Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
Pete stood with his hands in his pockets, fighting off the December chill and staring into the warmly lit windows of the Corner Beanery, trying to muster up the energy to go inside. Hailey was talking with another woman, laughing at something she was saying, her hair bouncing at her shoulders in a way that made him want to be part of the joke, to be the person who brought her such joy.
Instead, all he gave her was heartache.
The other woman was leaving now, standing and buttoning her coat, taking her time until she finally made her way to the exit.
He stepped away from the glow of the streetlamp, biding his time, wondering for the hundredth time since he’d gotten off the phone with the manager of the bank if there was any other way to move forward, but it was no use. The loan couldn’t wait any longer, and it was time to lose the house or lose the farm. He wasn’t sure which was worse, but whichever way he looked at it, his mother needed him back in Timber Valley now more than ever.
Pete tapped on the glass door just as Hailey was turning to go into the kitchen. She turned in surprise, but the grin that broke out when her eyes met his made his heart roll over.
He gritted his teeth as she came to unlock the door, her gray eyes gleaming as she ushered him inside. “I was just thinking of you.”
His chest rose with hope, but he pushed it back down into place. “Oh?”
She wasn’t making this any easier on him. Unlike eight years ago, this time, he couldn’t find a way to make this about her breaking his heart. This time, it was all on him.
“I packed up some cookies and a few muffins for you and Mike.” She went behind the counter to retrieve a white bakery box. “How is he, by the way?” she asked, sliding him a slow smile.
“Oh, he’s fine,” Pete said with a low laugh. For now , he thought grimly.
At some point, he would have to break the news to his cousin. He knew that Mike would eventually land on his feet. Unlike Pete, he didn’t mind moving around. But would he understand why Pete hadn’t confided in him? Maybe not, but Pete knew that it was for the best.
His mother deserved to hear the news first.
And Hailey.
“I hope he didn’t tease you too much about this morning.” Hailey’s cheeks turned a little pink at the mention of it, and he felt the urge to turn and run almost as much as he wanted to step forward and hold her and never let her go.
“Hailey, I—” There was no easy way to say it. “Last night… It was a mistake.”
A wonderful, beautiful mistake that he would always cherish.
Her brow pinched as she looked at him sharply. “Why would you say that?”
“This Christmas was our chance to have a better goodbye,” he said. “One last moment together. That’s what I thought last night was, but instead…”
Instead, it made him long for more. Made it impossible to think of what had to be done.
He saw the look in Hailey’s eyes last night—and again now. And he knew that she still felt the connection as much as he did.
He’d never dared to hope that was possible.
“We want different things,” he forced himself to say. “We always did. We always will.”
Her eyes were glistening now. With anger. With sadness. He didn’t know. “Wanting different things and choosing different things are hardly the same.”
He pulled in a breath. Oh, he wanted her. He’d never stopped wanting her. But that didn’t change anything. “We shouldn’t have let ourselves get so close, not when we knew that all we had was this Christmas.”
She stared at him, her mouth a firm line, her shoulders rising and falling with each heavy breath.
“Who says that’s all we have?” she shot back. Then, softer, “I mean, I know that’s what we said but who made that rule? We can change it.”
He’d thought of that—back then and again now. If there was a way that they could both have what they wanted and still have each other. And he reached the same conclusion every time.
“We can’t have it all, Hailey.”
“Says who? You?”
He sighed. “It’s just the way it works. Eight years ago, we made a choice. One that led you here and me somewhere else. There are still hundreds of miles of distance between us, even if we’re standing right here in the same room.”
“We were stubborn then,” Hailey said, her voice thick with emotion. “I was hurt because I thought you were throwing away our dreams and plans. I didn’t know the whole truth then. We could have made it work.”
“Long distance dating?” He shook his head. “Something would have to give eventually. Someone would have to move and give up this.” He motioned to the room around him. “Or that.” He jutted a hand to the window, to what was already lost, even if for now, it was still standing. “I don’t see that happening.” He ground down on his teeth. There. It was out.
A single tear rolled down her cheek and it took everything in him not to take every word back, every doubt, every sense of duty. Instead, he took a step back, toward the door. One step closer to Timber Valley. To the life he had chosen.
“I’m sorry, Hailey.” He turned without another word and walked out the door before he could change his mind or say something to take the anguish out of her eyes.
The wind nipped at his cheeks, but he pushed against the current, telling himself, just like he had all those years ago, that it was for the best. That he’d done what he had to do.
That it wasn’t a choice at all.
Hailey took the long way home, past the brownstones with glittering Christmas trees in their front windows, past the restaurants and bars that bleated cheerful holiday music and the promise of a good time. Only when her nose was too cold to bear the wind much longer did she round the block to her apartment building and retrieve her key from her pocket.
Her living room was dark and empty, without a hint of the season to be found. But for some reason, instead of finding comfort in the lack of reminders, it only made her feel worse.
Not bothering to take off her coat, she turned and walked back through her front door, locking it behind her. She hurried down the stairs and back out into the winter night, nearly colliding with a couple walking arm in arm, enjoying a walk through the snowfall, and began hurrying back to the café. She made it in record time, warm and out of breath by the time she spotted her familiar sign .
It was a good sign, or so she’d told herself at the time when she’d ordered it and proudly hung it. One that brought the promise of a steady future. Of a dream fulfilled.
Only she hadn’t really fulfilled her dreams, had she? Her dream was to share this city with the man she loved, to open a bakery in her Gran’s honor, and instead, she’d opened a café, a watered-down, safer version of the vision she’d always had.
The tree lot was dark now; a single light in the trailer was the only indication that anyone was there, that Pete was tucked inside, and that there was no chance of running into him again tonight—or maybe ever. But she still cut through the alley, letting herself in the back door. She started a pot of coffee before she’d even unwrapped her scarf, and quickly shed her outerwear as she powered up her laptop.
“Hailey?”
Mandy poked her head around the kitchen door, her eyes wide. “What are you doing back?”
Hailey blinked at her friend. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d gone home.”
“I did, but my roommate had friends over, and the library was closed, and I needed a quiet place to study. I just let myself in. I hope you don’t mind.” Her brow crinkled with concern.
“Of course not!” Hailey was relieved to have the company. “I was just making some coffee. Want a cup?”
Mandy nodded. “I’d love one. I have a feeling I’ll be up all night. This essay is taking longer than I expected and it’s due the first week of January. I didn’t get as much work done as I’d hoped this weekend because of the gingerbread event.”
“I’m sorry,” Hailey said instantly.
“Don’t be!” Mandy grinned. “It was sort of fun, you know, like being a kid again?” Mandy motioned to the house that they’d decorated together, which Hailey had been meaning to bring out into the storefront and display on the counter.
It had been another success, mostly made up of the same crowd as the cookie decorating event, minus Violet, who had a birthday party to attend. Maybe Hailey would bring the house she’d decorated to Mary’s instead and let Violet finish decorating it with the candies that Hailey had saved.
“It’s certainly nice to think about going back in time,” she mused.
Even though Mandy was in graduate school, hearing her talk about her classes and papers brought Hailey back to her own college days, which felt so long ago and like yesterday all at once. They’d been the best years of her life—full of friends, love, and so much hope and optimism. She didn’t think back on those days after the breakup. It just hurt too much.
But now she felt a tug in her chest, a pull to go back and be that girl who looked so forward to life and genuinely believed that it would all work out and that all her dreams would come true.
“You’re welcome to stay and study for as long as you need to. I’m just going to do some paperwork.” Hailey could hear the tension in her voice at the mention of the pile of bills.
“I meant to ask you about Pete,” Mandy said as she walked around the center island to take two mugs from the shelf. “Have you spent any more time together?”
“Oh.” Fresh tears prickled the back of Hailey’s eyes and she turned away from Mandy, pretending to be suddenly very busy shuffling the stack of inventory sheets in her hand.
“Did he ever decide what to do about the tree farm?” Mandy asked.
“He did.” Hailey’s voice was thick, and she cleared her throat. “He’s going to stick with it, it seems.”
He’d never given her a reason to think otherwise, and it would be unfair of him to blame him now. He was a good man. A man who had given up his dreams to tend to his sick father, to step up as the only son. A man who had loved her—and maybe still did—and tried to protect her.
Who wanted the best for her.
“Well, I guess he made his choice then,” Mandy said with an apologetic tilt of her head. “He went with the one thing he couldn’t give up.”
Couldn’t give up, Hailey considered, not wouldn’t . He had a family responsibility, a duty, an obligation. She looked around the glistening white kitchen. What was her excuse?
Despite her efforts, the café was still hanging on by a thread, and that coffeehouse across the street wasn’t going anywhere. Sure, things had picked up recently, but what would happen come January when the holiday rush was over, or worse, summer, when not too many people were in the mood for hot chocolate?
“Mandy, I’ve never asked you this, but…it’s time that I do.” She took a deep breath as Mandy turned from pouring them coffee, one eyebrow raised in question. “If the café had to close down, would you be okay?”
To her surprise, Mandy gave a small smile. “Of course. There are lots of places I could apply to, and remember, I’m only temporary anyway. This spring I graduate, and by summer I’ll probably be gainfully employed in some office building downtown.” She handed Hailey a steaming mug. “Honestly, I was worried about giving my notice when the day finally came.”
Hailey felt her shoulder sag with relief. “We’ve made a good team.”
“The best,” Mandy said. “But even if our situation changes, it doesn’t mean our relationship has to end.”
Hailey grew quiet as she sipped her coffee. If only that were true in every case.
“You can’t always have it all,” she said sadly.
“Maybe not,” Mandy said thoughtfully. “But I think that when you’ve made the right choice, you know it, you feel it, and it’s enough.”
Hailey grew quiet, thinking of her grandmother, of the promise that Hailey had made her, to make her proud, to carry out her dream. At the time she’d thought that dream meant taking over where Gran had left off in Chicago, but now she wasn’t so sure.
She was only sure of one thing. Pete was right. Her Gran had believed in her.
And now she needed to believe in herself. Trust her gut. And follow her heart.
“So you’d be fine if…” She still couldn’t bring herself to say it.
From the look of understanding on Mandy’s face, she didn’t have to.
“I’ll be fine,” Mandy insisted. “You’re the one I’m worried about.”
“Me? Why?” Was it so obvious? Hailey’s heart ached in her chest, and she knew nothing was holding her back from telling Mandy every last worry and fear—from the business to Pete and all the years that had been spent apart, just to end up with nothing. No business. No relationship.
“You used to love coming to work every day,” Mandy said carefully. “Lately…Well, lately I don’t get the same sense that you love it anymore.”
Hailey frowned. “Of course I love it. I’ve just been concerned…worried…I’ve poured everything into this place. It’s…” She’d been about to say that it was all she had.
But maybe it didn’t have to be.
Hailey set her mug on the kitchen island and said, “Mandy, you have schoolwork to do, and I’m keeping you.”
Mandy hesitated, clearly torn between what she should do and what she wanted to do .
It was a sentiment that Hailey understood much too well.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Mandy asked.
Hailey chewed her lip, her mind whirring with possibility. “I will be.”
And she would.
She could sit and stare at the bills all she wanted. She could sink her head into her hands and worry and fret over how to save the thing that had once meant so much to her—a brick-walled café in a trendy part of the city. Or she could start a new spreadsheet. Start a new dream. Start thinking of a way to save something else that meant so much to her.
By the time the kitchen door swung closed behind Mandy, Hailey was starting to feel the race of excitement in her chest as her ideas poured from her fingertips and onto the screen.
She’d given up on Pete once before. But this time she wouldn’t walk away quite so easily.