time.
She had a burst ulcer and had to have an emergency operation.
’ She saw him shudder. ‘I’ve never been so scared in my life. She nearly died.’
‘That must have been horrendous.’
‘It was bad, but we got through it. I still have my parents and they’re OK. I shouldn’t moan. What you’ve been through is far worse. You lost your dad.’
‘What happened to you has still left its mark. Now I understand why you became a lawyer. Was it to save other people from the mistakes your father made?’
‘Yes, in a way.’ He laughed. ‘It seems ridiculous now, but I was young and thought I could do anything. I think at the time I’d hoped that one day I could get the money back for my family, but of course I couldn’t.
It was too late and anyway, they survived.
Though my dad doesn’t trust anyone now. It’s sad.
He doesn’t like to let new people into his life, and he tries to stop my mum doing the same. His world is smaller now.’
Tammy took a moment before responding. ‘It’s a shame, but I do get it.
An experience like that leaves scars. You think you’re handling it, yet you begin to realise that you can’t simply bounce back.
Things can never be the same …’ She squeezed his hand.
‘But that shouldn’t stop us trying to move on and I do want to.
So, why don’t we have another drink and start all over again as if we only just met? ’