Chapter Fifteen
The first sob tore at Heather like a great monster.
She tried to hold back, to gain some kind of control, but the shock was too great.
She could only sink into her chair and wonder why this was happening.
She’d known that Jim would have some problems accepting the fact that she loved him, but she’d thought he might go into a panic mode and list the fifty-seven reasons why they couldn’t be a couple.
She hadn’t anticipated he would toss her out of his life.
The pain was so sharp it hurt to breathe.
“What’s wrong?”
Heather looked up and saw Flo standing in front of her desk. She hadn’t heard the other woman come into the office.
“Is it Diane?”
Heather reached for a tissue. She shook her head, then handed her friend the note. “He wants me to go.”
Flo scanned the message, then sank into the chair next to Heather’s desk. “Okay. Take a deep breath and start at the beginning. What happened?”
“Nothing. Everything. I told him I loved him.” Another sob caught in her throat. She wiped her face and gave Flo a brief account of the events from the previous evening. “I can’t believe I said it, and now he wants me to leave, just like that.”
Flo leaned forward and squeezed her hand. “He doesn’t want you to go. The man can be as thick as a board sometimes, especially when it comes to things like this, but you can’t take him seriously.”
Heather’s stomach churned. She thought she might be sick. “How else can I take it?”
“The way he meant it. He’s scared. He’s reacting, not thinking.
Do you really believe that man wants you to go?
” Flo’s full red lips pulled into a straight line.
“You can still turn this all around, but it’s going to take some work.
Jim won’t make it easy. Not for one second.
So what you have to decide is what it’s worth to you.
How far are you willing to go to be with this man? ”
“I don’t know,” Heather admitted. “I can’t help thinking I’ve been a fool for love—again.
I should have learned my lesson by now, but I ignored all the warnings.
I feel like Jim pulled me in and made me think he was this incredibly perfect man.
At least with the others, I knew they were flawed.
But I thought he was a real, live hero.”
“Is that who you fell in love with?” Flo asked. “A hero? Is that what you need him to be? I thought you were interested in the man.” She rose to her feet. “If what you’re looking for is a hero, then he’s better off without you.”
Heather stared in stunned astonishment. Flo’s words stung like salt in an open wound.
Anger flared. “You’re certainly quick to write me off,” she snapped.
“I guess you and Jim really are two of a kind. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.
To answer your question, although I don’t know why I’m bothering, no, I don’t need or want Jim to be a hero.
I want him to be an ordinary man. Because of all he’s done, I forgot that he’s just like everyone else.
I thought he was perfect, or at least perfect for me.
I knew he had some reluctance to getting involved, but then, doesn’t everyone?
My sense of betrayal comes from the realization that not only wasn’t he going to love me back, but he’d also let my feelings for him drive him away.
I thought he was capable of growing and changing, and he’s not.
At least not with me. He would rather be right and safe—and alone—than risk love. ”
Flo smiled and leaned back against the chair. “Well, why didn’t you just say so?”
Heather stared in outrage. “You were testing me?”
“Not exactly. I was trying to figure out how much you cared. You love the man.”
“Of course I do. I said that.”
“There are many different kinds of love. You said you told him that you still wanted to be friends, but it’s more than that, isn’t it?”
Heather hadn’t been willing to admit that to Jim last night, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to admit it to Flo now. But there didn’t seem to be any point in avoiding the obvious. “Yes, it’s more. I love him as a friend, but I also love him romantically. I want to be with him, always.”
“We’re talking marriage?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Yes. I guess.”
Flo grinned. “I’m so happy for you.” Then her smile faded. “The problem is, he won’t believe you love him because never once in his life has anyone tried to fight for him. When things got tough, everyone walked away.”
Heather knew that Flo was talking about romantic relationships that she’d observed in the past, but she, Heather, knew a greater truth—about what had happened with Jim’s mother and with his high school girlfriend.
Flo’s words were more true than she realized.
No one had fought for him, or loved him enough.
Not once. If she was right and he believed that failure was death, it was no wonder that he was running from her and any feelings he might have for her.
“You’ll have to be the one to make him see the light,” Flo continued. “You’re going to have to stand up to him.”
“I know you’re right, but how?” Heather picked up the letter. “He wants me out of his life.”
“Does he? Or is he just afraid to believe what you told him?”
Heather didn’t have an answer to that.
“Do you really want him?” Flo asked.
Heather stared at her friend and smiled.
She brushed the last of her tears from her cheeks.
“Oh, yes. I do. I love him. He’s kind and honorable.
He does the right thing even when it’s not the easy thing.
He’s a good father figure for Diane. He adores her.
I suspect he loves her even if he won’t admit it.
He’s smart, he’s stubborn and he can be really annoying at times, but that’s okay because I can be, too.
It’s not that I think I may not find anyone better, it’s that I’m not interested in anyone else.
Jim is my match, my soul mate, and I never thought I’d say that again. ”
“So what are you going to do?”
There was only one answer. “Fight for him.”
Flo touched the note. “You can start by telling him you’re not leaving.”
She hadn’t thought about refusing to take the other job, but as soon as Flo said it, the advice made perfect sense. Jim wasn’t firing her—and she knew he wouldn’t. He was simply offering her a different place of employment. She could just as easily turn down his offer.
She wrote “Thanks but no thanks” across the bottom of his letter, then placed it in the center of his desk. When she returned to her seat, she looked at Flo. “Now what?”
“Now you wait.”
* * *
Easier said than done, Heather thought nearly a week later.
No doubt about it, Jim was avoiding her again.
She hadn’t been in the office when he returned and read her reply to his note.
But when she’d next seen him, he hadn’t mentioned it.
Instead, he’d greeted her politely, as if she were a delivery person, and quickly left.
They’d been playing the same game for six days.
A noncommittal greeting, polite chitchat and nothing else.
He hadn’t called, hadn’t come over and certainly hadn’t in any way acknowledged that they had once been close friends and lovers.
Heather held her sleepy daughter and moved back and forth in the rocking chair in the tiny nursery at work. The relaxing motion helped her think while having the added benefit of making Diane drowsy.
“What do you think, sweet cheeks?” she asked softly. “Is Uncle Jim making you as crazy as he’s making me?”
The man should be shot. If stubbornness and an inability to see what was right in front of his nose were a crime, he would be in for life.
She knew he cared a lot. Not just about her but about her daughter.
She knew that he had to miss them as much as they missed him.
The irony was, of course, that if she had a big crisis in her life, he would be at her side in a hot minute.
But as long as he thought she was strong and self-sufficient, he would avoid her.
So she waited. For him to figure out the truth. For him to start to believe that she really loved him. But would he ever be willing to trust her? He felt the two most important women in his life had failed him and was convinced he’d let them down, too.
“I’m afraid he won’t give me a try,” Heather whispered. “I’m afraid we’re going to miss out on what could have been very wonderful.”
She’d already thought of and discarded a dozen plans, outlined twice that many conversations, all in the name of persuading him to see how great they could be together.
But she couldn’t force him. He knew her as well as anyone ever had.
She’d told him she loved him. Either he would believe her or he wouldn’t.
So for now, she waited. Waited and prayed and hoped and loved one very difficult, stubborn, wonderful man.
* * *
Jim stared at the quarterly report in front of him, but it didn’t make any sense. He supposed part of the reason was that he hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours a night in the past two weeks. He wasn’t eating, either. He couldn’t do anything but avoid Heather.
He wasn’t even doing that very well. Because not seeing her, but spending all his time thinking about her and missing her, was just as bad as being with her.
Except if he only thought about her, he was tempted to touch her or hold her.
And if he held her, he might have to ask her if she’d meant what she said when she told him she loved him.
Love. He couldn’t understand how she’d just said the word. As if it was easy. It couldn’t be easy. It was too powerful and potentially dangerous. So he’d had to let her go because letting go was the only thing that made sense. The only other alternative was to marry her and he could never do that.
“Jim?”