Chapter 30
For the past four weeks, I’ve not spoken to anyone back home.
My phone is overflowing with missed calls and voicemails, but I’ve buried my head in the sand—always putting off dealing with this until I came back.
Maybe I’ll just buy a new phone.
I wait until the meeting’s started. When I arrived this morning, I kept my head down, not meeting anyone’s gaze.
I’ve got no one to blame but myself.
Inside I’m a mess, but that’s the last thing I want to show anyone.
So, I’ll hold my head up high and make out I’m proud of everything I’ve done—all the while, dying inside.
Back when my parents split, I saw a therapist for a while. She helped me with my anger over everything, and I thought I’d been able to move on. I haven’t.
It’s time to find a new therapist and get help. There’s no point going after Pippa—she’ll never forgive me for the way I’ve treated her. It’s better she move on and find someone who isn’t so messed up.
The thought of that rips me apart, but I can’t see how this ends any other way.
When I get to the boardroom, I pause before reaching for the door handle. Time to pull myself together and bullshit my way through this.
Every head turns when I push open the door, and I take a deep breath and smile.
“Morning everyone.”
I drop into a nearby chair, forcing my smile to continue as the other three look at me.
“Oh, by the way, Garrett. You’re welcome to have Pippa as your PA. Obviously she can’t work for me anymore.”
Mallory snorts, and I shift my gaze to her before Garrett speaks up.
“Pippa’s welcome to work with me any time. She’s probably the best PA the company’s ever seen.”
“Well, she is allyours.” I lean back in my chair. “What else has been happening while I’ve been away.”
“You’re an arsehole.” Mallory crosses her arms.
“Pippa quit. Did you expect her to do anything different?” Victor asks. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but she was a mess after you ditched her at the wedding.”
My chest tightens. The thought of how Pippa must have felt that day has haunted me this past month. But she made her choice when she hid the truth from me.
“Pippa wasn’t the woman I thought she was.”
“In what way?” Victor leans forward in his chair. “You two were in love one minute, and the next thing you’re running away.”
“I don’t know what to say to you. You weren’t there to see how devastated she was.” Mallory shakes her head. “I’m not sure who you are anymore.”
“Then maybe you never really knew me.”
Her eyes well with tears. “I’m beginning to realise that.”
“Deacon. Talk to us. We’re all here for you. Something went down between when you had drinks with us and you leaving. Maybe we can help.” There’s a softness to Garrett’s voice that’s not usually there. I know he cares—they all do.
Maybe I don’t deserve any sympathy. Pippa’s the one who needs the support.
I’m not surprised she’s quit. If I were in her shoes, I’d quit too. I hate that she feels she can’t work here anymore, but I also can’t blame her.
I did this.
I hate myself for it.
* * *
Pippa’s desk is spotless.
I’m not sure I expected anything else, but it still hits me hard.
I run my finger along the edge. God how I wish I could rewind to just a few weeks ago when I was oblivious to my mother and Lucas. Pippa and I were so happy.
No matter what I try and tell myself, it’s been her on my mind every second the whole month I was gone.
She’s all I ever wanted.
“So, you’re back.” Rochelle’s voice comes from the door.
I turn. She stalks toward me but comes to a halt on the other side of the desk.
“Pippa resigned,” she says, crossing her arms. “I’ve got no idea what is going through your head, but you swore to me that you wouldn’t hurt her. You’re damn lucky she’s not involving the company in this.”
I shrug. “Things just didn’t work out.”
“What the hell, Deacon?”
I’ve never heard Rochelle this upset. The tearful tone in her voice rips another hole straight through me. First Mallory, now Rochelle. Looks like I’m breaking hearts everywhere.
“She hid something important from me—something that if she’d just been honest about, I wouldn’t be so angry.”
“And it was enough to jilt her on her wedding day?”
I look away. What I did was heartless and done on the spur of the moment. I can regret how I did it without regretting why.
Meeting her gaze, I condemn myself. “What’s done is done.”
Her brows dip, and she glares at me. I turn back toward the window under her heavy gaze, and I stare at nothing but the sky until the office door slams behind me.
What am I doing?
I’m as much in love with Pippa as I was before my mother dropped her bombshell.
There’s no way back to where we were. I’ve fucked up everything.
The worst part of all this is that I’ve known this for the entire month I’ve been away.
I’ve just been too afraid to face it.