Chapter 37
Can I trust Deacon not to hurt me again?
He seems sincere, but then I fell for him the first time and where did that get me?
But he’s also determined, and he’s not just going to go away.
Thoughts keep circulating through my mind about Lucas too. When it all blew up, Lucas stuck to his story about being in love with Elise, but it always seemed weird.
My parents came down hard on him, even though he was nineteen and they couldn’t stop him from seeing her. But after that, it just stopped.
Was she worried about being caught?
It’s so confusing.
And I’m so angry at her for the guilt and pain she’s caused Deacon. She was at fault—no one else. But to dump all that on her teenage son?
I didn’t think it was possible to hate her even more than I already did.
After picking up my phone, I dial Lucas.
“Pip. How’s it going?” He sounds so happy, and I bite my bottom lip knowing that what I’m about to ask him will kill that mood.
“I’m okay.”
“Deacon making a pain in the arse of himself?”
Why? Why does he still sound happy?
My brother has been my biggest cheerleader lately, but he doesn’t sound remotely bothered that the man who broke my heart is trying to work his way back into my life.
“Not really. But he told me something today, and I need to talk to you about it.”
“Ahhhh.” His tone drops. “What did he tell you?”
“That his mother abused you. Why didn’t you say anything?”
He pauses, and I hold in a breath. Everything was so messed up back then, but this is a whole other level.
“It took me a long time to admit it to myself. She groomed me. Things were going on for a long time before we were caught.”
Tears well in my eyes. “Oh, Lucas. I’m so sorry.”
“You weren’t to know. I didn’t tell anyone. The only reason I told Deacon was because you two belong together and that woman has done enough damage to all of us.”
I let out a sigh. “I’m so unsure about letting him back in.”
“I know you are. And whatever you decide to do, I’m behind you. Got that, little sis?”
For a moment, I close my eyes. We might have had our differences in the past, but I know my family loves me. And my brother is my biggest cheerleader. “Got it.”
“Be happy, Pippa. That’s all I want for you. And I’m here whenever you need me.”
I swipe away the tears that have fallen down my cheeks. “I love you, Lucas.”
“Love you too, my little pain in the arse.”
I let out a snort. “Some things never change.”
“You know, in the past I might have given you shit, but I wouldn’t swap you with anyone. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that more.”
“I think I always knew. There’s no one else I’d want for a brother, either.”
He chuckles. “I know that’s not always been true. Go get some sleep and take care of yourself. That niece or nephew of mine needs you to rest. Have you told him?”
Blowing out a breath, I snuggle the phone even closer to my ear. “Not yet. I need to know he wants me for me.”
“That’s fair. Call me if you need me for anything.”
“I will.”
“Goodnight, Pippa.”
After the call ends, I head into the bedroom and strip out of my clothes. It’s still early, and there are no signs of a baby bump yet, but I run my hand over my stomach.
I’ve got so much to think about.
* * *
Despite my best efforts, I have yet another sleepless night.
I have to make a decision and soon if only to get a good night’s sleep.
And at the usual time, there’s a knock on the door.
I don’t bother rushing. He’ll wait.
And I must look a sight from his raised eyebrows when I open the door.
“Are you okay?”
I shrug. “I couldn’t sleep.”
He holds up his offerings and smiles. “Then I’m extra glad I brought you your pick-me-up this morning.”
“You’re so thoughtful.” I scrub my face with my hands before reaching out to take the coffee and food.
“I’ll do this every morning if it makes you happy.” He hands them over before leaning in to drop a kiss on my cheek.
“Why do you keep saying all the right things?”
“Come for dinner tonight, and I’ll say some more.”
He turns to leave, and I shove the pastry bag in the same hand as my coffee so I can grab hold of his arm. “Deacon, wait.”
“What is it?”
“Don’t make me wait for dinner. Come in and talk to me.”
There’s hope in his eyes, and it makes me smile to see it. He might have been on my doorstep every day with breakfast, but he’s been patient and he’s opened up to me.
He’s sincere.
“Are you sure?”
“Please?”
He follows me in and when I take a seat on the couch, I pat the cushion beside me before placing the coffee cup and the paper bag on the coffee table.
“Pippa, I know I just asked, but are you sure about this? Have something to eat and a nap, and maybe …”
I shake my head. “No. I need to say some things.”
He reaches out, his hand brushing mine before he frowns and pulls back.
“Deacon. I love you. I never stopped.”
His face lights up.
“But my issue is I’m not sure if I can trust you—not when you let me down so badly.”
His Adam’s apple bobs, and he nods. “I understand.”
“So, if I let you back in, I need you to be patient. There are going to be times when I struggle with the past.” Tears well in my eyes. “It’s also clear to me that you’re sorry and you really do want another chance.”
Silence falls over us, and when I meet his gaze, he scans my expression.
“Pippa, I’ll do whatever it takes. I wish more than anything that I could go back to that night before the wedding and not let her get in my head.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I wish I could go back in time to stop your mother from hurting Lucas.”
He nods. “That too. It’s all been so raw for so long, and now there’s so much more to it.”
“She messed both of you up.”
“So, what does this mean for us?”
“I want to try again.”
An uncertain expression sweeps his face. It’s like he wants to grin but doesn’t want to show how excited he is. But it’s bursting through as his lips twitch until he can’t fight it anymore and his grin is blinding. “Really?”
“This is it though. You can’t break my heart again.”
“Never.”
He drops from the couch to his knees in front of me.
“Marry me.”
“Deacon …”
“I fucked up so badly. You deserve a redo.”
There’s nothing but heart in his eyes. He’s laying it all on the line. “I’m scared you won’t turn up again.”
“Then let’s not wait. We’ll fly to Las Vegas today and get married.”
I blink rapidly, trying desperately to process his words.
He pushes himself up and back onto the couch beside me. “Pippa. I love you. I am not about to let you go a second time. If you still want a big wedding, we’ll have one, but I’d gladly marry you today if it proves to you that I’m not leaving again.”
“Why Vegas? We could have a registry office wedding in the same amount of time.”
His eyes search mine. “Because you missed out on our honeymoon and we were flying back through the states, so all our paperwork is in order. And because I want to do something crazy.”
My lower lip wobbles. I can’t help it. “My wedding dress isn’t here.”
What am I saying? Surely, I have bigger concerns than that.
“We’ll buy a new one when we get there. And then we’ll come home and plan something public for family and friends. Trust me?” He holds out his hand.
I swallow hard. Either I take a leap of faith here or walk away. I can’t be tormented by this any longer.
“I won’t let you down again, Pippa. Ever. It’s you and me.”
I blink back tears before sliding my hand into his. His sigh of relief warms my heart.
“There … there’s something I need to tell you first.”
His brows knit in concern.
“I’m pregnant.”
His expression blanks before his eyes light up, matching the grin that forms dimples at the sides of his mouth.
“You’re happy? I thought you might think this was bad timing.”
Deacon gives my hand a squeeze “Baby, I want everything with you. We lost too much time together because I trusted the wrong person. I’m not about to hold back.”
He gathers me into his arms. “Let me make a call and we’ll get out of here.”
Deacon presses a kiss to my lips before releasing me and standing.
“We’re really doing this?”
His grin lights up his entire face. “I’m not wasting another minute of my life without you. Pack a bag. We’re going to Vegas.”