18. Lauren
CHAPTER 18
LAUREN
L auren managed to exit Nico’s house before she burst into tears. This was the worst possible outcome. How could everything have gone so wrong? She should have told Nico sooner. Or at the very least, she shouldn’t have used such an obvious metaphor in front of such a bright seven-year-old. And because she had, everything had fallen apart.
She hurried away from the house, tears streaming down her face. She wasn’t entirely aware of where she was going, but her feet led her down the familiar path towards her apartment. She saw only blurs ahead of her. It was a good thing she’d walked this route many times, or she probably would have tripped over something and made this day even worse.
Lauren had worried that Nico might take the news of another baby badly, but this was worse than she’d guessed. It seemed that he didn’t want anything to do with her or the baby. And worse, he hadn’t even been willing to talk about it. Lauren was sure that if they could have sat down together and calmly created a plan, everything would have worked out.
Now that seemed impossible. Lauren had no idea when or if Nico would want to talk to her again. Maybe, as he had after their first night together, he would decide that he could best solve his problems by walking away from them. That would leave Lauren pregnant and alone in a foreign country that she’d just barely started to feel at home in.
There was one other person she could call. Lauren reached blindly into her bag and found her cell. Then she wiped her eyes with her sleeve so that she could see the screen and dialed Céline’s number. Her friend picked up on the second ring.
“Hi, Lauren.”
“Céline.” Lauren sniffed and wiped her eyes again. “You were right.”
“Right about what?” Céline sounded worried now. “About telling Nico?”
“Yes. As it turned out, Louis overheard our conversation and repeated part of it to Nico when he got home. And Nico figured out that he was talking about a baby. And when I apologized and tried to explain, he didn’t want to hear it. He told me to leave.” Lauren was crying again, though her tears were almost silent.
“What?” The worry in Céline’s voice had grown. “Lauren, I’m so sorry. I had no idea he’d react that badly. I was sure things would work out once you guys talked about it.”
“I wasn’t sure it would work out, but I hoped it might. And now that hope is gone. Nico doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“Are you sure?” Céline paused. “Maybe he was just upset. I bet if you wait a few days, he’ll come to his senses. And if he doesn’t, you don’t need him. You’re so strong, Lauren. You moved to another country by yourself and became a teacher, even though you were scared. You can do anything.”
“Maybe I can do this alone, but I don’t want to.” Lauren rested a hand on her stomach as her eyes filled with tears again. “When I was a child, it was just me and my mother and my grandfather — and then just me and my grandfather. And now it’s just me. I have friends and everything, but I don’t have family anymore. I know it’s silly, but I thought Nico and Louis and the new baby could be my family. I thought I might have the big family I’ve always dreamed of having one day.”
“That’s not silly. Just a moment.” There was the sound of muffled French conversation, then Céline came back on the line. “Where are you? Let me pick you up. You can stay at my place tonight.”
“Really?” Lauren took a deep breath. “That would be wonderful, if you really don’t mind. I don’t want to be any trouble.”
“You’re no trouble. Let me come get you.”
Lauren told Céline where she was, and only fifteen minutes later, her friend was there in her car. Lauren got into the passenger seat and turned to Céline.
“Sorry, I must look a sight.”
“Just a little.” Céline smiled gently at her. “You’ve really been through the wringer today, haven’t you?”
Lauren nodded. “But thank you for coming to get me. It really means so much.”
“No problem. I’ll take you home, and we can have something to eat. And then you can stay in our guest room, if you’d like.”
Lauren protested, but Céline insisted. Back at Céline’s house, Lauren greeted Jean, whom she’d met a few times before. Then they ate a dinner of chicken and French fries from the cart down the street, which was delicious if a little heavy. Finally, Jean retreated to bed, and Céline sat with Lauren on the couch until late in the night.
“I just don’t know what to do.” Lauren sighed. “I feel so bad for not telling Nico sooner.”
“Don’t.” Céline smiled at her friend. “Yes, it probably would have been better to tell him sooner, but his reaction is his responsibility, too. Just wait. If Nico comes to his senses in the next few days, you’ll know what kind of man he is. And if he doesn’t… well, then you’ll know that, too.”
Céline’s words stayed with Lauren through the sleepless night that followed and through a long Monday of classes the next day. A few of her students asked if she was okay, and Lauren smiled and nodded, but she knew it was hollow. She wasn’t okay.
Lauren had always considered herself to be a strong woman, and she did now, too. If she needed to, she could raise this baby by herself. She’d taken care of her grandfather by herself, too. She could do this, with or without Nico.
The problem was that she didn’t want to do it alone.
“Lauren?” One of her students, Marjorie, approached her desk. Class had just finished, and the students were slowly trickling out. Despite everything, class had gone well. They’d done a few grammar drills and a worksheet, which was less fun than what Lauren usually had them do, but which had been fine. She’d even managed to get everyone to participate in creating and presenting small skits. Even though her own personal problems loomed large, Lauren was dedicated to being the best professor she could be — and she felt she really was improving.
“Yes?” Lauren smiled at Marjorie. “Can I help you?”
“Actually, no.” Marjorie reached into the messenger bag that seemed eminently popular among the college students Lauren taught. She pulled out a round red apple, which she handed to Lauren. “I read that American students like to give their teachers apples. And you are my favorite teacher, so…” Marjorie blushed, and Lauren’s heart squeezed.
“Thank you so much. I love it. Very American.” She winked and Marjorie beamed.
“Will you be here next semester too?” Marjorie asked.
Lauren hesitated. A week ago, her answer would have been clear, but today she was unsure. If Nico really didn’t want anything to do with her, it didn’t make sense to stay in a foreign country to raise her child.
“I’m not sure,” she admitted.
“I hope you stay.” Marjorie clasped her hands and bobbed on her toes. “Bye!”
She hurried out, and Lauren smiled fondly at her retreating back. In the last couple months, Paris really had become her home. Apart from Nico and Louis, she had Céline and her students. Lauren didn’t want to consider leaving.
But if she were about to become a single mother, it would make more sense to return to Nebraska. At least things were familiar there. And she knew the community would welcome her back with open arms and would stand by her as she raised her child.
Lauren spent the rest of the day alternately checking her phone in hopes of hearing from Nico and staring into space, considering what to do next. That evening in her apartment, she thought about writing to Nico and asking him to talk to her, but it didn’t feel right. If Nico wanted to be part of her life and the baby’s life, he needed to make that decision on his own. She wouldn’t help things by pushing. She got so far as to draft a text message, but deleted it instead of sending.
Even though she didn’t want to force Nico into anything, the feeling of helplessness as she waited for him to decide her future was too much. And it got even worse the next day, when Lauren saw Nico walking across campus between classes. She raised her hand in a wave, but he didn’t seem to see her — even though they weren’t far apart. It made Lauren’s heart feel brittle, seeing him walk away from her like that. Last week, she would have called out to him and they would have spent a few minutes chatting or perhaps grabbed a coffee. This week, she let him go.
It was a sign that Lauren needed to take charge of this situation, though. She was no damsel in distress waiting for her prince to come rescue her and make everything all right. She needed to make a plan. So, after her last class of the day, Lauren headed back to her apartment with a purpose. She made a cup of hot tea with milk and sugar, grilled some toast, and settled onto her couch with her laptop. Tea and toast were the only things that sounded good to her at the moment, with her not-just-in-the-morning morning sickness.
With a heavy heart, Lauren began to search for flights. The hard truth was that Nico might never come around and, if he didn’t, she wanted to be home. She took her time considering how long to give him. If she waited too long, she worried her heart might break — and eventually, she’d become too pregnant to fly. After some thought, she settled on a time period of a week. She found an inexpensive flight for the following Tuesday and booked it.
Despite her roller coaster of emotions over the last few days, Lauren felt very calm as she clicked purchase. If Nico came around, she could still cancel her flight and decide to stay. If he didn’t, she would be back in Nebraska a week from today to start a new life on her own. Again. Although it hurt, she was confident it was the right decision for her and for her baby.
Just like that, the countdown began.
Wednesday, Lauren sat down with Céline and explained her plans. Céline encouraged her to consider staying in Paris — after all, she had friends and a job here. But when Lauren insisted that this was the only way, Céline gave her a tight hug and told her that she’d support her no matter what.
“Although I don’t relish the thought of finding a new assistant professor as good as you,” she added. Lauren had gotten a little teary at that, but she still felt confident she was making the right decision — the only decision.
Thursday, Lauren bumped into Nico as she was hurrying between classes. He caught her with both hands and set her back on her feet, then looked down at her with a strange expression. His dark brown eyes bored into her.
“Hi,” Lauren said softly. “Do you?—”
“I have to go. I’m late for class.” Nico let go of her and set off toward another building without looking back. Lauren turned away to stop herself from watching him go. She knew Nico’s teaching schedule and he didn’t have a class until much later today. He just didn’t want to talk to her.
Friday, Lauren walked by herself along the Seine, got ice cream from the same stand she’d visited with Nico, and began saying her quiet goodbyes to the city she loved.
Saturday, Lauren checked her phone every ten seconds and had to give herself a stern talking-to so that she wouldn’t walk over to Nico’s house, pound on the door, and demand that he speak to her. It wasn’t fair at all that he would refuse to talk to her. But she also didn’t want to be with the kind of man who would let a fight, albeit a big one, stop him from being with someone he loved. So, she held back.
Sunday, Lauren met Céline for lunch and they talked for hours. Céline tried again to convince her to stay in Paris, but Lauren was more and more certain she’d be taking that flight on Tuesday. There had been no word from Nico since their fight last week. Lauren was going to have to make this decision herself.
Monday, after class, Lauren got out her suitcase and, with a heavy heart, began packing. Some small part of her had hoped that Nico would come to his senses and write to her. Yet she knew that once she got on the plane home, it would be too late. It was almost too late.
And then Tuesday came.