Chapter 16
I sent Graham a gift for his birthday, then hopped a flight to Baltimore.
I couldn’t do this shit. My career was finally about to pop off, and my personal life was about to be on the same level.
This shit couldn’t happen at a worser time.
It was bad enough I was still grieving my brother’s death, but to have to endure shit from my past was going to break me.
Lots of people had a heaux phase, Jazmine Sullivan confirmed that shit years ago, but mine was extreme. I was in those streets bad after my mama died. I thought only the people I was with knew about that shit. Apparently, I was wrong.
I knew exactly who Eldridge Owens was. I heard stories about his abusive ways with Miss K, but I knew him in another capacity as well.
I fucked his son . . . not Graham but his brother.
I never knew this fuck up was Graham’s father until he showed up.
Miss K had never said she’d had a baby from his ass.
I’d heard something about her giving up a child, but he was never mentioned being the father of said child.
Despite Graham not even knowing his brother, being with him made me feel dirty in that moment.
How could I form a lasting relationship with him knowing that shit?
I did a lot of fucked up shit during my grief process.
I fucked for money . . . old ass men, handicapped men, ugly ass men.
I literally made myself sick that day, knowing that all that shit could come out. Maj didn’t even know everything.
Graham, my daddy, and Kimaji had been blowing my phone up, and I swore, I wanted to just crawl in a corner somewhere and die. Going to Baltimore would hopefully give me the reprieve I needed. I knew Mrs. Sidney would be busy doing shit for Graham, so she wouldn’t pop up out here.
Knowing he’d also gotten fired made me feel guilty as hell. I was the aggressor in our situation. Why couldn’t I have waited until we got home? We both lived in Houston. I would have learned that shit had I tried to get to know him before getting to know his dick.
As I made my way to Noah’s studio, I closed my eyes, saying a quick prayer that all would go well.
I knew he had a couple of tracks for me already.
I needed to listen to them and spit some fire shit to go with them.
I could see the driver glancing at me in his mirror repeatedly, like he was recognizing me.
“Are you SOLA?”
“Naw. I get that shit all the time though.”
I rolled my eyes behind my shades. He knew he was taking me to Noah’s studio.
He knew it was me. Asking a dumb ass question.
My attitude was on ten. Noah could hear it in my voice when I called to see if I could fly out there this weekend.
He’d asked what I was running from, and I couldn’t answer him.
The problem was that I was running from my past, but my mindset was bringing the shit right along with me.
Running from my past was causing me to run out on my present, ultimately, affecting my future.
I hated this shit. Maybe I needed to relocate.
Who was I fooling? This shit would follow me no matter where I went, and now that Graham and Devin were on Eldridge’s bad side, that shit could come out at any moment.
When the car pulled up to the studio, the driver said, “You are SOLA!”
I slowly shook my head and got out of the car without a word. Getting inside was of utmost importance, before anyone else recognized me. After walking inside, the receptionist smiled, and said, “Hello, Miss SOLA. You can go on to studio A.”
“Hello. Thank you.”
I walked to the hallway and followed it to where the studios were located.
There was a total of five different studios in this building.
Noah was doing big things for the industry, and I couldn’t be prouder to be on his label.
Turning the doorknob, I went inside and saw Noah sitting at the boards with another guy, probably an engineer.
He turned to me, and said, “What’s up, shorty?”
“Hey,” I responded somewhat dryly.
He stood from his seat and leaned over to hug me.
“How’s everything?”
Pulling off my shades, I said, “Could be better, but hopefully that will come with time. What’chu got for me?”
He smiled tightly and nodded at the engineer for the playback. When the beat hit the speakers, I made a stank face. This shit was hitting. However, when the vocals for the hook kicked in, my eyebrows lifted. That voice was beautiful. It was light and airy and seemed to complement my voice well.
When he stopped the track, I asked, “Who is that singing?”
“Karma. She’s amazing, huh?”
“Amazing isn’t even the word. Okay. I love this. Give me a second.”
I pulled my iPad out of my bag and looked over some things I’d written to see what lyrics would fit with this mid-tempo track.
When I found them, I added a few bars to it, then spit it to the track he’d just restarted.
My phone vibrated right before I was about to stand.
Seeing Graham’s contact info on the screen sank my heart.
I closed my eyes for bit, then stood and said, “I’m ready. ”
I’d been in Baltimore for a few days, working my ass off in the studio.
I’d even recorded my bars for the big announcement.
I was ahead of the game, and Noah said I was on track to be the next big female rapper.
If I stuck to the formula for staying ahead, I would surely make it.
Being consistent and staying ahead helped when situations out of my control arose.
I wouldn’t have to stress about shit if I was already ahead of schedule.
By the time I got to my hotel room, I would shower and crash. Most nights, I ate dinner with Noah and his family. One night, I’d eaten dinner with his mother and her husband. I knew they could all tell something was up with me, and it would only be a matter of time before someone said something.
After eating breakfast, I headed to the studio.
Noah had offered me a car, so I could get around, but I refused.
I would fuck that man’s car up. There wasn’t a curb in Houston that hadn’t met my back tires.
I contributed to the fuckery in H-Town. I couldn’t deny that shit at all.
One time, this older lady followed me to the gas station and told me if I didn’t slow my raggedy muthafucka down, the next time she saw me she was gon’ fuck me up.
I was only eighteen at the time, but I remembered that shit like it was yesterday. Scared the shit out of me.
I opened the door and saw Noah standing up front with a security guard.
I couldn’t believe he was just up here like that with the door unlocked.
The people of Baltimore respected him so much.
Honestly, no one would probably even dare fuck with Noah’s studio.
All of his artists were lowkey too . . . except my ass.
He smiled at me. “What’s up, shorty?”
“Hey. Ready to work.”
“Mm-hmm. Come on.”
When we got to the hallway, he led me inside a conference room. His parents were inside, along with his daughter, Noelle. I stopped and took a deep breath. I knew exactly what this was. A fucking intervention.
“Shorty, we wanted to talk to you and pray with you before your session, if that’s okay. TAZ wanted to be here, too, but she had to fly out to Chicago this morning.”
“It’s okay,” I said softly.
Noelle stood and came to me, grabbing my trembling hand and leading me to a seat.
She didn’t release my hand once we sat. Her gaze was making me so nervous though.
She was only a year or so older than me.
I swallowed hard. Suddenly, she wrapped her arms around me.
I was so fucking tense, but after a minute or so, I broke out in tears.
“Why are you running from stuff that was done years ago? All God said to me was that you were running from who you used to be,” Noelle said.
I closed my eyes and slowly shook my head.
“Who I used to be slept with Graham’s brother.
He doesn’t know he has a brother yet, but he’s gonna find out.
His biological dad is f’ing with him and called me a ho to him.
Graham charged that man like a bull. Graham doesn’t deserve someone like me.
My actions have already caused him to get fired. ”
Noah chuckled. “Girl, if you only knew what Sonya used to think about Graham, you would blush. That nigga was something else as a teenager and in his twenties. I can guarantee he won’t think one way or the other about any of that.”
I lowered my head, but Mrs. Raquel lifted it.
“What happened was just as much on him as you. Graham is a grown man, honey. He could have said no, especially knowing that the media always looked for a way to exploit you. I’m pretty sure he knew you lived in Houston.
He could have waited to get with you if he wanted to. ”
“I did some horrible things after my mama died. I left home without telling anyone where I was going. My dad was worried sick. I was in the streets heavy. A lot of the rumors about me aren’t rumors. They’re true. How am I gonna be signed to YKMN being the problem I’ve been. I am the f’ing drama.”
Noah reached across the table and grabbed my hands.
“You don’t think I researched you before we met?
I already knew all that about you. I also saw how you were trying to change.
Everything in the media about you was old news.
There was no knew info until the situation with Graham.
That’s your boyfriend now. You belong here, Arlie. ”
That was the first time he called me by my real name. I took a deep breath and wiped my face.
“God is forgiving. If you asked for forgiveness, then He gave it. No one can judge you, because we have all sinned, baby,” Mrs. Raquel said.