16. Charli
CHARLI
The good weather all weekend keeps us slammed both days. That means less time to daydream about Gage. My heart ached for him and the loss of his dad, when he was so young. I’m not close like that with either of my parents, but I don’t even want to think about when it’s time for Mimi or Pop.
But he looked so damn cute when he came in to order muffins for his cruises this weekend. He was smiley and nice, and looked right into my eyes like I was the only one there.
At night, when I’m alone in bed my thoughts drift to those fucking gray shorts. My vibrator has been working overtime, and only taking the edge off my desire for him.
I’m getting my hair done today. So I’m up early in the morning for my appointment, choosing a black cropped tank top and sport shorts for my easy day.
I’ve never had my hair colored and it takes longer than my usual wash and cuts.
But it’s so worth it. I love the auburn shade. It feels like a new me.
After lunch, I sit at my computer, logged in and waiting for my therapist, Angela, to appear on screen. Maybe talking through my life choices with a third party will give me some clarity.
“Good afternoon, Charli, how has life been?” she asks in her serene voice, a tidy bookshelf and plant in her background. “I see you’ve gotten your hair done.”
“Yeah, I was ready for something new. My appointment was this morning. It feels fresh.” I beam.
“Anything else? The last time we met, your boyfriend had an ultimatum.” Angela doesn’t mess around.
“Well, a lot has happened lately. Tyler and I had our talk and we broke up. I don’t want to commit to him right now and he doesn't want to travel.”
Angela waits patiently for me to continue. “How do you feel about that?”
I chew at my lip, feeling stripped bare. “It’s hard making changes but I think I’m okay with it.”
“You can pick your hard in life: the hard you know, or the hard of the unknown.”
“Wow.”
“You’re a strong person, you can make the things happen in your life that you want.”
“Being together was comfortable. But, I don’t think we were really in a healthy way for nearly a year. We were going through the motions of being in a relationship that we were used to,” I say.
“When partners have expectations that the other person isn’t meeting, it causes continued disappointment. Relationships work if both partners can communicate effectively, make compromises, and still have individuality.”
Huh? So my instincts and feelings were actually valid?
“Do you feel validated?”
“Yes, very.” I nod.
“What else is there? I think you’re holding back.”
“It feels too soon, but I met someone who I’m interested in romantically.” I take a deep breath and then hold it waiting for her reply.
She waves a hand at me. “That may just be societal guilt.”
“So it’s not too soon?” My dating life feels like a trainwreck recently.
“You don’t need permission to date again. If you meet someone new and want to pursue your feelings, there’s nothing wrong with going for it. Even though it feels soon because you and Tyler were in recent contact, your relationship may have been over for quite some time before you made it official.”
I can’t contain my smile at her assessment. “I told the new guy I wanted to stay friends only.”
“It's also fine to stay friends and get to know each other before becoming intimate.”
Intimate. Yes, I should wait on that. Too bad I can’t burn the images of him in his gray shorts from my memories.
“Be clear about what you’re looking for and need from a partner before getting too serious.”
Maybe I need to relax a bit around Gage, and not be so rigid in the friend zone department. “I’m unsure of myself.”
“Tell me more.”
“I’m attracted to him and I thought I could have a fling. But, I think I like him too much for that.”
“So is it more than feeling too soon to date or waiting for the right time?”
I nod slowly, realization hitting me. The more I get to know him, the more I want. Maybe I can just see what happens.
“Charli?”
“Yeah. I wasn’t thinking of getting into anything serious right now.” I chew my lip. “But I don’t want to wonder about ‘what if,’ if I don’t pursue my feelings.”
“Good inner thoughts. What else?”
“He’s not from around here and will be leaving in the fall.”
Her brows furrow in thought. “Keep your lines of communication open and be honest. Oftentimes, you feel things in your body before your mind catches up.”
“Hmm. My mind catching up,” I mumble to myself.
“We still have some more time left.”
I straighten in my seat. “I think I’m going to take a solo trip at the end of the summer. I decided I don’t need to wait for someone to go with me.”
“I’m happy you came to that decision on your own. Maybe as you were changing and asserting your wants, you gained more confidence. Tell me about your plans.”
“I follow a travel blog and there was an ad for a women’s group trip to Iceland.”
“That sounds great for you. Stepping out of your comfort zone will make you feel more independent and confident in being happy on your own.”
“Thanks, Angela. I had been on autopilot for so long, but now I feel reawakened.”
Closing my laptop, I switch my phone off do not disturb and two texts pop up from Gage.
Gage: Want to shop for dinner and make chicken quesadillas with me?
Gage: Mostly I want quesadillas and need your help. ;)
I shake my head and laugh to myself.
Me: Meet me at Coastal Market.
When I pull into the parking lot, he’s waiting by the door, wearing light colored sport shorts and a navy t-shirt that does nothing to hide his broad chest. A small shopping cart sits by his side.
“Your hair looks really nice. Did you just get it done?” He flashes me a grin.
My cheeks heat at his question. “Thanks, yes, this morning. I needed a change and had been thinking about coloring it for a while. I think I’m too chicken to do a big cut.” I nervously tuck a flyaway strand of hair behind my ear.
“You’d look good in any hairstyle, but I like this shade on you.”
Like freshly fucked hair, maybe? “You might not say that if you see old pictures of me from middle school.”
“Come on, we all go through an awkward phase.”
I bump his side and grab the cart. “I can’t imagine you as awkward.”
“Picture my height, six foot three, but only a buck forty,” he says as we enter the automatic doors, a blast of cool air hitting us.
I roll my eyes and reach up to run my hand through his hair. “But with all this gorgeous hair?”
He sucks in a breath. “It was short then,” he rasps near my ear.
I shiver at his closeness. Clearing my throat, I try to focus. “So what’s on your list?”
He pulls out his phone and we both concentrate on selecting the fresh produce he needs. In a short time, the basket is piled with tomatoes, corn, avocados, limes, and herbs.
I lean closer as he scans his screen, my upper arm connecting with his. “Looks like we only need chicken, cheese, and tortillas now.”
“Yeah,” he answers, his eyes flicking between my eyes and my chest momentarily. I like how he looks at me. But will I do anything about it?
“We need to head to the back of the store then.” I push the cart forward. Maybe the refrigerated section will cool me off.
After collecting the rest of the ingredients I wheel past the freezer section.
“We’re all set,” Gage says as he grabs the handle.
“I want some ice cream too.” Pushing past rows of desserts I stop in front of the pints section. I bend down to see if they have any of my favorites.
“We’ll have to eat the whole thing tonight because everything in my mini freezer melts.”
I pop up to stand in front of him. His dark eyes pin me in place, the fluorescent lights buzzing overhead. We’re alone in the aisle. “I can eat half.” I reach out to him, dragging two fingers down his muscled chest. “Can you?”
“I always leave room for dessert.”
“Yeah?” I tease him.
“Always.” He shifts his weight, but holds my gaze. “What are you in the mood for tonight?”
Does he really want to know? Him. I’m in the mood for him.
I pull open the glass door, icy air billowing out between us. “Can we get Cherry Garcia?”
“Whatever you want,” he answers with a lazy grin.
I grab the container and toss it in the basket. “Do you even like this flavor?”
“Are there any bad Ben and Jerry’s flavors?”
I wrinkle my nose. “Not really.”
At the register, Sheila is the only checker available. Reluctantly, we wait in her line. She’s known for being the engine of the Seascape gossip mill.
Her gaze lingers on Gage as he unloads the cart, placing the items on the conveyor belt.
I brush past him to enter my coupon code into the kiosk.
“Hey, Charli. Is this all together, then?” she asks flippantly.
“Yes please,” I answer as I roll the basket to the end of the counter.
“Okay. Taco night for you two?” Sheila questions us.
“Quesadillas actually,” I reply.
Gage places his hands on my hips as he scooches by me, giving me goosebumps. My cheeks heat as I study the number pad. Glancing to my right, I admire his forearms as he loads our reusable bag.
Sheila scans the remaining goods quickly while I unzip my purse to retrieve my card. But Gage gently places his large hand on mine.
“Pay when you’re ready,” Sheila says with a little snark.
“I got it,” he says as he slips his card into the slot.
If everyone in town didn’t know I have a new love interest, now they will for sure.
* * *
The days of June continue this way: so close to more with Gage, but stopping before taking the next step.
As the weather turns warmer, the month goes by quickly.
Gage gets a truck to use from one of his uncle’s friends.
Andi and Sam text me daily in our group chat, but I try to be vague about the details of my relationship with Gage.
I don’t want them interfering and I’m not sure what we are.
Work is busy, but I hang out with him most of my days off.
We also spend time together after I’m done with work if he doesn't have any evening charters.
We do little things like getting take out, going grocery shopping, working out, and swimming at the beach on hot days.
I love all the quality time we spend together.
He pays attention to the little things, like getting me my favorite foods or showing up at work at my break time to eat with me, or take a short walk around the pier.
He never cares what we order when we get takeout or go out somewhere.
The man has a wicked sweet tooth, so I always bring him treats.
We talk about work, he asks about my cousins, and I ask him about his family.
Sometimes Harvey hangs out with us too, or we meet up with Oliver and Reid.
He tells me all about the places that he’s been on the boat.
There hasn’t been any pressure for more than friendship.
He’s actually a good friend, and I feel completely secure with him.
I can be myself with him; I’m a priority.
Gage wants to know the real me and isn’t only interested in getting me into bed.
However, I’m getting pretty sexually frustrated, but I don’t know if I want to make the first move. He has said that I’m beautiful and has fun with me, but that’s where it stops, and that was when we first met. I feel like we’re courting or something. It’s so PG, but I’m getting ready for x-rated.
I’m open to starting something with Gage.
I’m trying to give him the signs that I’m interested in him with all the time we spend together.
I do know what my body is telling me though.
Everything about him turns me on. The lingering touches and the glances that last a little too long have me on edge.
I think he feels it too. But I worry that he’ll be gone in a few months. That’s what is holding me back.