51. Charli
CHARLI
It hurts so much. His hesitation to say what I wanted to hear was too much for me at the moment. I keep it together for the ride back, the low hum of the radio in the background as I stare out the window at the landscape slipping by us.
But once my grandparents drop me off, I lose it. I can barely see enough through my tears to walk through in my apartment. I lie in my bed and it smells like him. I’m torn between changing the sheets and hugging his pillow all night long.
The pillow wins. I knew it was too soon after Ty, but I let myself go for him. We were just supposed to be friends, friends with a little more. Not hopes and dreams and love.
I stop blubbering long enough to call Oliver and tell him I can’t come in tomorrow, that I’m hurt and Gage and I are having a problem. He’s so understanding and says he'll bring me some soup after work the next day.
After crying all I can, my nose is completely stuffed up and my face is swollen, like beat up in a fight swollen.
I drink some water and take some acetaminophen for my arm and my pounding headache and try to sleep.
Thank God for friends like Oliver. By the time I drift off, it’s well past midnight and closer to the time when I would be getting up for the bakery.
In the morning, a knock at the door wakes me up.
My neck is stiff and there’s still an ache in my head.
I roll over and put the pillows over my head.
I hope that it isn’t him. I just can’t now.
Then my phone pings. I scan the messages, and it’s Mimi at my door.
Oliver must have called her. I shuffle over to the entryway and she wraps me in a big hug.
She’s dressed for the day in jeans, with a light sweater over her shirt.
There's a brown paper bag by her feet and it smells really good.
“How did you do last night?”
I stifle a big sob. “It hurts so much, Mimi.”
“I’m so sorry, Charli. I brought something for you from Oliver. Now let’s get you inside and eating.”
We sit at my kitchen island and she fixes me a plate, while I sip on a steaming cup of coffee with a shot of vanilla.
Oliver did it up with a bacon, egg, cheese, avocado breakfast burrito and a double chocolate banana muffin.
We sit in silence as I stuff my face. I wipe my mouth and say, “Thank you for coming over.”
“Of course. Now what are you going to do next?”
I shrug and make a face. “Go back to bed.”
“No, honey, about your young man?”
I sigh heavily and feel the tears building again. “What can I do? I could be pregnant. I love him and I thought that we could stay in a long-distance relationship, but I want more. I thought it would be enough, but it’s not. I don’t want to be alone.”
“Hmm.”
The tears start at the corners of my eyes and my skin stings from being so raw. Mimi passes me the box of tissues. She picks up the dishes and puts them in the sink and turns to me. “Honey, can you think of any other ways to make this work for you two?”
I rub my eyes. Ouch. I think I need an ice pack. “I don’t know, I don’t want to be like Mom and have him stay here with me out of obligation. But, I mean I live and work here and he travels on a boat. There’s no chartering here in the winter.”
“Well there must be an alternative. Think about it some. Why don’t you go shower, then we can take a walk.”
“Okay.” I resign myself to listening to her. Mimi helps me wrap my arm in a plastic bag from the hospital. I mull over my life while the hot water runs over my body. I choke on another sob.
Mimi’s obviously wiser than me and not one to tell me what to do.
I’ll have to figure out this new normal.
I’ll return to boring Charli: work, gym, eat, sleep, and repeat.
I can throw myself into business with Oliver.
Maybe I’ll adopt a pet like he and Reid did.
A cat might be more my speed though, and it’ll be someone new to cuddle with during the cold winter nights when I would otherwise be alone.
Well maybe alone. What if I am pregnant?
Getting dressed and walking with Mimi is a good distraction. Later on, I finally get her to go home, knowing that Oliver will be by in the afternoon. I drift off for another short nap, before he’s at my door.
He has a giant tub of tomato soup, my favorite and I laze on the couch while he makes me a grilled cheese to go with it. We ate this all the time in college. Especially when we were hung over.
“Come on, eat this.” He sets the plate on the table, next to a hot bowl of soup.
“Thanks.” It smells so good as I shuffle over to the kitchen.
“So what now?” He asks as he sits across from me.
I shrug. “I don't know. I’ll have more time to devote to work. Also I think I’m going to get a cat.” I dip my spoon into the bowl and blow on it.
“There’s not a rush on that. And I can’t work with you everyday if you’re like this.” He waves his hand at me dismissively.
“What do you mean?” I complain as I dip my sandwich in my soup.
“You were so happy with him. Charli. Can you work it out?”
“How?”
“Charli, we’re co-owners now.” He lifts his eyebrows at me.
“Yes, co-owners and we’re opening another location.” I shake my head at him and stuff more gooey cheesy bread in my mouth as I sit hunched in my chair.
“I can handle the café, and I want to be the point person for Westfield.”
“Oh.” My voice fades away as I gape at him.
“We can think about hiring another full-time person, someone who might be interested in management someday,” Oliver says, shifting uncomfortably as he backpedals.
How could I have been so blind? Of course Oliver wants more responsibility. Why else would he become a co-owner? I’ve been so wrapped up in myself that I couldn’t see what was happening with my best friend, right in front of my face.
“No, you should be in charge of The Sweet Spot Two.” I stand and move closer to him. “We’re equal partners, and I know you’ll do an amazing job.”
His mouth twitches into a small smile. “Thanks.”
“I’ve been too preoccupied with my own life to be there for you.”
“It’s okay. You’ve been in charge of the café for so long.” He grips the counter and his eyes soften. “You deserve a chance to step back if you need it.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, puzzled.
“And it’s our slow season. Maybe you should take some time and go . . .”
“With him?”
He nods and smirks at me.
“Oliver, I could be pregnant.”
“If you are and get cleared by your doctor, can you travel by boat? When would you be due?”
I count on my fingers. “Next summer?”
“Couldn't you come back early?”
“I don’t know, I guess. But I want him to want to be with me for just me, for me to be enough for him.”
“I get it. But I want you to know that you have a choice.”
“I understand.”
I throw my arms around him in a big hug, and that’s when the tears start again. “But, he hasn’t asked me to go.”
He pats me on the back. “Maybe try to talk to him.”
“I guess.” But the more I think about that, I’m left shaking my head.
“I can’t invite myself to move onto his boat with him.”
“He’s been practically living with you all summer,” Oliver reminds me.
My mind is spinning. Like I think my head will pop right off my shoulders. “That’s different.”
“Not much actually,” Oliver says as he turns and loads the dirty dishes into the dishwasher.
“Yeah I guess so.”
Oliver leaves soon after and I really don’t know what to think about all this. Could I go with him and sail for the winter? Panic and excitement rush through my body at once. But what if it’s not what he wants? Him leaving is an easy out if he doesn't feel the same as I do.
My phone has been on do not disturb all day and I realize that there’s a ton of notifications from my cousins. There’s text after text from Andi and Sam. If I don’t answer they’ll send Mimi back.
Andi: What happened?
Sam: Was it you or him?
Sam: Hello? Don’t swim with the seals today please- it’s too cold.
Andi: Yes- stay inside please.
Me: Yes- it’s all true, I’m falling apart. Mimi & Oliver came by. I’ll call you both later.