Chapter 31
My apartment feels empty.
I’m not sure it’ll ever be brought back to life the way it was when Pippa was here.
Yesterday when I got in, I went straight to the bedroom to crash. Pippa’s scent was still in her pillow, and it tickled my nose when I grabbed it to sleep.
She freshly made the bed before we left, and I regret that to my core.
I’m a goddam mess.
Heading into the kitchen, I come to a halt when I reach the island.
The glint of metal hits me, and I struggle to breathe.
She’s been here.
Her engagement ring, and her house key sit in the centre of the island. Pippa might not have left me a note, but she left me a message.
What the hell did I do?
After pouring myself a scotch, I set it down on the coffee table and take a seat on the couch before loosening my tie.
She might be gone from my life, but everything and everywhere reminds me of her.
It’s my own fault. I let her under my skin when I should have known better than to trust her.
There’s a loud rap at my door.
“Holy shit.” My hand flies to my chest as the silence of my apartment is shattered. “Who is it?” I yell.
“Deacon, it’s Lucas. I need to talk to you.”
I drain my drink and stand, taking in a long, deep breath before huffing it out and walking toward the door. “What do you want?”
“Let me in. I have to talk to you about Pippa.”
I tug the door open. His gaze, so much like his sister’s, hits me and I draw in a sharp breath. “Pippa’s not my concern anymore.”
“I disagree.” He lodges his body in the doorway as I try and close the door again.
“I’m not interested in anything you have to say.” I set my jaw and glare at him.
“Tough shit. I’m not leaving until I’m done.”
He pushes past me, and I grit my teeth before pushing the door shut and turning toward him. “There’s nothing you can say that will change anything.”
Lucas chuckles. “You look as bad as Pippa does. I’m glad to see that. If you didn’t, I’d think you didn’t still love her.”
I clamp my jaw together.
“Deacon, I know you love her. And I don’t know why you left, but there are some things I want to tell you as I’m trying to make sense of all of this.”
Running my tongue across my teeth, I pause before responding. “It’s done, Lucas. Pippa and I are over.”
He shakes his head. “No, you’re not.”
I turn my back on him. “You can leave now.”
Silence falls heavy on us. And I drop myself onto the couch once more.
He mimics the movement, taking a seat beside me. “Your mother groomed me. I was twelve when it started.”
My throat tightens. “What?” The word comes out in a croak and for a moment my head feels light, like I’m about to faint.
“It started with little comments. How mature I was. How I seemed older than other boys my age.” He knits his fingers together and shifts his gaze to meet mine. “Then the touching started. Nothing too obvious, but a brush of her hand on my arm at first. Over time, she grew more confident and, dude, your mum was hot.”
I drop my gaze.
“By the time she slid her hand into my pants, I was fifteen and ready to go. But she told me she didn’t want to cross too many lines until I was sixteen. I was staying the night at your place and went downstairs for a drink. She gave me a blow job. I thought I was in heaven.” He lets out a hollow laugh. “A year later, we had sex. I really did think I was such a big man because she told me I was, when really I’d been abused.”
He falls silent.
I scrape my nails over my palms. “So, why did you keep sleeping with her?”
“The last time was when you caught us. After it all sunk in, I can’t even begin to describe how much shame I felt. It was like everything hit home at once.”
Shaking my head, I meet his eyes. “No. She told me you were still sleeping together.”
“When?” His brows knit, and a sick sensation rolls over my stomach.
“The night before the wedding.”
He narrows his eyes. “She came to see you the night before the wedding? I thought it was made clear to her that she was to stay away.”
I shrug. “I thought so, but she insisted. She told me you’d been sleeping together all this time and that Pippa knew all about it.” Huffing out a breath, I glance down at my fisted hands and then back at him. “Lucas, I loved your sister so much, but to find out the secret she kept from me—something she knew would hurt me.”
Lucas runs his hand through his dark hair. “You really believed your mother? After everything she did to hurt you and your father?”
“Well, I?—”
Reality hits me like a ton of bricks.
Mum did what she does best—she lied to me.
I believed every word she said.
“There were photos of the three of you having a cosy little lunch.”
Lucas’s eyebrows arch. “Ha.” He nods.
“So you don’t deny it?”
He pins his bottom lip with his teeth while eyeing me up. “I had lunch with my little sister while you two were home for Christmas. Remember that?”
I nod slowly. “She said she had some Christmas shopping to do.”
“Yeah, she did. She had a couple of gifts she wanted to get you, and afterward we went to a cafe for lunch. Your mother turned up, uninvited, and sat at our table.”
My stomach sinks.
“She said she’d heard you and Pippa were serious, and she tried to stick her nose into your business. Pippa told her where to go.”
Shit.
I wince.
“What’s funny is Elise didn’t even look at me. She turned your whole world upside down and barely acknowledged my presence. And it seemed to me like she had a new man, or rather boy, to run around after her.” He huffs out a breath. “I don’t know how there were photos—maybe he took them—but we didn’t ask her to join us.”
He raises his right hand and stabs me in the chest with his index finger.
“You broke her, Deacon. She’s been a mess ever since you left. You must know she quit her job and moved into Mum and Dad’s beach house.”
I shake my head. “I knew she’d quit.”
“I’m not sure she’ll ever be the same again. She won’t talk about it other than asking if she wasn’t good enough, and she’s not taking care of herself—not in the way she should be. Mum and Dad are so worried about her, but she won’t see a therapist.”
I did that.
My beautiful Pippa. My carefree, always smiling Pippa.
“I’m such an arsehole.” I let out a groan.
Lucas holds up his palms. “You’ll get no argument from me.”
“I was so angry.” I swallow, but there’s a lump in my throat and all I can taste is bile. “Oh, God, Lucas. What the hell did I do?”
“She was humiliated and heartbroken. And those Instagram photos?”
Fuck.
“She saw them all. I’m so worried about her.”
My head spins. I grip the arm of the couch, unable to meet Lucas’s gaze. I’m such a fool. I knew Mum was angry that Dad left and I chose to follow him. But I was old enough to make up my own mind and not want anything to do with her.
Why the hell did I fall so easily into her trap?
Pippa never gave me any reason to doubt her. I let my mother get in my head and broke my beautiful girl’s heart.
“I could have come in here and laid you out. God knows I’ve wanted to punch you repeatedly this past month. But Pippa’s far more important to me than risking an assault charge, and I needed you to know the full story.”
My whole body shudders. I swore I’d never hurt her, and that’s exactly what I did. For no reason. When I should have gone to talk to her—confronted her with what I had—I ran instead.
“How … how do I fix this?”
He shrugs. “I’m not sure you can. If you’re going to fuck with her again, you need to stay away and give her time to heal. You know she’s been in love with you since she was a kid, right?”
Numbness spreads up my neck, but I nod.
“Those damn photos. There’s not been anyone else. I just made it look like that because I wanted to hurt her the way I was hurting. What the hell is wrong with me?”
“The only person who can answer that is you.” He sets his jaw. “I’m going to talk to the police about your mother. Who knows if anything can be done, but if she did that to me then she’s capable of doing it to someone else. And her new man does look awfully young.”
My stomach rolls. “I had no idea.”
“No one does. I haven’t told Pippa or my parents.”
I meet his hazel-eyed gaze—the one he shares with Pippa. “You kept this to yourself?”
“It was easier for people to be angry with me than admit I was groomed. And hell, by the time I saw it for what it was, it was humiliating. Pippa’s not the only one who needs therapy.”
Burying my face in my hands, I let out a sigh as he grips my shoulder.
“I won’t lie. You’ve got a long road ahead of you if you want to regain her trust.”
My head’s still spinning, but there’s only one thing I want out of this influx of information.
“What do I do, Lucas? She told me how much she hurt when I left town the first time—now I’ve done this, how can we ever get back to what we had?”
He tilts his head. “Patience and time. You know what Pippa’s like. She’s all heart. And right now, that heart is shattered. At least she’s talking to me this time.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
Huffing out a breath, he drops his gaze. “She didn’t speak to me for a year after you and your father left.”
Despite my agony, I bark out a laugh. “Really? I didn’t know that.”
“I always thought it was such a pain in the arse having a little sister, but I’d have done anything to hear her voice back then.” He nudges my knee with his. “I know she tried to reach you. Did you block her?”
I shake my head. “Thought about it. Couldn’t do it. She left me voicemails, but I was so angry that I didn’t listen to them.”
“Maybe start there. You need to understand the devastation you left in your wake before you can move forward.” He stands. “I’m flying back home again tonight, but I’ll leave you my number in case you want to call after you’ve listened.”
I nod.
“She loves you, Deacon. I wouldn’t be here if she didn’t. So, I need you to either man up and try and sort things out or just leave her alone. She doesn’t need the torment she’s going through now.”
In the quiet of my apartment, I stare at my phone screen. Lucas is right. I need to listen to her. It’s the least I deserve.
I dial into my voicemail and close my eyes.
I’m not even three messages in and I’m a mess. She’s distraught—I’ve never heard her so desperate.
And she’s blaming herself.
She didn’t even know why I’d left, and she blamed herself. I thought our time together had built her up—her confidence had grown so much. But in the act of leaving, I undid all the work she’d put into herself.
It’s so hard to hear, but I press on. The pain and desperation in her voice give way to her pleading with me to let her know I’m okay.
By the time I’m finished, I’m empty—my heart is aching and all I want is to hold her in my arms.
There’s a long road ahead of me if I beg her for forgiveness.
But Pippa’s worth every single bit of it.