11. Fucking Up Before It Even Starts
FUCKING UP BEFORE IT EVEN STARTS
CASH
I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
All I knew was that if Carter Gold put his hat on Paige’s head, I would have likely gone to jail for murder. It was a spur of the moment decision to claim her tonight, but it didn’t feel as weird as I thought it would.
Paige and I danced for a while before joining Buck and Tweety at a table. We drank and laughed, and it all felt natural. I was surprised the guys didn’t have any opinions when they watched the whole situation go down at the bar, but they didn’t even bat an eye.
I was waiting for the comments about how it had taken so long, and had to pray no one had a loose tongue when we got back to the ranch. Not that anything had happened, but it definitely looked a certain way.
Paige announced she was going to the bathroom and disappeared into the crowd. It was my turn to get a round, so I sauntered up and leaned against the bar. The bartender started preparing our drinks when someone sidled up next to me.
“Hey, man.”
Another rider, Brian Cook, leaned against the bar.
Over the past month, I had made friends with the familiar faces of the riders who I was competing against. It was almost always the same group of guys, and you learned who was good, who was an asshole, and who to completely steer clear of.
“Hey.” I reached across to shake his hand.
“Hell of a run you got going for a first timer,” he said with a laugh.
“I’m trying my best.” I shrugged.
“You got potential, that’s for damn sure.”
A group of girls passed by, waving at me and giggling.
Brian chuckled and patted my shoulder. “Too bad you got a girl. A face like yours would go far out here.”
“I don’t have a girl.” I laughed.
“No? I swear I just saw you pee on one that Gold tried to get for the night.”
“Oh, Paige? Nah, man. She’s my buddy’s little sister. Figured the easiest way to make sure everyone stays away from her would be to put my mark on her. It’s a little pathetic that it had to come to that.”
The words felt wrong coming out of my mouth, but I couldn’t admit how much I liked seeing Paige in my hat. I couldn’t admit it to anyone else, and I couldn’t admit it to myself.
Brian’s eyes went a little wide as he noticed something over my shoulder. I whipped around and froze. Panic seeped into me as Paige Brooks stood directly behind me with glassy eyes.
“Were you going to pity fuck me, too? Show me exactly why I don’t go for cowboys?” she asked as she took my hat off and slapped it against my chest. Paige turned on her heels and rushed to the exit with her head down.
I ran after her, bursting through the door and looking around in every direction to see where she went. I couldn’t let her leave like that without explaining myself.
Paige was standing at the edge of the parking lot, looking at her phone. I marched up to her and snatched it out of her hand.
“Get away from me, Cash,” she snapped, reaching up to try and get her phone back.
“No,” I barked back at her.
“What do you want from me? I didn’t want to be here. When you’re around, I can’t have fun. You switch from flirting with me to hating me fast enough to give me whiplash.”
“I don’t know.” I gripped the back of my neck with my hand and blew out a breath.
“Well, you need to figure it the fuck out. I’m not playing this game with you. If you’re too much of a coward to admit you want me, then that’s your problem.”
Paige swiped her phone from my hand and stormed down the street.
I just stood and watched her go. Wanting Paige Brooks wasn’t the problem.
I’d wanted that girl for as long as I could remember.
The problem was what was at stake if I went after her, and the amount of people I’d hurt in the process.
Walker and Mr. Brooks would have my head.
I wouldn’t be able to look Gigi in the eyes.
I’d lose the only stability I’d ever known.
Even more important than that, Paige deserved more than a few nights in my bed.
I wasn’t the type of man who would be a good husband and give her everything she wanted.
Paige was smart and funny—fucking beautiful.
She was the total package, and I was a ranch hand who drank too much and slept around.
I had nothing to offer her—outside of the bedroom.
Even knowing that, I despised that I hurt her. She wasn’t supposed to hear me say what I said. It was supposed to be a dumb comment so rumors didn’t start about me and my sponsor’s daughter. Most people didn’t know who she was, but one reporter sniffing where he shouldn’t and the rumors would fly.
I sulked back into the bar and sank into my chair next to Tweety and Buck.
“You look like someone pissed in your Cheerios, brother,” Buck said, eyeing me up and down.
“Want to talk about it?” Tweety asked, a slight slur in his voice.
“Fuck off,” I barked, not in the mood for small talk.
Tweety’s phone buzzed and he read the message before looking back at me with a confused expression.
“Paige went home?”
“Yeah,” I said, picking at the label on my beer.
It hurt more than I wanted to admit that she texted Tweety instead of me that she got home safely. I should’ve followed her, grabbed her, and explained my intentions, but we would’ve just fought more. The bar was only about a ten-minute walk from the house so I knew she was safe.
I sat back, milking my beer with a frown on my face.
I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Maybe one day I could get my own place and no longer be under the hold of the Brooks family, but I couldn’t ask Paige to wait for me.
I couldn’t ask her to follow me around the country as a groupie, either.
My life was one big unknown right now, and Paige needed stability.
My entire life, I screwed everything up. Every foster home I was in, I got kicked out. Every job I had, I got fired. The idea of letting another person down made me feel like I was sixteen again, getting screamed at to leave home and never come back.
That was the last time I had a stable place to sleep before I showed up at Brooks Valley Ranch. Now I had people who cared about me and I was at risk of betraying that over lust.
I drained my beer and ordered another as Tweety and Buck invited some girls over to our table.
A perky brunette tried to sit in my lap, but I waved her off.
There was no chance I was going to be able to fuck another woman tonight with Paige on my mind.
All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and forget this night ever happened.
We paid the tab and started the short walk back to the rental house.