19. Nico
CHAPTER 19
NICO
I t had been a strange week.
As Nico sat at his desk, trying to grade a stack of papers, his mind kept drifting back to Lauren and everything that had happened. The expression on her face as she’d left stayed with him. She’d looked so lost and so hurt. And then, seeing her last week on campus had almost torn his heart in two.
Nico was still stuck on the same concerns he’d faced right when Lauren had told him about the pregnancy. He was upset that she’d lied to him. He was unsure about raising another child. He worried that he and Lauren might choose to stay together for the baby and wouldn’t have the opportunity for the romance they’d just begun.
But there was more to it now. This week, without Lauren, had been very painful. Louis had asked about her every day, and Nico had been forced to give an increasingly improbable series of excuses for why she wasn’t around. He just wasn’t ready to talk to Lauren, not yet. He needed more time to come to terms with everything. He needed time to plan.
And Nico was slowly coming to the realization that he needed time to plan an apology. Lauren had lied, which he was struggling to forgive, but more and more he thought it might have been because she did love him, not because she didn’t. Lying to his son all week about Lauren had only made that more apparent. He loved his son, so he’d lied to protect him and buy himself time. Maybe Lauren had done the same thing. And if Lauren did love him, if she really wanted the best for all of them, Nico had made a huge mistake asking her to leave instead of talking to her and then ignoring her all week.
Nico drummed his pen against his desk. He wasn’t used to all this. He had never felt this way about a woman before, nor had he ever had a relationship like this one. He’d reacted as he always had, by withdrawing and trying to decide alone how to move forward. It hadn’t occurred to him to do anything else.
Nico glanced down at the essay he was grading, in which one of his French learners from Lauren’s class had described his family in slightly halting language.
Family is most important , the student had written. I love my family. Without my family, I do not need life.
Nico tossed his pen onto the stack of papers. He couldn’t concentrate anymore. All week he’d been worrying about what he should do and how to do it. Well, that time was over. Nico wanted to be with Lauren. And despite everything, he wanted to be a father to the new baby. Raising Louis was hard, but it was also the best thing he had ever done.
Nico still didn’t know the specifics. He didn’t know where Lauren would live or how they would parent their child. He didn’t know what to tell Louis or how to tackle the sleepless nights that were to come. He’d wanted to figure all this out before speaking with Lauren, but now he realized that it didn’t matter what the answers to those questions were, not yet. He and Lauren could plan together.
The only thing that mattered was what Nico knew in his heart: he loved Lauren. He needed to get her back.
But a simple text would never do. He needed her to know that he loved her, that he was sorry for his silence, and that he’d try to do better in the future for her and for their whole family. He needed a grand gesture.
Nico took a deep breath. He couldn’t imagine his life without Lauren — nor did he want to. The whole week he’d wavered between the worries his past created and the hope of his future with the woman he loved. Now, the words of his student pushed him over the edge. It was time to see Lauren. It was time to tell her how he felt.
Nico called his mother and asked if he could drop Louis at her house for a sleepover. Then he headed to the store, an idea forming in his mind. He would leave a note in Lauren’s office asking her to come to his house to talk. When she arrived, she’d follow a line of candles and roses down the path, up the steps, and into the house. Nico would be waiting for her in the dining room with all her favorite foods and an apology on his lips.
Nico couldn’t live without Lauren. He knew that now. He just had to hope that she wanted to be with him, too. And that they could agree to move forward with no more lies, for real this time.
It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon, and Nico didn’t have any classes until later. He had time to put his surprise together. He swept his pile of papers into a folder, which he placed on top of his keyboard to remind himself to work on them first thing when he got back to his office. Then he locked his office and headed to the nearby supermarket. Although French supermarkets mostly consisted of food items, Nico could always find a few other things. Sure enough, he was able to stock up on chocolates, candles, a card to leave on Lauren’s door and, from the florist next door, a dozen red roses. Nico also purchased everything to make the simple homemade pizza Lauren always loved when she came over.
He decided to leave the card on Lauren’s door first, then go home to set things up before his final class of the day. He wrote a quick note asking her to meet him at seven at his house. Then he carefully extracted a single rose from the bouquet, left the rest of his shopping by the door of his office, and went to drop the note off.
When Nico reached the office Lauren shared with Céline, it was empty. He had expected as much, since Lauren had a full afternoon of classes every other Tuesday. He propped the card, with Lauren’s name on the front in large letters, against the bottom of the door, along with the rose. Then he stepped back to survey his handiwork.
It looked nice, although Nico wished he’d brought tape to attach the card more securely to the door. Still, he felt a swell of nerves. This whole week, he’d been focused on how the surprise baby had affected his life, but he had put out of his mind how Lauren must be feeling. He’d needed this space and time to consider how to fit a baby into his life — which he still wasn’t sure of. But Lauren also had every right to be upset with him for not speaking to her for such a long time. There was a chance she’d see his note and decide not to come.
Well, there was nothing Nico could do about that now. He took a deep breath and turned to go back to his office, then home. He’d barely taken a step when Céline came around the corner. Her eyes were red and her shoulders were hunched.
“Céline?” Nico waved to her. “Is everything all right?”
“What are you doing here?” Céline stopped in front of Nico and crossed her arms. Up close, it was even clearer that she’d been crying.
“I came to leave a note for Lauren. Have you seen her? I need to speak with her. I need to apologize. I’m planning a dinner for tonight?—”
Céline raised a hand to cut Nico off. “If you wanted to be with Lauren, you shouldn’t have waited so long to talk to her.”
“I needed time to gather myself.” For all that Céline was Lauren’s friend, Nico didn’t feel she had a right to judge him.
“Yeah. The same amount of time Lauren needed to feel like you didn’t want anything to do with her.”
“What?”
“Lauren’s gone, Nico.” Céline shrugged. “I just dropped her off at the airport.”
“What?” Nico’s blood ran cold. If Lauren was already at the airport… if it was too late… Nico would never forgive himself for not reaching out to her sooner. It hadn’t been wrong for him to need a little time, but it had been a mistake not to at least send Lauren a text letting her know that he was thinking of her and would be ready to talk soon.
Somehow, in all the time Nico had spent worrying about what the future might look like, he hadn’t considered that Lauren might not be around to be a part of it.
“Yeah.” Céline crossed her arms more tightly. “She’s been really heartbroken about not hearing from you. She was worried when you kicked her out, but I encouraged her to give you a little time to come around. She did. And you didn’t come around.”
“Céline, what time is her flight? I need to find her before she leaves. I need her to know that I love her!”
Céline checked her watch. “It’s in an hour and a half. I don’t know if?—”
“I have to try. Thank you for telling me!” Nico began jogging down the hall. To his surprise, Céline fell into step beside him.
“I have my car here. If you’re serious about this, I’ll drive you.”
“I’m more serious than I’ve ever been. Please, Céline.”
“Then we have to hurry.” Céline picked up her pace. “And you need a ticket to get through security.”
“Right.” Nico’s mind was racing as quickly as his feet. They flew down the stairs, across the quad, and into the parking garage. There, Céline hopped into the driver’s seat of her small green car and Nico jumped in beside her. They peeled out of the garage as he was still buckling his seat belt.
“How was Lauren this week?” Nico asked as Céline merged them cautiously yet quickly onto the main road.
“She was distraught, obviously.” Céline shot him a quick, annoyed look. “All her life, she’s had to do everything alone. And when you ignored her after finding out she was pregnant, she had reason to believe you’d just never contact her again.”
“But I love her.” Nico shook his head. “Of course I was going to contact her again.”
“Did she know that?”
Nico’s heart sank. It was very clear that Lauren hadn’t known that. Nico just had to hope that he wasn’t too late to fix things. As Céline navigated the car towards the highway, Nico pulled out his phone and sent a text to Lauren. The message showed that it was sent, but Lauren’s phone didn’t receive it. Conscientious Lauren, who was still a new traveler, had probably put on airplane mode the moment she’d entered the airport.
Nico switched tabs to a budget-airline website and bought the cheapest ticket he could find that was leaving in the next few hours. It was on a flight to Lyon and was still eye-wateringly expensive, but it would be worth it if he could find Lauren.
He had to talk to her. He had to explain.
Yet the closer they drew to the airport, the more Nico worried he wouldn’t catch Lauren in time. There was just over an hour until her flight left, and Nico still needed to get through security on the ticket he’d just bought and find her gate before she boarded.
If Lauren got on that plane and left France, she’d leave feeling that Nico had given up on her and that they had no future together. Nico just couldn’t let that happen. He loved Lauren — that much was clear. And despite all the upheaval and the continued uncertainty, he loved their baby, too.
He had to tell her that.