8. Ethan
Chapter 8
Ethan
A s a trainee firefighter, I should know better than to play with fire.
Lily arrived on my doorstep looking as sexy as sin in that long, white dress, her red hair falling in glossy waves around her shoulders. Like a cross between an angel and the devil. And now I was in the middle of an inferno of my own making.
On top of making the mistake of asking Lily to be Ava’s nanny, I’d told her that she could start the very next day. What had I been thinking?
You couldn’t help yourself, could you, Ethan?
I revved the engine of my T-Bird, then shifted the stick into fifth. We were late getting to school this morning because of Ava’s audiobook. Lily had told me before she left last night that they might be a fun way for Ava to get back into books without the pressure of reading. When I’d told Ava she could choose one this morning, she’d been insanely excited, so I let her listen over breakfast. She chose Matilda . Normally, I’m a stickler when it comes to punctuality, but seeing my little girl so engrossed in the book made my insides feel all gooey.
We left a full ten minutes later than normal this morning. So, after I kissed Ava goodbye at the school gates, I drove as quickly as I could—within the speed limit, obviously—back home to get things ready. I had to prepare Lily’s bedroom.
Now, when Lily had asked me if her room had a bed and a window, I’d half lied. There was a window. And there was a sleeper sofa. A very old sleeper sofa.
That was it.
We almost never had overnight guests. Almost everyone I knew lived in Bluehaven Beach already, so there was no need for them to crash at mine. The only person who ever slept here was Jack, but he was such a bigshot these days he normally went for a suite at the Goldharbor Hotel.
I parked up and hurried inside, before springing up the stairs two at a time to the spare room. Opening the door, I froze.
“Holy fuck, this is bleak.”
That was putting it mildly. If you squinted just right, you could mistake this for a prison cell.
No curtains on the windows, no rug on the scuffed hardwood floor. No bookshelves, no paintings. Not even a closet.
“Crap,” I muttered under my breath. This wouldn’t do at all. I glanced at my watch. I only had a couple of hours before she was supposed to arrive.
I sprang into action, rifling through the hall closet for extra blankets and pillows to make the bed cozier. In the linen cupboard, I found a soft blue rug that would add some warmth to the bare floor. I laid it out. It wasn’t perfect. There was a stain on it from when Ava puked up on it as a baby, but it wasn’t too obvious, and it brightened up the space.
Next, I searched for some homey touches. A framed painting of Ida’s diner that she’d given me for Christmas a few years ago. It wasn’t exactly the Mona Lisa, but I was relieved to have found something to make the room a little more welcoming.
All of this didn’t change the fact that the sleeper sofa was—and I quote my brother Jack here—”as comfortable as venereal disease.” But maybe I could distract Lily with all the flourishes so she wouldn’t notice the crappy bed for a few nights at least.
You could just invite her to share your bed, Ethan. . . .
“Interior monologue, I hate you.”
I was just fluffing the pillows on the bed when my phone buzzed with a text from Lily:
I’m taking my break early today! I can be there in half an hour? :)
In spite of my common sense, I replied with a thumbs up, then my heart rate picked up speed. I ran to the garage and grabbed an old dresser I hadn’t used for years, then lugged it up the stairs to the spare room. I found a spot for it in the corner, facing the door, then, I quickly pulled open the drawers to make sure that I hadn’t left something embarrassing inside.
All the drawers were empty except the top one. A photograph lay inside. The moment my gaze landed on the image, it felt like all the air had been sucked from my lungs.
Two happy faces stared back at me. One was mine—or at least a much younger version of mine. No crow’s feet. No white hairs. The other face belonged to Marie. The two of us were in a photo booth together. I knew exactly which photo booth, too. It had stood at the end of the pier in Bluehaven Beach before it had been refurbished a few years ago. Marie’s face stared at me, her eyes full of the same vibrant energy that had drawn me to her all those years ago. In the picture, we looked so damn happy and in love.
Ugh. I remembered that day.
Everything had felt so easy and so natural. Life was going to be so good.
I sank down onto the edge of the bed, the photograph trembling slightly in my hands. Memories of our time together crashed over me—our first date, our first kiss, the moment I proposed, our beautiful wedding day, Ava’s birth. . . .
A familiar ache bloomed in my chest, the pain of losing her still raw. Even after all this time, the thought of moving on and of letting someone else into my heart filled me with a mixture of guilt and fear.
Yep, I was playing with fire, all right. I had to find a way to put it out.
Just then, an idea hit me. I spoke to Lily about needing some ground rules yesterday. Maybe I needed to make the rules a little more explicit. That way, there was less chance of anything more happening between the two of us.
I tucked the photo into my back pocket and headed to the kitchen. First thing was first: coffee. Instant, black, and strong.
As the coffee cooled, I pulled out a chair and opened my laptop, ignoring the urge to check my email in case there were any pressing matters I had to attend to. With a few clicks, I had a blank document open in front of me, the cursor blinking expectantly.
How do you put something like this into writing? How do you create a contract that protects your heart without making it seem like you’re a complete asshole?
I took a sip of my coffee, the bitter liquid burning my throat as I swallowed. “Keep it simple, Ethan,” I muttered. “Just lay out the rules and expectations, nothing more, nothing less. People have employment contracts. This is totally normal. You’re a grown-up.”
Yep. Very grown up compared to Lily.
I started by outlining Lily’s duties as Ava’s nanny, from meal preparation to homework help to bedtime routines. I made it clear that her role was to provide childcare and light housekeeping, nothing more.
Just then, my phone rang. It was Elara.
“Yo, bro!” She sounded as happy as always.
“Hey there.”
“Does Ava have an after-school club today?”
It took me a moment to realize why Elara was asking.
“Oh, damn, I forgot to tell you. I don’t need you to pick up Ava this evening.”
“Really?”
“Mmmhmm.” For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
“Aww, I was looking forward to seeing her. How come you don’t need me?”
“I found someone else.”
I typed out the subtitle “Relationship Management,” then realized how weird it was and deleted it.
“That’s great! Are they from an agency?”
“Not exactly.”
“Okay, Mister Mysterious.”
“It’s Lily.”
“Yay! I’m so glad! Great choice, Ethan.”
“That remains to be seen.”
I stared at my screen. “Interpersonal Rules” also seemed like a weird thing to write.
“She’ll do a great job,” said Elara. “So, she’ll be staying with you?”
“Yep.”
“In the spare room?”
“Where else?”
“Dunno. Nowhere else. Why, where else could she stay?”
I could hear the mirth in her voice. Jesus, did everyone in this damn town seem to know I had a crush on Lily Lane?
“I have no idea.”
“I hope Lily’s okay,” Elara mused. “You know, with the whole rebound situation. I’m worried that she might just throw herself at a random guy. Still, it would probably do her some good to have a no-strings fling—”
“Is there anything else?” I asked, knowing exactly where Elara was going with this.
“Nope! Say hi to her for me when you see her.” A beat. “And tell her that I think she should try to find someone to have a sexy fling with to forget about Vlad.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m her employer, and that kind of talk is inappropriate.”
“Boring.”
“I like boring. Boring is safe. Boring is manageable. Boring is very, very grown-up.”
“Boring is . . . boring! ” she drawled the last word then hung up.
I checked the time. Five minutes to go. Honestly, I was so sweaty after lugging that dresser up to the spare room that I probably needed to take a shower, but never mind about that. This was way more important. It was . . . boring. I cracked my knuckles.
“Rules for Ethan and Lily,” I wrote.
“Maintain a professional distance and keep personal lives separate,” I typed, cringing at the words. Lily would no doubt find this all hilarious. She probably already thought I was a buzzkill. Now she’d think I was even more of a loser.
“No unnecessary physical contact,” I continued, my jaw tightening with each keystroke.
I kept typing, “No being alone together in the same room after Ava’s bedtime. No flirtatious or suggestive comments, jokes, or innuendos, even if meant harmlessly. Refrain from wearing provocative clothing around each other.”
Had I seriously just written that? I couldn’t tell her how to dress. I was straying into absolute asshole territory. I deleted it. Then typed it out again. Then deleted it again.
It struck me how ridiculous this whole thing was. Why on earth was I employing a nanny who made me feel these things? I should just call Lily and tell her this was a stupid mistake and be done with it.
I picked up the phone and was about to make that call when there was a knock at the door.
Perfect.
I opened the door to her sunny smile and a faint scent of strawberries. She was wearing her hair up in a loose bun and she looked fucking fantastic. Like someone had taken a long summer day and personified it.
“Hi, boss!” She gave me a dorky wave, her copper hair shining as bright as her blue eyes. She wore a pair of tight, short, denim shorts, and a gray tank top. I swallowed as I avoided letting my gaze linger on her slender limbs.
“Welcome.” Totally relaxed. Nothing awkward about the way I said that.
She moved forward, and for an anxious moment, I worried that she was going to hug me. Instead, she held out a hand.
I shook it. Even that felt a little intense. Her skin was so fucking smooth it made my gut tighten with lust. My eyes lingered on the smattering of freckles on her nose and cheeks. I wanted to kiss them so badly. “I-Is that all you’ve got with you?” I just about managed to choke out.
She was wearing a black backpack. No other luggage.
“I’m a light traveler,” she said. “Plus, I can shoot home if there’s anything else I need. Didn’t think I’d need any fancy frocks or anything like that.”
“Good. Important to keep our clothing appropriate and sober.”
She laughed loudly. “Oh. Wait. You’re serious! Damn, all right, Granddad.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I deserved that. Now come on in, I’ll show you to your room.”
As we headed inside and up the stairs, I made sure to lead the way, because there was no way I was going to let myself look at her butt in those shorts.
She grimaced as we entered her room. “Ah, this is . . . a bedroom. In a way.”
“Bed and window,” I said, “as requested.”
“And this lovely painting of The Lighthouse. You’re spoiling me!”
“I know it’s not The Ritz.”
“Ritz Crackers, maybe.”
“If there’s anything you need, I can try to get it for you.”
“It’s fine. I’m just teasing. I’m grateful for the opportunity. Like I said, I just needed a break from my normal life. A chance to remember what’s important.” She sighed. “Plus, I can’t wait to start working with Ava.”
“She chose Matilda , by the way. To listen to on audiobook.”
“Amazing! She has good taste.” She eyed the dilapidated sleeper sofa. “I wonder where she got it from.”
“True, my taste in nannies is questionable.”
“Mean!”
“Let me know when you’re unpacked, then I’ll run through the contract with you.”
“Ooh, contract. Do I have to sign it in blood?”
“Yep.”
Her brow furrowed. “Wait, really?”
“You know the word ‘gullible’ isn’t in the dictionary?”
“Oh yeah? Well . . . neither is the word . . . ‘flibajibber.’”
I tried to keep a straight face. I really did.
Fuck, she was pretty when she smiled.
It didn’t take Lily long to unpack. Most likely because she had about two things in that rucksack. While she made herself vaguely at home, I hastily printed out a copy of the contract and grabbed a pen.
I skimmed over it. It was ridiculous. Written in a hurry by a man on the edge. As I heard Lily coming down the stairs, I suddenly panicked and tore off the “Rules for Ethan and Lily” part and shoved it into my pocket.
“Everything okay?” Lily asked, clearly confused as to what I’d been doing.
“Yep. All fine. Good to go. Got the contract here.” I held it up to her.
“You tore something off?”
“Don’t worry about it. Just changed my mind about something.”
She shrugged. “Okay. Shall we go over it together?”
“Sure. You want a coffee?”
She looked at the half-drunk cup of coffee I had set down on the kitchen table, with a jar of instant granules hastily set down beside it. “I thought you were a macchiato drinker.”
I smiled. “Only when you’re making them.”
Shit. I instantly regretted the way I said that. Did it sound corny? Did it sound like I was trying to flirt? Hell, was I trying to flirt?
She blinked at me for a few moments, then said, “I’ve had too much caffeine already today. Let’s just get down to it, shall we?”
Get down to it. Yes, please.
Oh man, I really needed to find a way to kill these raging hormones.
We settled at the kitchen table, with the contract spread out between us. I cleared my throat, trying to ignore the way my heart raced at her proximity. “Right. So, I’ve listed your duties with Ava and my responsibilities to you. In terms of pay, I’m thinking $500 a week, plus food. I know it’s low, but I figured—”
“It’s very generous,” she said. “That’ll be a huge help with getting my store back on track, too. I can buy some new stock.”
“Good. I’m glad you’re happy with it.”
“And you’re technically giving me a place to live. Ooh, I could Airbnb out my place, maybe. Get some extra cash.”
“Sorry the room isn’t anything special.”
“Honestly, it’s fine. I’m glad to be away from home. Too many annoying memories. You know Vlad actually scratched his name into my shower screen? Who does that?”
She scanned the rest of the document.
“This all seems just fine.” She let out a soft laugh. “Honestly I was expecting something quite a bit . . . weirder!”
“Weirder?”
“Just when you said that we would need some ground rules yesterday. I thought there might some rules like, I don’t know, no kissing or something.” Her cheeks pinkened.
“No kissing? Hmm. I hadn’t thought about that. You want me to add it?”
“Well, you could. But then, if we did kiss, by accident, or, you know, because of a formal requirement—”
“Formal requirement?”
“Some kind of strange social situation, if that happened, then I’d get fired, right? Or be punished.”
“I’m not going to punish you.”
“Right. Spanking is completely—”
“No spanking!”
“I’m sorry. Sometimes I just say what’s in my head and I can’t help it. I’ll try harder.”
“It’s okay, don’t worry. You know, actually, I did have some rules like that.”
“No spanking?”
I massaged my temples, trying very hard not to think about spanking Lily’s pert white ass. “No. Nothing to do with spanking. It was stuff like no physical contact and no flirting, but I tore them up. I figured that we could do without them. Maybe I was wrong, though.”
“I’m sure we’ll be fine. This is a professional relationship now, and my focus is on Ava, not on whether or not you’d kiss me or spank me, or both at the same time if that’s even physically possible . . . I’m doing it again.”
“You are.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Look, I know that this is going to be good for Ava, and I’m glad of the chance to train in the evenings, but I want to be clear: nothing is going to happen between the two of us.”
No matter how much I want it to. No matter how hard I have to fight for it not to.
“Right. Good. That’s the way.” Lily nodded, her red hair catching the sunlight as she leaned forward to sign the contract. Her hand brushed mine as she passed the pen back, sending a jolt of electricity through my body.
“There,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “All signed.”
I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the tension between us. “Great. Tomorrow is the first night I’ll be on call.”
“So, it’s not for sure you’ll be out?”
“Might be in. Or I might be called out after you and Ava are asleep.”
“Makes sense. If it’s okay with you, I’ll head back to the store for the rest of the afternoon, then I’ll collect Ava from school at—when was it—3:15?”
I was impressed that she remembered the schedule. “Great. Thanks, Lily.”
“No worries. I think this is going to work out great.”
“Me too,” I lied.
Phew. I’d made it. The contract was signed, and we were about to settle into a routine. I felt so confident that as she walked away from the house, I even glanced at her ass for a second. The tiniest second.
The instant I did it, of course, I knew it was a mistake. As I watched her lithe form walk away from me, I realized that I was going to be living with my god-damn sexual fantasy for the indefinite future.