Chapter 10
My birthday begins with realizing that Ellis is curled into an angle that has his head at my hip level. My fingers graze the silk of his hair. It is whisper soft—his entire face is soft, relaxed in its easy sleep.
I slither each limb out from under him and then silently walk to my bathroom. When I close the door with the gentlest of snicks, Betty starts her devil’s cry. Damn it.
When I’m done with the bathroom, I step out to see Ellis is sitting up, my crisp linen duvet bunched around his waist. His face cracks into a smile that makes me want to jump back in bed with him. But I resist. It’s Monday. Birthday road trip day. Enough is enough. Time to end this cold turkey.
“Hi.” His voice is scratchy with sleep, heavy with intimacy.
I lean against the doorway, in a scalloped cami and boy briefs set. “Hi. Would you like some coffee?” I ask, heading to the kitchen. But his hand reaches out and rests on my hip. A little tug.
“Hey, come here.” His head is tilted back ever so slightly. It’s so cute I cannot resist and walk over to him until both his hands are on my hips, his thumbs lightly stroking the skin above my bottoms. “Good morning.”
“Good morning.” I run my hand through his hair then, and I feel the softest of sighs against me as he closes his eyes.
“Black coffee?” I ask.
He nods and presses a kiss into my palm and I’m surprised by my reaction to it—the surge of pure affection. My heart does that squeezy skip thing again.
I give his silver chain a little tug, then pull away and pad into the kitchen.
A few minutes later he joins me, having put on his sweatshirt, but still in his boxers on the bottom. We take our coffee on the deck again, enjoying actual morning today.
After a few peaceful moments, the sun starts to feel hot, and I take that as a sign. “Hey. Let’s get you dressed for work. I have to head out for my road trip soon.”
“Wait. Your birthday road trip?”
“Yup.” I stretch my arms, and he glances at the stretch of skin exposed above my shorts for a second before his eyes slide back up to mine.
“Does that mean today’s your birthday?”
I touch the tip of my nose. “Ding-ding.”
We get inside and put Betty back in her cage. “I feel like we need to celebrate somehow,” Ellis says putting his mug in the dishwasher. So comfortable and easy like he’s lived here his whole life.
“We did.”
Ellis grins—dimples appearing along with an adorable pink on his cheeks—but quickly shakes his head. “No, I mean, that was a mutually beneficial—argh. You know what I mean. I would have made us breakfast, or gone out and bought some flowers—”
I stop him. “Hey. This is fine. You’re not my boyfriend, I don’t have any expectations from you, okay? You’re good.”
Something flickers in his expression, a flash of hurt. I have to ignore it. “Thank you, though. You’re very sweet.”
He must feel the door close on this discussion because he goes to change without any more resistance.
I already packed for my trip so once I’m dressed, in denim overalls over the same white cami with my high-top Chucks, I’m ready to head out.
Betty is safely back inside, and my next-door neighbor, a surly teenager with a perplexing affinity for Betty, will be taking care of her for the three days I’m gone.
I’m loading up my hybrid wagon with my duffel, camping gear, and a cooler full of La Croix and white wine, when someone lets out a quick succession of staccato honks as they drive up to my house.
“Get in loser, we’re going camping!” It’s Sunny in her outrageously fast convertible, idling at the curb.
Shit. I glance back toward the house. The perils of having family all up in your business all the time is the unannounced goddamn drop-ins. “Sunny, what the hell?” I say it with a smile, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice. “You’re on the east side before noon?”
She makes a face. “I know. But I wanted to see you off for your birthday trip.” And then she reaches over to the passenger side and hands me a single, beautiful chocolate cupcake.
“Thanks, Sunny, you really didn’t have to,” I say. It’s sweet and I feel bad, but I really need her out of here before—
Sunny’s eyebrows lift, and she pushes her sunglasses onto the top of her head. “Oh, hi there.”
Damn.
Ellis walks up behind me. “Hi.” He looks nervous. He’s arranged his hair a little more neatly, now wearing his gray sweatshirt with his artfully slouchy pants. His sneakers are something cool and mysterious to me. He looks like an ice-cold glass of sparkling water come to life.
I try to look easy-breezy. “Sunny, this is Ellis, you might remember him—”
“Of course, the strapping young man who rescued you,” she says with a shit-eating grin.
Ellis flushes and I rescue him. “And, Ellis, you remember my aunt, Sunny. She was just on her way, right?”
She’s still smiling. “Yeah, yeah. Did you figure out where you’re going this year?”
“Yeah, heading to the desert,” I say.
“Wait. Joshua Tree?” Ellis asks, his expression very alert suddenly.
“Yeah. Did I mention that already?”
He laughs, low and ironically. “You didn’t. But we’re taking a work trip there this week.”
“What? Are you serious?”
“Yeah. We do one of these every year for bonding but also for checking out different climates and landscape ideas.”
I take a deep breath. My birthday road trip is supposed to be one of extreme loner hermit vibes. Just knowing Ellis will be in the same area will put things off kilter. Suddenly I very much regret listening to Marcella’s “slut around” advice.
Sunny lets out a laugh. “That’s my cue to run. Happy birthday, Cass. Love you.”
I reach over to give her a kiss on the cheek and then she’s off in a zippy zoom around the bend.
When she’s gone, Ellis turns to me. “Hey, I won’t come looking for you, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Ellis says this lightly, but I can feel the strain behind it. I’ve probably hurt his feelings. Again.
“I’m not,” I say with a smile. “Have a good trip.”
“You, too.”
I’m about to step into the car when he says, “Wait.”
When I turn he’s right there. He slides his hand behind my neck, cupping my head. “Happy birthday,” he whispers, his lips hovering right above mine.
I make a slight movement forward to encourage him and he presses his lips to mine in a confident, soft kiss that hits me like a wave—reminding me immediately of how he was last night. Completely focused and enthusiastic.
When he pulls back, I almost say, “Fuck it,” and pull him back into the house. But it’s almost nine and I really have to hit the road. “Bye,” I say, touching his cheek briefly.
He’s waving at me while I back out. And then he stays there in my driveway. I roll down my window. “Where’s your car?”
“I took an Uber here the other night,” he says somewhat sheepishly. “I was kind of drunk already when we were texting.”
That feels like a million years ago. “Are you waiting for one right now?” I ask, looking down the street. He nods.
“Cancel your ride. I’m dropping you off.” I park and unlock the doors.
He hesitates. “Are you sure?”
“Yes! In my day we didn’t take Ubers, we made our friends pick us up from LAX during rush hour. Get in.”
We drive down the windy hillside with the windows open. “I appreciate it,” he says. “I know this is cutting into your birthday trip.”
“Hardly, don’t even worry about it.” I point to the car’s touch screen. “Want to plug in the address? Your work, right?”
“Oh, you can just take San Fernando all the way to Fletcher. We’re in Silver Lake, I can just tell you how to get there.”
I appreciate this, a guy who knows how to navigate.
And he does it well, with patience and competence.
All these moments of appreciation add up to a realization: If, and it’s a big if, I don’t find Daniel anytime soon…
Ellis. Ellis is pretty damn great. It’s a little scary to think of another option, but there’s no denying we’ve had an amazing weekend. That maybe we could have many more.
We’re driving alongside the Silver Lake Reservoir when he asks, “When did you start this birthday trip tradition?”
“Hmm, twenty years ago, I think? Wow, that’s a long time.” I am about to do the math to see how old he would have been then but stop myself from that particular torture.
“Can I ask why you do it?”
I’m not ready to give him the answer and my silence is met with understanding. He nods. “We don’t have to get into it.”
“Thanks.”
Soon after, we pull up to his office, a tasteful two-story mid-century situation tucked behind greenery on a corner off of Sunset.
“Thanks for the ride,” he says. “And happy birthday again.”
“You’re very welcome. And thank you.”
There’s a moment where we both wonder if we should kiss or if that would be overkill at his place of work.
He makes the decision—he gives me a quick, firm kiss on the lips then swiftly gets out of the car.
He’s about to close the door when someone shouts his name.
It’s a man walking toward the building in efficient, hurried strides.
He’s wearing black wayfarer sunglasses and a crisp white shirt rolled up at the sleeves.
When he reaches Ellis, the two exchange a fist bump and I can see that the guy is Asian, as well.
“Morning,” he says to Ellis, then peers into the car at me. “Hello there.” He has a British accent.
I wave. “Hi.”
“Oh, sorry, this is Cassia,” Ellis says, his arm sweeping toward me. “Cass, this is my boss, Daniel.”
The world stutters around me. I push my sunglasses to the top of my head to get a good look at this man. “Daniel?”
Daniel smiles uncertainly. “Yes? Have we met?”
My extremities are starting to go numb. “Possibly. Daniel…?”
“Nam-Watson.”