9. Lily
Chapter 9
Lily
I didn’t get much done in the store that afternoon.
My brain was still buzzing from all the spanking chat with Ethan.
Not that I was, you know, into spanking. I’d never thought of myself as . . . kinky. In fact, I’d never even been spanked once. But for some reason, the thought of having Ethan’s strong hands gently caressing my naked skin before delivering a sharp slap was so . . .
Okay, it was hot. That’s why I coudn’t stop thinking about it.
It wasn’t just the spanking. I was thinking about a whole bunch of stuff.
Kissing.
Grinding.
Licking.
Sucking.
Sex. Lots of sex.
All the good stuff.
It was a very, very good job that I’d sworn off men forever, otherwise I’d have been feeling like I was in a bit of a pickle. Living under the same roof as a hot mechanic firefighter. The guy whose hands seemed to contain some kind of magic powers. A single dad with a tragic past and a heart of gold and . . .
No, Lily! No! Your life is not a romance novel! Or a fairy tale! You have to stop this! Romance novels are lies, remember?
After a lot of confusing thoughts, I decided to do something to take my mind off Ethan—some extremely diligent dyslexia research. Because I’d developed my own coping mechanisms, I hadn’t ever considered what might work for someone else. I scanned medical journals, parenting blogs, and other, varied educational resources. No webpage was left unturned.
A few customers came and went as the afternoon passed, but there were no surprise ten-book purchases today. Just as well, because I was starting to feel guilty for letting people be so generous. Unfortunately, though, unless they were pity purchases, I wasn’t doing great at selling books to people. Someone asked me for a reverse harem recommendation, and I literally replied, “All romance is a lie, but reverse harem is the biggest lie of all. You can’t even find one perfect man in this world, let alone, like, five who all want to be with you all at once, and who personify complimentary yet disparate fragments of the perfect man.” The customer ordered an Americano and left with their tail between their legs.
After a couple of hours of research and a few fumbled attempts at selling books, it was time to pick up Ava.
I hadn’t been back to Bluehaven Elementary since I’d been a student there. I’d been a very different person back then. Like Ava, my undiagnosed dyslexia meant that school wasn’t much fun. I got teased, too, because of my height, my bright ginger hair, and my big glasses, which were as thick as bottlecaps. Elara was my only friend. Everyone loved her, of course—who wouldn’t love Elara?—and when she took a shine to me, it felt like a guardian angel had swooped down to save me from my dreary existence. Luckily, as I got older, I got involved in the school newspaper and found Mary-Beth too, and then I got into romance novels and well, I never had to worry about real life again. By that time, I’d learned how to read using colored plastic sheets, plus there were a ton of romance audiobooks in the local library, and I could get lost in fantasies of hot guys falling for nerdy girls like me whenever I liked.
As I waited at the main gates for Ava, I looked at the other parents, and some of them looked at me. I felt like an impostor, like they knew I didn’t really belong here.
You’re not a mom, lady! You’re just a silly little romance airhead who can’t even get married right.
God, being back at school made me regress straight back into being that miserable kid again. Luckily, I didn’t have too long to wait.
Ava emerged from the school building and flashed me a nervous grin, then a surreptitious wave. I waved back, enthusiastically.
“Hey, kiddo,” I greeted her. “How was your day?”
Ava shrugged, eyes fixed on the ground. “Fine, I guess.”
I fell into step beside her. “Fine is . . . well, it’s fine!”
“So, you’re my nanny now, huh?”
“That’s it. Nanny Lily. Hey, your dad told me that you chose Matilda on audiobook. How do you like it?”
She looked up at me now. “It’s so cool. Mr. Wormwood is horrible. He works with cars, like Dad! But he’s nothing like Dad. Dad would never put sawdust in an engine to trick someone.”
“I get the feeling your dad is about as honest as they come.”
“And he doesn’t dye his hair.”
“I can see that.”
I’d heard people talk about silver foxes, but I never really got the attraction until Ethan.
Stop it, Lily Lane. Stop it right now.
“I don’t want him to dye his hair, but it would be nice if he did things for himself sometimes. He says he’s not important. Just me.”
“Hmm,” I said, furrowing my brow, “of course he’s important. Everyone’s important.”
“Yeah.” Ava kicked a pebble, watching it skitter across the sidewalk.
Once we were out of earshot of any other schoolkids, I said, “I spent the afternoon looking up some stuff about dyslexia. I’ve got ideas that we could try out.” I didn’t want to overload her. “Only if you want to. No pressure.”
“What kinda stuff?”
“Some things that could help you. I ordered some colored overlays and a reading ruler. Plus, I thought I’d get a couple of apps for you to try out—”
“Games?” Her eyes lit up.
I laughed. “Not games exactly. Just apps that can help to quieten your mind a little as you read. What do you think?”
“Okay. I’ll try it.”
“Great. I’ve also sent your dad information on how to get you tested.”
“I hate tests,” she groaned.
“It’s more like an evaluation. Nothing scary, they just ask you a few questions and decide if you need extra support. Trust me, if you do have dyslexia, you’ll be glad you did it. Problem is, it can take a few weeks, maybe even a couple of months to get it sorted, so I thought we could try out some stuff in the meantime and see if it helps.”
Ava smiled weakly. “All right. And in return, I can teach you jujitsu.”
My eyes widened. “I’m not sure. I’m very meek. And weak. And scared of being thrown around and throttled to death.”
Ava chuckled. “I won’t kill you.” Then, she fluttered her little black eyelashes at me. “If you buy me an ice cream.”
“Ice cream, huh? Does your dad buy you ice cream?”
“Oh yeah. Every day.” She nodded vigorously. “We always pick one up on the way home from school. Sometimes we get two each. Didn’t he tell you?”
I laughed. “Funnily enough, he didn’t.” I whipped out my phone and texted Ethan that I wanted to buy Ava ice cream as a first-day nannying treat. He thumbs-upped my message. “Lucky for you, the boss says yes.”
The best place in town for ice cream was a beachfront kiosk called Rossi’s Gelato. It had been there for decades and did the kind of ice cream that made you feel like a kid on vacation. Thick, rich, delicious. Mr. Rossi was a second-generation Sicilian, and the gelato was a closely guarded family secret.
Ava chose mint-choc-chip. I chose strawberry-peach. We sat on the beachfront, licking our cones in companionable silence. I kept thinking back to the way Ava had described her day as “fine.”
“Wanna play a game?” I asked, taking a big lick.
“Sure.”
“It’s called ‘good thing, bad thing’. I used to play it with my mom. Before she ran off to the Bahamas.”
“Your mom ran off?”
“She was really sad. My dad left us and my mom couldn’t take it.”
“Why did he leave?”
I hoped it was okay to talk about this stuff with her. I figured honesty was probably the best policy, though. “Well, he decided that he didn’t love my mom anymore. And then, instead of telling her, he . . . kissed a different woman. Mom found out and got really upset. She tried to work it out with him but he left without even telling us.”
“That’s horrible. Why do people stop loving each other?”
I sighed. “Life is tough, and love is hard.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. It was a while ago, but it still hurts sometimes. I think the hardest thing was when my mom left. I was eighteen, but I still felt really abandoned. I guess she’s still having her breakdown because she hasn’t been back once.”
“My mom died.”
I felt my chest tighten. I hoped I wasn’t making things worse for Ava. My hunch was that she needed to talk about that stuff, but as everyone in this town knew, my hunches weren’t always correct. “Yeah. I’m so sorry, Ava.”
She shrugged. “I don’t remember her much. I think she still loved my dad.”
“I’m sure she did.”
“So what’s ‘good thing, bad thing?’” And just like that, she was ready to talk about something else.
“Well, it’s actually really easy to play. You basically just say one good thing that happened to you today, then one bad thing.”
“Do you have to say the bad thing?”
“Nope. If nothing bad happened, that’s fine. But you know, it really helps to share the bad as well as the good. Makes you feel better. Always did for me, anyway.”
“Okay. You go first.”
“Well. My good thing is that it’s my first day as your nanny!” I held out a hand for a high five. “Come on, girl. Bring it home!”
She slapped my palm and gave me a goofy, sticky grin.
“My bad thing was that I didn’t get much work done at my bookstore. In fact, I’m finding it hard to focus on my bookstore at all at the moment.”
“How come?”
“You know things didn’t work out so well with me and Vlad?”
“You dumped his ass!”
I laughed like a donkey. “Well, I’m kinda through with men. Romance, too. True love and all that. Having my wedding fall apart kinda makes me feel like I don’t want to read any romance novels. And if I can’t read them, I can’t sell them. I keep saying weird, off-putting stuff to the customers.”
She stuck out her lower lip. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. And you know, it made me feel better to talk to you about it. Your turn.”
Her brow furrowed in thought. “Well, my good thing for the day is this ice cream.”
“Of course.”
“Oh, oh, actually another good thing! We’re starting a class project on the stars and the universe and all the celestial bodies.”
“Celestial bodies, huh?”
“Yeah, that means comets and planet-destroying asteroids!”
“Wowzer, that sounds really cool!”
“An asteroid that was sixty miles wide would wipe out all the life on this planet.” Ava took a long, contented lick of her ice cream.
“That’s . . . not so cool?”
“Yeah. But the cool thing is Miss Brown said we should do some stargazing at home! Do you think Dad will let me stay up? We have to try to take photos of the stars.”
“I think so. I’d have to ask.”
“Anyway, my bad thing was I got told off.” The way she said it, so quickly and easily, took me by surprise.
“I’m sorry. What happened?”
“We were doing English and I was angry with the book. So, I threw it on the floor.”
“Ah, sweetie, I’m sorry.”
“I wish books weren’t even invented. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about your bookstore and I wouldn’t get told off.”
I put an arm around her. “I get that feeling. Sorry things are tough.”
She was quiet for a moment, then said, “Oh! Oh! Oh! I’ve got another good thing.”
“What is it?” I asked.
She smiled at me. “You talk to me like a grown-up.”
I gave her hand a little squeeze. “Lots of good stuff today, then.”
***
It was a beautiful walk back. The sky was clear, the breeze was floral and sweet, and the view was spectacular.
“Your dad picked a really good spot for a home, you know, Ava.”
Ava nodded. “Mom never liked it, apparently. She wanted us to move to Goldharbor Bay because it’s fancier there. But even though it’s a bit, well, gray, Dad and I have stayed here. We like it.”
As we stepped onto the porch, the scent of the breeze was replaced by the mouthwatering aroma of grilled meat, making my stomach grumble in anticipation. Ava skipped ahead, her backpack bouncing with each step, and burst through the front door.
“Dad! We’re home!” she called out, kicking off her shoes. Her mood had improved a lot since our little heart-to-heart.
I entered the house to see Ethan embracing Ava, holding her tight to his chest. He had his eyes closed tight, and he had this warm, relaxed smile on his face I’d never seen before. I held my breath, not wanting to spoil their moment, but then his eyes opened and he said, “Thanks for getting Ava. I appreciate it. Gave me a chance to get the food going.”
“What are we eating?” I asked.
“You like birria tacos?”
“Beer and tacos,” I replied. “Yes, I do believe I do.”
“ Birria ,” he said, pronouncing each syllable with relish. “They just so happen to be my favorite.”
“They’re so yum!” Ava declared, grabbing my hand. “Like, stupid delicious.”
“How was school?” Ethan asked.
Ava launched into an animated recap of her school project, her earlier reservations forgotten as she gushed about the wonders of the cosmos.
“Sounds like a seriously stellar project,” Ethan said, waggling his eyebrows. “Out of this world, even.”
“Oh my goodness,” I said, making a big deal of wincing. “That’s the daddiest dad joke I think I’ve ever heard.”
“That’s nothing,” Ava deadpanned. “Just wait. That’s one of his better jokes. Seriously.”
Dinnertime was surprisingly relaxed. Ethan was a different person when Ava was around. It was like she smoothed out all his hard edges. We talked about all kinds of stuff. Ava asked me about my favorite kid’s books, and I asked her about her friends. Ethan asked me about my time at school, and I echoed the question back at him.
“I was at the top of my class,” he said. “A real all-rounder. And super popular.”
“Really?”
“He’s joking,” Ava said. “You can always tell when my dad’s joking because his lip twitches.”
“What? You never told me that!” he cried.
“I need to see this,” I said, taking another bite of the outrageously delicious tacos. “Make a joke.”
“I can’t just make a joke on demand! I’m not a performing monkey!”
“Dance, monkey, dance!” Ava said with a laugh.
Ethan scratched under his armpits and, to my surprise, made a couple of “ook” noises. Seeing him like this was a revelation.
“Actually,” Ethan said, “I was just a normal kid at school. Well, as normal as you can be when you’re a triplet. Jack was good at team sports. Cole was good at chasing girls. I was . . . okay at everything. Except art. I was terrible at art.”
I laughed. “What about chasing girls?”
He shrugged. “Well, I was pretty much with Marie from the age of sixteen. So I guess I did okay at that, too.”
“Mom chased you,” said Ava. “She liked your car.”
Ethan laughed. “Yeah. My car was my secret weapon.” He looked at me. “So, what about you, Lily Lane? What were you like at school?”
I bit my lip. “Oh, you know. Just your average nerdy kid who likes books and art and love stories. Guess I haven’t changed.”
I felt Ethan’s eyes trying to communicate something to me. Finally, he said, “Well, thank goodness you haven’t. Or this town would be missing out a very good bookstore, and a lot of romantic connections.”
“I thought you hated romance,” I said, narrowing my eyes.
“I hate it for me,” he replied. “I like it for everyone else.”
I wanted to press him on that, but it didn’t feel right in front of Ava, so I changed the subject. “So, you might be heading out for your first training session tonight?”
“Right. Could be called out at any time. And if not tonight, it’ll be tomorrow night.”
“Did they tell you what you’re going to be doing?”
“Nope.”
“They’ll make you save a cat from a tree,” Ava said.
“I think that’ll be in advanced training,” Ethan joked. Sure enough, his upper lip twitched.
After dinner, Ava scampered off to listen to more of her audiobook, while I helped Ethan clear the table. We worked in silence for a while, and then I said, “Ava needs to do some stargazing for her school project. Up for it? The weather is perfect tonight.”
His jaw clenched. “I don’t normally let her stay up that late.”
“Right, but it’s a one-off. For her project. Astral photography.”
He sighed. “Okay. Guess I need to chill out a bit on the old ‘strict dad’ routine sometimes.”
“Great! I’d love to join in, if you’ll let me.”
“You don’t have to.”
“We didn’t agree to a ‘no stargazing’ rule,” I said, quietly.
Ethan swallowed hard, then nodded. “Fine.”
I clapped my hands together in excitement. “Yay! Do you have marshmallows, or do I need to get some from the store?”
“We don’t need marshmallows to stargaze.”
“We absolutely do. It’ll be like camping.”
“Let’s not, beca—”
Ava interrupted us. “Did someone say marshmallows?”
***
Watching Ethan light a campfire in the backyard stirred something ancient and primal within me, a part I didn’t know existed. The idea of a man creating fire from nothing was unexpectedly erotic. The ease with which he shredded sticks into kindling, the assured way he built a pyramid of logs, and the confident manner in which he nurtured the tiny flames into a roaring blaze captivated me.
“You know,” he said, “stargazing is a lot easier if you don’t have any light at ground level.”
“Yeah, but it’s a lot worse without marshmallows.”
“Yeah, Dad,” Ava said, putting her hands on her hips. “Marshmallows are kind of the point of stargazing.”
“Yeah,” I echoed. “They’re kind of the point.”
“I’m glad you two are getting on so well,” he said, sarcastically. “There’s suddenly a lot of feminine energy coming my way.”
“Shut up and toast our marshmallows!” Ava said, thrusting a hand into the sky.
Ethan laughed. “Yes, my queen.”
I brought out blankets and we took turns toasting the gooey treats, looking up at the sky and discussing the few constellations we recognized.
“That one’s definitely the . . . big dippy thing,” said Ethan.
I pointed. “And that one there is the Depressed Swan. I’m sure of it. Oh, oh, and there’s the Droopy Caterpillar.”
Ava snickered. “I’ll be sure to tell Miss Brown we saw those.”
After eating so many marshmallows our teeth were coated in sugar-flavored cement, we lay down on the blanket, Ava snuggling between Ethan and me. The night sky stretched above us, an inky canvas dotted with twinkling stars.
I got an app on my phone that showed us a live version of the night sky, and we looked up at the patterns together.
“I’m so glad you’re here for this, Lily,” said Ava. “Dad would never have found that app. Or any app.”
Ethan laughed. “I found you the big dippy thing. What more do you want, kiddo?”
Ava pointed up, her small finger tracing shapes in the sky. “Is that a planet?”
“According to the app,” I said, “it’s Venus.”
“Venus, huh?” Ethan said, impressed. I felt him looking at me. Staring at me. I didn’t dare stare back. I felt like if I did, he’d see how much I was enjoying this moment. The three of us here, together.
“I can’t believe we’re looking at another planet!” Ava gasped. “We could be looking at aliens right now.”
“They’re probably out there thinking the same about you,” Ethan joked.
“Let’s take some photos!” I said, opening up the camera app. We fiddled with it for a while and found the astral photography mode.
I let Ava take a few shots, then she said, “Daddy, smile! I’m taking one of us!”
“Wait, what?” Ethan said.
“Too late, took it!”
I looked at the screen. There was a very blurry photo of the three of us, Ava and I smiling, and Ethan, who was moving at the time, looked like he had about six eyes.
“Looks like you’re the alien, Dad!” said Ava, giggling incessantly.
“Delete that!” Ethan said.
“No way, I’m keeping it forever.”
“I’ll get prints of these made for your school,” I said, taking the phone back. I was about to do exactly that when a brilliant streak of light shot across the inky expanse above us. “Look, a shooting star!” I exclaimed, pointing to the glittering trail, and as quick as I could, taking a picture.
Ava gasped in delight, her eyes wide with wonder. “It’s like a fairy tale! Quick, make a wish!”
I looked up at the sky, and to my surprise, a wish popped into my head.
I wish I could kiss Ethan again.
For a moment, it felt like the whole universe stood still. Every star, every atom, perfectly motionless and serene. My wish reverberated out into infinity, and I felt a strange, soft power hum in my body.
The silence was broken by Ava yawning. “This is the best night ever.” She yawned again.
“Time for bed?” Ethan asked.
“Nope,” she said, letting her big eyes flutter closed. “I’m not . . . even tired, Daddy.”
Within a minute, she was asleep. Her head rested heavily on my shoulder. I smiled down at her peaceful face, feeling a surge of affection for this brave, bright little girl.
Ethan noticed too, and we shared a tender look.
He lifted a finger to his lips, then he carefully gathered her into his arms. As he cradled her head, his hand brushed against my shoulder, and I felt a jolt of electricity shoot through me.
Fuck. How did he do that? What were his hands made of—fricking spark plugs?
No one had ever made me feel weak and trembly just by accidentally touching me before.
With Ethan carrying Ava, we headed back into the house, then through the dimly lit hallway to Ava’s bedroom. Inside her room, I pulled back the bedcovers and Ethan gently laid her down, her dark hair fanning out across the pillow. Together, we tucked the blankets snugly around her, then Ethan popped a small, stuffed dragon under the covers with her.
For a quiet, intimate, moment, we simply stood there, watching the gentle rise and fall of Ava’s chest. In the soft glow of the nightlight, Ethan’s face held immense tenderness.
Then, he pointed silently to the door.
As we stepped out into the corridor, Ethan turned to me, his voice low and intimate. “Thank you for tonight. For your help.”
“No problem. It’s my job, so. . . .”
“I’m grateful. Ava seemed really happy this evening. Although we’re really gonna have to scrub her teeth in the morning.”
“She’s a great kid.”
He nodded as we walked downstairs. “So, what did you wish for?”
“Wish for?”
“The shooting star? You made a wish, right?”
I could feel the heat of his body, tantalizingly close in the narrow stairwell. My heart began to race, a fluttering bird in my chest. “Well, if I tell you, it won’t come true, will it?”
Once again, I felt my body humming, like it was being drawn to Ethan’s. Like we were magnets. Electrons. Fragments of lust.
Ethan reached the bottom of the stairs, and turned to me, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “Maybe I can guess, then.”
I arched an eyebrow as I stepped down beside him. Why wasn’t he moving? Why were we standing so close together at the bottom of the stairwell like this? “Oh, you think you know me that well already, do you?”
Flirting. This was definitely flirting.
“I can read you like a book.” The way he looked at me was anything but professional. He looked down at my bare shoulder and pressed a fingertip to my skin. “Hey, look,” he said with a wry smile as he traced lines between my freckles. “I just saw the Droopy Caterpillar.”
“That’s actually the Hopeful Hamster,” I whispered, biting my lip. Nobody had ever been interested in my freckles before, except for the bullies at school. The fact that Ethan wanted to touch them made me fall in love with every single one of them in that moment. Seductively, I told him, “I have all kinds of constellations on my skin.”
“I know you do,” he replied, his eyes lingering on the freckles on my chest.
I was acutely aware of every inch of small space separating us, of the subtle scent of his cologne, of the way his eyes kept darting to my lips.
Almost of their own accord, my feet carried me forward a step, so that we were standing toe-to-toe. I loved that I had to look up slightly to maintain eye contact. I had always been tall, but Ethan was even taller than me. It made me feel so womanly. My breath caught at the hunger in his eyes.
“That was pretty magical out there, huh?”
“Ethan,” I whispered, my voice sounding foreign to my own ears, husky with desire.
And then, as if drawn by an irresistible force, our lips met.
Not just our lips.
All our parts. All our tiny, constituent parts. He enveloped me, arms circling me, pulling me powerfully into him. As he pushed his tongue between my lips, and a leg between my legs, I lost track of where I ended and he began. I whimpered and he groaned and it felt like we were one being.
The kiss grew harder, more intense, like a surge of electricity igniting a blaze within us, propelling us into the cosmos.
“Fuck,” he groaned, finding my neck with his lips. “You taste so fucking good. Marshmallows. Honey. Do you always taste of honey?”
“Only to people who are attracted to me,” I whispered. “You are . . . attracted to me, aren’t you, Ethan?”
He threaded his fingers through mine. “Can’t you feel it?”
I became aware of the hardness at his groin, pressing against my stomach. Hot, hard, thick.
“Uh, yeah,” I said. “I think I can feel something. Let me just . . . check.” I slid my free hand down to his crotch and placed it over the definite bulge. “Yep. I can definitely feel it.”
“This is dangerous, Lily,” he said, but he didn’t stop, slipping a hand up my tank top, finding my pebbled nipples, tracing the shape of my breasts with his fingertips. And there it was again. That magical hand. That incredible, lightning bolt touch that lit up my insides like a firework display on New Year’s Eve.
“Let me touch you too,” I breathed. “Just one touch,” I unbuttoned his jeans and tugged down, finding his warm hardness. He felt so good. So thick. So heavy. I felt a flood of desire as I wrapped my fingers around his manhood.
He found my lips again, pushing his scruff against me, biting my lower lip, pushing me up against the wall. His fingers curled around mine, making me hold his cock tighter still, and then he began guiding my hand up and down, growing even harder, even thicker, as I pumped.
“Holy fuck, Lily,” he whispered into my ear, his fingers snaking down to my denim hotpants, tugging open the button like he wanted to break the damn thing. “This was my damn wish.”
Then his hand slid down, deep inside my panties, and—
The jarring buzz of Ethan’s phone in his pocket shattered the spell. He jerked back as if doused with cold water, his face flushed, his breathing ragged. With a muttered curse, he fumbled for the offending device.
I stood there, dazed, my whole body tingling. I watched as he checked the screen, his expression morphing from annoyance to resignation.
“It’s the station,” he said, his voice rough. “They need me to come in. Fuck.”
Our eyes met, and in that charged gaze, I could read every ounce of his reluctance, his frustration, and beneath it all, the burning heat of unquenched lust. I looked down at his beautiful cock, still perfectly hard, desperate for my touch. I wished I could give it to him.
“Go,” I managed, my tongue darting out to moisten my suddenly dry lips. “They need you. We can . . . talk later.”
“Talk, huh?”
“That’s one of the things we can do.”
He looked at me for a moment, staring hard at me. “Probably won’t be back until morning.” Still, he didn’t stop looking at me.
I squirmed a little uncomfortably. “What are you doing? Why are you staring at me like that?”
“Remembering this,” he said. “I never want to forget how you look, and how I feel.”
“How do you feel?” I asked, a smile forcing its way onto my lips.
“Alive,” he replied.
Then, a moment later, he was gone.
I sagged against the wall, my knees weak, my heart threatening to pound right out of my chest. I pressed my trembling fingers to my lips, still feeling the imprint of his mouth on mine.
Alive. I felt more than alive.
“Holy shit,” I whispered to the empty corridor. “What just happened?”
But I knew. Oh, I knew.