Chapter 33
Tate
The last show of Summer’s visit is Dublin and I’m bummed that our time together is almost over.
I won’t see her again until the middle of December, which is just under two months away.
We’re going to spend Christmas at her place, which is fine with me, but there’s been something of a dark cloud hanging over us since our discussion about where we’re going to live.
I understand her perspective, but it doesn’t change reality.
I need to be in Minneapolis.
She wants to be in New York.
It’s not the same thing, and I’m not sure how we reconcile that.
I haven’t said anything about finding a memory care center for her mother because Angus hasn’t delved into the details yet.
The preliminary research he did was disappointing because those places—the really good ones—are beyond expensive.
He thinks the money she gets will cover most of it, but he’s still working on it.
And I don’t want Summer to think I’ve gone behind her back to plan something she’s against.
I’m beginning to see that a good relationship is a lot of work.
It’s not that I’m unwilling to put in the work, there’s just so much to manage between the geographical distance, the details of both her pregnancy and childbirth, planning for the baby, where we’re going to live, and making decisions about her mother.
And most of that falls to her.
Instead of forcing her to make important decisions, I keep giving her an out, so she doesn’t get upset.
I just don’t know how much more we can push off.
The band has been holding off on making a decision about what’s next because I asked them to.
Lexi still hasn’t made up her mind about a North American tour in the spring, but from what I’ve been told, she’s leaning in that direction.
And they’ve already said that they want us to be their opening act.
They’re great to work with, our musical styles and audiences overlap, and it saves both bands money because we can share a lot of expenses. They make more than us, and have a bigger production, so they pay about sixty percent, but it’s still win-win.
The only question once Lexi gives the green light is me.
Big Z—Zeke—is the lead guitarist for the other band on our record label, and they’re one of the biggest bands in the world. They’re on hiatus right now so that’s why I asked Zeke if he’d be able to step in if I needed him to around the time Summer gives birth and he graciously said he would.
But he can’t replace me forever.
I’ve bent over backwards to make Summer comfortable and happy but there has to be some compromise on her part too. Otherwise, I don’t know how this is going to work. At the same time, I can’t envision walking away from her. Them. I’m falling for her.
Hell, I’m probably in love with her, but I don’t know how to tell her that now because it feels manipulative. Like, I’ve waited until it’s time for her to decide whether or not to move to Minnesota, and I just throw that out there like some kind of dangling carrot.
Part of me wants her to say it first, to show me that she’s as invested as I am.
That’s probably dumb because she could very well be waiting for me to say it first, which means I should man the fuck up.
But in today’s day and age, is it really too much to ask for her to make a first move?
To show me a little of the faith I’ve shown her?
It’s not a competition but there’s a distance between us that wasn’t there before and if she’s feeling even half of what I’m feeling, I know why. We’re both wary, distracted by all the obstacles that seem to be ahead.
I also believe that what Sherry said upset her more than she’s letting on. Not because I slept with her but the way she immediately zeroed in on the fact that we got married because Summer was pregnant. The thing is—I can’t dispute that. There’s no way I would have proposed this soon if she wasn’t.
And that bothers her.
At the very least, it makes her feel insecure. It’s a dilemma for me because how she feels isn’t something I can fix. All I can do is continue to take care of her in whatever ways I’m able to from afar.
Because she’s leaving tomorrow. It feels like the trip flew past. Despite the uncertainty about the future, we’ve had a great time.
She’s gotten friendly with Ryleigh and Taryn, her pregnancy hasn’t held her back from doing any of the things we planned, and it’s been great seeing her singing and dancing in the wings while we perform.
Meanwhile, frustration has been building up inside me. I have no other outlet so I get up early and head to the hotel gym. Angus works out in the morning, so I’m hoping to run into him, and sure enough, he’s already there when I arrive.
“Good morning.” He looks up from where he’s lifting weights.
“Hey.” I get on the treadmill and start walking.
“Ready for tonight?” he asks.
“I’m looking forward to playing but today is Summer’s last day with us so I’m not thrilled she’s leaving.”
He nods. “It’s tough to be apart. Especially now.”
“Everything is tough right now,” I mutter.
He sits up and cocks his head. “Trouble in paradise? Already?”
“Not really. It’s just…” I blurt out the story and he listens attentively.
“Look, pregnancy changes everything. I’m no expert but I’m going to guess she’s having all the same thoughts you are, but with a fuck-ton of hormones that exacerbates everything.”
“Yeah, but that’s starting to feel like an excuse. Lots of women get pregnant. They still have to function, do whatever needs to be done. And she basically wants to put her head in the sand until after the baby comes.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Well, it leaves me hanging. Yes, she’s doing the hard part—carrying the baby—but I’m doing almost everything else. I want to plan for our future and she just wants to hide away in her house in New York, using her pregnancy and her mom’s situation as a crutch.”
“Is it a crutch?”
“Dude, you’re killin’ me here. I don’t need you to ask leading questions to make me think about things from her perspective. That’s pretty much all I do—I’m at the point where something needs to happen. I’m holding up the band with all the indecision.”
“Look, I don’t know what your relationship is like but you can’t be in it by yourself.
If you want my opinion, that’s it. Hard or not, you have to make the big decisions.
If she wants to give birth in New York, that makes sense.
But that also means that you’re going to have to then start making those decisions with a newborn.
I don’t think that’s going to be any easier. ”
“You think I need to push her?”
“A little, yeah. Not in an overbearing way but honesty can go a long way.”
“I did! And she basically said she needed time to think about it.”
“Then give it to her.”
“She leaves tomorrow. Then we’ll have a six- or seven-hour time difference, which will make serious conversations difficult. By the time I get back to the hotel, she’ll be at work. On her days off, she’ll be asleep when I get up in the morning. By the time she’s up, I’ll be heading to soundcheck.”
He’s thoughtful for a minute but before he can respond, Ryleigh sticks her head in. “Guys, Sasha’s on video chat and she’s calling for all hands. Something about adding a show. Everyone is meeting in Lexi’s room in five minutes.”
“On our way.” Angus stands up and I’m right behind him.
I don’t want to add a show on to the end of the tour—that’s more time away from Summer. And it puts us even closer to Christmas. I’d like some down time with her so we can focus on getting ready for both the holidays and the baby, in case I have to go back on tour.
We congregate in Lexi’s room and the girls join us. We gather around the coffee table in her suite as Sasha starts talking.
“Sorry to interrupt your morning,” Sasha says, “but I’m in Limaj, visiting family, and my mom had an idea.
Your show at Edinburgh Castle was such a hit, what if you played here at the palace on Sunday?
There wouldn’t be any pay involved but all expenses will be covered, and you’d stay at the palace.
And the best part? It’s going to be televised live all over Europe and streamed online worldwide. ”
We all start talking at once, asking questions and trying to sort out the timing.
I glance over at Summer and realize she looks sad.
Because she’s going home in the morning and will miss all of this.
As everyone talks over each other, I slide my arm around her and pull her against my side. “You okay?”
“Just disappointed. A show in Limaj? Staying at a palace…and I can’t be part of it.”
“You don’t have to leave,” I suggest gently.
“I have to go home tomorrow,” she protests. “I have to work and my mom—”
“Your mom is fine. Dolly texts you every day. You’ve even talked to your mom three or four times.”
“But it’s not her responsibility and—”
“It’s not a responsibility—you said yourself, they’ve been besties since they were five years old. Dolly does it because she loves her. And this is a great opportunity for you to do something special. What if we send Dolly some money so she can hire temporary help at the diner?”
“Is it definite?” she asks after a second. “You’re going to do it?”
I’ve been half-listening and there’s no doubt everyone is excited.
Casey, Sasha’s mom, was a huge rockstar fifteen years ago.
She left her band, Pretty Harts, after she married King Erik.
Two of the guys in that band, Tyler and Declan, are now the bass player and drummer for Nobody’s Fool.
Casey also owns our record label, Hart Records.
The fact that she’s now a queen of Limaj, the small eastern European country her husband rules, hasn’t impacted her interest in music.
And I know damn well Nobody’s Fool is going to do it—which means we are too.
“Listen, this is something out of the norm. An opportunity to do something very few people get to do. And it’s technically our honeymoon.
Call Dolly, make sure she’s okay with it, and then let’s send her a little money.
I can have Sasha do it today. Wire transfer, Western Union, whatever.
Say yes, baby. I’m not ready for you to leave. ”
She hesitates but I can see how badly she wants to say yes.
“Come on,” I cajole. “Let’s do it.”
Finally, a soft laugh escapes her. “You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Jeffries.”
“But that’s what you love about me, Mrs. Jeffries.”
Her voice is soft when she says, “One of the things.”
Did she just admit she loves me?
I’ll take that as a yes.