44. Gage
GAGE
She fucking loves me. I love her too, but I couldn't say it when we were together. I froze, plagued by confessions from my past. I was able to show her my love, but I couldn’t say the words.
If things don’t work out how I want them to, I’d never forgive myself for hurting her, making promises that could be broken. I know what it’s like.
We’re building toward something. Something that I’m not sure I can deliver on.
She deserves someone who has their shit together already.
My life was on hold for the past seven years and I’m making up for it in one summer.
I can’t even remember what I did with my time before meeting Charli.
Did I waste so many hours of the day doing meaningless stuff?
Still, this week is really pushing me. I wasn’t expecting to be interviewed by someone with their own successful YouTube channel.
Calvin’s edit was fucking awesome. He got rid of any stumbles and it made me sound like I know what the hell I’m talking about.
I do know my shit. But seeing myself in the clip made me believe that what he said was true.
This opportunity could become a reality for me. For me and Charli.
Besides Calvin posting the recording, I link the video to the Wanderlust page, and send out a notification to everyone on my mailing list. It gets hundreds of hits the first day. I’m fucking pumped.
In the afternoon, I log into the video call with Calvin.
“Hey, what’s up? Did you see the response to the clip?”
“Yeah, all the traction has produced a ton of interest on my page. My subscriber list got hundreds of new members. Thanks, this is really surprising for me.”
“You should cross-post to your other accounts.”
“About that, I need a roadmap or something for this.”
“I get it. It was a lot of legwork for me in the beginning, but I like to help out people who I think have potential. Do you have anyone who can get you started?”
“Well, my girlfriend’s stepmom has a blog and my sister is in marketing.”
He nods. “That’s a good start, but you have to be ready to put in the effort yourself too.
Besides your work website, you’ll want your own, plus a YouTube channel, TikTok page, Instagram, and Facebook.
And you’ll need to put out original material on a regular basis at least once, but more like two or three times a week. ”
Shit. This is overwhelming. “Okay, do I need special equipment for the editing?”
“You should be able to get by with your phone and computer to start. I know it sounds like a lot, but I think you could be really successful. People are going to like your vibe. It came across during the interview.”
“You really think?” I ask, unsure of myself.
“Totally. What about your girlfriend? Because a single guy on social media is different from a couple on social media. This could be something you do together.”
“Yes, we’re definitely a couple.” Having her support in this gives me confidence I didn’t know I had. I want her to be proud of me.
“Ok, cool,” he answers.
We talk more about building up my social media presence, content, the type of posts to make, how to get more followers, and newsletters. By the end of it, I can’t think straight.
My to-do list is a mile long. Calvin also gave me some links to different people in the sailing industry and their platforms. I don’t know anything about making and editing videos, so I’m thinking of beginning on Instagram and maybe TikTok.
I can handle three-minute clips or less and the filters are right in the apps.
Thankfully, Calvin said he was going to send me a summary of our conversation because the notes I took were complete shit.
I hope my sister can help me out and I want to talk to Daphne again.
Things are happening fast, with work and my relationship with Charli. Labor Day weekend is closing in and I’m booked up. Her family is coming down, along with her mom. I want to be strong for her as she faces her in person. Her pain from her mother’s text messages was palpable, and I felt helpless.
Distracted, I putter around the boat, then I relax in the cockpit and send my Uncle Bill a text.
Me: I had a meeting with a sailing YouTuber today.
Uncle Bill: What?
Me: Social media for the boat.
Instead of responding, he FaceTimes me. We’re doing this.
“Hey, Bill.”
“You’re full of surprises,” he says. He’s on a porch by the beach. Turquoise water reflects behind him.
I laugh. “I’m nervous and excited about the possibilities.”
“I knew it would happen when you were ready, Gage. Your dad would be proud just like I am.”
Fuck. My eyes water and I cover my mouth with my hand. “Yeah. I think he would be happy too. I wish he was here to help me.”
“He knows what you’re doing. He’s watching out for you. Things happen at the right time when you’re ready.”
I get up to go back down into the cabin. I can’t hold it together. I sniff and grab a paper towel for my face. “I’m really happy here. It’s been quite a summer.” My voice breaks on the last word.
“I’m so glad to hear you say that. We were all worried about you there for a while.”
“That stuff again.” I grab a drink and crack the top open.
“We can make a plan for you to do the things you want to do when the time comes. You know with your videos, buying your own boat, or buying me out. Get your personal life sorted out up there. Then we’ll figure it out.”
I freeze. “I’m trying to figure it out, but I’m running out of time.”
“What does your girlfriend want to do?”
“Stay together.”
“And you?”
“I want a life with her, Bill, but she has a business here. I only have vague ideas now.”
“Sometimes it’s all worth the risk.”
“There’s no guarantee that my plans will be successful.
” I’m not afraid of hard work, but I’m starting with practically nothing.
I’m worried I won’t measure up. I wasn’t enough before.
“I have enough money saved to make a down payment and take a loan to buy you out.
But that doesn't solve my problem of work for the winter.”
“Does she want to travel with you?”
I rub the back of my neck. “Yeah, I’d love it if she came with me, but she’s very successful. That’s why I can’t ask her to give that up for me.”
“Maybe she can help, you said her café is a hit.”
“Yeah, it is.” That’s a huge part of her life here. She’s opening another location with Oliver. How can I ask her to walk away from that?
“Don’t assume without talking to her first.”
“Great advice coming from you,” I say under my breath, annoyed by his response.
His face becomes impassive. “Send me the links for the videos if you have them.”
I nod and slump into the bench by the table. “Sure thing. Have a good night.”
“You too.”
What the hell? This summer is just full of surprises. If you had asked me in May, if I would have a girlfriend and be trying to make money on social media I would have said no fucking way.
But, here I am in the middle of it all. Just expect the unexpected.