Chapter Nineteen #2
‘I think it’s a warning,’ Saskia says, after what feels like several minutes.
‘As with all tarot cards, things aren’t wholly black or white.
There is hope on the horizon – a new dawn after the end of something.
But I don’t think that new dawn will come unless you make different choices to the ones you always make. ’
‘But what choices do I always make?’
A sympathetic smile. ‘Only you can answer that.’
Lissa frowns, staring at the cards, trying to think of what they might mean – and realising distantly that she is getting caught up in all of this.
She doesn’t know what choices she always makes, though.
Choosing to stay in Bath? Well, she can’t do anything about that, can she?
And that’s more one continuous choice, rather than multiple ones.
Leaving Chloe alone – leaving her sister alone in previous lifetimes?
But then she would need another chance to put that right.
She grimaces as she looks back at the Ten of Swords.
Does she need to die in order to fix it?
‘Now,’ Saskia picks up, ‘we look to things that are influencing you now. The Page of Wands here I’d assume is a reference to your sister again – something about her death that still affects you.’
Lissa can’t help thinking of her mum, whispering bitter words. You’re the reason she’s gone.
‘But there’s also the High Priestess.’ The card Saskia points at depicts a grand-looking woman dressed all in white.
‘She is often related to mysticism, and represents something you aren’t consciously aware of yet.
There are things being hidden from you, but soon you will be able to peer beyond the veil, so to speak. ’
At this, Lissa’s heart beats a little faster. Does this mean she’ll learn why this is happening to her? Does it mean she’ll figure out what she needs to do next?
‘In terms of where you go from here, the Six of Swords would indicate that there are more positive times ahead.’ This card is someone being rowed in a boat by a figure with a black hood – why do they all have to be so bloody ominous?
‘This is a move towards more peaceful times. If, that is,’ and here a note of caution creeps into Saskia’s voice, ‘you heed the cards. If you come to terms with the things that are affecting you, and if, perhaps, you uncover the secrets that have previously been hidden from you.’
Right, thinks Lissa. Brilliant. No big deal – simply figure out what the memories are trying to tell her and she’ll be just dandy. But that’s a good thing, right? Because if it’s something in her future she can change, it’s not about fixing something that has already gone wrong.
‘Now, this is a nice card.’ It’s the first time Saskia has said that, and Lissa wonders if that’s relief she’s hearing. She points to the Knight of Cups – a man on a grey horse. ‘To me, this would suggest that there is a person about to enter your life, someone who will bring energy and change.’
Ash. She knows Saskia is talking about Ash. The energy she feels whenever she’s around him.
‘Could this person already be in my life?’ she asks, as casually as she can.
Saskia purses her lips, painted the same pale pink as last time. ‘Yes. Perhaps. If they are, then I’d say there is going to be a change in the type of relationship you have.’
Nerves crawl around Lissa’s stomach. ‘A good change or a bad change?’ She thinks of the message she got from him just now – the one waiting for an answer. She thinks of the kiss, and the way she shut things down.
‘I think that’ll be up to you. I think this person is a chance to make things better. But it’s also someone who is ruled by their heart rather than their head. And that’s something to be mindful of.’
Definitely Ash, she thinks.
‘Is that another warning?’ she asks.
Saskia smiles. ‘Advice, Lissa, not warnings.’ She looks down at the card again.
‘I think, with the Knight of Cups, there will be an invitation of some sort – not necessarily literal – but remember that it is always up to you whether to accept. Either way, this person has the capacity to change your life in one way or another.’
Nerves flutter again at that. So is it already too late?
Is it pointless to try to stay away from him because she doesn’t feel ready?
Because she’s trying to protect him from her baggage?
Or is this encouragement – that it’s okay to go for it?
That it’s okay to want the kind of love she thinks she had in each of her past lives.
‘The Star,’ Saskia points to a naked women pouring water into a pond, with a big star shining over her, ‘is a reminder to hold onto hope.’ She offers Lissa one of her kind smiles.
‘Your experiences have made you who you are, but I think you need to try to accept that you can’t change what’s happened.
Take the time to heal, if you need it. But don’t be afraid to take a leap of faith when the time comes. ’
A leap of faith – with Ash?
‘The final card …’ She points to the Fool.
Lissa grimaces and Saskia laughs lightly.
‘It’s not an indication that you are a fool.
This card – another of the Major Arcana – indicates new beginnings.
It can often be a new job, or a new partner.
But for you, I think it is even bigger. I’m getting the sense that it will all come together to offer you a chance to leave the past behind and embark on a new journey, one where you are free of the cycle you’re currently trapped in. ’
It feels out of reach, the idea that she could leave the past behind, even figuratively. How can she do that with her mum constantly around to remind her? But maybe this is about the past lives. Maybe it’s about leaving those behind. Which is what she wants, isn’t it?
Saskia clasps her hands together in her lap and leans towards her.
‘I think this all means there are some big choices coming up, Lissa. The cards are here for guidance only, but if it feels right to you, if you identify with this cycle you’re stuck in, then I would say think about the choices you make.
Because maybe it’s only by making a different choice to the one you’ve made in the past that you can get to where you need to be for your future. ’
And that’s all very well, Lissa thinks, but how is she supposed to know what the right choice is if she doesn’t understand the wrong one?