Chapter 39
Honey
I’m living the dream all those country songs sing of.
Warmth encompasses me as I rouse from the deepest sleep I’ve had all week—a result of being wrapped up in the arms of Sawyer Nash all night, no doubt.
His chin is tucked into the dip between my neck and shoulder, our bodies flush, heat radiating off him despite the light flurry of snow I can see drifting down outside through the gap between the curtains.
I’m waking up with the man I’ve loved for a decade, knowing I have plenty more of those to enjoy with him. Until we’re old and grey, and on matching rocking chairs on the porch.
‘Morning, Blue.’ Sawyer stirs behind me, dipping his head to press a few kisses to my neck, to breathe down a lungful of my scent.
‘Morning, you.’ Eyes barely open yet, I twist in his hold until I’m facing him, kissing him lightly before snuggling back in.
He shifts onto his back, pulling me across his chest until my cheek is against where his heart beats.
Softly, calmly. His arms tuck me into him until I can’t get any closer. ‘I think I could get used to this.’
‘Yeah,’ Sawyer chuckles, another kiss pressed to my parting, before he lets out the longest sigh of content, his whole body deflating into the mattress with it. ‘I sure could too.’
We lie there in silence, tangled up in each other’s heat.
I peek out of one eye to run my hand through his chest hair and stroke my finger along his collarbone, where that lips tattoo sits as a permanent reminder that my love never left him.
That his never left me. That we’ll always be there to kiss away each other’s pain.
‘Blue,’ Sawyer starts, finger pulsing against me. The tone of his voice has me going rigid. ‘There’s something I still need to say.’
Brow furrowed, I shuffle until I’m resting my arms on his chest, looking up at him. A tightness fills my throat at the concern etched in his features. As though last night didn’t solve everything when I thought we had promised each other forever.
He runs his fingers through my hair gently, soothing me, then explains, ‘I know we spoke about it before but I’m gonna be going back to the rodeo circuit soon, and that means I’m gonna be travelling a lot.
There’ll be times when I’m away for a while, and I won’t be around for you and Noah as much.
But I meant what I said about going to therapy, to being a better man for you both.
I promise I’ll do everything I can to still support you when I’m away.
’ His eyes brighten then, as if he can see the very future he’s speaking of, one where he might finally feel worthy.
‘And I’m gonna buy all the books on how to be the perfect parent so I can help with Noah as much as possible whenever I’m home too. Will read them while I’m travelling.’
‘Sawyer,’ I chuckle, shaking my head at him, that same eager to please seventeen year old still inside him, ‘you’re already perfect. Believe me.’
And I actually think Sawyer Nash, the cocky bull rider, might blush at my words, his eyes darting away as his grin overcomes him.
‘There’s something else too.’ He reaches for my other hand, pulling me closer.
‘You make me so happy, Blue. Our little family. You and Noah, you’re my first thoughts in the morning, and the last at night.
My strength before the chaos of the day and my calm to send me off to sleep.
’ His peace, his sanctuary, just like he’s become mine.
‘So, I’ve actually been thinking … I want to start a bull-riding school here. ’
That has my brows jumping. ‘Really?’
He nods. ‘When I first got the ranch after my dad passed, I couldn’t wait to get rid of it.
But it means too much to me now—too many golden memories from the last few months.
’ He brings my hands up to his mouth, planting a kiss against my knuckles.
Too many golden memories of you, the kisses say.
‘I do want to go back to the rodeo circuit, I want to win back my World Champion title, and then I want to come back and settle here. For good. Plant some flowers in whatever darkness is still left until it’s the most colourful life possible.
Use my passion to help some kids find their confidence and strength like bull riding did for me.
God knows I’ve loved helping Noah over these past months. ’
I try my best to blink away the silver rimming my vision. ‘That sounds perfect. Noah will be so excited.’
‘Yeah? He’ll be my business partner, obviously.
’ We share a laugh at that, and I can already imagine it, Noah following Sawyer around, repeating the orders Sawyer gives out to the kids he’s teaching.
Maybe making a few friends finally through their mutual interest. ‘I’ve no idea where I’ll start, but I know Rory and Wyatt set up the retreat at Sunset Ranch, so they’ll have some idea of running another business alongside a cattle ranch.
I’m sure some of my bull-riding friends can give me advice too. ’
‘I can use my contacts at the school to advertise to any kids who might want to get involved. I’m sure there’s a few young Sawyer Nash’s who are raring to learn,’ I suggest.
‘You’re the best, Blue. Thank you.’ He squeezes my hands.
‘Lucky Star is yours and Noah’s now too, so I want you to make this place your home and do whatever the hell you want with it when I’m not around.
I don’t care if I come back and the whole place is painted pink.
What’s mine is yours—my home, my ranch, my heart. ’
That’s when my door creaks open, forcing our eyes over to where Noah totters in with sleepy eyes, clearly only just woken up himself.
But as soon as he spots Sawyer beside me, his eyes flash and he even pushes his glasses up his nose higher, as if to make sure he’s really seeing what he thinks he is.
The smile full of wonder that spreads through his cheeks is one of the sweetest sights ever as he asks, ‘Sawyer’s back?’
Sawyer’s eager smile is enough to rival Noah’s. ‘Yeah, buddy. Back for good.’
Noah marches right up to his side of the bed then, throwing his arms up in a demand for a hug.
My chest tightens at how happy he is to see Sawyer.
He’s never outwardly asked Sawyer for a hug before and as soon as Sawyer lifts him up into his lap, his little arms wrap around his shoulders, face dropping to the crook of his neck with a sweet sigh.
I realise what a privilege this is to witness—the love blooming between the two boys I cherish most in the world.
I stroke Noah’s back gently as he continues to cling to Sawyer, while my other hand finds Sawyer’s thigh under the sheets, fingers pulsing against the muscle there, connecting us all.
Our little family. Back together at last.
‘You get all your rodeo stuff done?’ Noah asks Sawyer.
He shoots a puzzled look over to me, where I’m worrying my lip because I forgot to tell him that’s the excuse we gave Noah. Luckily, he catches on, and tightens his hold on Noah, big hands branching out across my boy’s back, as he says, ‘Yep, all done.’
‘Good, I missed you,’ Noah whispers.
Sawyer’s brows cave, almost as deeply as my chest does, his voice catching as he says, ‘Missed you too, buddy.’
A slice of winter morning shimmers through the crack in the curtains, sunshine glittering over the two of them, and the sight floods my body with calm. A reminder that this is where I belong.
Where we all belong.
‘How’s that arm doing?’ Sawyer asks warily.
‘It’s okay.’ Noah holds it out between them for Sawyer to see, pulling up the sleeve of his pyjama top to reveal the bandage.
Sawyer’s shoulders hunch as he chances a glance at Noah’s expression, but he finds a simple smile there, as opposed to pain.
‘The doctor said I might have a scar, but Momma told me you have lots of scars and that’s what made you strong. She told me scars can be beautiful.’
Sawyer’s head whips around to me, a shine taking residence in his eyes. They search mine, and I see it then—the belief that blooms in him as that damn handsome smile dances on his lips. The belief that he is worthy of us, finally. His hand filters beneath the sheets to intertwine with mine.
I love you, he mouths.
I love you too, I silently say back, knowing it’s time.
‘Noah, baby. Come here.’ I hold my arms out and Noah shuffles over into them, wiggling his butt around to get comfortable as he settles in my lap. Sawyer watches him with overflowing joy.
Gently, brushing Noah’s hair back first, I press a kiss to the top of his head, and he tilts his head back, blinking those big eyes up at me, all swimming with delight
‘How’d you like to stay at Lucky Star forever?’ I ask Noah.
His eyes go as round as saucers, bottom lip dropping and revealing all the gaps in his teeth along with his excitement.
‘Forever forever?’ he asks, double checking, head volleying between Sawyer and I like he can’t quite believe what I’ve just suggested. ‘With both of you? And Trixie? And Kentucky?’
‘Yup,’ Sawyer says, ruffling Noah’s hair and making him giggle. ‘All five of us. The whole family.’
‘Hell, fucking yeah!’ Noah squeals, springing up from my arms and dancing about on the mattress, bouncing everywhere.
Laughter barrels out of Sawyer, so much it makes him wheeze, and I can’t quite believe what I just heard.
When I turn to Sawyer, he merely grins at me, all cheeky and not one bit apologetic for what his language has led to.
I know I’m going to regret letting him be a dad to my son, and all the other babies we have, but I also know I’m going to love it even more.