15. Gage
GAGE
Despite the shitty weather, I had a good day with Charli. But, the rain hasn’t let up all afternoon so I stay holed up in the cabin of the boat. I keep trying to work on my computer, but I’m distracted by replaying our workout.
I thought that the gym might be a good way to hang out with her.
Plus we’d be in workout clothes and sweating together.
With a body like hers, I was pretty sure she spent time in the gym.
I like a woman with muscles and curves. Don’t ask me about who else might have been in that gym this afternoon. I only had eyes for Charli.
I want her to know that I’m still interested in her, but I’ll wait until she makes the first move.
It’s about more than getting laid now, and I don’t want to doubt her feelings for me.
For the past few years, I’ve only been looking for meaningless summer fun.
I feel hollow inside thinking about that with Charli.
There’s something different about her though.
Something more. I’m not really sure what that means. But I need to find out.
It’s still pouring, so I make a sandwich for dinner. After I eat, I decide to give Uncle Bill a call and bust his balls about what Cap told me the other day. I send him a text as I sit in the cabin listening to the rain pound on the deck.
Me: Are you free?
Uncle Bill: Yup. Just sitting here on the porch.
I send him a FaceTime call.
Bill materializes, his image a bit fuzzy on my screen. It’s him though, with the familiar gray hair and matching mustache.
“Hey there, bud, you look good. How ya doing?”
“Not too bad. What’s new with you?”
“You know, I’m not too busy, sort of retired here. Do you like Seascape after all?”
“It’s growing on me. I had a talk with Cap the other day.”
“Oh yeah, how's he doing?” he asks.
“Like you, sort of retired. He told me all about your old days here.”
Uncle Bill coughs and sits up from his chair. “He did, now? What did he have to say?”
“He told me about you living here for a season and working at the Academy with him.”
“Those were the days,” he says with a faraway look in his eyes.
“Is that why you urged me to come here this year? To go back to the Academy?” I ask him point blank.
“No, of course not, but . . .”
“But what?”
A flush creeps into his permanently tanned face. “Look, I know I’m just your uncle, but I worry about you. You were getting in a rut last winter. I wanted to push you.”
“I know, Bill, I appreciate all you've done for me. And you’re more than just my uncle. But this is my life.” My pulse is pounding in frustration now.
“It is and you only get one.” He runs a hand through his short hair.
“I also heard about Diane,” I taunt him, waggling my eyebrows.
Nothing ever gets Bill upset. “He told you about Diane?” He glances away wistfully. “Well, she was the one that got away.”
“What happened?” I ask pointedly, my curiosity getting the better of me. I take a deep breath, it’s not worth it to get into a disagreement with Bill.
“She wanted to settle down and I wasn’t ready. So she went and married an accountant and moved to Port City. Who knows where she is now.” He runs a hand through his gray hair.
“You could look her up online.”
“No, that has passed. How was your date?”
“It wasn’t a date. Well, I mean she said that she just wants to be friends.”
“So, be her friend, and don’t let her get away if you really like her. It doesn’t always happen again.”
“Thanks for the advice.” I let a beat pass before I consider what else to talk about. “Any leads on a vehicle?”
He nods. “Yes, I have a contact in Port City who has a used car lot and is going to see what’s available. You could drive it for the summer for a monthly fee, then return it when you sail south.”
I brighten up. Finally some good news. “Thanks so much, Bill. Alright, goodnight.”
“Night, my boy.”
* * *
Bright morning light streams in the porthole window.
It’s the anniversary of my dad’s death. Every year it gets a little easier, but it still hits me like a ton of bricks.
Charli’s questions the other day got me thinking.
I won’t be able to move on if I don’t face my feelings.
If I want a chance to be with a woman like her, I need to be open to change.
I grab my phone off the charger and send her a text.
Me: Want to sail tonight and get drunk with me?
Charli: Sailing-yes. Drunk-maybe some drinks.
Me: Meet me at six tonight.
Charli: Okay.
I feel lighter already. It makes me contemplate what Uncle Bill had to say. I don’t want her to get away.
I fill the day with work and go to the gym on my own, then get ready for our sunset sail. It should be good. The weather is supposed to be clear all day and there’s a nice breeze that should pick up in the afternoon.
As I wait for her to arrive, I call my mom. She has a better way of dealing with today than I do.
“Hi honey, how are you doing?”
“Good, Mom. I’m getting ready to go meet a friend, but I wanted to call and see how your day was.”
“I’m heading out for my walk on the beach with some friends and then my candle ceremony for your Dad.” She puts a positive spin on everything.
“I hope you have good weather.”
“It’s been beautiful all day. Bill told me you met a pretty girl. Do you have a date?” she asks, a little too cheerily.
Christ, they’re such fucking gossips. “No, I’m not going on a date, or dating anyone right now. I do have a girl that’s a friend. We’re going sailing tonight.”
“Did you tell her about Dad?”
“Yeah, I did.” I blow out a breath. “She offered to hang out so I wouldn’t be alone.”
“She sounds special. If you like her, ask her out. You’re such a wonderful person and you have so much to offer a woman.”
“Moooom,” I groan, “I’ll let you know if anything happens. Can we talk about that another time?”
“Sure, honey, have fun tonight. Believe in yourself.”
Believe in what? Dating is not how it used to be when my parents were younger. There’s no rush to get married right away and pop some kids out. It could all be gone in an instant anyway.
“I love you, Mom. Have a good night.”
“I will. I love you too.”
After pocketing my phone, I catch sight of Charli strolling down the pier. She’s clad in leggings and a sweatshirt, her high ponytail swinging in the evening light. She breaks out in a grin when our eyes meet.
I pull the line, so she can board easily. “You found me?” I ask with a wink.
“I did a little online stalking,” she says, a blush creeping into her cheeks. “Well, I thought— maybe you would be tied up over here somewhere,” she stammers before changing the subject quickly. “The boat’s gorgeous. You keep it looking amazing.”
“Thanks, my dad and uncle taught me all about upkeep and maintenance.”
She bobs her head, surveying the deck around us. “So how was your day?”
I inhale deeply, her vanilla scent catching me off guard. “It’s always a hard day, but I’m happy I’m not sailing alone tonight.”
She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and smiles softly at me. “I’m glad.”
Jesus, that look has me feeling it, like feeling more than just wanting her. “Do you care where we go tonight?”
She shakes her head. “No, it's up to you. It’s your night.”
“Okay, cool. I’d like to go out and open up for a bit.”
“I figured,” she replies with a laugh. “I thought I’d bring you some cookies. I hope you like banana chocolate chip.” She passes me the bag awkwardly. Our fingertips brush and she pulls away quickly.
“I do, thanks.” A smirk teases at my lips.
After a quick run through of the boat, we untie and motor out of the harbor.
It’s busy since it’s Friday night, with people hanging out on their boats and going out for evening cruises, or getting prepped for night fishing.
Voices carry over the water and engines buzz in the evening air.
The sounds are so similar to evenings of the past. My heart aches thinking how good it would be to have Dad aboard tonight.
This is when I feel closest to my dad, out on the water and cruising at full speed like we used to do. Instead, Charli’s perched near me in the cockpit as I steer through the channel. Sharing tonight with her is a big step for me.
“So, you’re good with full sails tonight?” I ask.
“I told you I was on the sailing team,” she says with a look, “and my mom was a competitive sailor too.” She twists her lips. “It was a way for me to spend time with her, even if it was more like a drill instructor barking orders, as opposed to rainbows and unicorns.”
“That sucks for you.”
“Yeah, my mom is a difficult person.” She looks away, a wistful look on her face.
“Life jackets too. I’m a stickler for safety on the water.”
“No, I get it.”
We have about fifteen knots of wind, perfect for going head to wind with the mainsail once we’re in the bay.
Charli tidies the lines from the main with a hair flip to me.
Then we pull out the jib to get running.
She knows what to do at every turn with no indication from me and she looks beautiful doing it.
I can’t help but admire her form as she moves gracefully around the deck, like she’s been on this boat with me a hundred times.
It makes me want to spend more time with her.
After we dock and tie up, there’s an awkward pause. “Hey,” we both start.
We stand at the helm, divided by the space.
“Go ahead,” she says, waving her hand at me.
“Thanks so much for coming out with me tonight,” I say, gripping the wheel. A nervous knot eats at my stomach. “I haven’t gone out on the water with anyone on this night since it happened.”
She stuffs her hands in her sweatshirt pocket, her expression soft. “I hope it helped a little.”
“Yeah, it definitely made it better.” I wait a beat and watch her because I don't want her to go yet. “You’re right, you’re really good out there.”
Her mouth curves into a smile. “You are too. You really know what you’re doing.”
“Thanks.” I know it’s a big compliment coming from someone who knows sailing. Pride swells in me regardless. I blurt out, “So, do you want to see the cabin, since you’re here?”
“Oh, sure.”
I lead her down the steps. It’s compact and tidy. “This is my bunk, up in the bow and there’s two more aft cabins.”
I keep the interior woodwork polished. There's a small galley, a built-in table and bench opposite, a small head next to the ladder, and a desk and workstation tucked into the corner.
She peeks into the cabin and it makes me self-conscious. I know nothing is out of place, but I feel vulnerable nonetheless.
“Everything is so neat and orderly. And you’ve been living on this boat for seven years?” she asks, leaning against the doorway to my cabin.
It suddenly feels quite small and warm in here.
I pull at the front of my shirt to fan my face.
My life is broken into before my dad died and after.
And seven years ago is a lifetime. The old me and the new me.
“Well, it’s my home and business, so I have to keep it clean and tidy.
Did you expect it to be a mess?” I furrow my brows at her.
“No, but I have so much stuff in my apartment. I can’t imagine consolidating into something this size.” She fidgets with the hem of her sweatshirt.
I lean back against the galley. Our eyes lock from across the confined space. Her green eyes are full of life and light. The air is heavy between us. “Since you brought these treats maybe we can just eat these instead of drinking.”
“Yeah, whatever you want,” she answers. She straightens and moves to sit, her hands light on the surface of the table.
I join her, folding myself into the bench seat and pull a cookie out of the bag, then pass it over to her. I take a big bite of mine. “Mmm, so good. I like chewy cookies like these.”
She digs into the bag and chooses one for herself. “What’s your favorite memory with your dad?”
Fuck. What a punch to the gut. A cold rush passes over my body.
She reaches across the table and grabs my hand. “You don’t have to answer if I overstepped.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s alright. I don’t share much about him with anyone.
” I swallow hard. “We took a trip the summer before he died and went up to Nova Scotia together. It's a tough sail, but he taught me so much.” I stare at our hands, unable to look her in the eyes, even though I know she’s watching me.
“It made me feel grown up, and we had so many good talks about life in general.”
“Thanks for telling me that,” she says, her voice barely a whisper. She squeezes my large hand with her small one, warming me with her sincerity. “I bet he’d be proud of you now, running this boat on your own.”
I can’t help but smile. Maybe he’d be proud. I’m not doing what I thought I would be. No one asks me personal questions like this.
I give her hand a squeeze. This is enough feeling for one night. I sit a little taller, our hands still intertwined. “So are there any good hiking trails around here?”
She exhales and looks relieved at my question. “Uh, yeah, the trail to North Point is nice, and it has a great view at the end. Do you want to go together?”
“Sure, how about one night, then we might catch the sunset.”
“Okay, text me when you’re free.”
“I will. Thanks for everything tonight.”
It’s near full dark now and I insist on walking her back to her Jeep, even though she would be fine alone.
She pauses at her door, the streetlight illuminating her features: a cute nose, wide eyes, and a full kissable mouth.
She bites her lip like she’s going to say something else.
Instead, she wraps her arms around my waist and hugs me, burying her face in my neck.
Instinctively, I pull her close to me, enjoying this moment.
Her soft body melts into me and I shut my eyes so I can remember this feeling.
She pulls back, with a smile, but stays in my arms. “I’m glad we did this tonight, I’m glad you asked me to join you.”
“Me too.” Reluctantly, I let her go and she gets in her car. I watch her back up and drive away into town. Getting close to her doesn’t seem like an insurmountable task anymore. It feels more like my new mission.