Chapter 18
“We had a productive day, shorty. I say we go out to celebrate. Kenya is going to come in to add vocals to that song tomorrow, and I might see if Michel’le could bless us as well. You did your thing. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you, Noah. That means a lot coming from you.”
We left the studio a couple of minutes ago.
I rode with him because he refused to allow me to Uber anywhere.
I always rode with him leaving the studio.
He would always get there earlier than me though.
His phone rang, and it reminded me that I hadn’t checked my phone.
I powered it back on, and it went crazy.
Noah glanced at me, and I could see in his eyes that the conversation was about me.
I frowned slightly but brought my attention back to my phone.
There were messages from Kimaji and Graham.
My dad’s message had crying faces, so I opened his first. There was a screenshot and he asked, did this start after your mom died?
I literally felt like I was hyperventilating. The screenshot was an article about me. The headline was From Prostitute to Rapper . . .
“Let me call you back, RJ.” Noah grabbed my hand, and I flinched. “Shorty, you alright?”
I shook my head quickly. I couldn’t believe what I had read. I couldn’t even read the article. The headline had me losing it. If my dad had seen it, then I knew Graham had seen it. I lowered my face to my hands and screamed.
“Yo! What’s up?”
I handed him my phone as my hands trembled.
It was always something. I didn’t understand why people always wanted to fuck with me!
I didn’t bother anybody. My focus had been on my career for the past two years, after I saw those fuckers weren’t going to do the shit they promised me.
I hit the studio hard for my sophomore project and had changed my life.
I could see Noah’s eyes widen in my peripheral. He placed my phone in the console. “Don’t let that shit distract you. The enemy sees you’re about to really make waves, and he’s throwing whatever he can out there to distract you. The rumor mill doesn’t deserve your attention.”
I only cried harder. “It’s true,” I mumbled. “That shit ain’t a rumor! This is the shit I was afraid of when Graham’s dad showed up. Fuck!”
Noah remained quiet for a second, then he started praying.
Shortly after, he started one of TAZ’s songs.
When she did the polyharmony thing she does, he nodded repeatedly.
“God said to trust Him. All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord. The question is . . . Do you love Him, Arlie?”
I swallowed hard and nodded. “I don’t pray like I should. I never read the bible. I don’t go to church either.”
“I didn’t ask all that. I asked if you loved Him. That scripture only applies if you love Him. He knows you love Him. Otherwise, He wouldn’t have given me that word for you. Don’t lose focus, shorty. Everything gon’ be okay. You trust Him?”
“Yes.”
“You trust me?”
“Yes.”
He nodded as he continued to his house. When we got there, RJ was on the porch.
I took a deep breath. I believed what Noah said.
It didn’t stop me from being embarrassed though.
I wouldn’t be able to look anyone in the eyes after this shit.
No one would take me seriously after this.
I pulled the card from my purse and just stared at it.
“Can I get a minute to read this and get my emotions in check?”
“Yeah. If you haven’t come inside within five minutes, I’ll come back out and get you. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He gave me a tight smile then got out of the vehicle. Once he was inside the house, I opened the envelope and pulled out the card.
Arlie,
Please think about what you’re doing. You mean so much to me, if that wasn’t already clear by me begging you to talk to me.
I don’t give a fuck about the past. All I care about is the woman you are right now.
I need you. If I don’t hear from you by Sunday, I’ll have to assume that you’re done with me. That would hurt, girl.
I was prepared to see your body in the morning light for the rest of my life.
Real shit. I’m that sure about you. I suppose you aren’t sure about me though and just how much I ride for you.
I haven’t been in a committed relationship in a long time, but you got all of me, Arlie.
No woman has ever been able to say that about Graham Taylor.
Don’t leave me, baby. Call me when you get this.
~Graham
Tears were falling from my eyes uncontrollably.
Why couldn’t I trust his words? I was prepared to call him after my session, but ever since I saw that article, detailing a lot of the shit I did, I wasn’t so sure he would want to hear from me.
In order for all those flowers to make it to me this morning, he had to have ordered them yesterday morning or earlier, before the story broke.
I wiped my face, knowing that I probably wouldn’t call him.
I needed to just focus on my career and possibly relocating.
Had I been at home, the media would have probably had my house surrounded.
They probably did anyway, not knowing I wasn’t there.
Graham was probably so embarrassed. His family would know he was seeing a former prostitute.
This wasn’t no fucking Pretty Woman. That shit was fake. Nobody wanted a known prostitute.
I didn’t have a pimp, but I was surely prostituting my body out for a bag.
I did it with Eldridge’s son quite a bit, because he was thirsty as fuck.
I couldn’t count how many niggas I had been with, and it was a shame.
I didn’t know how to deal with what I was going through after losing my mama.
She was my best friend . . . her and Kimaji.
After sliding the card back in the envelope and putting it in my purse, I took a deep breath and got out of Noah’s vehicle.
Making my way to the door on shaky legs, I did my best to convince myself that no one would see me any differently.
Who was I fooling? Everyone would see me differently.
Public perception was important in my career.
People canceled artists for anything these days.
As I was about to knock, RJ opened the door. “Get yo’ ass in here and quit tripping. You know how much shit I got in my past? It would shock yo’ drawz if you knew half the shit I did. Shiiiid, some of that shit I still do. Chill out.”
I gave him a tight smile and walked past him to see Graham standing there. My knees buckled, and I almost hit the fucking floor. RJ caught me as Graham came to me. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly as his body trembled.
“Damn, Arlie. Fuck.”
I couldn’t say anything. I was crying so hard. Gathering my composure, I pulled away from him. I lowered my head as he grabbed my hand. “Can we talk, baby?”
I nodded. He led me to the backyard. The minute we walked through the French doors, I said, “Graham, what are you—”
He held his hand up, stopping me mid-sentence. “Did you read my card?”
“In the driveway. That was why I took a while to come inside.”
“Then you already know why I’m here. I’m here, because I need you. But I’m also here because I want you to make your decision in my face. If you gon’ say you don’t want me . . . you don’t need me . . . I need you to say that shit to my face, Arlie.”
“Graham, I could never say I don’t want you or need you, but I don’t think I deserve you. The storm is just getting cranked up, and I just want to disappear. The worst part is that none of it is lies. I was so fucked up over losing my mom. I did some horrible shi—”
“I don’t give a fuck about that! Are you still the same as you were then?
That’s what I care about. I saw that bullshit article.
I knew that it would make you want to double down on your decision.
What about me? I had to spend my birthday alone, because you running from your past. There were people that wanted to come through, but you the only person I wanted to be with Saturday. ”
I lowered my head. I just couldn’t stare into his eyes.
“Look at me!”
“I can’t! I’m so fucking embarrassed! You couldn’t begin to understand!”
“Oh, I can’t? I just made up with my aunt Sonya two years ago!
She didn’t talk to me for damn near twenty years!
You wanna know why? I used to flirt with her when I was a teenager.
Yeah . . . my fucking aunt! She could have literally pressed charges on me for sexual harassment if she wanted to.
Licking my lips, grabbing my dick and shit in her presence, jacking off to pictures and videos of her.
I was a fucking creep ass nigga. You don’t think I was embarrassed after I got over my fucking self?
Huh? It took me eighteen years to fucking apologize to her! ”
I looked up at him to see he was pacing. He was yelling, and his shoulders were tense. He looked so angry. When he turned back to me, the pain in his eyes made my body shudder.
“I couldn’t apologize to her until I grew the fuck up.
I was still a trifling ass muthafucka, manipulating women out of their panties, promising them a relationship.
I even declared love to a few of them. That’s why I don’t want Eldridge Owens nowhere near me.
I apparently inherited that shit from him.
Judging by what he ran in that article, he still a fucking disappointment.
So don’t fucking tell me that I don’t understand.
I just wasn’t struggling financially, so I was more selective. Other than that, we the fucking same.”