17. Nico
CHAPTER 17
NICO
N ico twirled the spaghetti into the sauce. Warm, delicious smells of basil and oregano and tomato wafted up to him, and his stomach grumbled. Even though everything had gone smoothly this afternoon, it had been very hectic. Nico had picked his mother up at home and carried her to the car. Rose had winced a little as he’d settled her in, but she’d also smiled and asked about Lauren and Louis on the drive to the hospital. Once they’d arrived, she was taken off for her first x-ray only a few minutes after Nico had filled out the paperwork.
By the time his mother had her ankle bandaged and was given a bed and some pain relief, she was practically shooing Nico away. He was glad for that. After the time he’d spent in hospitals with Léa, they weren’t exactly his favorite place in the world. Sitting in the waiting room had made him think about Léa in a way he hadn’t in a while. Although they’d only been in a romantic relationship for a short time, they’d been good friends. There had been many nights that they’d shared dinner then sat in his living room while Louis slept, talking about the future.
Léa had always encouraged Nico to find love. She’d dated a little while Louis was young, which Nico had always supported, but it hadn’t felt right to him to date. He’d always assured her that when the right woman came along, he wouldn’t hesitate. Léa would be proud of him now for taking a chance on Lauren. And she’d be pushing him to tell her how he felt without any more delay.
So, when Rose had shooed him out of her room, Nico hadn’t protested much. He wanted to be home with his family — because Lauren was his family. He’d assured his mother that he and Louis would be back to visit the next day, either at the hospital or the rehabilitation center, then hurried home.
Now, Nico twirled the last scoop of spaghetti into the sauce, then transferred it all to a platter. He carried it to the table, where Lauren had already placed the salad and garlic bread. They all sat and began dishing up the food.
“Mémé is really okay?” Louis asked. It was about the hundredth time he’d asked, but Nico knew his son wouldn’t really be satisfied until he saw his grandmother in person the next day.
“Really, really.” Nico smiled at Louis. “Would you like some garlic bread?”
“Hmm… or maybe a bun. Is the bun ready, Lauren?”
Nico turned to Lauren. Maybe they had been baking something today, although he hadn’t seen any evidence of it. Her face turned a deep shade of pink and she looked very flustered. She bit her lip.
“Lauren?” Nico asked. “Are you okay?”
“Um, yes. Of course.” She smiled, but it looked shaky. Nico frowned slightly. This was very strange. “Louis,” she continued, “I don’t think you understood me right. I was joking with my friend today.”
“Why were you joking about a bun in the oven?” Louis asked. He tilted his head to the side. “Is it a joke in English?”
“It’s really not important.” Lauren’s face was growing increasingly red. Nico looked from Lauren to Louis and back. A bun in the oven. It sounded familiar — and then it hit him. Of course, a bun in the oven did mean something in English, although it wasn’t a joke. It meant a pregnancy. And Lauren had asked him just today about becoming a parent. Still, there was no way she’d keep something like that from him. Right?
“Louis,” Nico said, his voice level, “would you like to finish your dinner in front of the TV?”
Louis’s eyes went wide. “Really?”
“Really. Go on.”
This was a huge treat for Louis, who rarely got to eat anywhere but at the table. He gathered up his plate and cup and ran to the living room. Nico was so distracted by what he’d just found out that he didn’t even care that a plate of spaghetti with red sauce and a cup of pomegranate juice were a recipe for stained carpets and a mess on the couch. It didn’t matter.
Once Louis was out of earshot, Nico leaned forward. His heart was pounding. “You’re pregnant?”
Any hope he had that he might have misunderstood disappeared at Lauren’s next words.
“Yes. Nico, I?—”
He held up a hand. His thoughts were whirling. Lauren was pregnant? And she hadn’t told him? His whole world felt like it was shattering. “How could you keep this from me? Were you ever going to tell me?” Despite the heat in his words, he kept his voice low so Louis wouldn’t overhear them. He wasn’t going to let this blindsiding news affect his child.
“Of course I was. I was just trying to find the right time?—”
“So, you decided it was better to hide this from me? How could you, Lauren?”
“I’m sorry.” Lauren wiped a stray tear from her eye. “I know I should have told you. I was just worried you’d take it badly — and clearly I had reason to worry.”
“I’m taking this badly because you didn’t tell me.” Nico forced himself to take a deep breath. “How could you hide the fact that I’m going to be a father again? Don’t you see how much that will change things for me? You can’t just keep a baby a secret until it’s convenient for you.”
“You’re such a hypocrite!” Lauren kept her voice low, too, but Nico could hear the hurt behind her words. “You didn’t tell me about Louis!”
“That wasn’t the same thing at all. How can you even equate the two? I didn’t tell you about my child, who isn’t related to you in any way, on our first date. You didn’t tell me about a baby, my baby, even though we’ve been dating for over a month!”
Nico couldn’t even look at Lauren anymore. All his feelings over the way he’d become a parent the first time came flooding back, even stronger. Nico loved Louis more than anything, but becoming his father had meant giving up a lot of things and changing his life completely. He just couldn’t imagine doing that again.
And worse was Lauren’s assumption about him. Nico might not be thrilled to be having another baby, but he was an excellent father to Louis, and Lauren knew that. Although she hadn’t said the exact words, Nico felt she hadn’t told him because she didn’t trust him to be a good father to the new baby.
“I know I should have told you.” Lauren crossed her arms tightly over her stomach. “And I’m sorry. I really am. But you clearly are taking this badly.”
“Don’t tell me what I’m feeling!” Even as he said it, Nico knew he was being unfair. He was taking this news badly. But it was Lauren’s fault as much as his. If she’d told him as soon as she found out, it might have been different. This brought up another question. “How long have you known?”
“About a week.” Lauren bit her lip.
“A week?” Nico shook his head. “Seriously, Lauren? Don’t you see how history is repeating itself?”
In that moment, Nico was twenty-two again, being told by his ex-girlfriend that he was going to be a father. He was once again a young man whose entire future was being shattered. It may not have been perfectly sensible, but Nico couldn’t help seeing the similarities.
“This isn’t history repeating itself.” Lauren shook her head hard. “Things are different. You’re older than you were then. Don’t you see how this could be a good thing?”
Nico scoffed. “It could have been a good thing if this was something we’d chosen. But it wasn’t. You know how I feel about having another baby right now. We talked about that just a few hours ago. Don’t you remember?”
“Nico, please.” Lauren raised both hands. “I know you’re upset. I am, too. This is a lot to take in. But this baby, our baby, didn’t have a choice in the matter, either.” She rested one hand on her stomach.
“I know that. But you had a choice of whether or not to tell me, and you chose not to. I’m sorry. I need some time. Please leave.”
“I—” Lauren hesitated, then closed her mouth. “I’ll go.”
Nico’s heart screamed at him to stop her. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her and tell her that everything would be okay, that they loved each other. But the pull of history and the pain of her lies held him back.
“I think that would be best.”
“Okay.” Lauren got to her feet. Her eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “Okay.”
Nico stayed seated as Lauren left. Her almost untouched plate of spaghetti still sat at her place on the table. Nico stared at it for a long time. This wasn’t at all how he’d expected this evening to go. He’d wanted to tell Lauren he loved her. Instead, they’d fought. Instead, she was pregnant with a child she hadn’t told him about.
Nico still loved Lauren, but he had no idea where to go from here. The idea of raising another child split between two households made his heart ache, but he didn’t know if Lauren even loved him like he loved her. If she agreed to move in with him for the sake of a baby, it could make both their lives much harder. It wasn’t like they could keep casually dating while raising a child, though.
Raising a child. The memory of late-night feedings and diaper emergencies flooded back. And then something else did, too. Nico remembered a small hand wrapping around his fingers, a gummy smile, the soft weight of a sleeping toddler in his arms. Lauren was right that their baby hadn’t chosen to be born now. The idea of becoming a father a second time over was hard to grasp, but Nico already knew he could get used to it. He loved Louis more than anything and he would love this child, too.
No, the problem was Lauren’s lie. Because the more he thought about it, the more he knew. If Lauren really loved him, she would have told him about the baby right away. She wouldn’t have kept such a life-changing secret from him or played games with his heart like this. If she loved him like he loved her, she would have trusted him.
Nico dropped his head into his hands. He wished there were a simple answer, but nothing was simple anymore. Lauren didn’t love him. And yet she was going to have a baby, their baby.
“Papa?”
Nico lifted his head from his hands and saw Louis standing in the doorway. He held his empty plate, which was smeared with streaks of red sauce — as was his small face. His eyes were big.
“Come here.” Nico opened his arms and Louis hurried across the room. Nico took the plate from his son and set it on the table before they could both get more sauce smeared over them, then he hugged Louis tightly.
“What’s wrong?” Louis asked. “Lauren left really suddenly and she looked sad. And now you look sad. Did I do something wrong?”
Nico’s heart ached. This was yet another reminder of why he hadn’t wanted to have a relationship, not while Louis was so young. His and Lauren’s fight had had nothing to do with Louis, but the little boy still worried that it might have been his fault. Nico hugged him closer.
“Of course not. You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? Lauren wasn’t feeling well, so she went home.” It was a lie, but Nico wasn’t about to explain everything to his son now. In time, once he had a grasp on his own emotions and had a chance to make a plan, he would tell Louis about the baby.
“She’s sick?” Louis asked. “Shouldn’t we make her some tea and soup?”
“Not that kind of sick. She just had a headache and needed to be alone for a while.”
“Okay.” Louis bit his lip. It was a gesture the boy had never made before, and Nico realized with another heartrending flash that he must have picked it up from Lauren. “Will she be back tomorrow?”
“I’m not sure. But I’ll be here, I promise.”
“Is she sick… like Maman?” Louis bit his lip again. Nico cursed himself for the lie he’d chosen and shook his head quickly.
“No, not at all. Lauren will get better soon.”
Louis stepped back from the hug and climbed backwards onto a chair, where he hugged his knees.
“Do you think Maman would like Lauren?” The question was sweet and innocent, but Nico didn’t feel capable of answering when Lauren’s betrayal was so fresh. The truth was that Léa probably would have liked Lauren. He could imagine them being friends, close friends even. But the problem wasn’t whether Léa would have liked Lauren. The problem wasn’t even if Nico or Louis liked her. It was whether Lauren liked them enough to be an honest member of their family — and it seemed that she didn’t.
“Do you think Maman would like Lauren?” Nico returned the question to his son instead of trying to put any of that into words.
“Yeah. Your mom always said she wanted me to be happy, and Lauren makes me happy. I hope she’ll feel better soon.”
“I hope so, too.” Nico needed to change the subject, and fast, before this deteriorated any more. “What do you say we play a game after dinner?”
“We can play Mouse Trap!” Louis jumped up. “Lauren gave it to me. It’s so funny!” He hurried off, presumably to get the game, and Nico let his head sink back into his hands. For years he’d carefully protected his heart, and Louis’s. Now, in just a few short weeks, Lauren had become an important part of their lives. And now this.
Deep in the back of Nico’s mind, he understood that he’d just lied to Louis to protect his son’s feelings while he came up with a plan. And he understood that it was the same thing Lauren had done. This lie was the first thing Lauren had done wrong since Nico had met her, and there was a chance, however slim, that she might one day love them as Nico loved her. Maybe, with time, their relationship could have grown into something strong and solid and beautiful. Maybe it could, still.
But Nico was too angry and too hurt to listen to that quiet voice in the back of his mind. He needed time to understand how he felt and what he wanted to do. Surely, after everything, he deserved a little time.