10. Ethan
Chapter 10
Ethan
M y heart pounded. My body ached. My brain buzzed.
What had Lily done to me? I’d ended up in training for the last three nights running, but still, I couldn’t get her out of my head. Get that kiss out of my head.
“McCoy?” The chief’s voice broke through the fog of desire. “You all right there, son?”
“Yup,” I replied.
If by all right you mean crushing on a nanny who’s over a decade younger than me, then yep, I’m all right.
“Keep your head in the game, son. Keep that form tight!”
Sweat dripped down my brow as I hauled the heavy fire hose over my shoulder. The fire station training yard was alive with activity, the air thick with the smell of smoke from controlled fires.
“Don’t worry about the chief,” Mitch called out, his grizzled face breaking into a grin. Mitch was an old friend of my dad’s, and I’d known him since I was a kid. “He’s a ballbuster!”
I nodded, too out of breath to respond. These past few days of training had been grueling, but I welcomed the distraction. Anything to keep my mind off Lily and the way her hand felt on my—
“Earth to Ethan!” That was Sam. He was a few years younger than me, and a real jock. He’d played hockey with my brother Jack as a junior until an injury had taken him out of the game. “Anyone in there?”
“I’m here.”
“Got this glazed look in your eye. Like a donut.”
“Can you boys stop discussing breakfast and focus on your drills!” The chief’s voice rang out from the edge of the yard.
I continued to heave the fire hose, feeling the burn in my muscles but pressing on regardless. In the distance, I could see the outline of Bluehaven Beach, the early morning waves lapping at the shore. I wondered if Lily was looking out at the sea right now. Was she walking on the sand collecting seashells? Or would she be at work by now, perched behind the counter of Happy Ever Affogato? Was she reading a steamy romance novel, maybe? Fantasizing that I was the main character?
This was not what I needed.
And yet, I couldn’t help myself. That kiss had woken me up. I’d been asleep for years, denying myself just about every simple pleasure that life tried to throw at me. I’d done nothing but focus on raising my own daughter, and now, all of a sudden, I was raising . . . other things.
Damn. I seriously hadn’t gotten so many erections in such a short space of time in forever. What the hell was wrong with me? Was I seriously that turned on by being around a woman ten years younger than me? Her soft skin, her pert breasts, her plump little butt? Or was there even more to it than that? Lily’s gorgeously seductive red hair, for one thing. The way she always knew how to make Ava and I open up around her. Her impish sense of humor. The way she always knew just how much to tease me. Enough to make my cock hard but keep my ego intact.
The energy between us the other night had been wild. I had been trying so hard not to feel attracted to her, but when she suggested stargazing, I knew I was done for. The sight of her sparkling eyes looking up at the universe. The feeling of peace the three of us had sitting under the night sky. And when that shooting star streaked across the sky, it was like a punch to the gut.
You’re going to kiss her again tonight, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
I would have done a lot more than just kiss her if the station hadn’t called. The moment she reached down and pressed her hand on my raging hard-on, I knew that I planned to make her come harder than she’d ever come in her life. I wanted to be the man who made Lily Lane, the town’s biggest expert on romance, feel like she was just starting out on a voyage of romantic discovery. Sexual discovery. For a moment, I even thought of Vlad, and how I wanted to fuck that pathetic asshole right out of her system.
Thankfully, since then, I hadn’t had a chance. I’d been either at the garage or at training, while she’d been at her store, and then picking Ava up for me. I had almost gone to her bookstore to buy a macchiato a dozen times while working at the garage, but every time, I had stopped myself. I was scared that if I spent time with Lily alone, I’d end up fucking her, and then . . . well, there would be no going back. I’d make myself vulnerable, all over again, in a way that I just couldn’t handle.
It had been a big relief to get some distance from her, and yet, somehow, it had made me hornier than ever.
We finally got the hose stowed away safely.
“Good work,” the chief’s voice sounded out. “That’ll do for now.”
Groans of relief sounded out across the yard.
After showering and changing, a group of us took a coffee break. I was with Mitch and Sam, who’d been assigned as my mentors for the training. They were good guys, but they liked winding me up.
“So, tell me more about this live-in nanny situation.” Sam had a wicked look in his eye.
“Word travels fast,” I grunted, taking a sip.
“Samantha bought some books from Lily’s store the other day. Real racy content. She and Samantha got to talking.” Samantha was Sam’s wife.
“Remind me why it is you don’t shorten your wife’s name,” Mitch teased.
“You know, you’d think you’d get funnier with age,” Sam retorted.
“Sam and Sam,” I said. “It’s got a nice ring to it.”
“Lily must be looking for a rebound guy,” Sam said, ignoring me. “Mitch, you interested?”
Mitch snorted out a laugh. “Maybe if I was thirty years younger.”
“She’s not looking for a rebound guy,” I said, a little more strongly than I meant to.
Sam’s eyebrows raised, as he clearly smelled blood in the water. “Isn’t she? Maybe she already found one.”
“Nope,” I lied. “Nothing like that. I just know she’s not thinking about guys at all right now. Maybe ever again.”
“She’s into girls now?”
“Not as far as I know.”
“That would be kind of hot, though,” Sam said, taking a bite of a cookie.
“I’ll let Samantha know you think so,” I replied.
“Wow! Touchy subject! Didn’t realize you had such strong feelings for her.”
“I don’t. She’s just . . . a good person, all right? She’s been helping Ava a lot. She’s patient and creative, always coming up with fun stuff for the two of them to do.”
Mitch raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like someone’s got a crush.”
“What? No!” I sputtered, feeling my face flush. “It’s totally innocent. I’m just grateful for everything she’s done for Ava, that’s all.”
But even as the words left my mouth, I knew they rang hollow.
Kissing her was one thing, but I couldn’t afford to let myself feel anything more. I didn’t want to risk it. Didn’t matter how much her eyes sparkled when she laughed, how much her hair smelled like strawberries, or how hungrily she’d pumped my cock. . . .
Get a grip, McCoy. She’s your nanny. Your very young, very off-limits nanny, who just ended a long-term relationship.
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I needed to focus on training, on being the best damn firefighter I could be.
“If you’re grateful, maybe you should give her a nice big bonus.” Sam waggled his eyebrows.
I was about to snap something back when the chief’s voice boomed out across the yard. “All right, back to work! Move it, ladies!”
Good. More work. Anything to help me forget about my terrible, incurable crush.
***
In the spirit of forgetting about all things romance, I decided to head back home to my empty home and jack off.
Lily was still at her bookstore until Ava finished school, so it was the perfect time for me to get rid of some of this pent-up tension.
I pulled up outside my place and quietened the car engine. It had been a minute since I had last masturbated. I was already getting excited at the prospect. Maybe I’d be able to smell Lily in the house. Strawberries and spice and all things nice, that’s what Lily Lane was made of.
Just as I was about to push the front door open, I heard something—a strangled cry coming from inside, then a string of muffled, but clearly audible curse words.
What the hell?
I cautiously opened the front door, not sure what to expect. Right there, in the middle of the laundry room, was Lily. Her red hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun, tendrils escaping to frame her flushed face. But it was her outfit that made my jaw drop.
She wore a skimpy white bra, the fabric soaked through and practically transparent, her pink nipples clearly visible through it. She wore white panties too, so small they were barely there, and they were also soaking wet, revealing a curl of red hair beneath them that made my cock instantly stand to attention. She looked like a wet dream come to life.
“E-Ethan!” Lily squeaked, her eyes wide with surprise. “You’re home early.”
“What are you doing here?” I managed to croak out, my throat suddenly dry.
She bit her lip, gesturing to the washing machine, which was spewing soapy water all over her and the floor. “I wasn’t feeling work today, so I decided to surprise you by doing some laundry and making dinner. But I think I broke the machine somehow!”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of the situation. Here I was, trying to work my lust for Lily out of my system, and she shows up in my house looking like she’s entering a fucking wet t-shirt contest.
“Let me take a look,” I offered, brushing past her to examine the machine.
There it was. The scent of strawberries.
“I don’t know what I did! Something flashed up about changing the filter, which I think I did properly, but then when I started it up again all the water started coming out of that pipe.” She pointed, and to my shame, I couldn’t help but notice the slick curve of her chest as she stood with her arm extended. My cock twitched in my pants. I’d come back expecting to give myself some relief, and now it felt as though my balls were practically blue.
“You got all wet.” I swallowed, hard.
“It was spraying all over me,” she said.
Jesus fucking Christ.
“At least it’s not spraying out anymore,” I managed.
I was so damn horny it felt like my head was spinning. I tried to focus on the task at hand, but it was impossible with her hovering so close, her damp skin glistening in the fluorescent light.
As I pulled out the sodden filter, I grasped for any topic of conversation to distract me from Lily’s intoxicating presence. “Training was good.”
“Great!” she attempted a smile.
“Tough being away from the garage so much, though.” Why was I so boring? There was a fucking angel standing next to me. An angel who just a few days ago had her hand wrapped around my cock.
And I was talking about work.
I grabbed a couple of towels from the cupboard and laid them down on the floor, trying to soak up some of the spilled water. Then, I wiped my hand on the towel and did my best not to notice Lily’s hard nipples, pushing out the almost invisible fabric of her bra.
“How come you didn’t go to work today?” I asked.
Ah yes. More work chat. What a cool guy.
She shrugged, averting my gaze. “Honestly? I’m not really enjoying it at the moment.” She grabbed another towel from the cupboard and wrapped it around herself. “I didn’t know those were there, or I would have covered up sooner. Sorry about that.”
Please don’t apologize.
“What do you mean, you’re not enjoying work?” I asked, concern etched on my features.
Lily let out a frustrated sigh. “It’s just . . . I’m not sure how I feel about romance anymore. Not really sure if I even believe in love.” Her eyes, suddenly dark with desire, fixed on mine. “Lust. I believe in that. Only lust.”
I clenched my jaw. “Who needs love?” I asked, squeezing the soaking-wet filter into the sink. “All it leads to is hurt, anyway.”
“Me and Vlad.”
“Fuck Vlad.”
She looked at me, wide-eyed. “Yeah. Fuck Vlad.”
“Right! Fuck that guy. He was an idiot.”
“Who needs fairytales and happily ever afters?” she said with a shrug.
“They’re just children’s stories.”
“Exactly. And no amount of pooping birds, death-wish deer, and shooting stars can convince me otherwise.”
“Excuse me?”
“My point is, the universe isn’t trying to give me any signs! It’s just doing random stuff that I’m assigning meaning to!”
As she finished the sentence, a spurt of water shot so forcefully out of the tap that it splashed all over my top now, too.
“Okay,” I said, shocked by the force of the water, “I think I’m going to need to call a plumber.”
But Lily didn’t reply. She was too busy looking at me. I watched her eyes as they traced up my black t-shirt, which was now plastered to my body. Finally, they seemed to get stuck at my lips.
I’d never felt so wanted. It felt like being undressed.
“We should probably take our clothes off,” she said softly.
“To get dry.”
“Mmhmm. To get dry.”
“Not for any other reason, right?”
“Of course not. Why don’t you take your top off, boss?”
Oh, shit. “Boss.” Why did it feel so good to hear her call me that?
“Or I could help you with it?” she suggested.
“Lily,” I said, “I don’t think this is a good idea. I know things got very . . . full-on . . . between us the other night. But I’m still very aware that you’re . . . and I’m. . . .”
“You’re a man and I’m a woman?” asked Lily, smiling mischievously.
“I’m much older than you.”
“Yep.”
“And you’re on the rebound.”
“Imagine.”
“And of course, you’re Ava’s nanny.”
“Just because we fuck,” she said, her lips glistening in the light, “doesn’t mean we have to feel .”
“I’m not the kind of guy to have meaningless sex,” I protested weakly.
“Do you have any sex?”
I swallowed. “That’s not your concern.”
“Well, I have actually had quite a lot of meaningless sex. And you know what?”
“What?”
“It’s fun. Well, sometimes it’s more fun than other times. If it’s forbidden, like this kind of is, then I promise you, it’s really frickin—”
“Lily,” I growled, “you’re playing with fire.”
“I like it hot.”
I needed her to understand what she was dealing with. “If we had sex,” I told her, “I guarantee you that you’d want more.”
She giggled. “Oh yeah?”
“I. Would. Destroy. You.”
Was it me or did her legs just tremble?
“I’m not some kid, Lily. Not some scrawny little good-for-nothing rock star. I’m a man, sweetheart. A grown-ass man with rough hands and real experience. And when I do something . . .” I stepped forward and took hold of her chin, “I do it fucking right.”
I felt her hot breath against my lips. She was so close I could practically taste her. We stayed there for a moment. Then, I stepped back.
“The other night was a moment of weakness. I can’t afford to have another one. I need you to be there for Ava. It’s so important to me. You can’t leave.”
Lily paused, then breathed in slow and deep. “Ethan. I’m sorry. You’re right. Fuck.”
“If something happened between us, then we got angry with each other and it affected Ava, I’d never forgive myself.”
“Right. We have to put her first.”
“Thank you. Sex is never just sex. There’s always more.”
She shrugged. “I disagree. But I respect your opinion.”
“Thank you.”
She paused for a moment. “I can’t believe I just threw myself at you like that. In my wet underwear.”
“Don’t feel bad.”
“Kinda feels bad. Not because you turned me down. Just . . . how much of a cliché am I? Get cheated on by my fiancé then offer myself up to the first hot mechanic I find.”
“To be fair, I am also a firefighter.”
She smiled. “Trainee firefighter.”
“You’re not a cliché,” I said. “There’s something between us. It’s not . . . just rebound stuff.”
“Oh? It’s not?”
“That’s why it’s so dangerous. You’re . . . desirable, Lily.”
She blinked at me.
“When I think of you with Vlad, it makes me sick. Really. Like my gut churns and I can feel all this anger rise up inside me like bile.”
“That’s . . . sweet?”
“Someone like him wasn’t worthy of licking your fucking boots, Lily. You’re smart. Funny. Insanely hot.” I took a steadying breath. “And that’s why nothing can ever happen between us. I don’t want anyone to get hurt. Not Ava, not you.”
“What about you?”
“I’m a big boy, Lily. I can handle it.”
She searched my face, her eyes filled with a tenderness that nearly broke me. “You’ve been handling it for a long time, haven’t you? All of it.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but the words caught in my throat. I felt so seen it was painful. Like she knew me deeply, intimately.
“It’s hard.”
“It’s like being a firefighter,” she said with a nod. “You’re constantly on call, never off duty. Always ready to jump into action at a moment’s notice.”
“Yeah. It’s not just the big things, either, like bandaging skinned knees or chasing away monsters under the bed. It’s the little everyday stuff that really drains you. Packing lunches, remembering permission slips, trying to juggle work and school schedules. . . . “
“It sounds lonely.”
Fuck, she was smart. “Yeah.”
“You ever thought about finding someone new?”
I sighed. How could I tell her that the idea of letting someone in again terrified me to my core? That the thought of losing another person I cared about was too much to bear?
Lily gave my arm a gentle squeeze before releasing me, the moment passing as quickly as it had come. “I’m sorry for prying. I just . . . care.”
“I guess we’re friends.”
“Right. Friends.” She nodded. “Thanks for your honesty.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“It feels good to have someone be straight with me, even if it isn’t what I want to hear.”
I nodded. “I don’t really do lies.”
“I can tell. You’re a good man, Ethan.”
I fixed my gaze on her. “I’m broken, Lils. That’s the truth of it.”
She looked right back at me, her eyes softening. “We’re all a little broken. That’s what makes us human.”
A moment of understanding passed between us, heavy with unspoken words and unfulfilled desire.
Lily cleared her throat. “I should probably go dry off,” she said, breaking the tension with a small smile. “Hopefully without breaking anything else in the process.”
“Just don’t break any hearts,” I said, attempting levity.
She paused at the doorway, her expression unreadable. “Too late for that, I think.”