Chapter Twenty-Six
You know I don’t date. We’re friends.
It rang through Vi’s ears as Nick drove them back from the hospital, louder than the radio he’d turned on when Vi didn’t respond to his weak attempts at conversation.
This is your own fault, Vi told herself. You can’t be mad. You knew the whole time. You agreed, for god’s sake.
It didn’t help. She just kept hearing those words, the dismissive scoff Nick gave when he said them.
It sounded so panicked. Like he freaked out at even the idea of dating her.
She felt like an idiot. The butt of the joke, yet again.
Nick hadn’t said it mockingly, but it didn’t matter: Humiliation burned in her, hot enough to sting her eyes.
She’d really convinced herself that Nick wanted her like that. How could she be so naive?
“You sure you’re okay? You just seem . . .” Nick trailed off, hands flexing on the wheel. “Tense.”
“I’m fine,” Vi said. She blinked until her eyes were clear, then turned and smiled at him. She’d fallen into her customer-service voice automatically, forgetting who she was talking to.
Nick snorted. “Okay. You said you wouldn’t do your polite shtick with me. If you’re pissed about something, just say you’re pissed.”
“I’m tired,” Vi said.
She waited for Nick to say something about tiring her out last night. His jaw flexed like he was thinking about it. Then he turned to stare at the road.
“Sure you don’t want to stop somewhere before work? Get something to eat? You haven’t had breakfast.”
Vi tightened her hair ribbon until it hurt, pulling her ponytail uncomfortably tight. She wasn’t lying, not entirely. She was tired. Tired of being stupid enough to think she could be the one to convince Nick into something more than casual sex.
She knew who Nick was. She had no right to be disappointed. And yet, here she was.
Nick’s hands squeaked against the steering wheel. “Vi?”
Vi swallowed. It wasn’t like she could be mad at him. He hadn’t tricked her, hadn’t made any promises he didn’t mean to keep. He was Nick Wicker. That was that.
“Pull over,” she told him.
He looked around. They were on a long stretch of road near where her car had broken down, wild trees on either side.
“Here?”
She nodded.
“Do you . . .” He squinted at her. “Need . . . to throw up?”
She put a hand on his leg.
“Oh,” he said, voice climbing pitch. “Really? Here?”
She nodded again.
The car jerked off the road, rolling to a not-so-careful stop just beyond the pine trees.
“Are you really sure? I did this once in high school and we got caught—” He stuttered to a stop as she climbed on top of him, skirt billowing out over his legs. She reached down until she turned the dial that shunted the seat backward.
Nick grunted as the seat slid back, hands finding her hips. “Vi, you sure you’re okay?”
She leaned down to kiss him.
He made a noise against her lips and pulled back. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it, but five minutes ago you were all about being on time to work—”
“They’ll survive without me for ten minutes,” Vi said. Words that had never come out of her mouth before. “Do you have condoms?”
Nick blinked. Then he leaned over, fumbling for the glove box.
“Boy Scout,” Vi said. She waited until he retrieved the foil packet and then kissed him again, trying to feel the same giddy heat from last night. From this morning, even; she’d caught glimpses of it while he pulled her back to the bed, his body wonderfully bare under the sheets.
She dug her fingers into his jaw, pulling his face up to hers. I can be the kind of girl who sleeps with someone she’s not dating, she told herself. And I can be happy about it, damn it. Other girls can do it; why not me?
She thought about blowing him. It sounded very uncomfortable to do in a car. How would the logistics work? She could get back in the passenger seat and lean over . . .
“Hey,” he said, breath heavy against her mouth. He pulled back, folding her ponytail in his hand. “What do you need?”
His pupils were blown, mouth slack with lust. But he was still checking in. For a moment, Vi wished he wouldn’t. It made it harder, him being sweet.
She ground down against his lap, gratified when he shuddered.
“I’m stressed,” she told him. “Make me not stressed.”
He swallowed thickly. “Got it.”
He grabbed her thighs, pulling her closer. Then he reached under her skirt, dipping inside her panties to rub at her hardening clit.
Vi gasped, rolling her hips. The more he rubbed, the quieter her brain got.
She didn’t have to tell herself anything, she just gave herself over to the pleasure he was stroking into her.
His thumb stayed at her clit, his pointer and middle fingers slipping down to tease at her entrance, then push inside.
“God,” Vi panted. She let him finger-fuck her for a moment, breathy sounds spilling out of her. Then she reached down, pulling at his zipper. “Come on, we have a time limit.”
Nick huffed a laugh against her neck, fingers slipping out of her.
“There you are,” he said. It sounded so fond, Vi had to close her eyes and concentrate on how good he would feel inside her so she wouldn’t get caught up in a wave of her own irrational feelings.
She unwrapped the condom, which he’d dropped in the passenger seat, and rolled it over him. Then she pulled her panties to one side and held herself open, hands shaking as she guided his huge cock inside her.
“Careful,” Nick said, strained.
Vi ignored him. It hurt a little to go this fast, but she didn’t care. She wanted to feel him.
Nick caught her thighs.
“Baby,” he panted. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
Vi gritted her teeth, still trying to bear down. He was only halfway in, his thick cock stopping her from getting any farther.
Nick moaned into her mouth and rocked gently into her. Vi didn’t even manage a noise, struck dumb with how full she felt. And still, she wanted more—she wanted the incomprehensible fullness from last night, the impossible heft of the whole thing inside her.
“Hey, hey.” Nick bumped their noses together. “Don’t have time to stretch you, okay? We gotta settle for this.”
“Uh-huh,” Vi gasped, rolling her hips. She expected it to be difficult to find a rhythm—they were both stressed, they were in the front seat of a car, he still couldn’t fit all of him inside—but it was surprisingly easy.
Vi’s nerves melted away under Nick’s firm, gentle touch.
He kissed her neck, her chin, pulled up her shirt and kissed her breasts, and Vi found herself regretting doing this in a car.
She wanted a bed, or at least somewhere with walls, where she could get properly naked. She wanted all of him, not just half.
He clutched her ponytail, stroking the band of her ribbon. I always wanted to do that, he’d admitted that first night, winding it around his fingers.
“Violet,” he rasped.
Vi crushed herself against him and came, shuddering, letting out a low cry as he continued to push up into her. He only managed a few more thrusts before he followed, head tipping back against the car seat.
Vi stared at the flushed green of his neck, mesmerized. Then he looked up, eyes still glazed, and Vi stared at him before she could tell herself all the reasons not to. For a moment, they just sat there, his massive cock softening inside her, their breaths misting up the car.
He leaned up like he was going to kiss her. Vi climbed off him, biting her lip to stop a gasp as she felt him slip out of her. It still hurt, but it was a distant twinge.
Vi settled back into her seat, rearranging her panties underneath her skirt. “We should—”
“Yeah,” Nick said hoarsely. He threw the condom in a stray take-out bag and dropped it in the footwell.
Then he zipped himself up and gripped the wheel, blinking dazedly.
He glanced over at her and Vi turned away, bracing herself for something she didn’t want to hear.
But maybe it was something she needed to hear.
If Nick said we’re still friends, right, or something equally predictable, it would be the last brick in the wall Vi was rebuilding around her heart.
She’d smile, and he’d see right through it, because of course he would.
But he’d go with it, and eventually they would move on, and maybe they could even be friends again. Vi doubted it. But she hoped.
The car turned on. Vi looked over and saw Nick gripping the steering wheel, driving them back onto the road without a word.
Vi stared at the trees blurring past. Row after row of trees, mountains snowy in the distance.
Nick sucked in a breath. “Vi, I think I need to tell you—”
Vi talked over him. “We should stop.”
Nick started slowing down.
“No,” she said. “I mean . . . the arrangement. Friends with Benefits. We should stop.”
Nick didn’t speak for several seconds. She couldn’t bring herself to look over and see his expression.
“Okay,” he said simply. He sounded strained. “Are we still friends?”
The dreaded words. Vi took a quiet breath and turned to him, smiling as real as she could make it.
“Of course,” she said. She wanted to call him buddy, come up with some joke that would make it all okay. But nothing felt right.
He smiled back at her, tight and thin. He didn’t look surprised. He didn’t look much of anything. He probably felt awkward he’d agreed to drive her here, stuck in a car with a girl who should’ve known better than to fall for someone she promised she wouldn’t fall for.
Vi turned to the window and willed her eyes to stop burning.
* * *
He helped her get her bike out from the back seat.
“You don’t have to,” she told him as he wrestled the stubborn handlebars out. “I can do it.”
“It’s fine. Goddamn handlebars,” he replied flatly, twisting the handlebars to slide the last of the bike out. He hauled it onto the sidewalk, avoiding her eyes. “Sure you don’t need anything else?”
She shook her head and took the bike from him. “Have a good day at work.”