Chapter 18 #2
He walked away from me and went inside. I fell to the lounger and cried my damn eyes out.
I balled up in the fetal position, feeling like I was dying from the shit I caused.
My chest and head were both hurting. I didn’t know if Graham had left or if he just went inside to cool off.
I didn’t even have the strength to go looking for him.
I could feel my phone buzzing like crazy in my pocket, probably from notifications.
My presence on social media was known, but now, I would probably avoid it like the plague.
I was more than sure people were talking shit about me.
Eventually, I would have to snap out of it, but today wasn’t the day .
. . at least I didn’t think it was. This was hard for me to get over.
When I heard the door open and somebody come outside, I tried to wipe my face and compose myself.
“Naw. Stay there,” RJ said as he sat at the end of the lounger.
“I used to be in a gang in Watts, California. I terrorized the fucking city. You know how old I was when I joined? I was ten. I didn’t fully get out that shit until I was in my thirties.
I fucked random bitches. Whoever they told me to fuck, I had to do it.
Crackheads, old bitches, stank bitches, people’s fucking grandmas.
I killed for the hell of it. You hear what I’m fucking saying to you?
I had to keep all that shit a secret from people here in Baltimore.
I led two different lives for over twenty fucking years.
My mama was the only one who knew. My dad was a fucking pastor! ”
He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.
“You ain’t the only one been through shit.
I get that you’re embarrassed. I done been there.
Don’t push away people that’s tryna be there for you.
They gon’ help you through the backlash.
I pushed people away all the time. Noah, my fucking fiancée at the time, my dad .
. . I felt embarrassed, and I didn’t want to see the disappointment in their eyes.
I was a fuck up. I didn’t have a choice at ten, but I surely had a choice when I became an adult. ”
He grabbed my hand. “I know he ain’t professed love or no shit like that, but let that man love you.
Call your friend back. She been blowing up Noah’s phone, worried about you.
They don’t give a fuck about who you used to be.
All they care about is making sure the woman you are today is good.
Now get yo’ ass up and come inside. Noah don’t wanna eat dinner without you, and I ain’t finna starve for yo’ ass. ”
He smirked, causing me to sit up and hug him tightly. “Thank you, RJ.”
“Uh huh. Come on, shorty.”
He opened the door and allowed me to walk through first. Noah’s was the first set of eyes I landed on. He gave me a tight smile and hugged me. “I was hoping RJ could get through to you. I was sitting here on pins and needles, because that nigga could have scared you off.”
I chuckled softly. “Did Graham leave?”
He smiled and grabbed my hand, leading me to the family room.
When I saw him sitting there with his elbows on his knees and his hands resting atop his head of waves, I felt my heart sink even more.
The hurt I caused him hurt me too. As I walked around the couch to stand in front of him, he lifted his head, and his eyebrows went up.
He stood from his seat and pulled me in his arms.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Forget that shit. Just tell me you still mine. That’s all I care about.”
“I’m still yours, Graham.”
He pulled away and laid his lips on mine, kissing me like his life depended on it. When his hands slid to my ass and gripped it, I heard, “A’ight, that’s enough. You happy? She in here and made up with her man. Let’s eat. Shit.”
I chuckled against Graham’s lips. He pulled away and stared into my eyes, not cracking the slightest smile. “You ain’t got shit to worry about. Russell will make a statement on your behalf. My mama is handling Eldridge’s bitch ass. Okay?”
“Okay. Thank you, Graham.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m your man. Your past ain’t gon’ change that shit.”
I cleared my throat. “There’s one small detail.”
“I don’t care if you fucked Eldridge or anybody connected to him. I don’t know those people. If I could exchange blood and take somebody else’s, I would do that shit. I don’t want to be connected to him in any way, shape, form, or fashion.”
I gave him a tight smile, then we headed to the dinner table where Mrs. Raqui had set a roast in the middle of it. Noelle came to the table with green beans, and Mr. Charles had rice and macaroni and cheese. Everything looked delicious. Jax joined us with a platter of cornbread.
“This looks and smells so delicious. Thank y’all for caring enough about me to keep me from self-destructing.
This means so much to me. It seems when I gained Graham, I gained a humungous family that will ride at dawn for each other.
He connected me to Sonya, Sharee, and Exodus, and they connected me to all of you. ”
“That’s where you’re wrong, shorty. We fo’ sho family, but I was watching you before that.
That was why it seemed my decision was so quick.
I already knew who you were, how dramatic your image was, how people liked to talk bad about you .
. . all of it. God said, She’s next. I do my best not to ever doubt what God says.
He picked you for this label. That was all that mattered to me, because He don’t make mistakes. ”
“Can somebody pray? Y’all keep talking, and I’m gon’ pray over my own food and start eating by myself.”
“Ryan . . .”
“Pops . . . pray, nigga.”
The entire table laughed as Mr. Charles shook his head, then bowed it, so RJ could shut up and eat.