Chapter 34 #2
When I was out shopping for baby stuff with my son and his girlfriend? It wasn’t quite as amusing. Especially when I was still petrified of how he’d react when he found out who I was with.
After the season, I reminded myself. We’re not hiding it from him—we’re just waiting until the right time to tell him.
Why did that feel like I was gaslighting myself?
Probably because I was an idiot. In particular, an idiot who’d royally fucked my relationships with my kids and was terrified of losing all the progress I’d fought so hard to make.
Hell, Chris would probably just say, “My dad is dating my hockey idol? Cool!” and that would be the end of it.
But there was always the chance he wouldn’t react that way. And I was scared.
“Dad?” Chris jostled me out of my thoughts, and when I turned to him, he and Jasmine watched me quizzically. “What do you think?” He gestured at the strollers.
Strollers. Right. They wanted my input.
I shook myself and focused. Luckily, there was one that stuck out as being practical and reasonable.
It wasn’t a bus with a push bar, and when I gave it an experimental spin, it was super easy to maneuver and corner.
One of the ones my ex and I had for our eldest had been a nightmare to turn, especially when she’d still been recovering from delivery.
“This one’s good,” I told Chris and Jasmine. “Give it a try.”
They did, and I had to smile as I watched them.
This was becoming more and more real by the day.
I mean, it was tough to ignore—Jasmine was huge and probably wished her due date was tomorrow—but something about watching them trying out strollers and comparing notes on other baby stuff really drove it home.
He’d grown up. He was about to be a dad.
Sometimes I felt stupid for being this scared of telling him about Liam.
Other times, I was all too aware of just how much I had to lose if I read the situation wrong.
I want you to know. I just don’t want to lose you.
Please, please understand.
“You really don’t mind putting this together?” Chris eyed the flatpack for a dresser they’d bought yesterday along with the stroller. “I can do it.”
“Uh-huh,” I said. “And if you hurt your hands or your back, you won’t be useful to your team or your girlfriend.” I made a shooing gesture. “I’ve got it.”
He frowned, but then shrugged and chuckled. “I mean, I won’t say no if you want to do the hard stuff. I hate putting together furniture.”
“That’s because you hate following directions.”
“Hey!”
“He’s not wrong, hon,” Jasmine said with a giggle.
He tried to scowl at her, but the expression quickly turned fond. Rolling his eyes, he put his arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek. “Rude.”
More giggling. She poked him. “You know it’s true.”
“I know you’re a brat.”
“Takes one to know one.”
“Ugh. Dad! She’s being mean!”
I put up my hands. “No, no. I’m staying out of this.”
“Whose side are you on?”
“I’m on the side that’s building your furniture.”
He grumbled something I didn’t catch, which made Jasmine and me laugh. They left me to it after that, and I eased myself onto the floor to start assembling the furniture.
Of course, that movement brought back all those delicious memories of the other night…
along with the ever-present barrage of guilt.
I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity. After another brief internal lecture about how I was doing nothing wrong and fully intended to tell Chris when the time was right, I opened the box and got to work.
I was partway through constructing the frame when my phone pinged.
Liam
Hey are you coming to tonight’s game?
Of course.
Any plans after?
Can’t promise they’ll be as acrobatic as the other night.
LOL Pretty sure we can manage. (wink emoji)
Excellent.
Gotta run for now – assembling furniture for the grandbaby.
Sounds like fun. Just don’t hurt your fingers. I need them. (devil emoji)
I snorted as I sent back a laughing emoji, then put the phone aside and picked up the instructions again.
A quite throat-clear made my head snap up, and I realized Jasmine had returned. She studied me with an amused expression. “You didn’t tell us you had a special someone.”
“Uh… I…” The heat rushing into my face told me there was no point in bullshitting my way out of this. “Well, it’s, um…”
Right then, Chris appeared behind her, and he glanced at each of us. Furrowing his brow, he asked, “What did I miss?”
Jasmine got a deer-in-the-headlights look and turned to me, eyebrows up as if to ask what she should say.
I fidgeted a little. “Uh, well…” I cleared my throat. “Jasmine figured out I was texting someone.” I gestured with my phone for some reason. “Someone… who’s not just a friend?”
“Not just—” Chris’s spine straightened. “Wait, you’re dating someone?”
“Uh…” I swallowed. “I… Yeah. Yeah, I’ve started dating someone.”
His eyes widened. “Really? Do we get to meet her?” He paused. “Or… him? Is it a guy?”
My face was on fire now, and I nodded. “Yeah. It’s a guy.”
“Oh my God,” Jasmine said. “You have a boyfriend? That’s so cool!”
“I do, yeah.” I couldn’t help smiling even as guilt and embarrassment tried to force their way in. “It’s kind of a new thing, though.”
“Explains the heart eyes.” She looked at Chris and gestured at me. “You should’ve seen the way he was smiling at his phone when I came in.”
“Really?” Chris chuckled. “That’s great, Dad. Glad you met someone. Do, um…” His brow pinched. “Do we get to meet him? See a picture? Something?”
“Uh, well…” I glanced at my dormant phone. “It’s just… we’re not quite at the point where we want to meet families yet, you know? Just sort of figuring things out?”
“Okay, that’s fair.” Chris shrugged. “Does he have a name, though?”
“He does,” I confirmed.
They both seemed to get the message, and they didn’t push. And I… felt even guiltier. Fuck me.
Oblivious to my internal turmoil, Chris checked his phone. “I need to go take my pregame nap. Do you need anything before I do?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I’ve got this. Go crash.”
He saluted me playfully and left the room.
Alone with my grandson’s partially constructed dresser, I exhaled into the stillness. Now I felt impossibly guiltier. Chris knew I was seeing someone, and he’d taken me at my word that we just weren’t ready to introduce each other to family.
Technically all true.
But also a pretty solid lie by omission.
I believed to my core that this thing with Liam wasn’t a fling. It was too soon to know if we were in for the really long haul, but he was going to be around for a while.
Which meant that, when the season was over, we were going to come clean.
And for the millionth time, I just prayed like hell that I was wildly overthinking Chris’s reaction.
The guilt I felt for seeing Liam behind Chris’s back was strong, but it wasn’t strong enough to keep me from leaving that evening’s game and heading straight to Liam’s place.
I spent the whole drive second-guessing myself, of course.
I actually considered turning around twice just because it felt weird to go see him just hours after the conversation with Chris and Jasmine.
One minute, I couldn’t wait to be naked with the man I’d watched tearing up the ice. The next, I remembered who’d been playing beside him and who might not understand that I was seeing his teammate.
But I reminded myself over and over that I wasn’t actually doing anything wrong. A little weird and unorthodox, sure, but I couldn’t honestly find a reason to say it was wrong.
Right or wrong, before I knew it, I was pulling into Liam’s garage.
As I got out of the car, he appeared in the doorway, and all my guilty thoughts scattered. We would tell Chris when the time was right, and with any luck, he’d understand.
In the meantime…
“Hey,” I said with a smile as I moved closer to Liam.
“Hey yourself.” He grinned and greeted me with a kiss, but then he grimaced. “It’s, um… It’s not going to be an exciting night, I’m afraid. Again.”
“Oh yeah?” But then I noticed he was standing kind of gingerly. “Still sore?”
The grimace intensified, and he nodded. “Different kind of sore this time.”
Alarm surged through me. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah.” He gave a quiet huff of halfhearted laughter. “That hit I took tonight—it wasn’t even that hard, but it wrenched my hip, and now everything else hurts.” He huffed sharply and rolled his eyes. “This meat puppet is bullshit sometimes.”
I chuckled and gently reeled him into my arms. “Welcome to getting old.”
He made a hilariously whiny sound as he leaned into me. “Bodies are stupid.”
“They really are. And it just gets worse.”
“Fuuuck.”
I just kissed his temple and nudged him toward the living room. “Why don’t we sit? We can order something horribly unhealthy and watch a movie.”
“There’s hockey on,” he suggested.
“We could also watch hockey.”
“Perfect. Let me get some ice and we can find a game.”
Once he had some ice and we both had beers, we went into his living room. He took a minute or so to get situated on the couch with his various icepacks. When he was as comfortable as he could get, I sat beside him, and he leaned against me.
I barely paid attention as he scrolled through the different games that were on tonight; I was too caught up in how perfect this was. And how much I wanted Chris to know. And how afraid I was—
“Garrett?”
I turned to Liam. “Hmm?”
His forehead creased. “You still with me?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I…”
He touched my leg. “Everything okay?”
I was tempted to brush off the question, but wasn’t I tied up in knots over lying by omission? Why add to that pile with Liam. So I took a deep breath. “Chris figured out I’m seeing someone.”
Alarm straightened Liam’s spine. He slid a hand over my leg. “Oh yeah?”
I nodded, and I told him about the exchange I’d had with Chris and Jasmine. “I said it’s a new thing, you know? That we’re not ready to make introductions to family—all that.” I made a face. “It’s true, but also… I don’t know…”