Chapter Nine #2
He stroked her hip, then moved up to her breast. Heather had the fleeting thought that he would find her too bony and thin to be attractive.
As she always had, she wished she had the lush curves of those women always trying to lose twenty pounds.
Just once in her life, she wanted some part of her body to be excessive.
But what he was doing felt too good for her thoughts to stay focused on her fears.
He cupped her breast gently, a brief touch she barely registered before he was gone again, stroking her side and her arm.
Her nipples had hardened and pressed against her bra, and she asked for him to touch her there.
Then he shifted so that he was kissing her jaw and her neck, and she forgot everything except the warmth in her belly and the weakness in her legs.
She wanted to lean against him and have this go on forever.
He nibbled on her earlobe and made her squirm against him.
She reached down and cupped his rear and he groaned, and then it didn’t matter about curves or lack thereof.
There was only the heat and the need, the frantic pounding of her heart, and if she didn’t have more of him right now, she would die.
His hands moved faster and faster, up and down her body.
When he bent over and gripped the backs of her thighs, it was as if he’d read her mind.
She gave a little hop, then she was up in the air, pressed against the door, and he was pushed hard against her, center to center.
Hard and throbbing to wet and swollen. He rubbed back and forth, the layers of clothing adding to the friction.
“I want you,” he breathed in her ear.
“Yes,” she gasped.
“Now.”
She reached for the buttons on his shirt, then paused. “I can’t.”
Jim slowly lowered her to the floor.
She stared at him. “Did I just say that?” she asked. Her mind was a blank. Had she thought the sentence or really said it? “I didn’t mean it. Of course I can do this. I want to do this.” How could she not want it? She was more aroused than she’d ever been in her life. But…
Jim’s breathing was still ragged. Need tightened the lines of his face and his eyes burned with fire. He pushed his hair off his forehead, then sucked in another breath. “You’re right,” he said slowly. “We can’t do this.”
“No, I’m not right.” She told herself to take off her shirt or his shirt or something. But she couldn’t seem to move. She squeezed her eyes shut. “I can’t believe I’m being sensible. What a horrible time to start a nasty habit.”
He gave a strangled laugh. “One of us has to be.”
“No, we don’t. There’s no law that says being sensible is required.” She looked at him. “I want you.”
He took her hand and placed it on the hard bulge in his jeans, then released her. “I want you, too. But there are too many reasons not to do this.”
“I love my job,” she said glumly. “You’re my boss. That would make this kinda tacky.”
“Agreed. There’s also the fact that neither of us wants to get involved. I like having you as my friend. Becoming lovers would change everything.”
She leaned forward and hugged him. “I’m sorry I started this.”
“I’m not, although we’ll have a hell of a time pretending it never happened.”
She laughed. Her body ached with a desperate kind of need she’d never experienced before.
They’d come within seconds of doing it right against her living-room door with her daughter due to wake up at any moment.
She wasn’t on birth control and doubted Jim had any with him.
Despite all that, she could still laugh with him.
“I think I should go,” he said. “If I stay here much longer, there’s no telling what could happen.”
“On the contrary. I think we know exactly what would happen.” She was still confused about everything, most especially how they’d gone from friendly to passionate in less than ten seconds.
He kissed the top of her head. “Friends?” he asked.
She stepped back and nodded. “Absolutely. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Have a good evening,” he said, and was gone.
Heather closed the door behind him and tried to figure out what had just happened.
Although she could replay the events in her mind, she wasn’t at all sure what they meant.
Was she crazy or was Jim? Maybe it had been the emotional conversation before dinner.
Oh, well. They were going to have to figure out a way to put this behind them.
She headed for her daughter’s room, clicking on lights as she went, then paused in the hallway.
For the first time since she’d moved into the apartment, the small space felt too quiet and too empty.
As the tingles in her tummy faded, something else took their place.
It was only after she’d fed Diane and put her back to bed that she realized the odd, almost hurting knot in her stomach was loneliness.
She found herself in the painful position of wanting the one thing she couldn’t have.
* * *
“I know you think she’s attractive,” Flo said as she dropped several flight-record books on Jim’s desk.
Why did women always do this to men? Jim wondered. Start a conversation with the sole purpose of setting the guy up. “She’s cute,” he said cautiously.
“Cute? She’s more than cute. You think she’s a pretty hot number and I want to know what you intend to do about it.
You can’t sit on your butt forever. In case you were wondering, there isn’t another man in her life.
” Flo leaned forward, bracing her arms on his desk.
“Women like her don’t come along every day. You’re crazy if you let her go.”
“Heather and I are friends, nothing more,” he said, ignoring the memory of the kiss they’d shared the previous weekend and the swift and rather predictable physical result of those memories. Pray God Flo didn’t ask him to stand up right now, or she’d get an eyeful.
“That is so much bull, I’m sorry I’m wearing open-toed shoes.
” Flo glared at him. “What are you waiting for? She’s single, attractive, smart and a great mother.
You’re devoted to her daughter. Heather hasn’t gone into detail, but you don’t have to worry about Diane’s father showing up any time soon. ”
He was startled to realize that he knew more about Heather’s personal life than Flo did. She trusted him. He’d always known that she did, but hearing proof gave him a warm feeling in his chest. It matched the heat down below. Neither of which counted for spit.
“I don’t do commitment,” he said firmly. “I’m not the right man for Heather.”
Flo straightened. She wore a sleeveless shirt tucked into a straight skirt, both yellow.
Her summer tan was more freckles than brown skin, and she had a big yellow flower in her red hair.
She looked charming and he wanted to tell her.
Even so, when her gaze narrowed and she stared down at him, he knew better than to change the subject. Flo wasn’t kidding about any of this.
“All right. I’ve given you your chance. If that’s how you really feel, I know a couple of college professors who would be very pleased to meet someone like Heather.”
Jim kept his face impassive. “You should set up something,” he said even though his gut felt like it had been ripped open. He could feel his life’s blood seeping away. Heather with another man? How was he supposed to survive that?
He leaned back in his chair and told himself he’d better figure out a way to get through it.
It was fine that he didn’t want Heather for himself, but that didn’t mean she was going to spend the rest of her life alone.
Despite her protestations to the contrary, she was certain to find herself attracted to someone.
As he’d told her, she was too young and had too much to offer to go through life without a man at her side.
If only it could be different. If only it was safe for him to love her.
But he couldn’t. He wasn’t afraid for himself, but for her.
He didn’t know how to get relationships right, and if he tried, she would end up brokenhearted, not him.
Worse, she would figure out he wasn’t worth it. How was he supposed to survive that?