Chapter 25
Tate
I’m a dumbass.
I didn’t do anything wrong, but for Summer to show up and see a bunch of women hanging on me—that’s fucked up. A mistake I won’t make again. In my head, I’m so uninterested in other women the optics didn’t occur to me.
They will now.
That was close.
I don’t know how I would’ve fixed this if Graham hadn’t rushed outside to tell me Summer was here and upset. I owe him a big one. Of course, he’s just stuffed half of a chocolate peanut butter pie in his mouth so that’s probably his reward.
“Your engagement video has gone viral,” Ryleigh says the next day on the bus.
I look down at her phone’s screen, and sure enough, there I am on one knee with Summer looking a bit like a deer in the headlights. It gets sweet after that, and our kiss is way more than sweet.
But damn, this isn’t how I planned it in my head.
I hoped we would be alone, or maybe a nice dinner or something. In my defense, I didn’t know she was coming.
Our schedule has been all over the place, but Sasha had to throw it together at the last minute after the Karnal Death tour fell apart.
She had a hell of a time finding clubs with openings, so it was hard to get them in any geographical order.
We’ve been north, south, east, west, and everywhere in between for the entire summer.
But now it’s almost over.
Three more gigs, a few days off, and then Mick and Taryn’s wedding, followed by…
mine. I haven’t told my parents—I don’t really care what they think—but at some point I’ll have to tell them about the baby.
Summer is going to be showing soon and Sasha said we’ll probably have to do a press release.
Otherwise, the media could find a way to spin it and that would mean journalists might go looking for Summer to get the scoop.
And that’s the last thing she needs.
Not that we have anything to hide, but I don’t want there to be any added stress. We have enough coming up with the European tour. Opening for Nobody’s Fool is huge for us so I have to go, but I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of ways to make it easier on Summer.
So far, all I’ve come up with is giving her money.
Money to cover her bills so she doesn’t have to work as many hours at the diner.
Money for doctors’ appointments.
And health insurance. Sasha said if we get married any time in September, it will go into effect on the first of October. And Summer’s obstetrician has been great, only charging us the minimum while we wait for it to take effect.
“I look ridiculous,” Summer mutters, shaking her head. “My eyes are huge. Like I’m scared or something.”
“Surprised,” I correct, playfully nudging her. “And you look beautiful.”
“I’ve already gotten texts from Dolly and Sylvie,” she says, chuckling. “They’re amused because, you know, I already bought the dress and stuff.”
“And I’m looking forward to seeing it,” I whisper against her ear, gratified to see goose bumps break out on her skin.
Our sex life is off the charts, and that’s been a huge bonus in this.
Now that she’s starting to feel better, and mornings aren’t so rough, she’s been as insatiable as I am.
And it’s gone a long way in solidifying our bond.
It’s the one time where she doesn’t have barriers up, so I can reach her emotionally.
Truth be told, my feelings for her aren’t forced.
I don’t feel like a man who’s being put in a situation he doesn’t want to be in because he made a mistake.
An unplanned pregnancy. Having to do the right thing.
That’s not what this is. Not for me anyway.
We’re dating, in a relationship, such that it is with the distance between us.
Not only that, but she keeps her feelings a lot more closeted, like she still doesn’t trust me completely, and I understand it. I just wish it was different.
Maybe once we’re married, she’ll feel more secure, but I know the upcoming European tour is weighing on her. Because if she needs something—if she needs me—I’m going to be really far away.
She still doesn’t know I’m planning to fly her to London, though, so I hope that helps.
There are a lot of moving pieces right now and I’m trying to juggle them all while playing to the best of my ability and staying engaged with the band. That’s been the struggle for me, trying to figure out who I am now.
Because I’m not the same as before.
The technical part—picking up my guitar and playing the music every night—that’s easy.
It’s the rest that’s changing. I see Mick and Angus doing it seamlessly but I’m not them.
Angus is older than the rest of us at thirty-three, and he was ready to find the right woman.
Mick and Taryn got their second chance so he was ready because it was her.
I wasn’t thinking about settling down at all. Two months ago I was living the rock and roll dream, focused on nothing but music. Now I’m being pulled in a lot of directions. I’m crazy about Summer, so that’s not the issue. It’s just a matter of figuring out how to be the best at everything.
That’s where I’m a little nervous.
Can I be a platinum-selling rockstar who’s also a good husband and a fully engaged father?
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, though, so after I put Summer on the plane back to New York, I go in search of Angus.
He’s in the dressing room of the club we’re playing at tonight and he’s reading a book about the civil war.
He’s such an academic sometimes, it’s hard to reconcile that part of him with the badass drummer he is on stage.
“You have a minute?” I ask.
“Sure.” He puts the book down and looks up. “What’s up?”
“How do you separate your life with Ryleigh with our life on the road?”
He frowns for a second and then shrugs. “I don’t. I’m the same guy.”
“But are you?” I sink down next to him. “I mean, the pre-Ryleigh Angus was fucking everything that moved. Partying a lot. Hanging out with the guys. Now you’re…settled.”
“I’m the same guy,” he reiterates. He holds up his book.
“I’ve always been a reader. If we spent two days partying hard, if you recall, on the third night I’d say I was staying in.
Chilling out. And I’d read. Or watch a movie.
Or whatever. I’m no different other than not fucking everything that moves.
But—and take this in the right context—I’m still doing that.
It’s just with one woman instead of different ones.
My sex life is off the charts. Hell, I’m probably having more sex than before.
Because I never need a night off from Ryleigh. ” He smirks and I laugh.
“Okay, that’s fair.”
“What’s on your mind? The baby?”
“That’s probably it more than Summer. I don’t have a problem being faithful to her. At least, not so far. But what kind of father am I going to be?”
“Whatever kind you want to be. You know you don’t want to be like your dad, judgmental asshole that he is. I’m also going to bet that you want to be there for him or her.”
“Yeah, but how do I do that when I’m God-knows-where and Summer and the baby are in New York? She’s not leaving her mom.”
“That’s a tough one,” he acknowledges. “But not insurmountable. The first thing you have to do is get married and focus on getting Summer through the pregnancy. In the meantime, think about moving her mom to a proper memory care facility. A regular nursing home isn’t set up for that kind of thing.”
“I know. But the ones I’ve looked into are…expensive. And we’re making money but not enough for us to come up with ten or fifteen grand a month.”
“Yeah.” He scratches his chin. “Let me make some calls. Maybe I can find somewhere that’ll take her social security or pension or whatever. And then maybe you can just supplement.” He pauses. “Does it have to be in New York?”
I hesitate. Summer and I have never discussed her leaving New York.
That’s where her paid-off house is.
Where her support system is.
Where her pie business is taking off.
“I don’t know if I can ask her to leave,” I admit. “She’s very settled there.” I explain about everything going on.
He’s thoughtful. “Well, this is just food for thought, but you’re making a lot of sacrifices for her.
She may have to make some for you. The band is based in Minneapolis.
That’s where your support system is. If we find her mom a safe, affordable place to be—and that’s one thing she doesn’t have in New York—she may have to consider moving.
A relationship requires give and take. And let’s be honest: If she starts her pie business in Minneapolis, I can get her five times the amount of work she has now just with my contacts alone.
Probably ten times more if I put effort into it, which I would happily do.
For you and for her, because her pies are epic. ”
I nod since he makes a very good point.
He’s given me even more to think about, but I don’t think I can convince Summer to do anything like that until after the baby comes. Being pregnant and having her partner in Europe for three months is about all she can handle.
But going forward, this has to be a discussion we have.
“Was that helpful at all?” Angus asks quietly.
“It was. I appreciate it. I’m going to plant some seeds but I don’t think asking her to move while she’s pregnant will work.”
“No, definitely not. But let me get some info on memory care centers while you focus on getting married.” He grins. “Because while we’re going to be respectful of the ladies, you and Mick are going to have bachelor parties.”
I grin back. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”