Chapter 36 #3
I leaned in, close enough to feel his breath. “I love you too.”
His face transformed. The frown vanished, replaced by something so bright, so open, so unguarded that I felt it in my own chest. He leaned forward, wrapped his arms around my waist, and lifted me.
I laughed, the sound echoing off the hospital walls, and then I was in his lap, his arms tight around me, his face tilted up toward mine.
His eyes found mine, and there was nothing in them but me. “I love you, Alessia.”
I kissed him. Soft. Slow. Letting my lips say what my voice couldn’t. That I was here. That I was staying. That I would choose him, again and again, in every version of myself I’d ever been.
He kissed me back as if starving. His hands found my hair, fingers threading, pulling, keeping me exactly where he needed me.
His mouth opened under mine—desperate, hungry, afraid I’d disappear if he didn’t hold on hard enough.
I felt it in his breath, ragged and catching.
In his hands, trembling against me. In the way he pulled me closer, closer, closer—until there was no space left to close, until I was pressed against him so tightly I could feel his heart slamming against my ribs.
Everything he had held back poured into the heat of his mouth, the press of his body, the broken sound of my name against his lips.
I pulled back, breathing heavy, and rested my head against his chest. His arms tightened around me. His chin pressed into my hair. I listened to his heart. Steady. Strong. Mine.
We stayed like that for a long time. The room was quiet, the world outside forgotten. His fingers traced lazy patterns on my back, and I let myself be held, let myself sink into the warmth of him.
Then he spoke. “Alessia?”
I hummed, not opening my eyes.
“Why did you keep the apartment?”
I tensed. The warmth of him was still there, still holding me, but something in my chest tightened. I leaned back to look at him. He wasn’t angry. His face was open, curious, waiting.
“You said you were going to sell it.”
“I wanted to. I really did.” My throat was tight. “But every time I tried, I couldn’t.”
His eyes searched mine. “Why?”
I swallowed. The words felt thick in my throat.
“Every time I tried to call the realtor, every time I looked at listings, I told myself this was the day. But I couldn’t.
I kept thinking—” My voice faltered. “She always found keys to that apartment. No matter how many times I changed the locks, she always found a way in. And I kept thinking that maybe one day she’d come back.
That maybe this time she’d want me for me.
That maybe I’d open the door and she’d just be there, and she’d stay, and I wouldn’t have to be the one who was left behind again. ”
I looked down at my hands, at the way they were pressed against his chest. “It was stupid. I know it was stupid. But I couldn’t make myself sell it.”
His arms pulled me closer. His lips pressed to my forehead. “It’s not stupid.”
“I wanted to tell you.” I finally met his eyes. “But I felt so embarrassed. Even after everything. I still wanted her to choose me. I still wanted to be the one she came back to.”
He pulled me into him, his arms tightening around me, his face pressing into my hair. “It’s not stupid. And you shouldn’t be embarrassed. I understand. I understand better than anyone.” His voice dropped to something soft, something just for me. “I understand.”
I held him, my fingers pressing into his shirt, feeling the warmth of him, the steadiness of his heartbeat.
He did understand. He would always understand.
He knew what it was to want something you’d never had.
To keep waiting, even when you knew you shouldn’t.
To hold onto a door that might never open.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about what I did with your mother.” The words came out in a rush, before I could stop them. “I just wanted her away from you. And you wouldn’t have stopped if I’d asked. I felt like that was the only way.”
He kissed my head. His lips lingered there. “You were right. I wouldn’t have stopped. I would have kept waiting for her to be someone she wasn’t. I hate that about myself. That it took me so long to cut her off. That I kept giving her chances she never deserved.”
“It doesn’t matter how long it took.” My fingers found the back of his neck. Held on. “You did it.”
He nodded, his face buried in my hair. I felt the breath leave him, felt the tension in his shoulders release.
I almost lost this. We almost lost this.
The thought pressed against my ribs, cold and sharp.
But we found our way back. Maybe he was right.
Maybe we were meant to be, destined, in all the lives he’d talked about.
Maybe we were that. Maybe we were just two people who kept finding each other, kept reaching, kept holding on.
“Hey, Cassian?”
“Hmm.” His lips brushed my neck. Soft. Distracted.
“When are you going to stop wearing my ring on your pinky and give it back to me?”