CHAPTER FIVE
“I’m actually kinda scared,” Krystal murmured.
They had all piled into Liz’s blue jeep (after she’d remembered to confirm that yes, the movers had already come and gone and taken away the furniture they wanted to get rid of), and now were making for their next responsibility.
“It’ll be fine, babe,” Liz replied.
“You always say that.”
“And I’m always right.”
Krystal heaved a sigh. “You are not always right!”
“I mean when it comes to my parents!”
“Everyone just relax,” Gabe said. “We’ll be okay. Krystal, you have backup. Everyone in this car will be in the room with you.”
“I know, I know! I just...get so worked up over shit like this. God, it’s so fucking embarrassing.” She looked at Ellen. “I feel like I’m going to lose all credibility with you now that we’re living together.”
“Krystal, oh my God, come on! Give me more credit than that,” Ellen replied, sounding genuinely mildly annoyed.
“I mean-I don’t mean like you’re a mega bitch who’s going to snark me to death, I just mean...I was so different back then! This shit didn’t bother me!”
“Krystal…” Ellen frowned, and it deepened as she gave her a measuring look. She abruptly seemed to come to a decision. “You’re lying to yourself.”
“What? How?”
“Krystal, I love you but this shit has always been a problem. You’ve always had meltdowns. You’ve always had anxiety. And I never lost respect for you.”
Gabe was genuinely curious to see how she would react. He, Ellen, and Holly were all in the backseat, while Liz drove with Krystal up front. He caught a glimpse of her face, reflected in the windshield, and realized something had just gone really, really wrong.
Krystal began crying.
“Oh shit,” Ellen said.
“Oh no, what’s wrong, honey?” Liz asked.
“I have fucking been like this my whole fucking life! What the fuck is wrong with me?!” she cried, hugging herself and leaned against the door.
“Shit, I’m pulling over,” Liz said.
“No! Just get to where we’re going!”
“No,” Liz replied firmly, and pulled into a mostly empty parking lot and parked.
“Goddamnit!” Krystal snarled. “I can’t fucking do anything right! I keep making everything go fucking slow and I can’t-agh! Fuck!” she snapped and abruptly undid her seatbelt and threw open her door.
“Krystal!” Liz and Gabe and Ellen all cried at the same time.
Gabe did the same thing, hopping out and hurrying over to her as she began walking across the lot.
He had the idea she didn’t know where she was going beyond ‘away’.
He considered grabbing her wrist but that seemed wrong, so instead he hurried ahead of her and then put himself in her path.
She was so angry she almost walked into him.
“Gabe–” she began.
“Krystal,” he said, probably more firmly than he had ever before. She stopped speaking, looking a little startled, but the effect didn’t last so he pressed on. “Krystal, you have to calm down. Whatever happens, whatever we do, you have to calm yourself.”
“I can’t!” she moaned.
“You can. Just...stop moving. Okay, now close your eyes.”
“Gabe–”
“Please, Krystal?” he asked quietly, looking into her tear-filled eyes. “Please? Please let me take care of you.”
She looked anguished, torn, but finally closed her eyes, shedding a few tears in the process.
“I trust you,” she whispered.
He let a few seconds pass. Everyone was out of the vehicle now, hovering nearby anxiously. He felt a momentary stab of guilt that this was him doing this and not Liz, but Liz didn’t look angry, just worried.
“Okay, now take a deep breath and hold it.” She did. “Release it slowly.”
Krystal exhaled slowly and, when he told her to, she opened her eyes. She looked calmer, though she reached up and wiped at her tear-streaked face.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“...less insane,” she muttered. “But still so fucking shitty.”
He hugged her. She immediately clung onto him and it seemed to take an effort not to start crying again.
“I’m sorry, Krystal,” he said.
“I’m sorry!” she groaned.
“Krystal...you probably have ADHD.”
He felt a little uncertain, but mostly that felt the right thing to say in the moment. She didn’t reply for a little bit.
“Do you really think so?” she asked finally.
“Yes, I think so. And it sucks. But we can help you fix it.”
She sighed and pulled back, letting go of him. “I don’t want to be addicted to pills.”
“Krystal...I’m sorry, but at some point you’re going to have to face the reality that your life may not improve–and stay improved–unless you start taking psych meds.
It isn’t addiction, it’s just...reality.
And I could be wrong! It could be something else, something simpler.
But my point, Krystal, is that you’re right: something is wrong with you... and it is not your fault.”
“But–”
“Krystal. It isn’t your fault. I’m pretty convinced you have a mental health problem, a chemical imbalance, and that isn’t your fault. But listen, we’re going to help you figure it out. Whatever the issue is, we’re going to help you.”
She stared at him, and he thought she might start crying again, but she regained control of herself. “That does make me feel better.” She began to say something else but a horrid realization seemed to hit her and she whirled around. “Liz! I’m sorry!”
“Yeah...shit,” Gabe muttered awkwardly.
Liz simply smiled at them. “Both of you can relax. I...Krystal, I have always struggled with trying to help you out of these situations. I’ve always felt like...
I didn’t know what the fuck to do. And yes, I wish I could, of course I wish I could, but if Gabe can actually help you calm down?
Help you figure this shit out? I am all for that.
I am grateful. I want you to be happy and free of this pain, Krystal, and of course I would love to be the one to do it, but if I can’t, if I’m lacking, then I still would just rather see you get help and be happy. ”
Krystal took two big steps towards her and hugged her. Liz laughed softly and hugged her in return, squeezing her with those strong arms.
“I love you,” Krystal whispered. “So much.”
“And I love you, Krystal. So very much. And I’m not going to walk away from you. And they aren’t either.”
Krystal didn’t say anything, just hugged Liz for a bit longer, then almost reluctantly released her. She looked at Ellen.
“Krystal, I’m so sorry,” she said, rapidly, like she’d been struggling to hold it back.
“Ellen, don’t feel bad,” Krystal replied, offering a tired smile. “I’m just really fucking stressed. And exhausted. And hungry. And just...I’ll be better once we get settled. This is just a lot to deal with, is all. Which is stupid, because this is a good thing.”
“It’s still a lot to deal with, you’re moving to an entirely new house in a different city and entering into a new relationship unlike any you’ve ever had before,” Gabe replied.
“You think our relationship is that different from my others?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“I mean, have you ever dated a guy and a girl at the same time? Or another writer?”
She opened her mouth, then hesitated, then rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine. Yes. This is different. And stressful, even though it shouldn’t be.”
“Things are stressful regardless of whether or not they should be,” Liz said.
“Yeah, yeah, fine, just-can we please at least get back in the car? This is really embarrassing,” Krystal muttered.
“All right, come on,” Liz replied.
They headed back to the jeep and piled back in. Liz put the key in the ignition, but didn’t turn it. Instead, she turned and looked at Krystal.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better...or calmer, at least. God, this is embarrassing.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” Gabe replied.
“Yeah, I know that too, goddamnit, just...I can’t shut off my feelings.”
“Very fair.”
“I’m calm enough to deal with your mom, babe, can we just get this over with? Like, I’m not back to baseline but I’m close enough to get through this and I’m not really going to be back to my baseline until we’re actually moved in. So…”
“All right, that’s also fair,” Liz said, turning the key and resuming their journey.
…
Gabe thought they’d continue talking about Krystal’s emotional difficulties, but instead they fell silent, then Krystal, probably wanting to change the tense atmosphere that had settled over them into something else, instead began telling a story about an embarrassing thing Ellen had done in their past. They laughed, Ellen pretended to be annoyed, things felt better.
But that changed back to something more tense as they reached Liz’s parent’s place.
She pulled into the driveway of a modest two-story home that was in pretty good condition.
The yard had a very ordered look to it, including clearly planted trees and a few garden boxes up against the front of the house.
“So, anything off-limits?” Gabe asked.
“Um...nothing I can think of besides obvious stuff,” Liz replied.
“Obvious stuff being…?” Ellen pressed.
“Sex stuff, mostly. Um...I guess maybe don’t bring up the weed. I mean, she knows Krystal smokes and that I’ve been known to dabble occasionally, but you know, I don’t want to worry her more than she probably already is.”
“We’ll be on our best behavior,” Gabe replied.
“Right.” Liz stared through the windshield at her parent’s house. She was actually a little nervous. “Okay, let’s do this.”
She all but threw open her door and got out. The others piled out and followed her up a brick path to the front porch. Liz led them inside and took them unerringly to the left, where a living room awaited them.
Liz’s mom was already there, waiting. Gabe had unhappy flashbacks to when he’d dealt with Holly’s parents, but he made himself relax.
This wasn’t going to be like that.
And Liz’s mom didn’t look hostile, or even too worried, more just...defeated? Hmm, not a good sign.
“Hi, mom,” Liz said as she led them in. “This is, um, everyone.” She grabbed Gabe’s wrist and brought him forward. “This is the boy.”
Her mom laughed softly. “The boy who finally cracked you.”
“That’s definitely not an inaccurate way to put it,” Liz replied.
“Hi,” Gabe said.