35. Lawton #2
“This is all I have.” She pointed to her stomach. “I just lost the only other person in the world that had my back. All I have is this baby.”
“All you have…” I repeated. “If you feel like that’s all you have Talitha, then this isn’t going to work.”
I was done trying to convince her that I was here for her. Over trying to get her to see how much I loved her. I’d been here every step of the fucking way and for her to say that was all she had was a slap in my face.
“I’ll send Baker back down to pick you up whenever you’re ready to go home. After I meet with William in the morning, I’ll have Chari reach out to your assistant with the next steps. Whenever you decide what you plan to do with the baby, you can reach out to me.”
“That isn’t fair, Law and you know it.”
“Fair would’ve been you telling me when you found out. Fair would’ve been you realizing that I’ve been here!” I roared. “Fair would’ve been giving… Get out, Talitha.” I pointed to the door. “Just go.”
Folding my arms across my chest, I stared at her waiting for her to move. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I needed to get off my chest. Not like this. She was already going through a lot, and I was man enough to put my shit to the side while she continued to grieve.
At least I could find comfort in the fact that she planned on keeping the baby. Talitha stared at me for the longest begging me with her eyes to say something to her and I fucking refused. When she finally gave up, she grabbed her purse and slipped out the back of the truck.
As soon as the door closed, I grabbed my phone and dialed the number of the one person I knew could put my mind at ease.
“Law,” she mumbled.
“She’s pregnant.”
“She who?”
“Talitha,” I sighed.
“Damn Harvey. I’m on my way.”
* * *
Walking through the halls of the school, I explained every room to William and outlined what our plans were. After seeing that we had indeed taken the time to set everything up properly, he assured me that once the rest of the board saw the facility, our accreditation would be approved.
With Talitha and I being in this gray area, I had a feeling we wouldn’t be up and running by the intended deadline so I decided we should just wait until the fall semester rolled around. That way it would give us the extra time to employ the proper staff and whatever else we would need.
I’d spoken with Baker this morning and after he confirmed that he would be going back to Warner Robins in the morning to pick up Talitha, I told him to let me know once he’d gotten her back safely.
Once I wrapped up my meeting with William, I hopped in my truck and headed up to the Heights. I needed to sit down with my mother.
“I’m surprised you came up here,” Preme said when he pulled the door opened.
“Yeah. Came to holla at Mama.”
“Oh this must be bad.”
“You have no idea. Where is she?”
“In the study.”
I nodded and took the path down the hall to her study. Knocking on the door, I pushed it opened.
“Lawton, what are you doing here?”
“Did you hate me because he made you have me? Was it because you wasn’t ready to be a mother?”
“I didn’t hate you, Lawton.” She sighed.
“I wasn’t ready to be a mother. When we learned of my pregnancy, your father was barely around.
He spent the majority of his time working or out there cheating.
I didn’t want to bring a child into this world and have to raise it alone.
He knew that and promised he would be around if I went through with it.
Even went as far as promising that he would stop cheating. ”
“Did he?”
“Sincere’s here, isn’t he.”
Tossing my body down on the couch, I leaned my head back. “Talitha’s pregnant.”
“Oh my God!” she squealed. “I’m getting my first grandchild.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to expect.”
“What you mean?”
“She didn’t tell me. She’s known for weeks, and she kept it from me.”
“Why would she do such a thing?”
“I don’t know. We talked. In the beginning. We agreed neither of us wanted kids. She’s dealt with things in her past that had her questioning if she would make a good mother.”
“If you didn’t want kids, why weren’t you guys using condoms?”
“We used them occasionally. Most of the time we didn’t.
I’m a grown ass man. I coated her walls every chance I got.
I knew what the risk were, and I was prepared for it.
Talitha on the other hand apparently wasn’t.
After I confronted her, you know what she said to me?
She said ‘she lost her grandmother, and the baby was the only person she had left’. ”
“Is she planning on going through this alone?”
“That’s what the fuck it feels like to me. That made me think about you. About how you were never there for me.” Bringing my head up, I looked at her. “Was I not enough?”
In my forty-six years of living, I’ve only felt unsure or insecure within myself twice and that was when my mother loved Sincere in ways she never loved me and when Adele denied me of having her forever.
I’m a grown ass man that’s accomplished a lot of things in my life. How is it that the only three women I’ve ever loved in my life made me feel like I wasn’t good enough?
“Lawton, you are enough. I can’t speak for Talitha but as for me, you’re my child. I messed up with you and I’ve beat myself up about it daily.
But darling you are enough; you’ve always been enough. And anybody that can’t see that, including myself, don’t deserve to have you in their life.
You are one of the most generous souls walking this Earth. Every person that comes in contact with you knows that you’d go through great lengths for them.
Your soul shines bright in the middle of a dark room. You have that same charismatic smile that made me fall in love with you boy’s father. You are enough,” she affirmed.
“Then why does it feel like I’m not? She was going to keep my kid away from me. I sat there and listened to her tell me that she had prepared herself for the day I would walk away not knowing she said it cause she knew the whole time she was expecting.
She crawled her ass into my bed that same night in her feelings because I’d walked away from her.”
“When I met her grandmother, she made me promise that I wouldn’t let you give up on Talitha. And I’m going to keep my promise. That woman knew you were the man her granddaughter was supposed to end up with. God rest her soul.
Take all the time that you need to settle your spirit. But Lawton you can’t walk out on her. You would be doing both of you a disservice.
She’s going through something right now and she needs you the most. She’s going to push you away because it’s easier to do than to admit her wrong doings. Don’t give up on her just yet.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know if I can continue trying to show something that she hasn’t stopped to realize yet. Maybe we were meant to cross paths for a reason. Maybe it’s not meant for us to be together. What if this was God’s plan all along?”
“What was God’s plan?”
“To bring us together so we could open our hearts and fix the things that were broken years ago. I’m sitting here talking to you. That wouldn’t have happened a year ago.” I chuckled.
“Everything is God’s plan, Lawton.”
“I think I’m ready to do family counseling.”
“I thought you had already decided that?” she asked.
“I was still straddling the fence in a way. How about you come home with me for a few weeks? Give Sincere a break.”
“Home with you as in stay under the same roof as you.”
“Where else would you stay mother?”
“Hey!” She held her hands in the air. “I’m just trying to make sure. I don’t want to encroach on you.”
“It’s not encroaching if I’m inviting you.”
“Are we ready for that?”
“I don’t know. I guess we will see.”
After having our conversation, my mother, myself, and Sincere went out and had lunch as a family for the first time ever. I don’t know. Being around them made me feel a tad bit better. When we made it back to her house, Sincere helped her pack her things and the two of us hopped on the road.
We hadn’t lived under the same roof since before I dipped off to college but if I was going to work on my relationship with her, I needed to really commit to it. And the only way for me to do that was having her close by.