Chapter Thirty #2
“At least they’re not total strangers. Everyone will support you if you want to make it work,” Mercy said.
“There are PhD programs in New York, and jobs. Verity doesn’t really mean it when she says you and Carlos can’t be friends.
She’ll still love and support you–so will Grace.
Honestly I really think we should call Grace and Evan and get their advice. ”
Evan was an advocate with the Omega Center and probably knew how to deal with this, but I just couldn’t bring myself to call anyone else.
“I don’t know if trying to make this work would be fair to them. I fucked up and there’s no way to un-fuck this in a way that doesn’t hurt them. They deserve better than me.” It came out in a quiet sob.
It was probably the better option than everything imploding later–especially if there were kids. But I wouldn’t bring it up right now. Fiona was still fresh out of her heat, and I didn’t want her to think that she caused this.
“The parents will shit pumpkins,” I muttered. There went them being proud of me.
“Fuck the parents. Honestly, we’re all fucking disappointments to them and we’ll never be enough, so we should just stop caring about their opinions.
They always told us not to fuck up, but other than giving us their own story, telling us not to, and not letting us date, they never actually prepared us.
I mean, you and I got to attend alpha classes, but they didn’t let Verity and Creed.
Also, their opinion is not important, nor indicative of your self-worth,” she added.
“You sound like Grace,” I replied.
“Grace is freakishly well adjusted, considering. Must be all the therapy she did. For the record, I think you could be a good alpha. Do I need to send you some money so you can take them out to dinner? It’s daytime there right?
Wait, shouldn't you be on the way back so Carlos can make his game?” she added.
Aww, my rich little sister wanted to send me dinner money?
“Because of the storm, we can’t get out until tomorrow. This is just a massive clusterfuck. It must have been the drugs. Fuck fuck fuck.” I sighed, as so much regret, doubt, and self-loathing filled me.
“Don't be too hard on yourself. I still love you and I still think you’re a good person, and a good brother. Thanks for sending me the videos of the Manic Dream Pixies. It looked amazing,” she added.
“It was.”
“I’m assuming you’re coming to New York? If you are, we can have a long talk with people wiser than us and get things sorted? Also, once you meet with the Omega Center you'll have a better idea,” she said. “You’re going to do that regardless of what you decide, right?”
“Yeah.” That felt like a good place to start.
“See you soon. I love you. I’ll talk to you later,” Mercy said, ending the call.
I sat there on the floor of the bunkroom, my head on my knees. How did I even get to this point? I didn’t even remember it, which seemed like a loss in itself. Days of enjoying their incredible bodies and having zero recollection, other than a few hazy memories, seemed like a waste.
Yeah, that was not the romantic bonding I would want for anyone. It should be special, consensual, and memorable–not in some sort of heat and drug-induced haze.
Well, I’ve done a lot of stupid shit, both high and completely sober. But I’d never done anything this life-altering.
The door opened. Carlos, now clean-shaven, sat down next to me, putting his head on my shoulder.
“She deserves better than me,” I said softly.
“She deserves better than both of us. But as long as she loves us and wants us, and we love and want her back, that’s all that really matters,” Carlos assured me. “Instead, we show her every day that it wasn’t a mistake.”
“I’m not exactly the best choice. I don’t have my shit together,” I replied.
“Same. But that’s not going to stop me if she wants to keep me. Plenty of people mate or marry before they get their shit together,” Carlos said.
“Fiona’s dads are going to be upset?”
Carlos sighed heavily. “They’re most definitely going to have opinions.”
Hopefully, Fiona’s dads let her stay with Carlos and Saoirse. Her with the two of them, and even Saoirse with Dusty could be a good choice. They could form a pack with four.
They were all much better off without me. The alpha who did stupid shit, like stealing my sister’s car to do a street race or mixing drugs.
Which, the more I thought about it, was probably the root of our stupidity.
Something I should know better having studied chemistry.
I pulled Carlos to me. “Is your team going to be angry that you went off to a music festival and came back mated?”
“I don’t think my agent or sponsors are going to have a problem with it. I will have to face the wrath of our PR person, though, because she’ll have to spin this to make sure it doesn’t come across as reckless. But at least you’re all people I know and not strangers,” he replied.
“True.” That would have been crazy.
“Am I ready to get mated? No. Is moving out going to cause some issues? Maybe. Do I regret it? Fuck no,” he told me. “Dusty will join our pack. It’ll be great.”
“I’m surprised Saoirse hasn’t thrown Dusty off the roof,” I added. “I don’t really understand those two.”
“All I can think of is that Dusty has genuine feelings for her. She hasn’t reacted violently because he’s flooding her with so much love and affection that she realizes that he wasn’t just out playing,” he offered, snuggling into me.
I thought about that for a moment. “You truly feel something for Fiona, don’t you?”
“The other night, I told her I loved her and that I’d like her to move in with me,” he admitted softly. “I think I feel things for you, too.”
“Same. You and Fiona are pretty special.”