CHAPTER 44
Late Tuesday night, after returning from the hospital, Beth laid alone in their bed. She rolled onto her side and wrapped herself around Bryce’s pillow. The loft felt empty, and loneliness engulfed her. It wasn’t until minutes later that she realized tears were silently streaming down her cheeks.
Burying her face deeper into Bryce’s pillow, the tears turned into violent sobs that shook her entire frame. When the tears subsided, she finally poured her heart out to God. Her angry and confused voice broke the silence.
“What next, Lord? What else are You going to ask me to deal with? I don’t understand. Why, Lord, why? I know You don’t ‘punish’ like this, but it feels like I’m being punished for my actions in Las Vegas! I know our marriage started wrong, but we’re trying to honor YOU with it.”
Beth struggled to voice her next thought. A part of her knew blaming God wasn’t right, but the broken part of her clung to the knowledge that nothing happens outside of God’s will.
If this was His will, it made her anger burn hotter.
“How could You do this? I don’t like You very much right now!” she shouted.
Drained of tears and emotion, Beth spent the next couple of hours staring blankly at the wall. She wished Bryce hadn’t gone to the convention in Boston—and yet, a small part of her was thankful he wasn’t here to see her like this.
“It’s not fair,” she mumbled around three AM, giving up on sleep and shuffling to the couch to watch TV.
She was done thinking. Done crying. Done praying. All she wanted was for the television to distract her long enough to finally fall asleep.
An hour later, after mindlessly flipping through channels, Beth called the hospital to let the charge nurse know she wouldn’t be coming in. Restlessness gnawed at her. She fidgeted with her phone, repeatedly pulling up Bryce’s contact on her favorites list, her finger hovering over his picture.
Each time, she hesitated.
In true Beth fashion, she started muttering aloud—half-thinking, half-praying, fully conflicted.
“I could always ask him to come home early,” she murmured, voice barely above a whisper. “I know he would.”
Then she shook her head. “That’s the problem—he would come home. And I’m not ready to see him.”
Her grip tightened on the phone.
“I should want him here... but I don’t. There’s nothing he can do to change this.”
Beth craved clarity—something solid. A plan. Anything she could control. But hormones had hijacked her logic, leaving her adrift in a storm she couldn’t anchor herself against. Slumped on the couch, she sank into the ache, fear pulling her under with every passing minute.
“I need time to figure this out alone. After our fight, it’s clear he thinks I’m too judgmental. Once he finds out about this...”
Her breath hitched, the weight of that unfinished sentence pressing like stone into her ribs.
He won’t want me anymore.
Tears welled as the thought fully landed.
I’m going to have to start taking care of things on my own again.
Beth made her way to the kitchen, hoping food might settle the ache twisting in her stomach. But the moment she opened the fridge, the dull cramping—still lingering from the night before—tightened just enough to stop her in her tracks.
It wasn’t the pain itself that brought her to the floor.
It was the reminder.
The finality of what it meant.
She sank to her knees, arms wrapping around her middle as grief knocked the air from her lungs.
“This is so unfair! I don’t even know if I need to scream or cry!”
Her body knew what she needed.
The tears came hard, streaming down her face like Niagara Falls. Rocking, cradling the emptiness, Beth finally shouted the question she’d been avoiding.
“HOW? HOW COULD YOU TAKE OUR BABY FROM US? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!”
Her screams were met by silence.
“Fine, God. FINE. Don’t answer. But I know You heard me. All I want is to know why! With everything else Bryce has lost, why would You take his baby too? He was so excited.”
Just then, her phone rang, shattering the silence. Slowly, Beth dragged herself to the couch but didn’t reach for it. It didn’t matter who was calling. Even if it were God Himself calling to answer her questions, she wouldn’t have picked up.
When the house phone rang next, she froze, listening as Bryce’s voice filled the room via the answering machine.
“Hey, babe. It’s me. I woke up thinking about you and our baby. Thought you might already be up for work. Just wanted to say good morning, and I love you. Wish we were together right now. Okay, love you. Call me, bye.”
The sound of his baritone voice and sweet words sent Beth fleeing for their bedroom. Sobs shook her as she made her way upstairs, tormented by thoughts of how excited Bryce had been about their baby. How would he survive this devastation? Would their marriage survive it?
She collapsed onto the bed and pulled the covers over her head. Her voice broke through the quiet—shaky, raw.
“You’re going to take him next, aren’t You, Lord?”
She didn’t even try to hold back the accusation, her grief too big to contain. It spilled out in prayers that didn’t feel like prayers—just pain spoken into the air.
Curling up in bed, she turned on the heated sheets and finally drifted into a restless sleep, still clinging to Bryce’s pillow.
The next days passed in a blur. Beth remained under the covers, barely sleeping, barely eating, drifting in and out of restless thoughts. The longer she lay there, the deeper she sank into despair—haunted by the memory of Bryce once saying he thought they should stay married if she was pregnant.
That if became louder than everything else.
In her grief, it drowned out every other conversation they’d had. She convinced herself that Bryce wouldn’t want her anymore. Without the baby, there was no reason for him to be tied to only one woman.
“I’d better start looking for a place to live,” she whispered. “Save myself the embarrassment of Bryce asking me to leave.”
Eventually, exhaustion dragged Beth into a troubled sleep.
She startled awake when the bed shifted beneath her. Bryce was home—early. He sat beside her, concern etched across his face. He gently placed a hand on her forehead.
“You’re home early,” Beth said flatly. Her hollow eyes met his, void of their usual spark.
Bryce hesitated, taken aback by her tone and the distant, dulled version of her that greeted him.
“Yeah,” he said carefully. “I was worried. You weren’t answering my calls, or anyone’s. When the hospital called after you missed work, I caught the next flight. I asked your parents and Kim to check on you, but they couldn’t get into the loft.”
He paused, watching her closely. “I thought maybe you were sick… I didn’t want you here alone—especially not with the baby.”
“Oh.”
That was all she said. No warmth. No relief. Just that one syllable, blank and unreadable.
Bryce’s concern shifted subtly—less panic now, more confusion. Quiet frustration. He slid into doctor mode, trying to anchor himself with something practical.
“Lizzy, what’s going on? Are you feeling sick? Fever? Nausea? Flu-like symptoms?”
Beth shook her head and pushed his hand away when he moved to check her again.
“No. Nothing like that. I didn’t answer because… I just needed space. I didn’t want to talk to you. Or anyone.”
Bryce sat back on his heels, tension tight in his jaw. He tried to soften his voice, but frustration bled through.
“Why are you pushing me away? Is this still about Monday night?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
She stood, walked into the bathroom, and—without looking back—clicked the lock behind her.
The sound was sharp. Final.
Bryce’s breath left in a rush. He scrubbed a hand down his face, anger bubbling beneath the helpless ache in his chest.
He had been so tightly wound with fear over her well-being that it hadn’t even crossed his mind she might be ignoring him because she was mad.
“What’s happening here, Lord?” he murmured, listening as the shower kicked on.
A wave of déjà vu hit—Beth in the shower, him on the other side of the door, praying. Just like that morning in Vegas. The morning everything changed.
“God, I don’t know what’s going on, but You do. Please guide my words… my actions. I wasn’t willing to let her walk out of my life back then, and I won’t now.”