Chapter Thirty
Hale
My heart twisted as I realized what all the feelings I’ve been bombarded with since waking up actually meant.
Fiona gazed at me with love in her eyes as she cupped my face with her hand.
There were no squeals, but there was an earnestness, a sincerity, as her thumb stroked my cheek. “Hi there, Alpha.”
No disappointment came through her bond with me, just optimism–and a little worry at my panic.
There was another push to the bond, but it felt different. Hers was effervescent, like lime soda. This was more like popping candy.
I turned to look at the other person on my lap.
“You’ve got me, too, Papi.” Carlos waggled his eyebrows at me as I got lust through the bond.
Well, at least they weren’t upset about it.
Still, shit, I’d bonded them both. Carlos looked at me, concerned, as I struggled to tamp the bond down, so I didn’t hurt them with feelings that weren’t theirs to deal with.
Not that I really knew what to do in practice, just the theory I’d gotten in high school alpha classes.
But it was too late.
Carlos’ forehead pressed to mine. “Hey, we’ll get through it.”
“We have time before your winter break is over. We’ll check your university’s policies for mated students. There are PhD programs in New York you can apply to, I’m sure. Or you can probably commute to BosTec. That’s the only sciency school I know of,” Fiona added.
“Your brother goes there right? Or you could go to NYIT like your sister,” Carlos teased.
Yeah, I hadn’t gotten into BosTec. I didn’t even apply to NYIT. Both were top techies–science universities.
The assumption that my panic had to do with my degree was on target, but that wasn’t what fueled the terror.
The fear was due to the fact that I’d been a massive alphahole. I just bonded with two people, without their permission. Fiona would have the right to file assault charges against me–and for the bonds to be dissolved.
I put my arms around them both. “I’m so fucking sorry for what I did. I did this without your consent. Even if I did ask, if you were in heat that doesn’t actually count. It’s not like we talked about it and I apologize for taking that choice away from you.”
Remorse filled me. Ultimately, as the alpha it was my responsibility. Fiona and Saoirse had probably talked about bonding. Fiona and Carlos may have as well.
But me? I was just the guy along for the free trip.
Not to mention I wasn’t a catch. I was twenty-one, still getting a degree, I lived with eight people, drove a beat-up truck, sold party drugs, and worked at the Titty Tank.
Also, I’d just stripped her and Carlos of their ability to choose the alphas they deserved. Two lives had been ruined by me making a dumb choice while drunk and high, my head full of pheromones.
This was quite a mistake, especially since fixing it would be painful.
Fiona kissed my nose. “I accept your apology, but you don’t need to worry so much. I don’t think this is a bad thing. We can all go to the Omega Center and meet with new pack services and get all this sorted. That’s why they’re there.”
“Oh, that is an excellent idea, Puddin’.” I’m sure they knew exactly how to handle this.
Carlos nodded. “That sounds perfect.”
“Still, I crossed a line I shouldn’t have.” They had no idea the true implications of what I’ve done. Everyone was going to be so disappointed in me, too.
I’d been warned, yet here I was.
“Dusty, how did you get through all of this unscathed? Did you just stay downstairs and cook for us?” I didn’t remember him in the room at all, not that I recalled much.
But sometimes there was someone in the pack who wasn’t intimate with whoever was going into heat. Usually, they made sure everyone had food and water, and that the house didn’t burn down.
“Dusty bonded me,” Saoirse said.
“He did?” Fiona giggled. “Amazing! We’re having a big-ass mating party. The best Boston–and New York–has seen.”
“Hale’s sister got married in a castle in Greece and it was insane, so yeah, let’s go!” Carlos exclaimed.
“I’m pretty sure you went into a rut, Hale,” Dusty added. “Also, I may have been in the room, but I don’t think I did much other than her.” He nuzzled Saoirse’s neck.
I’d gone into a rut? Shit. I didn’t remember that either.
“Why don’t we shower and get this place cleaned up a bit. We can talk about this more later,” Saoirse suggested.
“You know, I could use a shower. It might be nice to go for a little walk and get some fresh air, too,” Carlos said. “Maybe get the snowmobile out of the living room and the car off the porch before the lodge complains?”
“That sounds like a good idea to me,” I said, still trying to keep my emotions in check.
Clean up, take a shower, put things away. Those were all good concrete things I could focus on–instead of on how badly I just fucked up the lives of two really sweet people.
Carlos leaned into me, giving me reassurance, and I sent care back to both him and Fiona. It wasn’t their fault they were stuck with me.
And they shouldn’t be.
I played with Fiona’s hair, which was stiff and crunchy.
“Your hair needs to be washed,” I told her.
She laughed. “Shower me, Alpha?”
“I’d love to,” I agreed. Yeah, I could handle that.
“Both of you could probably use a shave,” she added.
Fiona led the two of us into the shower attached to her room.
I gently washed both of them–scrubbing off all the bodily fluids, washing their hair, and letting them know that they mattered to me.
They were wonderful and special. Hopefully they’d understand that the fact that I couldn’t stay with them had nothing to do with them, and everything to do with the fact that I wasn’t a good choice.
Not only did I bring nothing to the pack, but I’d breached their trust by accidentally bonding them. How could you have a life after that?
I toweled them off and went with Carlos back to the bunkroom to get our clothes. Going into the bathroom, I shaved.
Carlos came in, dressed. “I should do that. I'm going to see if I can get my phone to charge.”
“I should check my phone and make sure my siblings don’t think I’m dead,” I replied, finishing up.
“At least mine know that something happened to my phone.” Carlos left, shutting the door behind him.
Panic still raged inside me as I got dressed and went back into the bunkroom. I needed to call a grown-up to help me unfuck this, but I wasn’t sure who to call. Okay, I was an adult, but I needed an adultier adult, preferably a non-judgmental alpha.
Verity was the obvious choice, because she was an alpha with a pack, responsible, and good at making things work out. I loved my big sister, but I wasn’t sure I could deal with the judgment this second.
Creed was an alpha, but my big brother wasn’t the fixer of the family. He also didn’t have a pack–or even date.
My younger brother Dare was also an alpha. He dated everybody. But again, I wasn’t sure that he was a fixer.
Of my alpha siblings, that left Mercy. Even at eighteen, she was way more responsible than me.
I called her, hoping she would answer. It was late in New York–if that’s even where she was. She could be on the road, I had no idea.
“What the fuck is wrong?” Mercy answered, not sounding sleepy. I heard voices.
“Are you at the Arctic Toilet after a game?” It was a club the Maimers often went to.
“I’m at Kaiko’s playing video games,” she told me. “Am I wiring money because you’re stuck in a European jail?”
“Funny how that’s where your mind goes.”
“If you’re not in jail, what’s wrong? Did you add to the population, subtract from the population, or crash another car?” she demanded.
“Oh, it’s so much worse than that. I need a no-judgment zone,” I warned.
“Always. Is this something we need an actual adult for?” she asked.
“You are my chosen adult. Um, I woke up bonded to two people,” I blurted.
“Honored you think I’m an actual grown up, but you’re shitting my dick, right?”
“Noooo.” I shook my head.
There was quiet. “You’re still at Winter-Fest? Are these people you met there or people you came with?”
Quickly, I explained to her everything that we had managed to put together. She only interrupted to ask very specific questions.
“I totally fucked up in a way I didn’t think I could. What do I even do? I mean I know what I need to do. But shit.” I rested my head in my hands, feeling so guilty.
I’m trash. National disaster trash.
“You bonded with Carlos and his omega girlfriend? I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend,” she said. Mercy knew Carlos pretty well. The Maimers and the Knights shared a training facility.
“I never said Carlos. I only said I bonded a kappa,” I retorted.
“He’s on your fucking socials as being with you in Switzerland, but it’s fine. I didn’t know you were friends. I like Carlos. That sounds like a fun pack. Is BroKen part of it too?” she asked.
“I can’t be part of this pack, Mercy. I can’t take care of myself, let alone other people.
” Tears pricked my eyes. “Not to mention the parents told us over and over to not be alphaholes and not fuck up. What did I do? I just fucked up. Bad. My only choice is to un-bond them. But that still makes me feel awful because it’s not a fun process. ”
We’d watched Dad go through that with Mom.
“Just because you’re a disaster, doesn’t mean you won’t make a good alpha.
You’re capable of being an adult when you want to.
But I also understand that this situation is really overwhelming.
While I don’t see this impacting Carlos, does this omega have a family? Are they going to object?” she asked.
I thought for a moment. “She’s super rich and from what I hear, her parents want her to be with expensive alphahole finance bros or something. Carlos isn’t even acceptable in their eyes.”
“Well, there you go. If you don’t think you can make a go of it, but she does, the easiest thing would be for her parents to make you guys go to the Omega Center and file for un-bonding. Then you’re not the bad guy for suggesting it,” Mercy offered.
Yeah, that would be the tidy solution. It still would hurt them and I hated that.