20. Lauren
CHAPTER 20
LAUREN
L auren sat in the waiting area in front of her gate, her hands wrapped around an overpriced chai latte she’d bought at an airport coffee shop, fighting back tears. Céline had dropped her off and they’d exchanged a tearful goodbye. Then Céline had asked one more time if Lauren would consider staying, but Lauren had shaken her head.
“It would be too painful to stay in a city where the father of my baby lives when he wants nothing to do with me,” she’d said. “I’m not going to wait around for him. I can’t do that to myself or to my baby. I have to go home.”
Céline had hugged her tightly and said that she understood. Then Lauren had entered the airport, alone.
And now here she was, still alone, still fighting tears. As much as Lauren knew it was the right decision to leave, she also knew that she would always feel heartbroken about the way she’d left Paris. Lauren had truly believed in a future with Nico, one in which they might get married someday and raise children together, beginning with Louis, whom Lauren already adored. She’d believed that Nico loved her. She loved him . Watching that all crumble as Nico had refused to acknowledge her for the last week had been horrible. And Lauren could admit that her pregnancy hormones probably hadn’t helped.
Still, if Nico had so much as sent her a message or waved to her on the quad, she wouldn’t have been at the airport now. If he’d given any indication that he wanted to work things out, everything would have been different. But he hadn’t. It was clear that he didn’t want to work things out.
Lauren took a deep, steadying breath. This was all for the best. Yes, she was leaving behind a country, a man, a child, a best friend, and a job she loved, but she was returning to a community that felt like home where she was loved and supported. Even though her grandfather wasn’t there anymore.
Tears pricked at Lauren’s eyes. She’d never felt so alone. Yet there was nothing to be done about it. She couldn’t force Nico to want to be a father a second time over. Nor did she want to. And without Nico in the picture, the best option was to return home.
The speaker at the check-in desk crackled to life.
“Welcome to flight eight-seven-three to New York JFK. We’re about to start the boarding process, so please have your passport and boarding pass ready.”
It was really happening. Lauren said her silent goodbyes to the city she’d come to love. She sent a little extra love to Louis, the little boy she loved and hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye to. And she sent a silent goodbye to Nico — she did still love him, even if he didn’t want anything to do with her. Even if it hurt.
“I’d now like to invite families with small children and those with disabilities to begin boarding.”
Lauren took another deep breath. She finished the last of her chai latte, which was now cold, and threw the empty cup into a trash can near her chair. As a small parade of babies and toddlers passed with their families, Lauren’s heart warmed at the thought of that part of her future. She was excited to be a mother, despite the circumstances. She just wished she wouldn’t be doing it alone.
“Priority and first class are now welcome to board.”
Lauren made a quick run to the bathroom, where she filled her water bottle and splashed a little water on her face. Then she returned to the waiting area.
“All other passengers can now begin boarding.”
Lauren joined the line that had started to form. She held her passport, with the boarding pass tucked inside, tightly in one hand. Slowly, the line shuffled forward and Lauren shuffled along with it. This was it.
A few minutes later, Lauren was at the front of the line. She showed her passport and boarding pass, which were quickly accepted. As she made her way through the gate, she felt a strong sense of finality. This was it. Her time in Paris, and with Nico, had come to an end. There was no turning back now.
But as she stepped into the tunnel, the flight attendant called out.
“Sorry, ma’am. We’re going to need to check the size of that bag.”
Of course. After the week Lauren had been having, it only made sense that her backpack would be declared too large. She exited the tunnel and emerged back into the airport, where the attendant pointed her to the side. They measured the backpack in a special bin.
“It is a little too large,” one of the attendants said, rather apologetically. To her annoyance, Lauren felt tears prick at her eyes again.
“But,” the attendant hurried to add, “if there’s extra space in the overhead compartments, we can perhaps let you on anyway. You just need to wait for boarding to finish.”
“Okay. Thank you.” Lauren leaned against the wall, watching the last passengers board the flight. She was exhausted, so much so that she considered just paying whatever exorbitant fee the airline wanted to charge so that she could finally board, sit down, and bring an end to this long week. The thought of leaving Paris, and the people in it she loved, hurt, but it hurt more to drag this out.
Finally, the last few passengers trickled through the gate, and the flight attendant beckoned to Lauren.
“It looks like we’ll have room for your bag overhead,” she said kindly.
“Thank you.” Lauren managed a smile, then handed over her boarding pass and passport once again. As before, the attendant scanned the pass, then checked Lauren’s passport, before waving her through. Yet this time, as Lauren stepped through the gate, no one called her back. She entered the boarding tunnel, then cast one last glance back at the city that had come to feel like home. She imagined that everyone she loved was standing there, waving her off. Céline would be giving her a thumbs-up. Louis would be waving like he was trying to flag down a passing ship. Nico would be holding flowers and watching her go with those dark brown eyes.
Lauren did a double take. There was a flash of movement in the corner of the terminal and for a moment, she’d thought it really was Nico. Lauren shook her head to clear it. Nico wasn’t here. It was just her subconscious trying to give her the goodbye she hadn’t been able to have. Wasn’t it?
“Miss, please proceed down the tunnel.” The same flight attendant who had checked Lauren’s documents gestured for her to keep moving, and Lauren took a deep breath.
“Right. Sorry.” She turned away.
“Lauren!”
In that moment, time seemed to slow to the speed of molasses. The seconds dripped by as Lauren’s breath caught, as she turned back, as she caught sight of Nico standing in the waiting area. He waved to her.
“Nico?” Lauren’s hand flew to her mouth and she took a step back towards the waiting area. At the same time, Nico hurried toward her until he was standing just at the other side of the gate. “What are you doing here?”
“I came here to apologize.” Nico reached for her hands, but they were still a little too far away. “I should never have gone a week without speaking to you. I never want to again.”
“It’s fine.” Lauren’s heart was pounding. Had Nico really come all this way just to clear the air? It wasn’t fine that he’d ignored her at the most stressful moment of her life, but they’d both made mistakes in how they’d handled the baby news. Lauren could forgive him. The question was whether forgiveness was all he wanted.
“It isn’t, but we can come back to that. I can’t let you leave, not without knowing how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you.”
“Yes?”
“Lauren… I love you. I think I loved you a little since that first time I saw you on the sidewalk, doing your best to speak French even though you were lost and confused. And my love has only grown since then. You always make me smile. You make me see the world in a new way. You make my heart flutter every time I see you — whether you’re dressed up or in pajamas or covered in mud on a countryside adventure. Louis adores you. And I love you, Lauren. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
These were the exact words Lauren had been wanting to hear all week, and for even longer, yet she hesitated. Her hands clasped the straps of her backpack as she took a breath. Nico misread her hesitation.
“You don’t have to say it back. I want to be a part of your life, but I don’t want to force you into anything you aren’t ready for. I?—”
“Nico. Of course I love you, too. I’ve loved you for a long time. The time I’ve spent as a part of your family has been the best of my life. But the fact that you love me isn’t enough anymore, because it isn’t just me anymore.” Lauren’s hand dropped to her stomach and she lifted her gaze to Nico. As much as she wanted to melt into his arms, she knew that she had to be strong for herself and for her baby. She needed to make sure Nico understood what being with her meant.
“I know that.” Nico reached for Lauren’s hands again, and this time she stepped closer so that he could take them. The feeling of Nico’s large, warm hands on hers felt like a homecoming, but Lauren didn’t drop her guard. Not yet. “I know I reacted badly when I first found out about the baby. And to be honest, I still have a lot of questions. I’m not sure where we should live or how we should reshape our lives so that we’re ready to be parents, again. But what I do know is that I love you, and I love this baby. Louis was one of the best things that ever happened to me, even though he wasn’t planned, and I’m sure that our baby will be the same. We still have a lot of decisions to make, but I hope we can make them together.”
“Are you sure?” Lauren bit her lip. “You didn’t seem excited about diaper duty and sleepless nights.”
“Not exactly, but who is? I am excited about little fingers wrapping around mine, gummy smiles, first steps, and first words. And I’m most excited to experience all of that together, side by side.”
Finally, Lauren’s defenses dropped and she stepped into Nico’s arms. He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.
“I meant to invite you over for dinner.” Nico’s voice was soft in her ear. “I wanted to give you flowers and cook your favorite dinner and do all this in a much more private setting.”
At that, Lauren turned her head and saw that several flight attendants and more than a few travelers were watching them. She blushed crimson as their audience quickly tried to busy themselves with other tasks.
“Sorry, miss.” The flight attendant from before approached, slightly cautiously. “We really do need to finish boarding and seal the gate. Are you planning to get on or off?”
“Please stay.” Nico looked down at Lauren, his brown eyes full of emotion. “We can work everything out together. I promise.”
“Of course I’ll stay. I love you. Let’s just both agree to be honest with each other going forward — especially when it comes to our children.”
Nico’s face broke into a smile and he bent his head to capture Lauren’s mouth in a kiss. Warmth flooded Lauren, from her lips down to her toes, as she kissed Nico back. It was as passionate as all their previous kisses, yet there was a new dimension now. They loved each other. They were going to be parents together. Lauren was going to stay in Paris.
With that, everything seemed to fall away. The airport was gone, as were the onlookers, as was everything. It was just Lauren and Nico, together, wrapped in the warmth of their love and a long, sweet, lingering kiss.
And Lauren knew it would all be okay. As Nico had said, there were still a lot of questions to be answered, but Lauren wanted nothing more than to answer them all with Nico by her side.