Chapter 28
SHEENA
It had been an inevitable decision to come home, really, and she’d moved back in on the day after her dinner with Maddie.
After spending more than thirty years with him, she owed it to Gregor, to herself, and more importantly, to their child to at least try to see if they could make it work now that their future looked very different from the childless years they’d seen ahead of them a few months ago.
She always advised her clients against having ‘band-aid babies’ to keep their relationships together, but some had ignored her and in a few cases it had worked. Maybe it would for them too.
Then there was the relentless exercise. The buckets of supplements.
The eating plan that ruled his day. His obsession with YouTube fitness videos.
His Christmas gift of an abdominal electrical muscle stimulation belt ‘to help her ping back into shape’.
She’d asked for thermal socks and a bottle of Hermès Twilly.
And overriding it all, there was his… It was difficult to say it, so she only vocalised it inside her head… HIS INTENSE BORINGNESS.
Moving back in had brought an acceptance, at least on her part, that this was who he was. He might well be a decent man. A great catch. After all, he had a good job, a healthy income, he was fit, handsome and honest – but he wasn’t the man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
‘The thing is, if I’m baring my soul, I knew it would never work, so perhaps I set us up for failure.
That’s why I didn’t give up the lease on my flat,’ she’d told Chanel earlier that day, when she’d popped into the shop.
Of course, it was the worst imaginable day to try to have a heart-to-heart with her best friend, because half of Glasgow was coming in and out to choose, purchase or collect their dresses for the Hogmanay celebrations later tonight.
Still, Chanel had been a willing shoulder.
‘Well, you have two choices then. Either tell him tonight, so that you both have time to adjust your expectations and make new arrangements before the baby is born, or wait until the wee one is here, share the early parenting, then make a plan to move out when you’re back on your feet. ’
‘You’re like a paragon of wisdom there, my friend,’ Sheena had told her, just as someone called Rhonda, who apparently owned the hair salon next door, had torn in, looking for a last-minute frock ‘that’ll make me look like a disco ball’.
Sheena pondered Chanel’s suggested options as she walked back to the car, which was parked on a double yellow line, because she figured if there was ever a time she could play on the sympathies of a traffic warden, it was now.
She was still thinking it all through when she stopped by a supermarket for some essentials for tonight and the week ahead.
Given that she was only days away from her due date, Gregor had felt the smart thing to do this evening was stay home, eat a healthy dinner and get an early night.
Which was, she reflected, exactly what he wanted to do every night.
Sheena wasn’t sure that she could do one more evening feeling like she was in a hostage situation in her own home.
When she got back into the car, two shopping bags deposited in the back seat, she sent a text to Maddie.
Their daily messages had become a source of a smile and something to keep her mind occupied now that she was officially on maternity leave.
Her last day of work had been the 21st of December.
She was self-employed, so she was only entitled to the basic government maternity allowance for thirty-nine weeks.
It would be a big drop in her salary, but she was fortunate that she had enough savings tucked away to subsidise it until she felt ready to work again.
She hadn’t put a timeframe on it. All she cared about was enjoying every moment with her child, and savouring all the things she’d missed out on last time.
I’m going to tell Gregor tonight that I’m leaving. Again. Hope your Hogmanay is far less eventful. Sending hugs. Xx
The reply had been almost immediate, given that her newish friend had been taken into the maternity unit on Christmas Eve and was still in there. Her baby hadn’t been delivered yet, but her blood pressure was high and the doctors had admitted her so that they could closely monitor the situation.
Eeeeeeeeeek. May the force be with you. If ever we needed wine…. I’m sooooo bored (yes I realise I’m using a lot of vowels). I still haven’t told Dylan about the baby so still in the Messed-Up Mums Club. Hugs right back. Mxx
On the way back home, Sheena stopped at her rented flat, and took in one of the shopping bags.
She put fresh milk and butter in the fridge, a packet of croissants in the breadbin and a couple of ready meals and some salad in the fridge.
Next, she switched the heating on and put a fresh sheet and duvet on the bed.
It took her twice as long as usual, because the exertion of it made her side ache and took her breath away, but she was determined to get it done.
She had no idea how Gregor was going to react when she told him that the month trial hadn’t changed her mind and she wanted to go back to having separate homes, but if it got awkward and she decided to leave there and then, she didn’t want to come back here to a cold flat.
Only when she felt it was warm and cosy again did she leave and drive back to her former marital home, the side of her stomach twinging every time she stretched her foot on to the brake.
She’d obviously pinched something when she was changing the bed.
By the time she got home, the twinge had graduated to an ache, so she lay down on the sofa and put on the TV, channel surfing until she found her standard guilty pleasure of the Real Housewives of One Chaos Or Another.
When Gregor came in from the gym, he was flushed in the face and soaked to the skin.
‘Did you run back in the rain?’ she asked him, and wasn’t surprised when he nodded.
‘I did. Thought I’d get a few extra miles in before our early night.’
Sheena had been planning on waiting, but something in the stupidity and self-centredness of his statement triggered an avalanche of emotions.
‘Did you even think about where I was or what I was doing, while you were running through a fricking storm out there?’
He flinched, as if he’d been slapped.
‘I’m now in the last week or so of my pregnancy, Gregor.
I’m supposed to be bloody nesting. Did it even occur to you that I might want you to nest with me?
Oh no. I bet it didn’t. You could have been here with me, cuddled up on the couch…
Okay, you moan about my restlessness when we’re both on the couch, but you could have sat on the chair and held my hand.
We could have talked. You might even have shocked these extra-large pants right off my arse by kissing me, but oh no, you were at the fricking gym and then pounding the streets. ’
Sheena was deeply aware that she was ranting and that this was supposed to be an alien mode of communication for her.
She was a relationship counsellor. She taught effective mediation.
Strategy. Calm responsiveness. Yet she appeared to have been possessed by a hormonal rage that she was struggling to switch off.
And it didn’t help that Gregor was staring at her as if she’d lost her mind.
‘Sheena, I don’t think you should be upsetting yourself…’
‘I’M NOT UPSETTING MYSELF! THAT’S THE POINT! YOU’RE UPSETTING ME!’
‘Calm down…’
As soon as he said it, she could see that he realised his mistake. Telling her to calm down would be a bad move under normal circumstances, but tonight?
‘AND DON’T TELL ME TO BLOODY CALM DOWN!’
He turned and walked out of the room. She’d have followed him, but the thought of getting herself up was too much. Besides, he came back two minutes later sipping a bottle of water.
Water. She’d have respected him far more if he was dealing with this emotional turmoil by swigging from a bottle of Jack Daniel’s.
The interruption had, however, given her enough breathing space to switch from shouting to a low, but very definitive tone.
‘Gregor, I’m sorry. I’ve tried. This isn’t working. I’m not happy and I don’t think you are either.’
She was prepared to rehash everything. To explain all the things that she’d shared with Maddie at their dinner.
That she could see now that they’d married for the wrong reasons.
That having their child adopted had bonded them in an unhealthy way, while eroding her self-esteem to the point that she was just grateful that someone loved her.
That she hadn’t been happy or fulfilled for as long as she could remember.
But none of that was necessary, because he put his hands up and said, ‘I think you’re right. ’
Wind. Out. Of. Sails.
‘You do?’ There was relief, gratitude, and maybe even a touch of affection in her voice.
He took another sip of his water. ‘You were right in the point you made about me realising I was happy when we were apart. I truly was. But then when you were pregnant…’ He stopped and she could see that he was struggling to find the words.
‘I left a child before. Our child. I couldn’t live with myself if I did that again without at least trying to keep us together. ’
‘Oh Gregor…’ Tears began to stream down her face at the raw heartache of it all.
She hadn’t even considered that he’d felt that way.
That he’d done this for the same reasons she’d agreed to come back.
She’d thought he wanted to try again because he loved her.
And maybe he did in his own way, but he actually wanted to try again because he loved their child.
Their children. Both of them. And that meant so much more than she could ever explain to him, especially as she realised that he’d just spilled his water all over her legs.
‘Gregor, your w—’ She stopped, as she saw that he was still sitting on his chair, holding a bottle that was almost full. Then her eyes went to the blanket that was still covering her outstretched legs next to him. No damp patch there. And yet, she could feel…
‘Gregor, we will find a way to work this out. We’re going to be fine. All of us. But I think my waters just broke, so do you think we can start this new open and honest version of us by taking a trip to the hospital?’