Chapter Fourteen #3
Later, when they’d taken the time to slip under the covers, he pulled her close to his side.
She rested one arm on his chest and slid her knee over his thigh.
They fitted together perfectly, he thought, trying to keep himself emotionally distant even as he felt himself tumbling into the dark pit of wanting and needing.
He wanted to get as far away from her as he could, but it was too late.
It didn’t matter how much he traveled or for how long.
He’d connected with her and now there would be hell to pay.
He closed his eyes, but that couldn’t blot out the truth. He’d crossed his own private line and gone into the place he’d promised himself he would never go. He should have kept his distance. He should have done a thousand things differently. He’d been a fool.
Heather sighed. “I love you.”
She spoke the words quietly and easily, as if she’d said them a thousand times before. As if they weren’t powerful enough to shake and crumble the foundations of his world. He couldn’t respond—he could barely breathe. Love? No. Not possible. His mind and heart rejected the possibility.
“I don’t want you to say anything back,” she added. “I wasn’t even sure I was going to tell you. It kind of slipped out. Nothing will change. I swear, I won’t get all weird on you—it’s just that I wanted you to know.”
She gave a little laugh and looked at him.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen. After all, I’ve been very clear on my three-strikes rule.
I thought I was done with love forever. But I can’t resist you.
Not only because the lovemaking is so terrific or because you make a habit of acting like a hero, but because of how you make me feel when I’m around you.
I love how you look out for me and Diane and how kind you are and how smart and funny.
We’ll still be friends. I promise. But I do love you. ”
Then she did the most amazing thing. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Jim told himself to stay calm. He held her gently for over an hour, listening to the sound of her breathing, replaying her words and trying to figure out what they meant.
He wanted to believe. What man wouldn’t sell his soul to have a woman like her in his life?
He wanted to respond in kind and tell her that somehow they would make it work.
But he couldn’t. Because she wasn’t telling the truth.
She couldn’t love him. No one loved him.
Not ever. No one got that close. He’d designed his life to keep the world at bay.
What made her think she could slip past the barriers and find her way to his heart?
It was all he could do not to shake her awake and shout at her, telling her that he didn’t want her love.
Instead, he slipped out of her bed like the snake that he was and made his way into the living room.
There he dressed, then left the quiet house.
When he closed the door behind him, he promised himself that he was never going back inside.
* * *
Heather woke and found herself alone in the bed. At first she thought Jim was somewhere else in the apartment, but as she walked through the living room, she realized he was gone. A cold shiver rippled down her spine. Why hadn’t he told her he was leaving?
Her feeling of uneasiness persisted through the morning as she got Diane ready, then drove to the office. What had happened? Had he been so disgusted by her confession that he’d had to leave? Had she been wrong to admit her feelings?
“Don’t panic,” she told herself. “Everything is fine. There’s a perfectly logical explanation why he left. He probably just didn’t want to be seen walking out of the apartment first thing in the morning.”
That had to be it. She’d meant what she said last night.
That while she did love him, she didn’t expect that fact to fundamentally change their relationship.
Or was she fooling herself? Heather stopped at a red light and bit her lower lip.
She was willing to admit that in the back of her mind, she had sort of hoped that Jim might respond in kind and open up a discussion about…
what? she asked herself. Their future? Did they have a future? Did she want one?
She searched her heart as she drove. Did she want to risk loving a man all over again? Did she want to go through the pain and suffering and the potential for heartbreak, all in the name of love?
She pictured Jim’s face as he held her daughter. She remembered his determination to help Brian, and the way he laughed and that silly dimple that made her thighs go up in flames. She thought of how thoughtful he was and the gentleness in his hands and his voice and his heart.
Yes, she did want to risk it all.
The office was empty when she arrived. Flo was probably in one of the hangars checking on flight records. Heather settled Diane, then made her way to her own desk and sat down. A stack of papers lay where she’d left them. Jim had put an envelope on top.
Frowning, she opened it, then read the tersely worded three-line message. In it he told her that he’d found her a different part-time job. The hours were just as flexible, but the pay was better and she started work on Monday.
She scanned it twice in disbelief. He was getting rid of her, just like he got rid of everyone else in his life.