Chapter 11
I was thirty when Halmoni gave me the piece of paper with Daniel Nam’s name stitched into it.
“Do you want to know what I saw? To know more about your past life?” Halmoni had asked as I held the piece of paper in my hands, my heart beating so furiously that I thought I might actually have a heart attack.
I wasn’t sure. It seemed like a no-brainer. Who wouldn’t want to know about their past life? But I also felt a warning rolling into the atmosphere, like the moments before a storm. A voice whispering, This path leads to destruction. Well, close to that, maybe not as dramatic. So, I shook my head.
Halmoni pushed my hair back from my face. “You’re going to have a wonderful love story, Cassia.”
I believed her. And looked at the paper: Daniel Nam.
Even as, year after year, we failed to find him, I believed her.
This wasn’t that unusual, sometimes it took us weeks, months, and even years to find someone’s fated.
People got plastic surgery, changed their names, moved suddenly.
Some weren’t even alive anymore. In those cases, we reimbursed our clients and told them we couldn’t find a match.
The rule of the agency was, unless we found their fated, we would not match our clients with anyone else. We were One & Only after all.
But I kept my faith, because I saw the successful matches day after day. Saw it in my family. I knew it would happen. I just had to keep looking and not waver.
And now it had happened.
I found him.
I’m on the road, my windows rolled down, sitting with Daniel’s face imprinted in my brain, like a burn left on a device, the ghost of his face following every thought I’ve had since I left him and Ellis.
Once I realized who I was meeting, I was so flustered that I sped up our goodbye and turned my cheek ever so slightly when Ellis leaned in for another kiss.
His eyes had pierced into mine wonderingly and I had driven off so fast that I probably left a trail of literal fire behind me. I can’t believe Daniel is Ellis’s boss.
But I shouldn’t be baffled by the luck of it all. Because I’ve known my entire life that luck isn’t real. That everything is meant to be.
That even having your mother die on your eighth birthday was already in the cards.
But the shock of it—his connection to Ellis—that’s what I can’t get over.
Siri tells me that I’m only four hundred feet away from my destination, and I snap out of it long enough to see the sign for the ranch. I drive between rough-hewn wood posts and dust is kicked up by my tires.
This year, I decided to screw roughing it and picked a high-end yurt hotel to stay in.
I pull up to my yurt, located in the very back of the park, at the end of the dirt road.
The other yurts are conspicuously empty but it’s still early—just shy of noon, and a Monday.
If there are other campers, they’ll probably trickle in later when the workday ends.
The sky is white-blue and endless and there are low scrubby hills surrounding me.
The horizon is dotted with Joshua trees—alien-like and twisted and completely original.
My yurt is huge, with a bed and sofa, and there’s a sink and barbecue grill outside.
A picnic table and lounge chairs are arranged next to a firepit.
It’s completely peaceful and solitary. Exactly what I need.
After I make quick work of unpacking, I pull out a bottle of chilled Sancerre and pop it open.
I consider pouring it into a plastic tumbler for a second before I plop down onto an outdoor lounger and take a swig directly from the bottle.
My legs are propped up on the chair and I stare out into the expanse of sky.
Daniel Nam. Found him at last. On my fortieth damn birthday, no less. The day after I slept with his employee. Not just once…but so many times I think I’ve lost count.
Oh, god.
The wine is ice-cold and I press the bottle to my forehead. I have to figure out how to untangle this mess. Luckily, it was just one weekend. Ellis is young, he’ll bounce back from a random woman he spent a weekend with. Even if she starts dating his boss. Right?
Right.
But I need to give it a beat. Fling or not, Ellis deserves better than an unceremonious dumping for his boss.
His boss. I know where to find Daniel now. This is the first step. A buzz starts beneath my skin. This is the beginning of everything.
One of my rules during my birthday trips is to put my phone on silent and ignore it unless it’s for practical purposes.
But this year everything is different. I google Ellis to start and find the name of the firm he works for—Watson and Associates.
Watson. It’s missing the “Nam.” This makes sense, why I never found him.
I quickly read the “About” page on the company’s website, which reveals that Daniel founded the landscape architecture firm eight years ago after working in the industry for a decade.
Eighteen years of work. This means he’s probably close to my age.
He studied landscape architecture at Berkeley.
He was born in England. As evident from his, frankly, hot accent.
Maybe, in addition to the name thing, that’s why I had such a hard time finding him? Geographical blip? Maybe I wasn’t meant to find him until now.
Either way, he’s been under my nose for eight years.
I peruse his LinkedIn profile, the middle-aged equivalent of social media, but can’t find any other online presence.
Maybe he, like me, is stubborn about social media.
It intrigues me. Everything about Daniel intrigues me.
And now, I have to wait three nights before I can do anything about it. Soulmate be damned.
A text comes in as I stare at Daniel’s résumé—Ellis.
Hope you made it to JT ok. Proof of life desert pic appreciated
Ellis is conspiring to kill me one sweet gesture at a time. I do put my phone aside then. Birthday hermit mode initiated.
This is my day. My mom’s day. I refuse to let romance get in the way of it.
—
My first afternoon is spent at a nearby hot spring, so for my second day I decide to go on a couple local trails and check out the wildflowers in bloom.
By the time I return to camp, the sky is beginning to turn lavender.
After a quick rinse in the outdoor shower, I’m starting to make dinner when cars roll into the other camps.
Dust kicks up along the road and reaches me in a rolling mass as I’m making my bonfire.
I cover my eyes and cough. What the hell, did everyone in these camps decide to arrive at once? Like a big…
Group.
A big group coming to bond together over the week.
My back is so straight I can probably snap it in half as I peer out at the rest of the yurts.
People start getting out—noticeably all adults and no children.
They unpack between laughter and shouts at each other.
My eyes skim the camp closest to mine. Two young women, both of them trying to get cell reception, holding their phones high in the air, wearing their Patagonia finery.
I walk down the path to the next camp. Two men—one older white man with a bald spot and a younger Latino one wearing paint-splattered Dickies.
This feels like the kind of motley crew that only an office or jury duty can create.
The prick of dread grows into something heavy and leaden. And in the third camp, I spot him.
Ellis is grabbing something from the trunk of a black Jeep when he notices me. He stills—then grins. Oof, that smile. Gonna be hard to let go of that one.
“Are you for real?” he asks, walking over to me in quick strides, a backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Are you for real?” I ask, keeping my voice teasing but feeling every ounce of blood pump through the veins in my body.
“Wow, what are the chances?” He’s so excited by the coincidence, but I know the truth. There are no chances.
“Which site are you in?” he asks, craning his neck.
“Ten, the very last one available.”
His eyes are twinkling when they meet mine, his smile crooked—exuding intimacy and innuendo.
“El—no way you got your girlfriend to meet us here.”
My eyes whip over to the sound of the voice. Daniel is walking toward us, his sunglasses hooked into the front of his half-zip. I finally get a good look at him, at his face.
He has what could only be called leading-man good looks. I suck in a breath at his jawline, the thick Clark Kent black hair, the well-managed physique. The devastating white smile with straight teeth that have no right being on a British person.
“I wish I was that slick,” Ellis says with a laugh. “Cass booked this spot unknowingly.”
I notice he doesn’t correct “girlfriend.”
“Sorry, you’ll be stuck with us,” Daniel says with another knockout smile.
“However will I manage?” The flirting is swift, instinctual. Every part of me is aware of this man. The connection is so real, so clear.
A pull on my overall strap. I look over to see Ellis’s serious expression and I wonder if he senses my antenna tuned to Daniel. But he says, “Are you sure it’s okay we’re here? I know this trip is supposed to be private.”
My antenna is going haywire. I soften and put my hand on his arm. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be out hiking and doing my own thing.”
“Okay, but seriously let us know if we’re being obnoxious. Things can get rowdy.”
“This lot is buttoned-up, but give it ’til sundown,” Daniel says with a wink. “Cheers, Cassia.” He walks off, his hiking boots crunching the sand. Hearing my name coming out of his mouth makes me legitimately speechless.
“I should probably…” Ellis waves at his yurt.
“Yeah, go!” I push him gently. “I’m just starting my fire.”
“Can I come visit you?” he asks, a small smile hovering over his lips.
I clench my hands in my pockets. This is going to be painful. Every part of it. “Sure. Um, maybe after dinner?”
He nods, moves in as if he’s going to kiss me on the cheek but thinks better of it. He looks apologetic. “Work people.”
“I know.” I smile, staving off the panic of the next couple days.