14. Alex
FOURTEEN
Alex
W alking into school the following Monday was my version of a living hell. Word travels fast in a town as boring as this one.
All of the friends I thought I’d had suddenly vanished, either turning their backs on me or joining in with throwing slurs my way. I have a thick skin and I’ve never really given a shit what people think of me. But I can’t deny that going from comfortably popular to suddenly being an outcast doesn’t feel great.
I pass by the lunch table I would usually sit at, the one where Brooke and her friends eat. I don’t miss the chorus of “eww’s” and giggles as I walk by. Dating her was the biggest mistake of my life, and I feel stupid for not noticing the red flags a long time ago. Not only did she fuck my life up, dating her destroyed my friendship with Opal. Well, I kind of did that myself, but she didn’t help.
We haven’t talked in over a month, at some point our constant texting dwindled into radio silence. Glancing around the cafeteria, my eyes somehow instinctively meet hers. I’m too ashamed to walk over there. What would I do? Pretend like these past several months never happened, and that I wasn’t a total jackass?
Her gaze doesn’t pull away from mine, and her lips lift into a slight smile. She blinks at me twice. I try to decipher what it means, although it’s probably meaningless. She probably pities me, I’m sure she’s already heard the rumors that are flying.
Not only is it out that I’m bi, people are making up complete bullshit stories to embellish the drama. Saying that I cheated on Brooke with a guy, that I have STD’s, and other stories I’d rather not revisit right now. None of it is true. I’m not a cheater, even though Brooke clearly wasn’t worth being faithful to anyway.
Opal nods at the seat beside her, her eyes still glued to mine. I slowly walk over, my hands in my pockets. I definitely don’t feel like eating today so I didn’t bother grabbing a tray.
Her table is nearly full, on the other side of her is her best friend, Maisie. Across from them there are two guys, I think they’re the same dudes that they were hanging out with at the lake the other day.
“Hey,” I say only to her.
“You wanna sit with us?”
“Sure, thanks.” I settle into the seat next to her, taking a deep breath. The two guys across from us give each other a wary look, but then one of them asks me what’s up in a friendly enough tone. Maybe they aren’t the douchebags I assumed they were.
The four of them carry on with their conversation for a while, and I sit there silently, wondering what’s next for me. I’m sixteen already, I could just drop out if I really wanted to. Maybe I should, it’s not like college is in my future anyway. I don’t have the grades, nor the discipline for it. And honestly, I’ve never had the desire.
“Are you okay?” Opal whispers only to me, I lift my eyes to meet her pale blue stare that’s filled with concern.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I nod.
Her brows crinkle, and I can tell she’s worried about me. I don’t deserve it. She softly places her hand on top of mine beneath the table and squeezes it lightly. Her touch feels like fire on my skin, I missed it so damn much and I didn’t even realize it until now.
I wonder if touching me has any effect on her, if it does I can’t tell.
After the bell rings and the rest of the table scatters away towards their classes, she keeps sitting there with me in silence for a moment.
“I heard what happened.”
“I’m sure,” I say gruffly.
“Is it true?”
“What part?”
She lowers her voice a touch. “Are you gay?” Her brow arches, but I can tell there’s no judgment behind her tone.
I sigh. “No, I’m not fucking gay.”
She rears back a bit, like she’s worried that she’s said something wrong.
“I’m attracted to both men and women. I guess the people here are too small-minded to understand the concept.” I try to keep the contempt I’m feeling from my tone, but I can’t help that some of it slips through.
She squints, looking away. “I hope you know I’d never judge you, no matter what.”
I nod, dragging my hand down my face. “Yeah.” I do know that, and I wish I would’ve told her first. She knows all of my other secrets, I’d trust her with anything.
We both get up from our seats and walk together towards the hallway. “Come over later. If you want,” she says.
“You aren’t mad at me?”
She looks confused, her eyes bouncing between the two of mine. “Why would I be?”
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “Maybe for ignoring you.”
She shakes her head. “I get it, you had a girlfriend. I understood that you wanted space.”
“I was being stupid. You’re my best friend, you always have been.”
She gives me another tight smile, her rosy lips just barely curving up at the ends. “I gotta go, I’ll see you later?”
I nod and watch as she continues down the hall towards her class.