11. Lily
Chapter 11
Lily
W ho knew that 37 percent of women have nocturnal orgasms at some point in their life? I didn’t. But now I did, because it happened to me last night, so naturally I looked it up.
I woke up, legs still trembling, slightly confused. The dream had been so vivid. I could feel Ethan’s body. I could even smell him, a mixture of cologne, metal, and smoke. We were having sex in the dream. Duh. But the special thing about it was that we were having sex in a kind of magical, woodland clearing. There were cute little animals all around us—rabbits and butterflies and twittering songbirds. There were toadstools growing under trees and there was this huge double rainbow arcing above us.
It was perfect. Inhumanly perfect. And I was just trying to explain that to Ethan, to tell him that it was all too perfect to be true, when he covered my mouth with his hand and grunted out the words, “I. Will. Destroy. You.” That’s when he came inside me, and it was so hard, and so fucking good, that I woke up, panting. My pussy muscles were clenching and spasming with the memory of that big, hard cock inside me, and I felt a wetness between my thighs.
Oops.
It took me a moment to figure out what must have happened. I felt embarrassed, then I felt bewildered and then, finally, I started to laugh.
“This is too much,” I whispered to myself.
At breakfast, when Ethan asked how I slept, I swear I blushed. I just about managed to mumble: “Not bad.”
“Uncle Jack says the sleeper sofa is as comfortable as venereal disease,” Ava chimed in, her eyes wide with innocence. “Whatever that is.”
I choked on my cornflakes, coughing and sputtering. “The sofa sleeper is . . . fine. Totally fine. Nothing disease-like about it.”
Ethan raised an eyebrow. “Sounds like Lily’s aiming for the Guinness World Record in enthusiasm this morning.”
“I’m returning to work today,” I blurted, desperate to change the subject. “My brief career as a laundry technician has come to an end.”
Ava looked at Ethan, her face scrunched in concern. “Dad, I think Lily’s malfunctioning.”
“Now, now,” Ethan said, his lips twitching. “I’m sure Lily’s just . . . what was it again? Not bad? Totally fine?”
I shoveled the last of my breakfast into my mouth, trying desperately not to notice how Ethan’s white tee clung to his chest like a second skin. “Yep, that’s me. Totally fine, not-bad Lily. Now, who’s ready for school?”
Ava groaned. “Can’t I stay home and help you debug the robot Lily instead?”
I stood up, gathering my things. “Sorry, kiddo. This robot’s got to get to work. Maybe we can debug me later.”
As we headed out, I could feel Ethan’s amused gaze following us. Great. Now I had to survive a whole day of work while my brain kept replaying both my dream and this mortifying breakfast. Just another not-bad, totally fine day in paradise.
On the way to school, Ava chatted cheerfully to me about Bruce Bogtrotter, one of the characters in Matilta , and what would happen in real life if someone at an entire cake like he did. I told her to ask Elara, who had probably witnessed it with her own eyes at her bakery.
When we got to school, Ava reached out for a hug. “Come on, girl,” she said, grinning. “Bring it home.”
I gave her a giant hug and for some reason, couldn’t help tearing up a little. Thankfully, she didn’t notice and scampered off.
After that, I headed to my store. I pushed the door open and sighed, before heading to flip on the coffee machine so that I’d be good to serve when I opened.
I paused, looking around at the shelves of romance novels surrounding me. Why didn’t I feel that familiar spark of excitement anymore? Considering I’d literally woken up from a hurricane-force dream-gasm this morning, you’d think I’d be all about the romance right now.
But instead, I just felt . . . empty. Disconnected. Like I was going through the motions in a story where I no longer believed in the happily ever after.
Maybe I could sell the place. Maybe I could just give it to my old staff member, Yolande. She had been pretty passionate about the place. I mean, sure, she was maybe a little too obsessed with vampire romances than was healthy, but hey, we all had something, right?
So . . . I could ditch the bookstore. Then I could just—what? Run away? Forget Vlad and Ethan and the town and romance and everything? I’d promised Ethan I wouldn’t leave Ava, and I didn’t want to, but. . . .
There was a sudden, insistent tapping at the window. Elara. Not carrying pastries this time. Just glowering at me.
“No croissants?” I asked, unlocking the door for her.
“No croissants, indeed!” She huffed. “This isn’t a social call. This is serious business. This, in fact, is an intervention!” She stormed into the place, then sat on the pink leather couch and glowered.
My stomach dropped. I knew that determined glint in her emerald eyes. There was no escaping whatever lecture she had prepared.
“El, I don’t have time for this right now,” I sighed, busying myself with wiping down the counter. “I have to open the store.”
“Oh, do you now? You have to open the store?” She folded her arms in front of her. “And where have you been for the past few days? You didn’t mind so much about not opening the store then.”
“I’ve been busy!”
“I’ve had people coming into O’Neil’s asking me if you were dead!”
“Dead? Who asked that?”
“You know. People. Romance addicts. Bibliophiles.”
“Yeah well, I’m not dead! So, everyone’s happy.”
“You haven’t been answering my texts. I thought for a minute you had just run off.”
“Oh,” I said quietly.
“You’re not going to run off, are you?”
“No.”
“You’d better not! You’re one of the main reasons I came back to this town. You’re not allowed to up and leave. It’s illegal.”
I snorted. “You ran off to New York for ages.”
“But I came back. Eventually.” She tapped the couch beside her. “So. Where have you been?”
“At Ethan’s place,” I said, sitting down beside her, innocent as pie. “I’ve been busy doing nanny stuff.”
“All day long? Even when Ava’s at school?”
“Well . . . yes.”
“Lily Elaine Lane, don’t you dare try to bullshit me. Something is going on with you and I demand you tell me right now.”
I bit my lip, my willpower crumbling under her intense stare. Taking a deep breath, I met her eyes. “Ethan and I . . . we’ve been fighting this intense attraction,” I blurted out. “And things keep getting . . . close to boiling point.”
Elara’s eyes widened. Her mouth opened. Then closed. Then opened again. Goldfish style.
“You? And Ethan? I know we were kind of joking about it before, but I didn’t—”
“I know, it’s bad.”
She grabbed my arm. “Spill. Now.”
I took a shaky breath. “Well, the first time it happ—”
“First time?” she practically shrieked. “There’s been more than one time? Are you kidding me? How have you been keeping this from me?” Elara looked like she was about to explode.
“I know, I’m sorry. Telling you would have made it real. Plus, I doubt that Ethan’s told Cole. And I’m trying to make sure nothing else happens. We don’t want Ava to know.”
“This is outrageous! I should have brought some pastries after all. I need sugar—I feel like I’m about to pass out!”
“Wait, really?”
“No!” She punched me playfully on the arm. “So come on, how did it happen? The first time?”
“Well, the first time was when I asked him to be Ava’s nanny.”
“That was ages ago!”
“But that was only one innocent kiss.”
“Innocent, eh?”
“Well,” I sighed, falling into the memory of it. “Not exactly innocent, I guess. More like, extremely intense and completely life-changing.”
“You two have insane chemistry. I always thought so! He’s always coming into your store, for those fancy drinks he doesn’t even like.”
“Wait, he doesn’t like macchiatos?”
Elara grinned. “Put it this way: he never orders one anywhere else. And I heard him saying at one of Ida’s Sunday dinners that nothing beats a plain back coffee.”
I scrunched up my nose. “Well, that’s odd and suspicious.”
“He likes you,” said Elara with an excited giggle.
“Actually, he’s told me, on more than one occasion, that nothing can happen between us.”
“Mm-hmm,” said Elara, nodding. “Yep. Been there. Done that. Now look at me.” She motioned down at her pregnant stomach.
“This is different!” I protested. “There’s Ava to consider.”
Elara gave me a look. “Cole has Rhea and Lexi. And I’m a major asset to their lives, believe me.”
“He’s a widow.”
Elara tapped a finger against her chin and sighed. “Yeah. I get that must complicate things for him. But it was quite a while ago now, and people are allowed to move on, aren’t they? So, what happened with the other time you kissed? There was just one other time, right?”
“Yeah, if you don’t count the soaking wet underwear incident.”
Elara’s eyes practically popped out of her head. “What? Lily, you need to tell me everything. And I mean everything.”
So, I did. Well, everything except the fact I’d woken up coming in my panties thinking about Ethan and I fucking in a fairy tale forest this morning. Everything except that.
I explained how I’d been helping Ethan check Ava for dyslexia. And how we’d almost had sex the night we saw the shooting star. And how we’d both had our hands on each other’s private parts, if only for a moment.
After a lot of excited squealing, she became serious. She shrugged and then said, matter-of-factly, “Well, I’m afraid to say that you need to finish what you started. See if there’s something there. It definitely feels like the universe is trying to tell you something.”
“No, no, no. That’s what the old me would have said. The me that was conned by all these stupid romances—”
“Don’t give me that ‘I’m swearing off men’ nonsense, Lily. Because I don’t believe it for a second.”
“It’s true. I’m exhausted by it all, El. For years, I put myself out there non-stop, and I believed so hard in happy ever afters that I tried to will one into my life. You know how that worked out. A literal car crash.”
“Speaking of that, have you heard anything else from Vlad?”
“Ugh. Yes. He’s going on tour to get me out of his system. Honestly, I don’t think he’s even a little bit upset. Well, maybe he was upset that he didn’t get to perform at the wedding. And he’s sad about the Vladmobile.”
“I’ll never forget the look on his face when the circus music came on.”
“I still struggle to understand how I managed to end up in that situation. It was like I made myself willfully blind.”
“That’s why with Ethan, you need to keep your eyes open.”
I sighed. “It’s not that easy, though. Maybe it is for other people. But the minute I give even an ounce of my heart to someone, I end up losing the whole damn thing. And it’s so complicated. He’s my boss. Ava’s dad. But god, the way he makes me feel. . . .”
To my surprise, instead of teasing me more, Elara put a hand on mine. “Lily, you deserve to be happy. Don’t overthink it. If there could be something real between you two, you owe it to yourself to explore it. Ethan is a decent guy.”
“That’s the whole problem. I’m surprisingly over what happened with Vlad, because he’s obviously such a giant ass. But if Ethan decided I wasn’t good enough for him—”
“Excuse me?” Now she looked furious. “Don’t even go there, Lily Lane. You are good enough for anyone . A king would be lucky to date you. And not just any old king. A king who was also a male model, fighter pilot, professional mixed-martial-arts master, musician, and a cowboy.”
“Okay, now that’s a romance novel I would read.”
“Lils, I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one’s watching. Cole and I have commented on it on more than one occasion.”
“How?”
She smiled just for a moment, then did her very best brooding, stern, Ethan McCoy impression. All pouting lips and smoky eyes. “Like this,” she put on a deep voice.
“Careful, El, because this sexy look of yours is causing some very confusing feelings for me.”
It felt so good to laugh together. When we eventually stopped, I admitted, “I don’t know what to do, El. There are a million reasons he could go off me. I’m scared of getting hurt again. Of getting carried away and ruining everything.”
Elara reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “I know, honey. But you can’t let fear control your life. Sometimes the greatest risks reap the greatest rewards.”
“I really don’t think I’m ready for any kind of relationship.”
“So don’t do one. But there’s no reason you can’t have some fun with him.”
“That’s what I told him. But he didn’t buy it. He said he’d destroy me.”
“Destroy you?”
There was a knock on the door. It was Connie.
“Hold that thought,” I told Elara.
“Hey there!” I said, letting Connie in.
“I’m so glad you’re open!” Connie was, again, impeccably dressed. This time, she wore a tailored blazer in a soft dove gray, the lines crisp and sharp. Beneath the blazer, a delicate ivory blouse with intricate lace detailing peeked out, adding a touch of femininity. “I need book two in the Hamilton Hove series and I need it now!”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Hamilton Hove book two? I think we have—”
“I’ll get book three while I’m here. And do you have the Hamilton Hove prequel series?” Just then, she noticed Elara and nodded at her. “You in for a hit of the hot stuff, too?”
“Kind of,” Elara said, then blushed such a fierce pink I almost let out a shriek of horror.
“Oh?” Connie said.
“Nothing to see here,” I said, my own face most likely outdoing Elara’s.
“Yep,” said Elara. “I just came over to remind Lily she agreed to go through my wedding plan the day after tomorrow.”
Shit. I’d forgotten. “Yep, I’ll be there,” I said, breezily as I could.
“I won’t pry,” Connie said, holding her hands up. “I honestly didn’t think I’d get hooked on this stuff,” she said. “But there’s something about forbidden love that gets me all hot under the collar. The fact most of the heroes are billionaires helps.” She laughed. “But I only like them if they’re total cinnamon rolls.” For a moment, there was a sad look in her eye that I couldn’t quite place. “No bad boys for me.”
“Tell me about it,” I replied. “Trouble is, in real life, cinnamon roll guys just don’t exist. They’re all more like . . . the heels of a loaf of bread.”
“Too true,” Connie sighed.
I passed her a heavy stack of small-town billionaire novels.
“Thank you! It’s not quite ten this time, but you’ve got a customer for life now. I’m completely addicted.”
Unlike me, Connie was the type of person who shouldn’t be single. She was accomplished, kind, and super-attractive. Her almost grown-up son was a sweetheart, and she seemed to be happy and content.
Maybe that was the difference. She didn’t need to be in a relationship. I wished I was like that. Then I might have been desirable enough to finally convince someone half-decent to date me.
Lily, you are a lost cause.
Connie paid for the books, then left the store, her head already between the pages of a book.
Elara, meanwhile, sat where I’d left her, pursing her lips. “Lily, I have to be honest with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t not tell you what I think.”
“Well, go on then.”
“I think you and Ethan would be perfect for each other. Not just for sexy fun. For keeps.”
I shook my head. “Don’t.”
“I mean it. He’s exactly the kind of loyal, good man that you need in your life. He’s a family man who cares deeply for his daughter and for his folks. Loves Cole, too, although I doubt he’d ever admit that. You should see the way he is with Lexi and Rhea, too.”
He’s a goddamn firefighter, for fuck’s sake!
“Yeah, I get it, he’s a dreamboat. A dreamboat who doesn’t want to date me.”
“But you’d be amazing for him, too. For all of his good points, he can be a little serious. I think if he had someone like you in his life, he’d relax a little. Let the sunshine back in.”
I gazed off into the distance for a moment, imagining what it might be like to indulge in a relationship with Ethan. But every time I tried, I felt this tide of fear rising up underneath me like the shadow of a shark, waiting to swallow me up.
“I just can’t do it. If there was a way to guarantee that I could keep it at the friends-with-benefits level forever, then maybe, just maybe I might consider it.”
“You know what?” Elara said. “Hold on a hot second. I have a plan.” She jumped up off the couch. “Just consider me your fairy godmother.”
***
Like all of Elara’s big ideas, this one involved baked goods.
She was gone for a few minutes and returned with eclairs. Dangerously good eclairs. The kind of eclair that made you forget all the tricky stuff in your life and just float off on a creamy, chocolaty cloud.
“Don’t worry, I’ve put a ‘back in fifteen’ sign up at the bakery.”
I glanced out of the window, only to see a line snaking around the block. “You’re going to keep all those people waiting even longer?”
“Mmhmm,” she said, unfazed. “The longer they wait, the better the pastries will taste.” She waggled her eyebrows at me. “Now, eat.”
I took a bite of the frankly outrageous eclair.
“It’s freaking perfect, right?”
I nodded. I loved seeing Elara get so confident. When she’d moved back to Bluehaven Beach, she’d balked at the idea of running her own business. Now, she was the ultimate girlboss. An inspiration.
“How did you get to be such a good baker?” I asked, my mouth still half full of goodness.
“Years of practice as an executive chef and then almost constant work to master my craft,” she deadpanned. “Right now, though, we need to use your skills.”
“What skills?”
“Your romance novel knowledge. You’re like a trope factory.”
“Nah, I’m not that knowle—”
“Which tropes fit best with a military hero?”
“Childhood sweethearts, second chance romance, and friends to lovers. With a military hero, it’s super-important to play up just how loyal and skilled he is, as well as the inherent goodness in his—” My mouth hung open. “Wow, I do know my shit!”
“We’re going to harness that knowledge to create something of exceptional power.”
“Like what?”
She paused for effect. “A spreadsheet. Kind of. A way to guarantee that things between you and Ethan never progress further than something physical.” Elara lifted a finger to her lips. “I realize that right now, I’m kind of helping you plan how to seduce my brother, in a way.”
“Brother- in-law !” I stressed. “And you’re not even married yet.”
“We could have a double wedding, Lils.”
“No weddings! You know Ethan hates weddings, right?”
“Fine, fine, we’ll focus on the sexy, sexy, sex.” She took a pen and wafted it around like a wand. “Cinderella, you will go to the ball!” She tapped it on my head.
“Charming.”
“Remember how Cinderella had some rules?”
“Just one, right? Be home by midnight? But that’s not really an option for me.”
“Ah yes, but these rules will be different. Because unlike you, Cinderella was only planning on dancing. Not getting nailed by a super-hot fireman.”